by Kc Wheeler
"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting her," Lucy said calmly. A small half-smile crossed her face. "Just remember, she is just a horse."
With that, Lucy turned the door handle and stepped out of my bedroom, leaving me in a state of shock, for I did not know Lucy could be so cold-hearted.
I puffed up my pillow and snuggled into it. I felt too furious to cry, so I lay there trembling with anger until eventually I calmed down. I don't need Lucy anyway, I told myself.
The truth was, deep down I needed her more than anything.
Chapter Nine
Monday morning arrived far too quickly.
"You're still not up! You need to get up right now," Mum insisted. "You're running late!"
I groaned and shuffled deeper beneath my sheets. The truth was, I wasn't tired. I was simply not ready to face school, nor the people. I wasn't ready to face discussing what happened to Gypsy with my school friends.
I wasn't ready to face Lucy?
Mum yanked the blankets off me, and I was hit with a wave of cool morning air. I looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please don't make me go," I begged her. "Please."
Mum sighed. "You've been in bed for over a week now. I think today will be good for you."
"I'm not ready; I'll break down about Gypsy in front of everybody!" I cried.
"I'm sure people will understand," Mum replied, throwing me my school uniform. "Imagine how much worse it'd be turning up to school days after everybody else has already started."
I knew Mum was not going to give in. I rolled off the bed onto the floor, and began to slowly get dressed, starting with my school socks. Not long after, I was hustled into the car, a piece of banana cake in my hand. I had no time for a real breakfast. I didn't even have time to brush my hair. But I didn't care; my appearance held no significance to me.
I entered the classroom just as the bell rang. I had English first and my new English Teacher, Mrs. Baird, was writing her name on the whiteboard. Lucy was in my English class and I spotted her in the front row, a text book on the desk in front of her. She glanced briefly at me before returning to her text book. I sighed, and chose a seat in the middle row next to a quiet girl named Anna. I didn't feel like conversing with anyone.
The day dragged by slowly and I tried desperately to focus on my school work, but never-ending thoughts of Gypsy crossed my mind, distracting me.
When the bell rang for lunch, I headed outside. It was another nice Summer day. I headed towards our usual lunch spot, a couple picnic tables shadowed by a large tree. I spotted my two friends, Danielle and Izzy.
Between them sat Lucy.
I hesitated, then continued towards them. Danielle and Izzy were my friends too. A little conflict between Lucy and I wasn't going to keep me away from them. I did not like the idea of eating lunch alone- I still had some dignity.
As I neared, I heard Lucy and Danielle's conversation.
"I've got Bugs on this new formula to help him build muscle," Lucy was telling Danielle. "I swear I can already see an improvement, and he has only been on it for a week!"
Danielle nodded. "That sounds really good." Danielle, like us, loved horses. She didn't own her own horse yet, but got fortnightly lessons and went horse trekking on a gelding named Casper at her auntie's farm.
Izzy looked up from the orange she was peeling. "Hi Adele," she greeted me. "Did you enjoy your holidays?"
I felt surprised that Lucy hadn't filled the two of them in about Gypsy. Danielle gave me a quick smile, then turned her attention back to Lucy. Lucy didn't even glance at me.
"Unfortunately no," I replied honestly. "At least not the second half."
Izzy looked at me questionably and I quickly explained what had happened, leaving out the part that it was all my fault. My heart lurched as I went through the story again, and I wondered how many times I'd have to tell it in this lifetime.
"I'm so sorry!" Izzy cried. She was genuine, but I knew she wouldn't truly understand. Izzy didn't like horses. She wasn't a fan of many animals at all for that matter. She feared practically anything that moved, and obsessed her life around her boyfriend.
Danielle who had overheard me, threw her hand to her mouth. "Oh man. I couldn't bear it if Casper died. That sucks! That really, really sucks." I nodded. What was I supposed to say to that?
