by Mia Ford
“God, you are so beautiful,” he moans. “You have no idea how thrilling it is for me to look at you.”
I get what he means though, not when it comes to me but I haven’t ever laid eyes on anything as gorgeous as him either. He literally blows my mind because he is so stunning. I just want to touch him all over.
It isn’t long until I finally feel all of him. He swells inside of me, touching every inch of my insides, making my head spin all over again. The sounds of our bodies clapping together with each and every thrust intensifies the warm feelings inside of me. There is passion, there is lust, there is something much deeper as well. It could be me falling head first in to love, I’m not quite sure. It shouldn’t be, I need to be more careful than that, but if it’s happening then there isn’t anything that I can do to stop it. I am really losing it for this man…
The next time I’m swallowed up with pleasure, Will is with me, he is erupting in sheer bliss at the same time as me. We kiss one another to swallow up each other’s screams which only increases our bond. I feel even more connected to him, which is dangerous, it’s scary. I cling to him tightly, I try to hold him with every single part of me, I want to gasp through the last orgasmic blissful breaths together, just in case something drastic happens next. However much my brain has switched off, I can still feel the creeping sense that something needs to happen soon. I just don’t know what and I don’t know when we will be able to address this…
The post orgasmic happiness doesn’t last for long. It isn’t too much time before the ice cold creeping sense of dread overcomes me and I can’t ignore it any longer. The lust totally overshadowed my brain, it took any rationality away from me, it stopped me from thinking about anything and everything sensible.
But now…now I can’t think of anything else. I pull the covers up to my chest to hide my body away while I think about what we should do next. I can’t continually lose myself to this man if I’m going to be working with him. That’s why this conversation needed to happen anyway. That’s why I came here and shouldn’t have fallen in bed with him. Now, everything is about to become a lot more complicated.
“Erm, Will…” I practically whisper. “Mr. Brent, I think that we still need to talk about this…”
As I prop up onto my elbows, I see disappointment shining in his eyes. He doesn’t like this at all. I think he assumed that us sleeping together would mean us remaining together, but that isn’t the case. This is why we shouldn’t have gotten into this position. God, I can really feel myself freaking out here, this is a nightmare.
“I still don’t think that we can be together,” I tell him, avoiding his eyes. “Not if we’re working as well and I need the job. I can’t lose the job, you have no idea how much I need it. I can’t explain.”
I slide out of the bed and try to cover myself up once more without making him see me. I don’t want him to look at me now. I want to be as hidden away as possible.
“We can carry on dating in secret, right?” He cocks an eyebrow at me. “We don’t have to let anyone at work know. Surely, me and you can find a way to make this work. It doesn’t have to end right now.”
It’s kinda tempting, I have to be honest about that, but all I can really concentrate on is all the ways that this can go wrong. Considering Alisha and the other guys in the office are almost my friends, I’m too scared for them to learn the truth. It will change things. It will alter my position in the office. I don’t think it will work.
“I don’t know.” I shake my head hard. “I don’t think this can work, Will. I think we should walk away from this and just become colleagues. I think this will get too messy if we try to mix everything together.”
Tears stream down my face as I run towards the door, which only get worse by him calling out after me, begging me to stay, but this has to be the right thing to do. I’m being sensible here. It hurts, but this feels like the right way for us to go…
Chapter 12 – William
I hate this. My heart sinks as I see Serena sitting at her desk in the office, focused on working, trying to be the best employee that she can be. I hate that I can only see her at work now. Ever since she ran out on me the other day, thinks have been strained between us. I don’t ever see her in the apartment block anymore, she is clearly trying her hardest to avoid me, and it sucks. I don’t want us to just be colleagues, I thought I made that perfectly clear, but she doesn’t seem to pursue with our relationship. Unfortunately, Serena can only see what could go wrong with us and not what could go right. This is insane.
“She’s a great worker,” I remind myself quietly. “I should be grateful that she wanted to keep working for me…”
But I can’t only feel that. I’m stuck in a place where I want everything from her. I have never had a connection with anyone like I did with Serena and it’s too hard to let go of. Without her, I feel more acutely lonely than I have ever been before. Even when me and Molly ended and she walked out on me, I didn’t feel this bad which is insane because me and Molly shared many years and I have only known Serena for a few short days. I have lost my mind. It kills me to be this close yet so epically far away from her. It’s painful for me not to be able to hold her any longer.
“Boss, is there anything that I can do to help you?” Alisha asks me through gritted teeth. “Since you have been here in our department so often the past few days, I can’t help but wonder why. If there is something wrong in this department, I would rather have a meeting with you and let me know because some of the staff members are beginning to worry…”
“Oh no, sorry.” I shake my head, trying to rid my brain of the potential love that I lost. “I’m just checking everyone out in general. With all the recent expansion, I just need to keep on top of things. You know how it is.”
Alisha follows my eyeline and she clocks at Serena. Without even meaning to, I have accidently blown out my relationship with her. I avert my eyes rapidly and stare at the floor instead before I start walking rapidly away.
