“I…” She looked at me and I was sure she was going to say yes—of course, she would, so she could see her friend Addison again. But then she just shook her head. “No,” she said softly, turning her head to look out the window at the dark road whizzing by outside. “I think…I think I’d rather go home, if you don’t mind. To your home, I mean.”
“Our home,” I said firmly. I couldn’t figure out why she’d turned down my offer to stop by the club. But then suddenly, I smelled it—that warm, rich, feminine scent. The smell of a female wolf who needs her mate—needs him badly. It was filling the cab of my truck, filling my senses, making it hard to concentrate on the road.
Taylor must have seen my nostrils flare when I scented her because her cheeks got flushed. She crossed her legs tightly and scooted away from me, biting her lip.
“Hey,” I said, trying to keep my voice normal. “You okay over there?” If only she would talk to me about it, I would try to help her. Try to explain.
But she only shook her head.
“I’m fine. Are we almost home?”
“Almost,” I said with a sigh. We didn’t say anything else and drove in silence until I pulled up in front of the house.
The minute we got inside, she headed straight for the bathroom. The door closed and I heard the telltale sound of fabric being pulled hastily out of the way. A muffled moan of painful pleasure followed it…and then another and another.
Okay, that was it. I couldn’t let her go on like this—I had to say something. I knocked on the door and the soft little sounds she had been making stopped abruptly.
“Taylor?” I said, knocking again. “Come on, open up.”
“I’m busy. I’m…I’m about to take a bath.” She sounded slightly panicked.
“Open up,” I repeated, prepared to be firm.
Slowly the door opened and her flushed face appeared. Her clothes were rumpled and askew and her long dark hair was tousled, as though she’d been running both hands through it, trying to straighten it out.
She looked fucking gorgeous and she smelled even better. I took a deep breath and immediately regretted it when her delicious scent invaded my senses. Okay, I had to keep it together here, especially considering what I had to tell her.
“What do you want?” she demanded, frowning at me.
“I know what you’re doing in there, and it’s not taking a bath,” I said simply. “But Taylor, honey, it won’t help.”
“What? What are you talking about?” She crossed her arms over her chest protectively and took a step back. “I don’t…don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.” I took her right hand and brought it to my nose. I inhaled deeply, taking her warm, feminine scent into my lungs, deliberately letting it overwhelm me. I was instantly achingly hard. “You’ve been touching yourself, baby,” I murmured, my voice deepening to the Wolf’s growl. “But it’s not doing any good, is it?”
Her eyes widened and for a moment I thought she would deny it again. Then finally she hung her head.
“How…how did you know?”
“It’s a wolf thing,” I said. “I don’t know how or why it’s happening to you, since you’re a vamp. But I’ve seen it before.”
“Seen what?” She looked at me uncertainly.
I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. She deserved the truth, no matter how bizarre it sounded. “Taylor, baby, I think you’re going into heat.”
Chapter Ten—Taylor
I stared at him, trying to take in what he was saying. Going into heat? That couldn’t be true. Could it? Then I remembered what Gwendolyn had said. “He’s been a were all his life—you’ve only been a vamp for less than ten years. If anybody is going to change it’s going to be you, sweetie.” But could it be that I was really changing that much? Could Victor possibly be right?
“What…what does that mean?” I tugged nervously at my rumbled blouse and skirt. I’d been in such a hurry to touch myself when we got home I hadn’t even had time to take them off. But the multiple orgasms I’d already had before he knocked on the door hadn’t even touched the raging desire inside me—if anything, they had made it worse.
Victor took a deep breath and I could tell he was trying to think of a way to explain without freaking me out. Then finally, he shook his head.
“Damn it—there’s no nice way to say it. It means you need to be bred.”
“Bred?” I took a step back. “As in…” But I couldn’t make myself say the words.
“Taken,” he said in a low voice. “Fucked.”
Hearing that word coming from him in a soft, deep growl did things to my insides. My pussy was suddenly liquid, my nipples so tight they ached. But at the same time a rush of ugly memories came crowding down on me.
“You’ll get used to it,” Celeste said, tightening the straps of the silver chastity belt. It burned me horribly, plumes of smoke rising from its hinges but it was the long, cruel silver wand she had forced inside me that hurt the most. The searing pain of being burned from the inside out was almost more than I could bear. It was only my second week as a vampire. How could I stand this for the rest of my long, unnatural life? For the rest of eternity?
“Shut up and stop sniveling,” Celeste snapped. “Or I’ll shove it in deeper…”
And that wasn’t all…there was more, so much more. So many things I had been forced to endure. So many memories. So many nightmares… I had pushed them all to the back of my mind, constantly avoiding them, ignoring them, pretending they didn’t exist. Now, though, it was as though the physical desire Victor had raised in me had brought them rushing back. I couldn’t avoid them anymore. Couldn’t pretend they hadn’t happened.
“No!” I gasped, taking a step back. “No, you can’t…I can’t let you.” I bolted past him, out of the bathroom and through the bedroom. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I had to get away, away from him and from the awful memories.
But some things you can’t outrun.
