“Christ, Alex. Stop telling me what to do. You need to let me figure this out,” Jace growled, breaking free from my embrace to stand.
“Oh, Gawd. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be bossy. Come to bed.” I tried to make amends. “Things won’t seem as bad tomorrow.”
“Go ahead.” Jace moved toward the kitchen. “There is zero chance I’m sleeping tonight.”
“I get it. Okay, then we’ll stay up.”
“This isn’t your problem to solve, Alex.” Jace was exasperated and strode toward the bedroom. “I’m trying to be nice, but when I say I need some time alone, I need some time alone.”
“Wait, you said you wanted space to think. Now you want some time alone? Are we not in this together?” I followed him. “I mean, if this is our first crisis, then we should be working on it together.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“U-Um—” I stuttered, completely unsure of what to do or say. I just wanted him to know that I was all-in no matter what. But he was so upset my words kept getting jumbled.
“You know what? I’m going to catch a ferry back to my place.” Jace stormed through the house on the way to our bedroom. “I need time to process this without distractions.”
“We leave for New York on Friday.” I kept pace with him, feeling panicked. “Why can’t you just stay here and cool down? I can sleep in the barn or on the couch if you need to be away from me.”
“You’re not fucking sleeping in the barn, this is your house, Alex.” Jace went to the closet, grabbed his backpack, and threw it on the bed.
“I have no idea what to say to you right now.” I sat on the bed. “I don’t think anything I say or do will be the right thing.”
“Probably not,” Jace muttered as he put some toiletries into his backpack.
I couldn’t help it, my eyes sprung leaks. It was hard to comprehend how we had gone from blissfully happy to rock bottom in an instant. Wiping the tears from my eyes as they fell, I sat silently while he packed.
“I can’t deal with you being upset on top of all of this shit, Alex.” Jace looked at me coldly with his backpack hanging off one shoulder.
His words hurt. All I could see was my world exploding. At that moment, my feelings were shredded. I figured that he couldn’t leave me if I left him first.
“Fine. Take all the time you need. No need for me to burden you with my presence in New York.” I hiccupped through tears, not really meaning it, but unable to stop my lips from flapping.
“Are you serious? Fuck, Alex. That’s not what I meant, but fine. Best I know where you stand now,” Jace roared.
I stared at him through my tears.
“That took a lot less time than I expected.”
“What do you mean?”
“You bailing on me.” He stalked out the door so fast my reaction time was delayed. Wait? Wasn’t he bailing on me? Arguments sucked so bad. I had thought we were on such solid ground, but with our track record, it began to feel more like quicksand.
When I finally came to my senses enough to run after him, he had already shut the door to his truck and started the engine. Stopping in front of the driver’s side, I gestured for him to roll down the window, but he waved me off and began to back up to go down the drive.
Frantically I flailed my arms to get him to stop and talk to me, but he ignored me and peeled out into the night. Wracking sobs overtook my body. I wasn’t sure what had happened.
Did we really just break up?
Running back into the house, I grabbed my phone off the charger and called him. No answer. I tried half a dozen times. He wouldn’t answer. Part of me considered throwing my stuff in a bag and following him, but I’d just never been in the situation before. Plus, I had chores to do to take care of Gloria and Banjo. I stood there shivering in the cold, staring at the tire marks for God knows how long before I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.
“Hey.” Jen gave me a side hug.
“Hey,” I said sadly.
“Did Jace leave?”
“Yes.” I wiped my nose with my sweatshirt.
“Let’s go have a chat.” She steered me inside.
Once inside, she put the tea kettle on. I wasn’t much for tea, but it sounded comforting, so I gladly accepted a steaming cup. My crying had subsided, but the throb in my head and heart hadn’t. All I could think about is how badly our lives had been fucked up by that one call.
Jen got right to the point. “Alex, do you love my brother?”
“Yes, with all of my heart.” My voice caught; I was on the verge of tears again.