“Nothing to worry about, Alisha,” I call behind me. “Everything looks good here. I won’t trouble you again.”
God, I’m becoming the sort of man that I never thought I would. Practically a stalker. Now, there isn’t even anything between Serena and myself and I have started rumors to begin. If I’m not careful then I will drive Serena out of the office and lose her forever. And, I won’t really be able to withstand that. Even having her from a distance where I can’t even really speak to her is better than nothing. At least I can see that she is doing fine.
At least I can get a break from all of this later on. It’s Friday and the weekend is up on me which means I will be leaving everything behind for a few days. I will be in my mansion, away from the apartment block, away from the office. A separation from Serena and this mess is actually what I need right now. I’m hoping that I will come back with a refreshed brain and a new attitude towards everything. I might even be okay with how things are. That’s a long shot, but it has to be better than being near her all the time without holding her in my arms.
It’s a trip that I should be looking forward to, and in a way, I am. I can’t wait for the space between us, but I also don’t want the distance. I feel awkward about being away from her, it doesn’t feel good. It’s not something I should do…my gut is telling me that sticking around would be much wiser, even if it won’t clear my head.
Urgh, I don’t know what will be best choice. I can’t decide. I shouldn’t be thinking about it at work anyway. I have other things that need my attention. My email inbox is full and I need to sort that out…
“This is right,” I tell myself as I pack up my bag to go. “I need the space. I need the mansion. My house needs me anyway. I can’t just neglect it, can I? I have to go back because…well, it’s my rest place.”
I have been trying to tell myself that work life balance is important to me, more urgent than ever before, but it isn’t sinking in. The words aren’t getting to me as they normally should. My gut inst
inct to keep myself as close to Serena as possible is almost tearing me apart from the inside out. It’s trying to kill me…
“Nothing more to do,” I declare with a sigh, checking around just in case there is anything else that can hold me back. I normally pack in the morning, but I didn’t bother today. “It’s time to get going. Time to go home.”
I step out of the apartment door with a heavy weariness resting on my shoulders. This week has been such a roller coaster. I have been through the sort of soaring highs that have improved my life tenfold, but now I’m in the middle of a crushing low that wants to destroy me. An emotional distance is exactly what I need to have…
But the sound of Serena’s door clicking open stops me in my tracks. I just have this feeling that my gut is about to be proven right. Serena is seeing me leave and she’s about to yell at me, to beg me to stay. My heart leaps in to my throat as I realize that I might be back on another high. Things could be about to turn around for the better once more. If me and Serena get back to our previous relationship, I will make sure that she doesn’t feel insecure anymore. Having experienced life without her, I don’t ever want to go through that experience again…
Oh! But as I spin around, Serena looks surprised to see me. She certainly doesn’t look like she’s rushing out to beg me to stay. She is wearing a tight sparkling dress, one that makes her look like a sexy princess, which can only mean one thing. She is going out…out with someone else who isn’t me. Oh God, is she going on a date with someone?
My stomach clenches, I grab on to my belly afraid that I might throw up at any moment because that will be too much for me. Losing her because of work is one thing, but doing so because she has met someone else is worse.
“Oh, Will.” Her eyes nearly pop out of her head as she clocks me. Immediately, her hands fold across her chest as if she feels uncomfortable with me seeing her all exposed. But I’ve seen her naked… “I… How are you?”
“I’m good.” I sling my bag further up my shoulder. “And how are things with you?”
“I’m just on my way out.” She giggles and blushes which makes her so adorable I can hardly breathe. “Alisha and the others from work want me to hang out with them. To get to know each other better or whatever…”
Ah, okay, so this isn’t a date. That’s good. She’s just going to hang out with friends at a night club. I know that Alisha and the others do that a lot, so this should really be expected. Although I have to admit that I can’t imagine Serena in one of those night clubs. The small town inexperienced girl who clearly has a family with issues probably hasn’t been out clubbing before. From the stories that I have occasionally overheard on a Monday morning, Alisha and the others can get wild, too drunk and crazy leading them to do stupid stuff. Stuff that might be a bit too much for Serena. Does she know what she’s getting herself into? How can I help her with this?
“Erm, well I know how difficult it is to get a cab late at night, so don’t hesitate just in case you need to call me for a ride back home. I mean, we live in the same building, it makes a lot of sense.”
“Aren’t you going somewhere though?” She nods at my bag. “So, you won’t be in.”
Oh, of course. I’m supposed to be getting out of here. I’m supposed to be going home. That’s the smart thing to do, but it seems like my gut is going to win out. I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Oh right. Well, I don’t want to ruin your night anyway. I’m sure I will be able to get a cab…”
“Look, this is just me being a good person. I would do it for any of my employees if I was worried about them. I don’t want to think of you stuck out in a place that you don’t really know yet. I’m not suggesting that Alisha and others aren’t good people who won’t look after you, but sometimes when alcohol comes in to the equation things can change. I would just sleep better knowing that you are looked after.”
