‘Our pleasure, mate.’
They said their farewells and Annie dropped the mobile back into her pocket. Kane was ecstatic. And she was so happy for him. She was, she really was.
Just the same, as she continued to the car she almost collapsed beneath the weight of a sudden cloud of despair. She tried not to let Kane’s happiness highlight her own misery, but she couldn’t help it. She felt so instantly black and hopeless; it was as if she’d stumbled into a bottomless hole with no hope of rescue.
She needed Theo more than ever. Now. This moment. Suddenly she knew she had to make contact. She couldn’t face another day, another hour, without speaking to him.
Her heart raced frantically as she pictured herself dredging up the emotional courage to telephone him. It would be night-time in Australia, but not so late that he would be asleep. Yes, she would do it. She could justify her call on the grounds that she needed to make sure he’d been reinstated at the university and that her sacrifice had been worthwhile.
Leaning against the side of the car, she pulled off one glove so that she could punch in the international code followed by Theo’s number.
Oh, God, what could she say? I just need to hear your voice?
Her chest felt so tight she could hardly breathe. At this rate, when Theo answered she would be too breath-less to say anything. But she would feel better once she knew that he was all right.
Closing her eyes, she dragged in a deeper breath as she listened to the phone ringing.
Then it stopped and her heart almost shot clear out of her throat.
‘Hi, Theo Grainger speaking.’
She experienced a jolt of pure elation. It was so, so good to hear his lovely voice. ‘Hi, Theo.’
‘I’m afraid I can’t take your call. I’m on an extended vacation. Please leave a message after the beep…’
‘Oh, no, no!’
Extended vacation? Oh, God, no.
That meant the worst had happened—the very worst. He didn’t have his job back; her sacrifice had been wasted.
And now he’d gone away—disappeared beyond her reach.
She couldn’t hold back a horrible, harrowing moan. And she was too blinded by tears to find the disconnect button and too devastated to care that her heartbreak was being recorded.
She’d made a mess of everything. Everything! And coming to the other side of the world, which she’d thought was the best, the wisest, thing to do, had been a stupid, terrible mistake.
Standing on the bottom step at Southern Cross homestead Theo felt at a distinct disadvantage, especially as Annie’s brother was glaring down at him from the top step, and more especially because the brother’s welcome smile had vanished the moment Theo had mentioned Annie’s name.
‘You came all the way from Brisbane just to speak to my little sister?’
‘That’s right.’ Theo mounted the steps slowly and felt marginally better when he reached the top and discovered that he was much the same height as the scowling brother. Holding out his hand, he said, ‘How do you do? I’m Theo Grainger.’
The brother nodded and, although he shook hands, a wary caution lingered in his cool grey eyes. ‘Reid McKinnon,’ he said, then his lips snapped tightly shut.
‘I was hoping to find Annie. Is she at home?’
‘I’m not sure that’s any of your business.’
So this encounter would be as tough as Theo had feared. He squared his shoulders. ‘Your sister may feel differently.’
‘I doubt it. You’re the fellow who’s been ringing her, aren’t you? She’s refused to answer your calls.’
‘Yes, I’m afraid that’s right.’
‘Can’t you take a hint, mate?’
‘Believe me, I do understand your concern.’
Reid’s eyes betrayed a brief flicker of surprise before he resorted to scowling again. ‘You’re dead right I’m concerned about Annie. And if you had anything to do with the state she’s in, you should be bloody ashamed of yourself, Grainger.’
‘State? What do you mean?’ Theo’s voice seemed to crack and, in spite of his intention to remain calm and polite, he found himself shouting. ‘What state? What are you talking about?’
Reid didn’t answer.
Pain filled Theo’s throat and he felt as if he’d swallowed a block of marble. ‘Where is Annie? What’s happened to her?’
At last Reid looked as if he was about to say something, but then he hesitated again.
Theo groaned and slammed one fisted hand into the palm of the other. ‘You must understand how I feel about your sister. Do you really think I would travel over a thousand kilometres just to see her if she wasn’t immensely important to me?’