* * * * *
Victor
I caught her in the kitchen with her hand on the doorknob.
“No, Taylor.” I pressed my hand flat against the wooden door, holding it closed despite her desperate attempts to wrench it open.
“Please…” She turned to face me, her face naked with fear. “Please, Victor…please don’t,” she begged brokenly. “Don’t…I can’t…I can’t stand it if you…if you do that to me.”
“Baby, baby…no. Of course not. Of course I won’t.” I wanted to reassure her, wanted to let her know that I would never hurt her, never take what she wasn’t willing to give.
But she was too far gone, too upset to hear me.
“Please…” She was crying now, her big blue eyes wet and red with blood tears. She wrapped her arms around herself, holding on tight like she might shake herself to pieces if she let go. “Please…” she kept repeating. “Please, no.”
I didn’t know what to do with her. I couldn’t let her out into the night—the moon was still mostly full. There were probably members of the local pack out there, hunting. She would be an easy target.
“Honey, come back where we can talk,” I begged her, trying to take her by the arm.
“No!” She shied away from my touch violently. “No, don’t…please don’t.”
Her tears, her fear of me—they were tearing me up inside. Why had I been such an idiot and blurted it out like that? Why hadn’t I been able to think of a better way to tell her what was going on? Now she was sure I was going to rape her like that bastard Roderick probably had. No wonder she didn’t want me anywhere near her. What was I going to do? How could I ever earn her trust back after this?
Inside me I felt the wolf howl with anguish. The pale girl—the female we had adopted into our pack and claimed as our own was hurting. She was hurting and there was no way to ease her pain.
Or was there?
The wolf—she liked my wolf. She trusted that part of me more than she trusted…well, me. The human me, anyw
ay. Suddenly I knew what I had to do.
* * * * *
Taylor
Victor took a quick step back and yanked off his t-shirt. Then he started unbuttoning his jeans.
I watched him numbly, my vision blurred with tears. This was it then—I thought he was a nice guy—thought I was safe with him.
I was wrong.
He pushed down his jeans and I turned my head away and closed my eyes. I couldn’t watch what was about to happen. Couldn’t stand to see him come at me and do…what he was going to do.
Think of something else…take yourself away, I told myself frantically. It was what I always tried to do when I was with Celeste and she gave me away to someone to use. But it didn’t work now any better than it had then. I couldn’t take myself away. I would just have to endure it. Just have to—
A soft whine interrupted my frantic thoughts. Something warm and furry brushed against my knees.
The sensations were so strange, so not what I was expecting, I had to open my eyes, just a little, to look.
Victor was gone.
In his place was the huge, grayish-black wolf I’d helped the night before. The animal whose paw I had bandaged, the one I had fed bacon. The one who had slept beside me and kept me warm and safe all night long.
The wolf nudged me again and whined. It was standing in a puddle of discarded jeans and t-shirt—Victor’s clothes—so I knew it was him. But somehow, he wasn’t as scary this way. I loved animals and trusted them implicitly—his wolf was no exception.
“Oh,” I whispered, trying hard to control my tears. “Hello, boy.”
The wolf made a soft, sad sound in the back of his throat and nudged me again. This time I understood he was nudging me away from the door. He wanted me to stay inside. Why?
A long, liquid howl in the woods outside answered my question. I shivered—other wolves, the local pack—were out there. I was sure they wouldn’t take kindly to a vampire being in their territory.
The wolf took a few steps toward the hallway and then turned his head as though asking me to follow.
I stood there, staring at it.
He came back for me and insinuated his big, furry head under my hand. I rubbed my fingers through his warm, soft ruff. I was still crying—I could feel the tears leaking down my face in slow, steady rivulets of blood. The wolf whined again and this time I went with him.
We wound up on the bed together, the very place I had feared going with Victor. The wolf is Victor, I reminded myself, but even though I knew it was true I wasn’t afraid.
I wasn’t afraid but I was still sad. Not just sad—heartbroken. The flood of memories was still so strong—set loose from the prison of my mind like an evil genie set free from its bottle. I felt them wash over me, threatening to carry me away to a place of misery and pain. A place so far away I would never find my way home again.
I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to pull myself together, tried to push the horrible thoughts back. But they wouldn’t go…I wasn’t strong enough to make them.
Suddenly, the wolf who had been sitting beside me, pushed his way into my arms. He licked my wet cheeks, cleaning my face, and butted his head against my chest.
Slowly my arms came up and wrapped around his warm, furry sides. I couldn’t hold myself together—couldn’t keep myself from being washed away by the evil flood of past abuse. But now at least I had something—someone—to hold on to.
I clung to the wolf and cried, my scarlet tears wetting his ruff as I let the rough, dirty waters of memory take me. I couldn’t hold them back anymore—I didn’t even try.
The wolf seemed to understand. He threw back his head and howled, a long, lonely, miserable sound. The sound my soul was making. The sound of anguish so deep I couldn’t give it a voice—he voiced it for me.
He shared my pain and in sharing, made it less.
Gradually, the flow of images and memories slowed to a trickle as did my tears. I felt exhausted—all cried out. The way I used to as a kid when I was so upset it seemed like the world would end and yet somehow, it didn’t.
