And that’s precisely what Tara needed to focus on—her daughter’s recovery. Because if Tara let her fears and the unknown ending to this diagnosis consume her, she’d collapse into Sam’s arms and cling to the fairy tale that she’d once believed they had.
Falling into her husband’s arms was the last thing she should do. They were over. She’d made that clear when she’d kicked him out the night of Marley’s fourth birthday when he’d come home after missing the party. She could tell he’d been using and that had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
She’d wanted to help him. Of course she had; she was his wife. More important, she was a counselor. She’d offered him multiple names to contact, but he hadn’t wanted to help himself, so there was nothing she could’ve said or done. Her family, her marriage couldn’t stay intact if only one person held everything together.
Over the past year since their separation, though, he’d checked himself into rehab in Knoxville, gotten clean and made no bones about the fact he wanted to make up for the man he’d been. He wanted to show her and Marley that he could take care of them. He’d even told her he didn’t blame her for pushing him away, but he wasn’t going to ignore his duties as their provider.
Why did he have to make things so difficult?
Case in point...the unsigned divorce papers. If he’d sign those then maybe she’d feel free, but as things stood now, she wasn’t free and she didn’t want him to think for even a second that she couldn’t manage on her own.
“I went to the store.”
Sam’s words pulled her from her thoughts. He stepped around Tara and picked Marley up; her squeal echoed through the foyer.
And just like that, Tara’s memories flooded through. She had no clue where Marley’s mind was, but Tara couldn’t ignore the rush of emotions that accompanied this entire déjà vu scene.
“Your favorite strawberry ice cream is in the freezer and I’m making tacos for dinner, Marmaid.”
He always called her Marmaid for her love of the ocean and mermaids, plus her name. Only Sam called her that...the special bond between father and daughter couldn’t be severed. Unlike Sam and Tara’s marriage.
Tara stood in place, watching Sam’s retreating form, remembering all those times he’d carried Marley around while shopping, at the annual carnival, when she’d fall asleep on the couch and he’d taken her up to bed.
Tara desperately wished she could erase her own memories of the past year. Maybe then this constant ache deep in her chest wouldn’t be so all-consuming. Just because she’d pushed him away in a tough-love moment to make him focus on getting sober didn’t mean she didn’t still love him. That’s what hurt most of all—she would always love Sam. She simply couldn’t let him in their lives again.
Wait. Sam’s parting words finally sank in. He was making dinner? As in, he wasn’t leaving anytime soon, considering they’d just been discussing breakfast?
“You can do this for Marley,” Tara whispered to herself.
The doctor had told them they needed to make things as normal as possible and as far as Marley was concerned, her parents were still living happily ever after. Thankfully her daughter didn’t recall the fourth birthday party that her father never made or that he’d shown up later that night completely out of touch with reality. Maybe this temporary memory loss was somewhat of a blessing. At least her daughter only had happy thoughts of Sam.
A motivational pep talk was necessary. How else would Tara get through having Sam in her home for the entire day? Her attraction to him hadn’t diminished. Their chemistry had never been in question. No, the problem was he’d been a workaholic, pushing himself so she could stay home because he’d thought that’s what made her happy. Not that he expected her to cook and clean and keep the house perfect. He wasn’t archaic, by any means, and fully believed they were equals on every level.
All of that work and stress ultimately led to his accident, which rolled into his pill addiction, and the downfall of the best life.
Sam had always been a devoted man and wanted to be the provider. He wanted Tara to have the freedom to do anything she wanted. He’d urged her to explore her love of art. He’d grown up an only child with a widowed mother who worked too hard to provide for her son. He’d said he never wanted his wife to feel that kind of pressure.
Damn it. She wished he’d never shown her how perfect their lives could be. Part of her wished she’d never married him. Harsh thoughts, but she’d experienced the beauty of marriage with Sam...then he ripped it all away.
Tara wasn’t sure she’d ever recover from the pain.
Pushing the past out of her thoughts, Tara focused on the here and now. She desperately needed a shower and a change of clothes.
Even though Sam had brought her yoga pants and a sweatshirt, sleeping in the vinyl chair that posed as a pullout bed had left Tara feeling not so clean or rested.
Needing to take five minutes to regroup and gather her thoughts about everything swirling around in her mind, Tara mounted the steps to her master suite. She and Sam had renovated it when they’d married, turning one of the bedrooms into a giant adjoining bath.
But as soon as she crossed the threshold to her room, she froze. A large, black, menacing suitcase sat on her bed. She knew that suitcase; she’d bought that extra suitcase for their beach trip that never came to fruition.
Dread curled low in her belly.
He wouldn’t.
Tara knew exactly what she’d find in the luggage he’d parked on her side of the mattress. As she crossed to her king-sized bed, she attempted to take in deep, slow breaths, but nothing calmed her nerves.
With a shaky hand she reached for the zipper. She flipped the top and stared at perfectly folded jeans, tees, underwear, running shoes...
Sam’s things. They even smelled like him. That familiar woodsy scent wafted up and assaulted her senses, making her stomach clench with...what? She couldn’t even label her emotions at this point—there were simply too many.