I’m sure that Serena can see right through me and she knows that this is an offer just for her. Of course, it is. Yes, I would help out other people who work for me, I do care about my staff, but I wouldn’t actively give them my cell phone to pick them up after a night of drinking. But I have to do that for Serena because I care for her too much.
“Okay, well thank you for the offer. I appreciate it, but don’t worry about waiting up for a call because I will do what I can to look after myself. It will be fine.”
But I can’t help but notice her making a tight grip on her phone and cradling it to her chest, near her heart, as if it contains something super special to her. That brings a smile to my lips that I haven’t experienced in a very long time. I have a funny feeling that me and her are going to end up together after all…
“Right, well you have my offer now. So, call me if you need to. And er, make sure that you have a good night. I’m sure you will.” I don’t tell her that I wish I was going with her, but I’m sure she can feel it anyway. “Don’t worry whatever the time is if you do call. My cell phone will be on.”
Serena gives me a strange look as she walks away from me, almost as if she is trying to suss me out. Her eyes run all over me like she wants me to say more to her, but I don’t. I could, there are a lot of things that I can say to her, but she’s off on a night out with her friends and I don’t want her to spend the whole time thinking about me.
I head back inside, glad that she made the choice easy for me, and now that I don’t need to go anywhere. Serena might not call me, she may not need my help tonight, but it feels good that I can offer her that much assistance, that I can just be there for her if she needs it. We started out our relationship with me helping her, and perhaps we can rekindle things in the same way. I would love nothing more than that to happen.
Chapter 13 – Serena
Oh God, this is a bit too much. The music is louder than I was expecting, the strobe lighting is giving me a headache, and there are surely too many people in this night club for the legal limit. I can’t move anywhere without banging into someone else, so it’s getting a bit ridiculous now. It’s driving me up the wall.
I’m struggling to keep track of everyone else from my group as well. Alisha keeps vanishing roughly every five minutes since we first reached the club, I barely know where she’s going or who she’s hanging out with, but I haven’t seen much of her. I do feel a little bit like I have gotten to know everyone else tonight, I’m glad that we have seen one another out of the office environment, but the night is beyond that now. I don’t know where any of them are now. I’m pretty much alone here, and it isn’t as much fun as it should be. I’m pretty much ready to go home now.
Perhaps it’s a good job that I didn’t go to the high school parties, because I think I’m out of place in this sort of environment. It doesn’t suit me at all, so I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. More than I already did. I was never really picked on, more just ignored, but that might have sparked bullying coming in my direction.
I am much happier being at home with my beloved books and movies. That’s more me.
“Hey, Serena.” Dan suddenly appears and rests his hand on my shoulder. “We’re about to do shots. Alisha is buying. Apparently she’s found this awesome group of people who want to take us to an after party.”
“Oh, right.” God, I was just thinking of leaving but now it seems like I am about to be dragged into something else. Another party where I won’t fit in. But the fear of being left out allows me to get dragged along with Dan.
Alisha and her new group of friends, who I can already tell are much too wild for me, maybe even worse than the people who I work with, are at the bar with more shots that I would assume is humanly possible for anyone to drink. But they are passed around to everyone and there is a lot of cheering before the liquid vanishes completely. Well, everyone else does. It takes me a lot to glug back my drink because it burns my freaking throat. It is so hot that it burns like crazy. I don’t know how anyone would drink this with that kind of ease. It’s insane. It’s disgusting. I’m only do
ing it because everyone else is and I want to fit in the environment. I feel this intense need to do because of everything that has happened to me in the past. I need these friends to make my brand new life complete.
“I’m getting more shots,” Alisha cries over everyone else excitedly. “Same again for everyone?”
I don’t want anything else to drink. I can barely handle it. So, I tell Dan that I’m heading to the bathroom for a moment because I’m too much in need of a moment away from all of the booze. I’m hoping that once I come back to the group, everyone else will be done with the shots and we can move on to something less dreadful.
But I can’t make it to the bathroom, there are too many people in the way and a group of angry looking women waiting in the queue to get inside and I know for sure that I won’t be able to go inside that room for even a moment without a bunch of people screaming at me that I am pushing in the queue. Instead, I decide to go outside because fresh air will do me good. That will help me get my head back in order because right now the booze has made me a mess.
“Excuse me,” I’m still trying to be polite, but it’s pointless because my words are being lost in the noise. “Excuse me. I need to get outside. Can you get out of the way, please? Oh my God, move…”
I end up shoving people out of the way, but no one even bats an eyelid. I guess being knocked out in a night club is normal for these people, so I keep on going with it until I finally make it outside into the nice cold air. I suck in a few breaths and allow myself to cool down just a little bit. I’m still a little dizzy, still a bit sick, the alcohol is definitely affecting me in ways that I wasn’t expecting, but it’s stopping a little bit now.
“Ooh, that was intense,” I mutter to myself. “I don’t know if I want to go back inside.”