“Enough to stick with him if this is his kid?” Jen tapped her chin with her finger and stared into my eyes with the same crazy green eyes that Jace had.
“We will cross that bridge—” I began.
“No.” She shook her finger at me. “Nope. Not the right answer.”
“Jen, he left me just now. He said he needs a break.” My voice was so whiny, which made me angry at myself.
Jen sat back and blew on her tea and steered the conversation in a way I didn’t expect. “I know about your pregnancy scare all those years ago.”
“Oh.” I looked down, unable to hold her gaze. “I hoped he hadn’t told anyone about it.”
“Well, you broke up the next day and his heart was smashed in bits for a long time afterward.” Jen assessed me. “He was planning to commit to you. He was devastated when you left and gutted about your reaction to that test. You fled the scene, babe.”
“There’s more than one side to the story, you know,” I protested. “What you probably aren’t aware of was his idea of a commitment was me flying into cities where LTZ was playing on dates that were convenient for his schedule. He didn’t even ask about what I was up to.”
“Well, I didn’t say he wasn’t a dumbass.”
“His inability to place value on the work that I was doing is why I left, Jen.” I tucked my legs under me and wrapped a soft throw around my body. “I don’t blame him; when we first met, I was in high school, and he gave me ideas of how to build up an Instagram following to pay for travel. It morphed into so much more when I started raising money for animal rescues, all of the fluffier stuff I did was to save money for this ranch. We got back together when he finally realized how important my work was. It was only then that we were equals.”
“I was surprised that you guys got back together, truth be told.”
“Me too, but at the same time I’m not.” I shut my eyes. “We belong to each other. I think we always have.”
“I hope so.” Jen reached over to stroke my shoulder. “Have you changed your stance on kids then?”
I sighed. It was a lot to process, and it wasn’t really Jen’s business. Until this situation with Cassie was brought to our attention, I hadn’t really thought about kids at all. Horses had been all I ever wanted to focus on.
“I mean, well—” I stammered. “I mean, I don’t feel as strongly as I once did.”
“Dude, I love you. So does Becca. But Jace loves you more than anyone, and I’m guessing he’s scared shitless that you’re going to leave him over this. Can’t you understand that?” Jen regarded me with a furrowed brow. “Can you imagine suddenly being a single father with a child that—”
“He doesn’t remember making,” I finished.
“He’s been through a trauma.” Jen blinked. “I’d give anything to protect my baby brother from that witch, God rest her soul. I can’t believe I let her near Jace.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I lamented. “He wanted just a bit of space, and now I’ve gone and uninvited myself from New York.”
“How about you pack your things and go get him? Let Becca and I handle things here. He’s probably at his condo. Show him you really will be there for him no matter what,” Jen advised.
“Jen, for the record. If that little girl is a part of him, then I will welcome her into my life. Our life.” When I said it out loud, it felt right. True.
“Good.” Je
n smiled. “I hope it’s his child, if I’m honest. If she’s not, who the hell knows what will happen to her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Their whole family is fucked up.” Jen sighed. “For years I felt bad for Cassie, so I let her hang around for far too long. She all but stalked Jace until LTZ was successful enough that he had security and buffers.
“Were they together long?” I was trying to place who she was. Vague memories of the red-haired girl from the club crossed my mind.
“Jace probably let it go too far, she was wild and sexual, he couldn’t stay away when he was younger,” Jen explained in too much detail for my taste. “Even after he still hooked up with other girls, she still had fantasies of him being her boyfriend. He managed to keep her as a friends-with-benefits thing up until right before he left on his first tour.”
Until we slept together.
I felt a little nauseated.
“Did they still see each other after?” I tried to sound unaffected, but my insides were burning with rage and jealousy.
“Not until that time in LA.” Jen looked off as though she were remembering. “I’m sure he figured that time had healed any wounds, and then—”
“That night,” I finished.