Suddenly, from behind him came an explosion of barking and he whirled around to see Basil straining to get out through the passenger window of his hire truck. A Border collie, her tail wagging madly, was barking just as loudly as she leaped to greet him.
Theo spun back to Reid. ‘Is that Lavender?’
‘Annie told you about Lavender?’
‘Of course she did. It isn’t possible to know Annie without knowing all about Lavender, is it?’
‘I don’t suppose it is,’ Reid said, looking slightly stunned. ‘Hey, Lavender,’ he bawled. ‘Cut that out.’
The collie ignored him and the tail wagging and frenzied barking continued.
‘What’s got into her?’ Reid muttered. ‘Anyone would think those dogs were long lost friends.’
He hurried down the steps and Theo followed him. By now, Lavender was leaping so high she was almost doing back flips and Basil was trying to squeeze through the too narrow gap of open window.
‘Stop that right now,’ Theo ordered his dog. ‘You’ll wreck the hire truck.’ When Basil ignored him, he strode around to the driver’s door and swung it open. Next minute Basil whipped past him.
‘Well, I’ll be…’ said Reid as the dogs found each other. Almost immediately the barking diminished. Lavender began to sniff excitedly at the piece of yellow ribbon on Basil’s collar and Theo realised what had caused the fuss.
‘That’s Annie’s hair ribbon,’ he explained.
Reid’s face flushed and for a moment he looked confused. But then, as he watched the dogs continue to check each other out, his mouth twitched into a puzzled half-smile.
He dropped his gaze to the toes of his riding boots, gave this some thought for a moment or two, then looked up to Theo and assessed him coolly, but his smile was warm as he said, ‘Perhaps you’d better come inside. Then you can explain exactly why you’re here.’
Jessie McKinnon pushed a plate towards her daughter. ‘Have another scone, Annie.’
‘I couldn’t possibly.’
Sighing, Jessie set her cup and saucer aside and leaned forward. ‘You’re not well, are you, dear?’
‘Of course I am, Mum. I’m fine.’
To Annie’s dismay, silver tears glinted in Jessie’s eyes. ‘I haven’t been much of a mother in the past few years,’ she said unexpectedly. ‘I feel as if I’ve let my children down.’
‘No, Mum.’ Despite the loneliness she’d felt over the past six years, Annie knew this wasn’t a moment for brutal honesty. Besides, during her time in Aberfoyle, she’d begun to suspect that there were stronger reasons for her mother’s absence than she or her brothers had ever guessed.
‘We’ve been fine at home,’ Annie said. ‘The boys have been fantastic. Anyhow, we bullied you into coming back to Scotland after Dad died and you’ve simply been a very obedient parent.’
Jessie looked down at her hands in her lap. ‘Just the same, my dear, if I’d been a better mother to you, you might have been able to talk to me and tell me what’s troubling you.’
Annie’s teacup rattled as she set it back on the saucer.
‘I’ve been watching you for weeks now and you’re getting paler and thinner. Flora’s noticed it, too. You can’t pretend that you’re not terribly upset about something, Annie.’
‘No,’ Annie s
aid softly.
‘Is it a man, darling?’
Closing her eyes against the sudden rush of hot tears, Annie nodded.
‘You love him?’
Again Annie nodded.
‘But he doesn’t love you?’
Her eyes flashed open. ‘Oh, no, Mum. It’s not like that.’ Seconds stretched into eternity as their gazes linked and held. Dusky shadows were creeping into the kitchen and in the fading light Jessie McKinnon’s lovely blue eyes seemed to shimmer with a dark, secret wisdom as if to say, You can trust me, Annie. I’ve had my share of pain and I understand…
Perhaps it was the compassion in her mother’s eyes, or perhaps it was simply the right time, but suddenly Annie knew that she couldn’t hold back any longer. She had to tell her mother about Theo before she collapsed from the strain.
It was almost dark by the time she finished her story.
Jessie listened quietly with very few interruptions. Then she rose and hurried to Annie, giving her a long, hard hug and Annie clung to her, treasuring the comforting warmth of motherly arms so long denied to her.