Blowing out a sigh, Tara closed her eyes and dropped her head between her shoulders. This was not happening. It couldn’t be happening. No way was Sam staying here. He could come and go as often as he wanted. She’d certainly never denied him any involvement with Marley. On that they had always agreed. But he would not be staying in her home while Marley recovered.
Surely he wasn’t using Marley’s condition to try to come back? He hadn’t signed the divorce papers, so did that mean he thought there was a chance? He hadn’t made a move on her since coming out of rehab; he hadn’t tried to push his way into their lives. In all honesty, he’d been the perfect gentleman. She hadn’t known what to expect. They’d been so passionate early in their relationship so now things always seemed odd...strained.
Tara bounded down the stairs and headed toward the kitchen. Sam stood at the island with a bowl, eggs and bread. Marley was on her knees on a stool beside him. This had been their thing. Sam had always been a phenomenal cook—that was one of the many ways he’d captured her heart. But when he started incorporating Marley into the prep work and she eventually graduated to using the stove with assistance, Tara had utterly melted.
Even though Marley had been a toddler when she’d started helping, she’d actually mastered measuring and mixing.
“Hey,” he said, smiling across the room at her. “We’re making French toast. Interested?”
“He said no ice cream for breakfast.” Marley pouted as she cracked an egg into the bowl.
Tara offered her daughter a smile but shook her head. “Actually, I need to speak to your daddy for a minute.”
Sam’s eyes snapped to hers, but his own smile didn’t diminish. How could this look so right, so painstakingly familiar, yet every bit of this morning be so devastatingly wrong? She couldn’t handle him in their kitchen, like this was old times, let alone stay for...however long he’d intended. His suitcase had bee
n crammed full. They’d bought the house together when they’d married, but he’d given it to her in the divorce. Still, this was their space and memories flooded her now that he was back.
Sam grabbed a dish towel and wiped his hands as he circled the island. “Just crack the eggs and I’ll be right back so we can start dipping the bread.”
Marley began humming as she cracked another egg. Tara pulled in a deep breath, telling herself not to explode because yelling or getting upset would get them nowhere. Still, she had to make Sam understand he simply couldn’t stay. She had to remain firm on this for her sanity. Falling into their pattern of her enabling his actions would only lead to disaster and leave her where she’d crawled her way out of.
But she was still enabling, wasn’t she? Just like she’d covered for him when he’d been using. Pretenses...they were an ugly thing to try to keep up.
Tara went up the stairs and into the bedroom, well aware he was directly behind her.
“What the hell is this?” she asked, pointing to the bed.
With a casual shrug, he crossed his arms over his massive chest. “My suitcase.”
She willed herself to find patience. “Why is it on my bed?”
Casual as you please, Sam leaned against the door frame. “I’m staying.”
“No, you’re not.”
He couldn’t. She’d barely gotten used to this house without him. Having him here would be too cruel and dealing with Marley on top of that...she simply didn’t think she could handle all the emotions at once.
The irony that she counseled people yet couldn’t even get her own life in order was not lost on her.
Sam pushed off the frame and took one slow step at a time until he’d closed the space between them. Tara concentrated on her breathing; it was better than focusing on those gray eyes that seemed to look right into her soul.
“The doctor said Marley lost the last year of her life,” he reminded her in a low tone that had Tara shivering. “He said to make her life stress-free and as normal as possible. In her mind, we’re married and we all live here. Do you want to explain to her why I don’t? She doesn’t know about the separation.”
Tara gritted her teeth as she sank onto the bed next to the threatening suitcase. She hadn’t thought of that part. She’d been too worried about how to help Marley remember to even think about the time frame her mind was trapped in. And perhaps she’d selfishly feared how she’d ever let Sam back into her home, into her bed, without losing her mind or her heart all over again.
Sam squatted in front of her, placing his hands on her knees. Tara tried to shift, but he held firm.
He hadn’t touched her, not like this, in well over a year. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t missed those strong hands on her. How could she be torn in so many different directions and still keep pushing forward through life? She had no idea what she was doing and how she was holding things together.
“This isn’t about us right now,” he told her. “As much as I want to make everything up to you and make you see that I’m a different man, this is about Marley. She needs her mom and dad, and I will not fail her or you ever again.”
Tears burned Tara’s eyes. She wished like hell he meant those words, but she’d heard them before. Over and over he’d promised he wouldn’t fail her...but he always did.
“You can’t live here,” she whispered through the emotions.
Sam rose to stand above her, forcing her to tip her head up to meet his gaze. He propped his hands on his hips; the muscle in his jaw clenched.
“We’re going to be married and living together like one big happy family for Marley’s sake. So I’m not only living here,” he informed her. “We’re sleeping in the same bed.”
Chapter Three
“Where’s Daisy?”
Marley’s question broke through the awkward tension filling the kitchen. Breakfast had been mostly Marley chattering and Sam and Tara dancing around each other without speaking.
Now Tara rinsed off the dishes and sat them on the counter for Sam to put into the dishwasher.
“When you had your accident, Daisy had to go to the boarder.”