Danielle wasn't great with words. Not much of a talker, she was the listener in all of her friendships. Danielle was the type of person who appeared to lack emotion; nothing fazed Danielle much. She brushed off her repetitively bad grades, and never let her solid figure or face of freckles get in the way of asking out a guy she fancied. She was relaxed and full of confidence, and I envied her for that. Despite appearing careless, she was deep down a gentle soul who loved horses and animals of all shapes and sizes. Once when I went to squash a big spider on my desk in class, Danielle had calmly said, "Wait," and had cupped her hand around the spider, placing it on a tall branch outside the window. Myself and half of the class were practically freaking out. I personally could not bring myself to hold a spider!
Lucy who had remained quiet during my explanation of what happened to Gypsy, quickly returned to her conversation about Bugs' diet, and giving me an apologetic smile, Danielle leaned forward to listen.
Both offended and relieved at how quickly the subject of Gypsy's death was dropped, I pulled a bag of chips out of my bag.
"What did you do over the holidays?" I asked Izzy.
"Not much," she replied. Izzy appeared deep in thought, so I didn't push for further conversation.
I sat eating, my mind contentedly blank. Admittedly it was nice to be outside under the sunshine.
"Do you want to come?" Danielle asked me suddenly.
"Huh?" I looked at her.
"Lucy and me are going on a trek at my auntie's farm. She's bringing Bugs, and you could ride my auntie's other horse, Fudge. She's bay with a blaze and?"
"Adele doesn't ride anymore," Lucy interrupted.
Danielle appeared lost for words. She unwrapped a muesli bar, and Lucy jumped into another conversation, saving Danielle from having to respond.
While school hadn't been at horrible as I thought it'd be, I was still happy to get home. Mum was sitting on the couch talking on the phone when I walked in.
"Uh huh," she murmured into the receiver. "Oh, I will be! Thank you very much for this information." Mum turned to face me as she spoke. "I'll be in touch. Bye." She pushed the end button and stared at me thoughtfully, chewing her bottom lip.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.
Mum sighed. "That was a lady who saw our incident at Showjumping Champs," she told me. She stood up and hooked the landline to its charger. I waited patiently for her to continue. "She happens to know the people we bought Gypsy from." Mum sat back down and stared hard at me. "I'm happy to inform you that it was not your fault that Gypsy broke her leg. I am unhappy to discover we were conned."
I took a seat across from her and reached into my bag for my uneaten sandwich.
"It's good to see you eating. You've lost weight; anymore and you'll vanish completely," Mum commented. "Anyway," she began again. "Gypsy had a paddock accident with the previous owners which resulted in a large crack to her leg. They gave her time to recover, and she did faster than expected. They then put her in foal to give her further time to strengthen that leg. They were strictly informed by the vet that while she should be sound enough for dressage and hacking, they were to no longer jump her. Obviously they ignored the vet's advice. They show-jumped her a couple more times then sold her to us without mentioning the injury."
My mouth fell open. A sense of relief washed over me for I was no longer to blame; however, overwhelming that was the hatred I felt towards the previous owners.
"The lady on the phone, Beth, her name is, she said this is not the first time they've lied about a horse for sale." Mum ran her hands through her hair. She appeared tired; defeated perhaps. Her facial features showed no sign of th
e anger I felt within. "I should have got her vet checked," Mum added.
I stared at her, temporarily speechless. "Is? Is there anything we can do?"
"Well, Beth did say she has a few people to back us up. Beth and the old owners aren't the only people who knew about Gypsy's cracked leg; and I did one good thing when we bought her." Mum smiled at me. "I took a screenshot image of Gypsy's advert. In court that will come in very handy because nowhere in that advert does it mention her injury. It also outlines her as a showjumper." She winked at me. "I think we have a good chance of winning this case. It'd be nice to have the money to help your father and me out with buying you a new horse."
Court? Money? A new horse?
"They deserve to be caught out for their lies," I said slowly. "And you should definitely try and get your money back. But I don't want another horse."
Mum looked surprised. Then she quickly straightened up. "I'm sick of you moping around in your bedroom. Horses have kept you out of trouble and given you something to be happy about for the majority of your life. And you were doing so well on Gypsy; you can't just give up," she insisted. "Now that you know Gypsy's death was not your fault, you don't need to feel guilty. There's no reason for you not to get another horse." Her blue eyes flashed. "Plus, you have a showjumping career to follow."