‘You poor darling,’ Jessie said. ‘My poor, brave girl.’
She didn’t offer further comment at first, and Annie felt suddenly nervous as Jessie moved quietly about the snug kitchen, turning on the lights, checking the casserole in the oven and drawing the pretty floral curtains to block out the encroaching night.
‘How about a pre-dinner sherry while we talk about this?’ she said.
‘Thanks.’ Annie’s nerves tightened a notch. There was something about the tone of her mother’s voice that suggested she would need this drink.
As soon as Jessie was seated again and they each had a glass of sherry in front of them, Annie said, ‘You do think I did the right thing, don’t you, Mum? Don’t you agree that I had no choice but to leave Theo?’
She held her breath as she waited for her mother’s quick reassurance.
But the answer didn’t come immediately. Jessie stared at her sherry glass, twisting its stem to make it turn slowly.
‘Mum?’
Lifting her gaze from the glass to her daughter, Jessie reached out and clasped Annie’s hand. ‘You’ve been very brave, Annie. And I’m proud of you.’ She paused and seemed to be carefully thinking through what she would say next. ‘In every situation there is a better and a worse way to behave, and you saw what you thought was the only right thing to do and found the courage to do what you felt you must.’
‘But?’ whispered Annie. ‘There’s a but, isn’t there? I can hear it in your voice.’ Her insides flinched. Was she strong enough for this? She’d thought she would feel better if she told her mother about Theo. ‘What is it, Mum? Tell me quickly.’
Jessie sighed softly. ‘I—I can’t help thinking that you made one serious mistake.’
‘What’s that?’
‘You didn’t consult Theo.’
‘But I couldn’t!’
‘I know that was how you felt, dear, but try just for a moment to think about the situation from his point of view.’
‘Of course I’ve been thinking about it from his point of view. All I ever did was think about what I had cost him. It was because of me that he lost his job. And he was probably losing his house, his life in Brisbane. Everything.’
‘So you made a rash decision by yourself and then you left without allowing him any chance to discuss it.’
‘But he would have tried to persuade me to stay.’
‘Didn’t you want to stay?’
Annie moaned. ‘Yes, of course I did.’ She dropped her head into her hands, then jerked upright again. ‘I can’t believe you’re so down on me.’
‘Annie, I’m not down on you. But I know how impetuous you are, darling. Sometimes—’ She sighed and left that sentence unfinished. ‘What bothers me is that you weren’t totally honest with Theo. You didn’t tell him everything that Claudia said to you.’
‘Because I was sure he wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed it, if I hadn’t heard it with my own ears. Claudia’s quite beautiful and she’s the Top Gun of the philosophy department. Why would a woman in that position be jealous of a clueless little ditzy chick from the bush?’
‘I think you’re underselling your assets, Annie.’ Jessie sighed. ‘Okay, even if we leave that aside, you didn’t give Theo a chance to come up with his own solution to the problem.’
‘That—that’s true.’
‘Surely it was up to him to decide what was best for his career.’
Oh, God. Annie stared at her mother. She felt winded. Winded and wounded. She didn’t want to hear this. Struggling to her feet, she began to pace the room. Was her mother right? Had she been totally, totally foolish? A martyr without a just cause?
She’d thought she’d offered Theo a gift of freedom, but had she denied him the chance to make a choice? Theo was mature and patient—a philosopher, trained to think through crises till he reached a reasonable outcome. She, on the other hand, had always been impetuous and rash, swept away by emotions, eager to make the grand gesture.
‘What have I done?’ she whispered. ‘Oh, God, Mum, I’ve lost him and it’s all my own fault.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
IN THE heart of midwinter in the middle of Derbyshire Theo stood in the foyer of the Hollydean Arms and listened to the sounds of dance music and laughter coming from the other side of a set of double doors. Kane McKinnon’s wedding reception was in full swing.
And Annie was in there among the wedding guests.
He looked at his watch and wondered when the celebrations would finish. Desperate as he was to see Annie, he had no intention of gatecrashing another man’s wedding. He’d convinced himself that it was okay to be here, hovering about outside a function he hadn’t been invited to, but he felt uneasy, like an infatuated fan hoping to catch a glimpse of the star he idolised.
