by Deja Voss
He traces his hand up the back of my shirt, running his fingers over the scars on my back. I wince because of what they remind me of, a memory of my past I have to wear for the rest of my life.
“I don’t know where these came from or who did this to you, but I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. I don’t know why you scream at night or what you and your mom lived through before Kid came along. I only know what you tell me. I want to know it all. I want to fix it all. You drive me insane, Annabella, but every day you’re teaching me how to be more patient. Everything you offer me, it’s on your time frame.”
I straddle his lap and cup his face in my hands, relaxing into him as he runs his fingers over those scars. “I want to tell you everything,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his. “I just don’t have the words.”
He kisses me on the forehead and lifts me up from the couch. He leads me down the hallway and I feel that twinge of excitement between my thighs, craving him. It’s like I’ve grown addicted to having him inside me, like it’s not just garden variety fucking, but the way our souls speak.
Instead, he leads me to the room he was so defensive over the first night I spent in the house. He pulls a set of keys out of his pockets and unlocks the door, squeezing my hand tighter as he pushes it open.
He flicks on the lights, and instantly I feel my stomach turn. There’s a crib in the corner, a rocking chair next to it. A mobile hangs from the ceiling and the walls are painted a soft beige with brown polka dots.
I feel a sadness wash over me and I don’t even know the whole story. I just know it’s dripping in loss. Nobody just keeps this stuff laying around. I want to hug him, I want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay, but he folds his arms over his chest and stares off into space.
“She didn’t want to find out what we were having. Wanted it to be a surprise. So we did teddy bears for the theme.”
“It’s very nice,” I say, feeling like an idiot. It is, though. Every square inch of the room from the walls to the rug on the floor looks like it was very carefully chosen by somebody who was really looking forward to welcoming this child. It looks like this baby was already loved so deeply by his or her parents. It all comes back to me, that first night Kid introduced me to Ransom, he said he was taken. He wasn’t drinking because he was going to be a father.
“Did she…” I trail off, not knowing how to put it in a way that sounds kind enough for the pain he’s obviously feeling just by being in this room. “Did she lose it?”
He shakes his head and runs his fingers over the dusty crib. “Baby never existed. She was using me.”
“That’s so cruel,” I say. “What a bitch.”
“I caught her cheating on me with Stoney and your dad that first night I met you.”
I cringe. I don’t know how any woman would choose either one of those geriatric douchebags over Ransom.
“Shattered my world. I wasn’t a hundred percent in love with Carley, but I was in love with the idea of a home. This room is painful for me. It’s everything I lost in one place.”
I wrap my arms around his waste and rest my head on his chest, squeezing him tight. “You can’t lose something that was never real to begin with,” I say.
“She took my club away from me,” he says. “After that night, I could never look Stoney in the eye again. Couldn’t be near him without feeling like I was nothing. Everything I knew since becoming a Dead Ringer got ripped away from me that night.”
“Carley.” I say her name with disgust. I don’t even know her and I hate her. Not just because of what he did to him, but because she had him first. The green eyed monster of jealousy stirs inside me, even though I know she existed long before I came around. “Did she try to make things right?”
He pats my head and stares into my eyes with a sad smile. “You got nothing to worry about. We’re done. She didn’t ever want me. She wanted power. I’m just a grunt guy. She was using me to move up the ranks. I knew it the whole time. That’s why I have this place wired with cameras. I didn’t trust her to stay sober while I was at work. I didn’t trust her to not steal from me. I didn’t trust her to not have people over while I was gone. I knew it was coming, but I just wanted to believe I deserved something good. I wanted to believe I could fix her.”
He runs his fingers through my hair, and I grab his hand, bringing his fingers to my lips and kissing them. “You did not deserve any of that,” I say. “Especially not from people who were supposed to care about you.”
“When you showed up, I don’t know why, but I finally felt powerful again. I knew I had to take care of you. I wanted to lock you away up here with me so nobody could take you from me. I wanted to run away with you so the club bullshit wouldn’t poison you, too. You gave me my power back, and it’s not because you just laid down and let me take it.”
“Probably didn’t hurt I took out the men who fucked you over,” I say with a laugh. My face is wet with tears, but I don’t feel sad. I feel relieved. I feel like the wall between us is slowly crumbling, and with every confession, we get a little bit closer to the truth we’re supposed to find in each other.
“They don’t matter anymore, Annabella. Dead or alive. You are the thing that makes this house a home, and you are real. I’m sorry I didn’t show you this room sooner. I figured you’d think I was a creep for keeping all this stuff.”
“This stuff is not why I think you’re a creep.” I wrinkle my nose and peck him on the lips and he laughs.
“We can get rid of it tomorrow. I’ll donate to a shelter or something.”
My heart starts racing. I smile up at him and take a deep breath, knowing I can’t take back the words I’m about to say. “We don’t have to get rid of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not saying let’s go out and kidnap a child off the street right now or anything, I’m just saying… I’m open to a baby someday.”