I threw my arms, exasperated. It always seemed when you finally agreed with someone, they changed their views on the situation. Mum was the one who had spent the last few years doubting the possibility of a showjumping career. "Unless you can bring Gypsy back from the dead, I don't want a horse!" I hissed. I spun on my heel and marched up the stairs.
"There's an envelope on your bed for you by the way!" Mum called out from behind me.
The envelope was hand addressed to me in tidy, linked writing. I ripped it open and discovered a card. A palomino foal was pictured on the card, with the words, 'Sorry for your loss' printed in pink. Inside the card was a red first place ribbon. The inside of the card read in that same perfect, linked writing:
Dear Adele.
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your horse. She was one incredible jumper.
I promised I would pass your ribbon from Showjumping Championships onto you.
Larissa xx.
I closed the card, surprised. I wondered why Larissa had collected my ribbon, and I wondered what had changed in her to send me a card. I thought Larissa hated me.
I straightened out the ribbon; the very last ribbon Gypsy and I would ever win together. I lay down on the bed, stretching out my tired legs. I had a lot of new information to process.
Chapter Ten
It was Friday afternoon. The week had consisted of less tears over Gypsy, although the longing for her remained. I wasn't getting over the loss of my beautiful horse; more so, I was reluctantly learning to live without her. What choice did I have?
Things were still awkward between Lucy and I. We spoke only if necessary, usually ignoring each other among our small group of friends. I missed her, but I still felt offended by her words.
I'd just gotten home from school. Mum and Dad sat side by side on the couch, talking quietly. "Where's Natasha?" I wondered.
"She's at a friend's house," Mum replied.
I stared hard at my parents. Usually Dad was still at work, and the way they sat on the couch with the television switched off was unusual. Mum smiled cheerfully at me. Dad looked nervous.
"What's going on?" I asked suspiciously.
"We have a surprise for you," Mum replied. "Let's go now," she said, glancing at Dad, who nodded. They got to their feet and headed towards the door, Dad's car keys dangling from his closed fist.
I held back, nervous. "Where are we going?"
Mum grinned. "It's a surprise."
I considered refusing to follow until they explained where we were going. But curiosity got the better of me. And I'd already lost Gypsy; what was left to be afraid of?
I climbed into the back seat of Dad's car.
We drove in silence. Within minutes we were pulling into the driveway of Ridgewood stables. I felt too stunned to utter a sound. I didn't understand why we were here. I looked out the window, gazing across towards where Gypsy was buried. My heart leapt in my throat.
Dad bought the car to a stop.
That's when I saw her.
Frozen in shock, I stared ahead, struggling and failing to understand what was going on. She's dead, I told myself. I was there when they put her to sleep. I watched her body lower into the grave. Her lifeless body? I had convinced myself there was nothing to fear, but I was terrified, my body rigid. There in the distance stood Gypsy. Alive. She was alive. Alive? Alive?
Then I realized. I was an idiot; a fool. Gypsy couldn't be alive. I knew very well that Gypsy was dead. I let my breath out in one big whoosh.
Mum and Dad exited the car, and silently I followed. As we neared Gypsy's look-alike, I noticed this horse had only three stockings, unlike Gypsy who had four. His narrower blaze veered off to the left unlike Gypsy's, and he was much slighter in build; a more athletic type. As we reached the gate, I realized this horse also stood nearly a hand taller than Gypsy. The horse held his head over the gate, poking his nose out towards us. He had a cheeky expression on his face that practically begged you to pet him. I ignored him and spun angrily to face my parents.
"Why are we here?" I demanded.
Dad didn't reply. Instead he scratched the horses nose. The horse had an 'in your face' personality and appeared to lap up the attention. Mum appeared oblivious to my unhappiness. "Honey, this is Coby."
"So?" I replied bluntly.
"He is yours."
"I don't want him," I snarled at her. My face grew hot; I felt furious. "I told you I didn't want a horse. How could you buy me a horse when I clearly told you I didn't want one?! What's worse, is that you chose a horse that looks like Gypsy as if that would make everything okay. This isn't Gypsy! He will never replace Gypsy!" Mad and upset, I collapsed onto the grass and let out a sob. I couldn't believe my parents would do this to me. Nobody understood how I felt, and I felt so alone in my grief.
