“Then at least you’ll know,” she said firmly. “The main thing is to find out. You can’t keep living like this, hon—you have to find out one way or another so you can get on with your life.”
I knew she was right but still, it was one of the hardest things I’d ever contemplated doing.
“If Victor rejects me,” I said. “If he doesn’t want me anymore, Addison…I don’t… don’t know how I’ll stand it.”
“If that happens, I’ll be there for you, roomie.” She reached over and gave me a hug. “Just like always, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered and clutched the small box containing the pearls. “Okay, Addison, I’ll do it. I just hope I won’t regret it.”
“You won’t.” She hugged me harder. “It’s going to be okay, Taylor. I don’t know how, but all of this is going to work out all right.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said, hugging her back. “God, I really hope you’re right.”
Chapter Twenty-nine—Victor
The sound of the doorbell caught me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting anyone that night. Hell, I wasn’t expecting anyone ever again. I was a pariah to the local pack now and I couldn’t exactly hang out with any of the humans I worked with—they were all my employees. And besides, humans don’t get us. Not really.
Of course, it could be Pack Master Wainright, coming to get vengeance for LeeAnn’s death. I didn’t remember killing her—just like I didn’t remember killing Celeste—but I knew from talking to Corbin that I had. I’d had plenty of provocation with LeeAnn but it still made me sick to think of what I’d done while in my cursed form. Celeste though, that was a different matter. I was glad that bitch was dead—in fact, I only wished I could kill her again and remember it this time, so I could really savor the experience. She deserved everything she got and more.
The doorbell rang again. Could it have something to do with Celeste? I supposed the vampires I had orphaned by killing her might be after me, but somehow I doubted it. She hadn’t exactly been the best mistress to them. In fact, if she’d treated them anything like she had Taylor…
I shut that thought down quick, before it could invade my brain and make me feel worse than I already did. I’d been missing Taylor something fierce in the past week but I hadn’t been able to face her. I guess I was hoping that the branding scar I’d gotten the night of the full moon would somehow heal itself or at least get a little less unsightly. But it was still as ugly as ever. I went to work with it and my crew were smart enough not to say anything but I could feel them looking. As for facing Taylor that way…well, I just couldn’t.
The doorbell rang a third time.
“All right,” I growled. “I’m coming.”
Persistent son of a bitch, whoever they are.Probably Wainright. Even though he knows LeeAnn brought it on herself, he’s still going to want retribution. Well, let him come. If he honestly thinks he can take me in a fair fight—
My thoughts were cut off abruptly when I opened the door and saw Taylor standing there. My first impulse was to pull her close and hug her but I stopped myself. She’d seen my beast—I couldn’t just go lunging at her like that. My second thought was to keep her from seeing my face. I kept my left side to her as I opened the door a little wider.
“Hi,” she said timidly. “I hope you don’t mind me dropping by without calling first.”
“No.” I cleared my throat. “No, of course not.”
“I brought you these.” She handed me a box.
“Thanks.” I took it. Inside were my mother’s pearls. I felt like someone had just dropped an anvil on my heart and crushed it flat. Great, she was here to say goodbye.
Only she wasn’t going. In fact, we were just standing there staring at each other like a couple of mute fools.
“I…um…I also wanted to see how you were,” Taylor said at last. “Can I…could I come in?”
“Uh…now really isn’t the best time—” I started, and then realized I sounded like an absolute bastard. She’d lived with me for almost a month—we’d been blood-bonded—and I wasn’t going to let her in? I couldn’t do that. “Um, I mean, come on in,” I said, taking a step back.
“Thanks.” She nodded uncertainly and stepped past me into the house. Her sweet, feminine smell did things to me, making me instantly hard, but I pushed my desire down desperately. There was no point in wanting her. Not now.
“The place looks good,” she said, surveying the kitchen which I had repainted in her absence. Not like I really needed to but I had already finished up the rest of the house and I had to have something else to keep me busy.
“Got the upstairs finished too—finally,” I said gruffly. “I mean, I should have done it earlier. I just never seemed to have time before…”
“Before I moved out,” she finished for me. “Look, Victor, about that—” She turned to face me and I moved quickly, putting my left side to her again, pretending I was studying the cabinets.
“Yeah?” I said trying to sound casual.
“I just…I want you to know I feel bad about how things, um, ended between us.” Her voice sounded tight but it was clear she was determined to get it all out. “I mean, I’m not exactly sure what happened. All I know is that I was so far gone that night into… into heat…” She cleared her throat and her cheeks got pink. “Anyway, I sort of lost all control. So if I did something that hurt you, or if I made you do something…something against your will, well, please know that was never my intention and I’m so, so sorry.”
She looked up at me, her big eyes filled with anxiety and shame. Emotions that by all rights, I ought to be feeling. I frowned. So Addison had been right—Taylor did think she’d forced me in some way.
“You think you hurt me?” I asked roughly. “Taylor, you saw the thing I turned into. You saw how strong I am—and even in this form, I still have some of that strength. There’s no way you could have hurt me or forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. Even when you were in heat.”
She looked at me hopefully.
“Really?”
“Really,” I said.