“Yep. He was scared shitless about catching something.” Jen scrubbed her fingers through her hair, a Deveraux trait. “Love him or hate him, thank God Carter really preached to those band boys the importance of wrapping it up.”
“I need to go see him.” I got up abruptly and moved toward the bedroom.
“You missed the last ferry, just go in the morning. Should give you both some time to cool down.” Jen clutched my hand and squeezed. “I’m off to bed.”
There was no way to sleep, so I packed my bag and sat in the kitchen watching YouTube videos until it was time to leave for the first ferry. After I arrived in Seattle, I headed straight to Jace’s condo, parked out front, and used my key to let myself in. Although muted, I knew from the sounds emanating from his condo where he was, even at the early hour.
I crept up to the practice room door, trying to be silent. Not that it mattered, Jace couldn’t have heard anything through the loud rhythmic thumping. The intricate and delicate beats juxtaposed with the heavy and hard thrashing made me stop to listen for a while.
I’d never taken the time to think about how much the intensity of Jace’s drumming mirrored his own emotions. Percussion was such a part of him, and he hadn’t touched his kit since he’d left the recording sessions in LA.
Sinking down on the wall next to the door, I was able to take a minute to look around Jace’s condo while I listened to him play. Most of the time we spent there was in his bedroom, it wasn’t really somewhere we hung out. Now that I was paying attention, it said a lot about my sexy drummer. The room was sparsely furnished with a table and chairs, a couch, and an ottoman. Otherwise, it was filled with various drums, LTZ swag, and boxes of books, clothes, and household items that looked like they were packed to bring over to my place.
Quietly, I opened the door to the practice room, which was covered in high-tech soundproofing that allowed him to practice whenever the mood struck. Jace’s back was to the door, he was shirtless wearing athletic shorts, his hair tied back in a blue bandana. Headphones covered his ears. His entire body was moving, muscular legs pumping the pedals, head bopping to the beat in his mind, ripped, tattooed arms like a blur as he pounded away on the skins.
Almost like he sensed I was there, his head turned to the side and I could see his profile. His eyes were closed, his mouth set in a grimace, which contorted his handsome face into an expression of elemental grief. He finished out the song. Witnessing him thrash on his drums as if his life was in shambles made tears spring to my eyes.
I wondered if I’d pushed him too far. He was a famous musician; his entire life was built around his career. For the past month, I’d monopolized every spare moment of his time.
Had I forced him into a life with me at my rescue? Had I inadvertently given him an ultimatum that kept him from making music with the people he loved in order to be with me? Had I been so focused on building my own life on the ranch that I’d completely steamrolled over the life he loved?
And now, he might be a father. Of a baby he didn’t remember fathering. Of course, he was freaking out, his entire life as he knew it was changing abruptly. It had to be overwhelming and scary. A sob slipped out and his drumming stopped abruptly. Jace wiped his brow and set his sticks into his stick-bag.
“I didn’t realize you were here,” he bellowed, and then took his headphones off. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.”
“Don’t stop playing because of me,” I said, wiping my eyes.
“Why are you crying, Poppy?” Jace squeezed his eyes shut, his fist on his forehead.
“Your life is changing so fast, I’m just sorry—sorry for adding to your stress.” I struggled to express what I’m feeling. “You need this, Jace. I . . . I . . . want this for you. It’s part of you.”
“Yeah.” Jace sighed deeply.
“I love watching you play the drums.” I moved over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. “Play some more, Jace.”
“Okay.” He grabbed his sticks.
“Can I stay?”
“Whatever you want.”
Thump. Thump. Thump. His bass drum thudded. In moments, Jace’s entire body was moving again as he got lost in the rhythm. He was so beautiful; I admired his flexing arms and back. Unable to keep my hands to myself, I reached out and traced the tattoo on his shoulder. My touch broke his concentration and he abruptly stopped playing and set his sticks down on the snare.