"But Adele," Mum kneeled down beside me. "You don't understand."
"No. You don't understand! I don't want this horse! I don't want any horse!" I cried. I glanced up at Coby. He resembled Gypsy far too much. "I don't want a horse that reminds me of Gypsy every time I look at him; and I don't want to ride anymore!" I swallowed hard, trying to force away the overwhelming emotion that filled me within.
Dad left Coby leaning against the gate. "What your mother is trying to say is, this is Gypsy's son."
I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Huh?"
"We were planning to take Gypsy's previous owners to court. I spoke to them on the phone. To say the least, they weren't happy and tried to talk down her injury as though it was nothing. After much debate they offered us Coby on the condition we didn't take them to court," Mum explained. "Coby is Gypsy's son. He is five-years-old. He is broken in but hasn't done a lot, so you'll need to produce him. They did say that he is by a big Thoroughbred stallion making him Three-parts-Thoroughbred, and apparently he has shown tremendous jumping talent."
"They reckoned the stallion was a showjumper too," Dad added.
Mum nodded in agreement with Dad. "He's a better height for you too," she commented.
"How can you even believe a thing these people have told you?" I scoffed. "For all we know, he has a hidden injury too."
"Now, we did learn something Adele," Dad said. "We had him vet checked."
"Well you wasted your time," I told them. "Because I'm not keeping him."
"Think about it honey; he's just perfect for you!" Mum gushed.
"He's very friendly too," Dad added, stroking Coby's face once again.
I couldn't meet the eyes of either of my parents. I turned towards the car. "I'd like to go home now."
That evening, I headed down to the kitchen for a drink. Mum sat at the kitchen table reading. She glanced up fro
m her magazine. "Lucy will be looking after Coby in the meantime," she stated casually.
I opened my mouth but no words came out. I hadn't told Mum that Lucy and I weren't on speaking terms. Next week at school would be very awkward. I was not looking forward to seeing Lucy.
Not at all.
Chapter Eleven
Like a coward, I avoided Lucy entirely. I spent my lunch times in the school library, flicking through books that I'd never dream of reading. Previously the only books I enjoyed reading were horse novels, but I had no interest in reading those anymore.
I'd fallen into a cycle. At school I'd work my very hardest in class, going straight upstairs to my room after school. I ate my dinner alone in my room, lost in my thoughts. Thoughts of Gypsy and now Coby would enter my head continuously, and I'd struggle to block them out. My lack of a life meant I didn't exactly have much else to think about. I thought about Lucy too. I wondered if we'd ever go back to normal.
At night, I'd fall asleep easily. While my dreams were still free from Gypsy, Coby entered them a couple of times in ways that made no sense, my unconscious mind expressing the guilt that lurked within. But you told them you didn't want a horse. It's their fault, not yours, I'd tell myself.
Sometimes I dreamed I was with Lucy. We were content in my dreams; the argument had never occurred.
Usually a year rushed by too quickly, yet the last few weeks felt like a lifetime. So much had changed in so little time. I was still processing all of the change and I felt unsure of what to do next. So far, my plan was to survive the rest of the school year; then I'd go to university, or perhaps go straight out in the workforce. I hadn't a clue about what I wanted to do as a career.
I'd move out of home, and there, I could sit up in my room grieving all I wanted without disturbance. Was I depressed? I didn't know.
Lucy and I had always planned to flat together after high school; it was something we both looked forward to. We'd always discussed the late nights we'd spend together, eating junk food and watching movies. We planned to take turns driving us to our horses where we'd spent numerous hours riding together, like we always did. We agreed that if either of us ended up in a relationship, that we'd never let it get in the way of our friendship. I found that easy to promise as while I'd had crushes on boys, and one relationship with a guy named Jarred for a few months last year, I was too busy obsessing over horses to obsess over a boy. Lucy had had numerous 'boyfriends', but the longest relationship she'd managed to have was only about three weeks.