“Oh, well…” She cleared her throat. “That’s a, uh, relief then.”
“And anyway,” I went on, determined to get it out. “You’re not the only one who lost control. I was…pretty wild myself. That’s why I was so upset—I was sure you’d hate me after we were done. When you came back to yourself.”
“I don’t really remember the, uh, act itself,” she said. “What I mostly remember is feeling like I was…was empty inside and begging you…” She looked down at her hands. “Begging you to fill me,” she ended in an embarrassed whisper.
“I filled you, all right,” I said, more sharply than I had intended. “I wasn’t gentle about it either. That’s what had me so ashamed I couldn’t even fucking look at you afterward. I mean…” I ran a hand through my hair. “The moon was almost full and I was going crazy from my damn curse and the way you smelled so fucking hot, but that’s no excuse. There’s never going to be an excuse good enough for what I did.”
“Well, maybe…maybe that was what I needed.” She looked up at me. “I’m a vet, Victor. I know it’s not exactly a gentle experience when animals breed. In fact, it’s often rough and violent and I was in heat.”
“None of that matters,” I argued. “I should have done a better job holding myself back. Especially when I knew what that bitch Celeste put you through.”
“Right. And if you didn’t know, she made sure to tell you the other night, didn’t she?” Taylor said bitterly. “She really rubbed it in.” Two spots of color appeared high on her cheeks and her eyes were suddenly bright with unshed tears.
“Hey…” I couldn’t keep my hands to myself anymore. I cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes. “Hey, what is it, baby?”
Taylor pulled away from my touch.
“I just…I didn’t want you to know that about me. What she did to me. What she let other people do.”
“I already knew abo
ut Roderick,” I pointed out softly.
“Yes, but you didn’t know about the others. About how Celeste passed me around like a…like a Goddamn party favor.” She buried her face in her hands. “God, I wanted to die when she told you that.”
“You almost did,” I pointed out. “Gwendolyn told me when I called to ask her for details. She said…she said you were right on the edge of crossing over and you only came back for me.”
“I shouldn’t have,” she said, still refusing to meet my eyes. “I knew you could never feel the same for me after hearing what Celeste had to say.”
“What?” I stared at her in disbelief. “You think I care about that? Baby, none of that was your fault. And besides, I don’t care who you were with in the past—except it makes me want to kill them if they hurt you.”
She gave a broken little laugh that was more than half sob.
“So you don’t care that I’m damaged goods?”
“Never call yourself that,” I said fiercely. “You’re not damaged—you’re precious. And beautiful, and perfect, and…and everything I don’t fucking deserve.” I sighed.
Taylor finally looked up at me.
“Then why haven’t you called or come to see me?” she asked in a small voice. “Is it because I got Gwendolyn to break our bond? I swear I only did that because I thought I hurt you. And the idea that I might have done to you what was done to me…” She shook her head. “It was more than I could stand, Victor. I thought I was doing the right thing, setting you free so you’d never have to see me anymore and be reminded of what I had done.”
“God…” I sighed. “We’re such a fucking mess. Both of us going off half cocked, assuming all kinds of shit. If we’d ever just sit down and talk…”
“We’re talking now,” she said quietly. “And you still haven’t told me why you haven’t tried to get in touch with me.”
“It’s not because I don’t care anymore,” I said. “It was because of what happened the night we…uh, had sex. And then after, when you saw my beast—”
“That was a little bit of a shock,” she confessed. “I wish you would have told me about him before.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t dare. Didn’t know what you’d think of me. I was afraid you’d hate me.”
“How could I hate you for your beast, Victor? He’s a part of you, just like the wolf. I was scared at first but you never tried to hurt me in that form. You just wanted to love me…to comfort me. It was sweet.”
Her words startled me into a short, sharp laugh.
“Sweet? You saw me turn into a fucking nine foot tall ravening wolfman and you’re calling it sweet?”
“Well, it was,” she said defensively. “You nuzzled me, Victor. You tried to heal me, the way I healed you after I bit you. After I…fed from you.” Her cheeks got pink again. “And you saved me from Celeste. I like your beast. He’s a little scarier and a hell of a lot bigger than your wolf, but he’s still a good guy inside. Just like you are.”
I could scarcely believe what she was saying but the earnest look in her big blue eyes told me she was being completely honest. She really did love and accept me in all my forms—even the cursed one.
“Taylor,” I said hoarsely. “Baby…you don’t know what it does to me to hear you say that. The other weres—”
“I know what they think but I’m not one of them,” she said crisply. “I’m not scared of you, Victor—no matter what form you take.”
“That’s…thank you.” Gratitude overwhelmed me and I forgot I was trying to keep my good side to her. I put my hands on her shoulders, wishing I dared to pull her in for a hug. “Thank you,” I said again.
“You’re welcome,” she said softly. “I really mean it, you know.”
“I know. It’s just… I’ve never had anyone say that to me before,” I told her. “Even my own family, when they found out…well, my dad was the one who had me branded, as a warning to the rest of our kind.”
“That’s awful,” she said indignantly. “That’s—” And then her eyes widened. “Oh, Victor…oh, no,” she whispered.