The lie slid out of Sam’s mouth and sounded so convincing. Tara couldn’t help but wonder how easily he’d lied to her in the past and if he ever truly felt guilty about deceiving. But, for now, Tara didn’t want to break her daughter’s heart, so she was going to go along with Sam and see how things went. Every day, every moment, would be playing things by ear.
“When can we go get her?”
“We’ll see, honey,” Tara chimed in. She set another glass on the counter. “Let’s focus on you healing, okay?”
Still seated at the table, Marley propped her chin on her hand. “What’s wrong with me? My head hurts.”
The swollen red knot on her forehead near her hairline was a constant visual reminder of how quickly their lives had changed. Tara couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to her daughter. Hadn’t their family been through enough? There was only so long she could be strong and she truly feared she was edging closer to her breaking point.
Tara threw a glance to Sam, but his attention and concern were directed at Marley.
“We don’t want you to worry, but you do deserve the truth,” he said. “Let’s go into the living room and talk. Okay?”
Without waiting for a response, Sam scooped Marley up and airplaned her along the narrow hallway. Tara followed them in time to see him safely land her on the oversized sofa like he had countless times before. Usually for movie or game night, but that was just another bond those two shared. Between the cooking and the random bursts of flying, Sam and Marley were absolutely made for each other.
No matter what happened between Sam and Tara, nothing would change how close those two were.
Would her heart keep lurching at these familiar acts? No matter what, Marley’s recovery had to take top priority. Pushing nostalgia aside was the only way she’d ever make it through the days of Sam staying here again.
Tara’s cell vibrated in her pocket. She slid it out and saw Lucy’s text to the group with Lucy, Kate and Tara. Tara would answer her friends later.
Lucy and Kate were closer to Tara than any sisters could be. Together, the three volunteered at and ran a grief counseling center a few evenings a month. Each of them had suffered her own loss in one form or another, but recently her friends had each found their much-deserved happily-ever-after. Lucy and Kate were happier than Tara had seen them in years.
Lucy had met Noah Spencer when he came into town to take a position at the police department. When Lucy met Emma, his little girl, and heard their tragic story, she had fallen even more in love.
In a not-so-surprising move, Kate and her best guy friend, Gray, had married and were expecting their first baby. Of course the whole falling-in-love thing had been a surprise to Kate, but anyone else looking in their direction could’ve told her where she’d end up.
Kate and Lucy had been messaging her and checking in since Marley’s accident. She knew her friends worried, so she’d have to call each of them later to ease their minds. Marley was home and healing; that was the positive. The drawback? Sam was home, too.
First, though, she needed to put her sole focus on explaining to Marley what was going on...or at least as much as she could say and still obey the doctor’s orders.
Sam had already taken a seat next to their daughter, so Tara sat on the other side. She reached for Marley’s little hand and squeezed, offering silent comfort.
“Your dad and I are here for you, so we don’t want you scared,” Tara began. Marley’s bright blue eyes widened. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have started out that way.”
Sam patted Marley’s knee. “What your mother meant to say is, you had a bad fall. The doctors want us to watch you closely and make sure you don’t have any stress or worries. We need you
to be a happy kid until your head heals the way it should.”
Was he not going to use the term amnesia? Shouldn’t they at least tell her that much? Tara met his gaze over top of Marley. Sam shook his head and held her eyes until she nodded in agreement.
Perhaps they shouldn’t say anything too upsetting because Marley wouldn’t completely understand the ramifications of memory loss. It wasn’t as if amnesia was an everyday term they tossed around.
Regaining the past year’s memories on her own was the best way for Marley to heal, according to the professionals. Letting everything happen in a natural way would be less traumatizing...or so her doctor said.
Still, Tara had endured enough lies to last a lifetime and keeping this to herself was like a knife to her heart. She loathed lies and liars...yet here she was.
Marley’s eyes darted between them. “Does that mean I can ask for something and you guys will get it for me?”
“Excuse me?” Tara asked.
“I’m supposed to be happy, right? Can I get a pet iguana? They’re scaly, which kinda reminds me of a mermaid. I’ll name him Ralph and he can sleep in my room.”
Sam laughed and the low, familiar sound had Tara shifting in her seat. She’d missed that laugh and suddenly realized it had been too long since she’d heard it—and even longer since they’d sat like this as a family.
Pretending was most likely going to be their new norm.
“Don’t press your luck,” Sam told Marley as he tickled her belly. “But, seriously, if you start hurting more than usual, if you feel dizzy or nauseous or anything feels weird, you need to tell your mom or me so we can help. Got it?”
Marley nodded. “So if Ralph is a no, then maybe I could have ice cream? I ate my breakfast.”
The no was on the tip of Tara’s tongue, but Sam piped up. “Sure,” he said. “If there was ever a time for breakfast dessert, I’d say it’s today. In fact, I’ll get three bowls of it. You ladies stay right here.”
He was up and gone, leaving Tara speechless. This was the most interaction she’d had with him in person since she’d kicked him out. Though kicked him out was such a harsh term for what had actually happened. There had been tears, there had been pleading, there had been words said neither of them meant along with a broken back door. Ultimately Sam had walked out with one small bag of clothes.
For Their Child's Sake Page 2