Nevertheless, he was prepared to wait here in the foyer and reflect on a sad truth he’d experienced first-hand during the past weeks—a harrowing lesson of the human heart—that the source of a man’s greatest joy could become the source of his greatest torment and pain.
He swallowed to rid himself of the knot of tension in his throat. This meeting with Annie would be the most vitally important in his life. He would wait all night if necessary.
Without warning, one of the doors of the reception area opened and a tall, broad-shouldered fellow came into the foyer, tugging at his bow-tie.
He saw Theo and grinned. ‘I can’t wait to get out of this clobber.’
The clues fell into place in an instant—the man’s Australian accent, his blue eyes so like Annie’s, his formal suit and bridegroom’s buttonhole.
Theo hurried forward, offering an outstretched hand. ‘You must be Kane McKinnon.’
‘Yeah, that’s right.’
‘Congratulations.’
‘Thanks.’ As the bridegroom shook hands, his silver-blue gaze narrowed and gave Theo the once-over. ‘Have we met?’
‘No. I’m Theo Grainger. Your brother, Reid, directed me here.’
‘Grainger…ah, yes.’ Kane’s face broke into a grin. ‘Now I know who you are.’
‘Reid mentioned me?’
‘When he rang yesterday to wish me luck for the wedding, he told me all about you, Theo.’ Kane thumped his shoulder. ‘I must say you made a pretty good impression on my brother.’
‘I think we hit it off—quite well.’
‘Two of you got on like a bushfire, from what I hear.’ Kane cocked his head to one side and his eyes turned shrewd. ‘Sounds like you’ve made a big impact on my sister, too.’
Bingo. The raw knot in Theo’s throat tightened. Again he tried to swallow. ‘That—that’s why I’m here. I need to speak to Annie.’
Kane chuckled and he gave Theo’s shoulder another friendly thump. ‘Looks like the airlines are doing a roaring trade with lovelorn Aussie blokes. I know exactly what you’re going through, mate. You feel like hell, don’t you? Liste
n, I’m supposed to be getting changed. Charity and I are heading off soon, but I’ll just duck inside and find Annie for you.’
‘There’s no need to disturb her. She’s probably enjoying herself. I—I can wait a little longer.’
Kane favoured him with a who-are-you-trying-to-kid smile. ‘Don’t talk rubbish, man. Of course you can’t wait.’
How much longer could she last? All around Annie, wedding guests were smiling, chatting, laughing and drinking and her face was aching with the effort of holding her smile in place.
It hadn’t been so bad at the church. The groom’s sister was more or less expected to sniffle and weep during the beautiful and moving wedding ceremony, but it would be rather bad form if she sobbed her way through the reception as well.
Not that she wasn’t happy for Kane and Charity. They were both so obviously in love it was impossible not to be thrilled for them. And the reception had been very enjoyable so far—even when she’d been dragged around the dance floor by the local headmaster, the bank manager and by Charity’s young brother, Tim.
Problem was, a wedding celebration and a badly broken heart were not a comfortable combination. And it was so hard to avoid thinking about what might have been—if she hadn’t been such an impulsive fool. Instead she was left with the consequences of her recklessness—this ghastly cold, unbearable emptiness inside her.
‘Annie.’
There was a tap on her shoulder and she turned to find Kane grinning down at her.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be getting changed?’
‘Yeah. I just ducked back because I’ve got a message for you.’
‘Oh? What is it?’
‘There’s someone outside who wants to speak to you.’
‘Really? Where?’
‘Waiting in the foyer.’
She frowned. ‘But no one here knows me. Are you sure I’m the one wanted?’
His grin grew wider. ‘Absolutely.’ Reaching down, he grabbed her elbow. ‘Come on. Get a wriggle on.’
‘All right.’ Puzzled, she stood and smoothed the softly flaring skirt of her fine woollen dress. Across the table she caught her mother’s eye. ‘I’m just popping outside for a moment.’
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