“With me?” he asks, and my heart fucking melts like hot butter. This big bad tough biker just poured his heart out to me. This sexy, cocky, ripped god amongst men looks like he’s about to tear up. Seeing this side of him feels more intimate than anything we do in the bedroom. It knocks the breath right out of me.
“I mean, that’s how it usually works, isn’t it? I don’t know about your club rules and traditions,” I tease.
He gulps, and he turns his eyes away from mine. “I told you, I’m not sharing you with anybody.”
“Okay. Why do you look so nervous, though?”
“You’re probably going to fucking kill me. It’s gonna sound a lot worse than it is, I swear. And you have to promise me… I mean… you gotta realize… I mean… it’s not like we knew about you, Annabella… and like, I was just doing what we always did before and Driller made me and he and I haven’t been getting along so great lately so I wanted to make sure things were cool with us… and I promise it meant absolutely nothing. At all. I just really… uhhh…”
“What in the fuck are you stammering about, Ransom?” I ask, interrupting him as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “You know I never once judged you for anything you’ve done in your past. You know that’s not how I am.”
“Maybe I should pour you a glass of wine.”
“I don’t even drink wine. You know that.”
“How about a bubble bath?”
“How about you tell me what the hell you’re acting like a weirdo for?”
“I slept with your sister,” he blurts out. “It wasn’t anything more than just a club thing. We’ve been doing this since back in the 70s. You can ask anybody. I swear.”
I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! That day he first brought me here seems like forever ago, but that conversation he was having with Decker never left me.
My jaw drops. I literally don’t even know how to respond rationally at all. I’m partially disgusted, partially confused, and I’m really not sure if I’m entitled to be mad. It’s not like I spent my whole life saving myself for him. Why should th
is be any different just because she’s my sister?
I turn around and storm out of the room and down the hallway.
He peeks his head out of the doorway. “What are you doing?” he asks as I pace back and forth, mumbling to myself.
“I don’t fucking know.”
If it wasn’t me in this position and somebody else, I’d probably laugh. I mean, what are the odds, right? I can’t blame her. Can’t blame him for some weird club ritual that he actually denounced in front of Romeo. Still, it doesn’t sit right with me.
“It didn’t mean anything, Annabella. I swear on my life.”
“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” I say. “If it truly doesn’t mean anything. I’m just gonna have to talk to her myself.” I shudder at the thought. Already, I’m jealous of her for reasons out of both of our control. This just adds another layer of strange feelings I have towards this stranger who happens to be my sister.
“I mean, you technically killed her dad. I’d say you guys are even,” he says with a nervous chuckle. He puts his hands up in the air like I’m going to hit him, and I hang my head. “You wanted honesty, right? I’m just trying to lay it all out there.”
“I’m not mad, Ransom. I’m not thrilled, but I don’t think any woman would be. I think if I’ve learned anything from being with you, it’s that every day is a fresh chapter. If you give me the forgiveness for the terrible things I’ve done to the club, I can’t judge you for the terrible things you’ve done for the club.”
“I’ll never bring it up again.”
“I wish I was that good of a person that I could say the same, Ransom.” I wrap my arms around his waste and smile up at him. “It’s always good to have a little something in the tank to rub in your face if I ever want something.”
“That’s kind of manipulative, Bella” he teases. “Lucky for me, that’s one of my fetishes.”
“Being manipulated?”
He shakes his head and leans in close, his warm breath making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Making manipulative women scream my name.”
“Oh God,” I whisper, as he presses me against the wall, pressing the palm of his hand up against my clit.
“Close,” he says with a wink. “God, Ransom, Travis, daddy, I’ll answer to any of those.”
I throw my head back and moan as he kisses my neck, biting at my tender flesh as his erection swells in his jeans. I love when he takes control. I love playing his sexy games.
“I bet you’re so wet for me,” he growls in my ear. He tugs my pants down to the floor and I clench my thighs together, desperate to feel him inside of me. He rubs my clit through my underwear, pinning my wrists over my head as I writhe and buck, already on the brink of cumming. “Not so fast, pretty girl,” he says, pulling his hand away as I gasp in disappointment. He slaps his hand off my ass bringing the most delicious sting to my skin.
“You’re such a tease,” I groan.
He lifts me up, my legs wrapped around his waste and takes me to the bedroom. He lays me on my back on the bed and kisses my lips, raking his fingers through my hair. “I love you more than anything in the world,” he says, staring into my eyes. “I love your quirks, and your impulsiveness. I love the way I never know what’s gonna happen next when I’m with you.”
The look in his eyes is that of a starved man, a man who plans on devouring me whole, destroying me, taking whatever he wants however he wants, and I’m all for it. His loving platitudes are nice, but I can feel the electricity in the air, I can feel his cock swelling, I can hear in the gravely pitch in his voice that he’s the one with all the power, and I am happy to give it over.
He flips me over on the bed so I’m on all fours and starts covering my back in kisses. He pulls something out of the nightstand drawer and my eyes grow wide as he whispers in my ear, “I’m gonna take your ass tonight, love. Then you will know exactly what it means to give everything to me.”