Along with the weariness came peace—a feeling that I was in a better place somehow, than I had been before. I had faced the memories and they hadn’t broken me—thanks to the wolf, I was still here, still me. I still didn’t want to have sex or anything resembling it in the near future but the thought no longer made me crazy with fear.
I can deal with this, I told myself. Whatever happens, I’ll get through it. Everything is going to be okay. It has to be.
I sank down on the bed and cuddled close to the wolf. As before he pressed his back to me and even though dawn was hours away, I felt myself slipping away. Letting a healing sleep take me to a place where there were no more dreams, no more nightmares. Just the warm smell of fur and leather and sunlight, just the feeling that I was cared for and protected and loved.
Chapter Eleven—Taylor
I don’t know how long I slept but when I woke up, Victor was bending over me, a concerned look on his face.
“Hey, baby,” he said softly when I opened my eyes and gazed up at him. I noticed he was fully dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. He was also being careful not to touch me—I wondered why. Then I remembered my freak out of the night before and felt embarrassed.
“Hey.” I had fallen asleep in my clothes and I felt rumpled and messy. I rubbed my eyes. “What time is it?”
“Only about two in the afternoon. I came home from work early—wanted to do something about the windows.”
“Oh?” I sat up and stretched. “What did you do?”
“Come see.” He held out a hand to me and then seemed to regret doing so. God, was he afraid to touch me at all now? Well, considering the way I had freaked out on him the night before, probably so.
“Okay.” I reached out and took his hand.
Victor’s stern features broke into a broad grin and his chocolate brown eyes lit up, making me feel warm all over.
“Great,” he said, pulling me gently from the bed. “Come on.”
I let him lead me through the hallway to the kitchen but I balked at actually going in. It was only two o’clock in the afternoon—the sun would be barely past its zenith, spelling instant death for my kind.
“No, look—it’s okay.” Victor pointed to the windows and I saw he had coated them in some kind of dark, reflective film. It blocked most of the sun’s light and heat, making the kitchen into a cool, dark cave.
“Hey,” I said. “Is that—?”
“The same kind of window tint they use in cars,” Victor said, smiling. “Actually, this stuff is darker—it wouldn’t be legal in a car. You couldn’t see a damn thing if you were driving. But it’s supposed to filter out all the UV rays so I thought…”
“Wow…” Daringly, I put my hand out into the kitchen. It felt just the tiniest bit warm but it didn’t burn. Slowly, I took a hesitant step into the kitchen. And then another and another until I was standing right in front of the big double windows over the sink. “Amazing,” I whispered.
“It works!” Victor exclaimed. “Fucking perfect.” He stepped toward me like he was going to hug me…and then quickly stepped back again. “Uh, sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I went to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Standing on tiptoes, I breathed in his warm, masculine scent and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered. “For the windows. And…for last night. Thank you.”
His cheeks went a dull red. “Uh, you’re welcome,” he muttered. “Look, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I need you to know, I would never, ever—”
“I know,” I said, stepping back. “I know that now.”
“Good.” His broad shoulders hunched. “Because I’m not that kind of a guy. And…damn it, I’m so fucking sorry if I gave you the idea I was.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “It wasn’t all your fault. I freaked out. I have…a lot of bad memories.”
He nodded, his jaw clenching. “I understand. I just wish I could
find the people who put those memories there—who hurt you, baby. I want to tear them up—literally, tear them into tiny fucking little pieces for doing whatever it was they did to you.”
I nodded and stared down at the floor. “Thank you. But what you did last night…that helped me more than any vengeance could. How…how did you know that was what I needed?”
“It’s a wolf thing.” His voice was low and rough. “It’s what you do when one of your pack suffers a loss or a wound that can’t be healed—you grieve with them.” He put a hand on my shoulder—light and non-threatening but comforting all the same. “I grieve with you, Taylor,” he rumbled softly, looking into my eyes. “Your pain is mine.”
“Oh…” I whispered and suddenly I was in his arms.
He held me carefully at first, as though he was afraid I might break into a million pieces. Then, slowly, he drew me closer. I pressed my face to his neck, breathing him in, warming myself against him as though he was my own personal sun—one that would never hurt or burn me.
Victor stroked my back, his hands warm and gentle along my spine. I heard him inhale and knew he was breathing me in too, taking in my scent like it was something rare and precious. His chest was hard and comforting against my breasts and his arms were strong around me. I felt completely safe. Completely right.
And then it started again—the feelings. The desire. The heat, a little voice whispered in my head. Say it, Taylor—deal with it. You’re going into heat. It’s a were thing and you’re a vampire but apparently it’s happening anyway.
I knew Victor smelled it on me because I heard him inhale deeply and then his entire body stiffened, as though he didn’t know what to do. There was suddenly something long and hard and hot branding my thigh but then he backed up quickly, considerately putting room between us.
I was pretty stiff myself—my whole body tight with tension. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore but I wasn’t ready for this either. Wasn’t ready to have sex, make love, fuck—whatever you wanted to call it, I couldn’t go there now. Might never be able to go there.
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