Shit. I knew at once she’d seen it. The way she scanned the right side of my face and the horror and sorrow I saw in her eyes told it all.
“Yeah, speaking of brands,” I said roughly, pulling away and putting some distance between us. “This is the third reason I didn’t want to see you. I’m not as pretty as I used to be and I was never very fucking gorgeous in the first place.”
“You think this matters to me?” She reached up to touch my branded cheek but I ducked away from her. “Well, it doesn’t,” she said, frowning. “Not a bit.”
“Maybe it matters to me,” I said, frowning. “And it should matter to you, too. You’re fucking gorgeous, baby. You don’t want to be seen with me, not how I look now.”
“I’d be proud to be seen with you no matter how you looked,” she said quietly. “And I’m offended you’d think otherwise.”
“Look, that’s really sweet but—”
“Let me heal you,” she interrupted before I could finish giving her the polite brush off.
“What?” I frowned at her.
“Let me heal you,” she repeated. “At least let me try.”
I looked at her for a minute, speechless. For some reason, the idea that she might be able to heal me had never even crossed my mind. Maybe because I was so sure she must hate or despise me after seeing my beast and knowing what had really happened the night we had sex.
“Do you think you can?” I asked at last.
“I don’t know.” She frowned. “I’ve healed you from silver wounds before—the guy with the silver knuckles at the club and the cursed lash—but both times the wounds were fresh.”
“And not burned in with fire,” I pointed out. “Burns are the hardest wounds to heal.”
“We won’t know unless we try,” she said lightly.
I looked at her uncertainly.
“I don’t know, Taylor. “I mean, you don’t have to do this just because…because we were together for awhile.”
I thought she got a little paler but she lifted her chin and looked at me.
“I know we’re broken up now, but you got that brand trying to save me. The least you can do is let me try to heal it.” She reached up to cup my branded cheek and this time I allowed it. Her soft fingers on my skin sent a tingle of fire through my veins. “Please, Victor,” she whispered. “Just let me try, for…for old times sake.”
Her gentle touch and the soft look in her beautiful eyes was too much for me. I knew I ought to push her away for her own good but I couldn’t help myself.
“Yeah, all right,” I sighed. “I don’t know why you want to, but you can try.”
“Good,” she said at once and grabbed me by the hand.
“Where are we going?” I asked, as she led me through the house.
“Someplace I can work on you.” She got to the living room and settled me down on the couch. “You’re too tall to reach unless you’re sitting down,” she reminded me.
“Oh, right.” I slouched down a little, leaning back against the arm of the brown leather sectional to give her better access.
“Good.” She got on the couch beside me and then straddled me before I could say anything. “I hope you don’t mind.” Her cheeks were pink but she looked determined. “It’s easier to reach you this way.”
“Of course I don’t mind.” I hoped my voice didn’t sound too hoarse. She was fully dressed—wearing jeans and a light blue button-down blouse—but I couldn’t help remembering the last time she’d straddled me to heal me. The way she’d been half naked, only wearing my oversized t-shirt. God, I had been able to see her tight pink nipples so clearly through the thin material, and when she leaned down I could feel her hot little mound pressing against my shaft. She had licked my cheek so sweetly and later, allowed me to go down on her and taste her creamy pussy…
The memory was so fresh I could still taste her…could still taste the hot, salty-sw
eet flavor of her desire. I could still hear the soft, helpless sounds she made when I pushed my tongue deep inside her and teased her sweet little clit…
My cock started to throb in the tight confines of my jeans but I tried hard to ignore it. Stop it, I lectured myself. She said it herself—we’re broken up now. It’s not like that between us anymore.
Except I wanted it to be. God, how I wanted it to be.
“Okay, let’s see what we can do,” Taylor murmured. Cupping my face in both hands, she turned me to one side so she could get better access to my cheek. I lay there passively, letting her do what she wanted, trying to keep myself from grabbing her.
She surprised me by starting with a soft, gentle kiss on my wounded cheek.
“Oh, Victor,” she whispered and her eyes were bright with tears again.
“Just do it, baby. It’s okay,” I murmured.
“It’s not okay. You got this for me.” She kissed me again. “She hurt you and it’s all my fault.”
“Not your fault,” I insisted, reaching up to stroke her cheek. “Not at all. Don’t think for a minute I feel that way.”
“Well, I do.” She sniffed. “Okay, let me see if I can set this right.”
I tried to brace myself but I still had to bite back a groan when I felt her warm, wet tongue tracing the brand burned into my flesh. Her hair fell around me like a curtain, her sweet scent invading my senses while her talented mouth mapped my cheek. Her full breasts were pressed against me, and I swore I could feel the tight points of her nipples rubbing against me, right through the fabric of her blouse. My cock surged again, and I had to ball my hands into fists on my thighs to keep from dragging her down and rolling her under me for a long, deep kiss.
God, I wanted her—but I could never have her again. I just had to remember that.
This sweet torture seemed to go on forever but finally Taylor pulled back, frowning.
“It’s no good,” she said, looking like she was going to cry. “I’m so sorry, Victor, but I don’t think it’s going to work. The wound isn’t fresh anymore.”
I sighed, trying to suppress my disappointment.
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