My pussy throbs at the idea. I would do anything for this man, anything with this man. I want it all. I nod enthusiastically, not knowing exactly what I’m getting into. I know it’s going to hurt, but in the best possible way. “Take it,” I say. “take everything.”
The lube feels cold running down the crack of my ass, but his fingers are so warm as they play with my clit, dipping in and out of my pussy, teasing me until I am just on the brink again. My nipples harden and my hips instinctively shift back toward him.
“Your so tight,” he moans, as he circles a finger around the outside of my ass. “You’re gonna feel every second of this.” There’s a sexy warning in his tone, like it’s a threat. As he pushes a lubed finger inside me, my toes curl, and I scream into the pillow, not sure how to process the new sensation.
“That’s so good, babe, I love when you scream for me.” He begins swirling his finger around inside of me slowly as my muscles start to relax and adjust. My breath is choppy and labored, and as he begins to push another finger inside, stretching me even further.
“You want me to stop?” he asks.
“No,” I beg, my voice not sounding like my own. “I need it. I need you to make me hurt, Ransom.”
It’s more than a sex thing. More than a love thing. More than a trust thing. My body craves his punishment, whatever he can give me. Like repenting for everything I’ve done to him. Everything I’ve done to the club. All the people I’ve hurt. It’s like opening up a release valve when he pushes me beyond what I’m used to. It’s like all the demons inside of me are suddenly free.
As he works my clit with my other hand, I am completely lost, floating above my body. Every part of me feels a million times more sensitive. He could blow in my ear and I’d probably go flying across the room.
“You ready for me?” he asks.
“Yes,” I plead. I’m ready for anything. Everything. Lost in lust, and high off him, I never knew how bad I needed this. “Fuck me in the ass, Ransom.”
He groans and mashes his lips to mine, giving me the most passionate kiss I’ve ever felt before, electric sparks flying. “I’ll be gentle,” he says. “I won’t break you.”
“You can try,” I moan back, against my better judgement. He bites his lip and squints, a look of complete adoration on his face. Knowing how much he loves me like this only makes me want it that much more. Pleasing him is just as delicious as the pleasure he gives me.
As the tip of his cock grazes my ass, I wince, but his other hand artfully works my clit, delivering just the right amount of pleasure with my pain. “Relax,” he says calmly, “It’s gonna hurt, then it’s gonna feel real good. I promise, babe.”
He inches in just a little more, and I immediately feel like I’m going to explode from the pressure. The hardest orgasm of my life rips through me and I drive my hips back, taking him the rest of the way in, little waves of pleasure and pain washing all over me.
“I love when you cum on my dick, baby,” he says. “Who’s ass is this?”
“It’s yours, Ransom,” I can barely rasp out.
“And who’s cunt is this?” he asks, driving three fingers into my pussy, until I can feel
“You’re mine,” he groans, thrusting his dick in and out of me, his thighs slapping off the back of mine.
I don’t know if my last orgasm ever ended or if he’s just managed to push me to a higher level but my entire body goes limp as the wetness between my legs flows. “You’re gonna make me cum, babe,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m gonna fill that sweet ass of yours.”
“Yes,” I plead. Soon my insides are filled with his warmth, and it’s like nothing I ever experienced. He grips me tight, biting my shoulder as he starts to relax. He holds me close until his dick softens inside of me, and I shiver in the best possible way at the feeling of his fingers on my naked flesh.
He rolls over and sprawls out across the comforter, his gorgeous face just blissful. Between his abs and his strong arms and his dirty mind, I realize in this instant, I am 100% incredibly fucked.
I
couldn’t walk away if I tried. There’s nothing in the world that would make me want to leave this man’s side. He owns a part of me I didn’t even know existed until I met him. He makes me weak, but then makes me feel so strong, like I could do anything as long as I have him. I’m not some victim hiding out anymore. I am finally allowed the luxury of figuring out just who the hell Annabella actually is, and if this was any indication, she’s a glutton for sexual punishment.
I laugh contentedly and tuck myself into his arm, resting my head on his chest, knowing there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be right now. It is now I realize love isn’t being willing to run away and start over, putting everything you’ve worked for in the rearview when things get tough. Love is having someone to lean into your fears with, no matter what the outcome, and both of us have a lot of dragons to slay.
30
I mindlessly pour sugar into my coffee, staring out the kitchen window to the driveway. My cup overflows, burning the side of my hand and making a sticky mess and Juniper runs over and puts her paws on the counter top, licking it up as I swear silently to myself.
“You gotta relax, babe.” Ransom comes up behind me and kisses the top of my head. He’s got on his leather cut, and I’ll admit, something about him in that vest takes him to a whole different level of sexy to me. “They’re not gonna be here for at least an hour. Go take a shower and I’ll fix you some breakfast.”
Even though after last night, I felt closer to Ransom than I ever have before, and I slept like a rock, at six AM I woke up more anxious than I’ve ever been in my entire life, my thoughts racing, my heart pounding, my entire body sweating through the sheets until I was a cold shivering mess. All I could think about was officially “meeting” Pearl for the first time.
Was she going to hate me? Was she going to think I was just some stupid hick. Was she going to pity me? Was I going to hate her?