Spinning on his stool to face me, Jace gripped my hips and pulled me in between his legs and rested his forehead on my stomach, I clutched his shoulders. We stayed that way for a long time, until he looked up at me, his green eyes piercing with an expression I couldn’t read.
“We need to take a break, Alex.” He held my gaze. He was serious.
“What do you mean?” Pain stabbed me through my heart.
“I need some time to get through all of this. Figure my shit out.”
“Okay, how long?” I mumbled, still in shock.
“As long as it takes.” His hands moved from my hips to lace his fingers through mine. “I’m not going to put you through all of this, you don’t have to worry.”
“I came here to tell you that I’m going to be right at your side no matter what, Jace.” I clenched his fingers. “Not to break up with you.”
“Well, I appreciate that, but I guess it’s me that needs some space right now.” He pressed his lips together, his voice once again nearly devoid of emotion.
“Oh. Okay. Wow.” I couldn’t process it. “I still don’t understand how we go from planning our future together twenty-four hours ago to breaking up.”
“C’mon, Alex don’t go down that path.” Jace dropped my hands and raised an eyebrow at me.
“Why not?” I hissed.
“We both need to take some time, Alex. Life isn’t the same today as it was yesterday.” Jace moved around me to head out to the living room.
“It is for me.” I crossed my arms and followed him. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
“Ah, but I do.” Jace grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and guzzled it. “Plus, it works out okay. I know you don’t like to be at band events where I have a ton of stuff to do. For these gigs, I’m going to be dealing with all of this press stuff about Zoey, so we wouldn’t even really see each other than at the premiere, so no harm no foul.”
“So, you just get to make the decision?” I said disbelievingly.
“Yeah, I guess I have to be the one that does what is best for both of us.” Jace leaned against the counter.
“Jace!” I sobbed as though my life was over because it felt like it was. “Don’t do this.”
“It’s for the best, Alex.” Jace patted my shoulder, almost like he couldn’t bear to touch me again. “I need to
get going.”
Stunned, I grabbed my suitcase and backpack and rolled it out the door, which Jace closed behind me without even a wave goodbye. When I got to my Range Rover, I sat in the driver’s seat and bawled and bawled and bawled. Not sure what to do, I stayed put because I was afraid to drive erratically.
About fifteen minutes later, Jace’s truck emerged from the garage and sped off, he didn’t even notice me. Although I was tempted to follow him, I was frozen. Uncertain why my life had disintegrated before my eyes.
Chapter 23
JACE
New York was going to suck without Alex, but fielding questions about why she was there with me would have been even worse. Especially with all that I had on my mind. Ordinarily, I loved flying private for a number of reasons, but my mood hadn’t improved and now we were en-route to New York. Trying to show the guys all the metrics that tracked our media impact was getting on my last nerve. Ty couldn’t keep his eyes and hands off Zoey, which was just one more reminder that Alex wasn’t in her rightful place on the plane with us.
Snapping my fingers in front of Ty’s face, I snarled, “Fuck, Ty. I’m doing this for her own good, you could at least fucking pay attention.”
“Shit, Jace. I’m sorry, she’s distracting.” Ty shrugged; his expression was so joyous that it was hard to stay mad at him.
It was true that due to my own pending scandal, I was disproportionately stressed about the press coverage about Ty and Zoey. She had always been terrible at social media, but now we were coming up with an entire strategy that involved her for the band’s benefit, and for her own benefit too. Even though I knew that no matter what we did she’d probably be publicly shamed and ripped apart, it was important for me to try to stop it from happening.
To take my mind off things, I threw myself into implementing a social media plan to incorporate Zoey into the LTZ fold during the entire flight. She wasn’t super receptive, which annoyed me further. Then I became really pissed when she kept challenging my ideas by spewing nonsense about her own brand identity. I couldn’t tell if Zoey’s obstinance stemmed from her true feelings about her media presence or if she had spoken to Alex and was pissed at me.
LIMITLESS: A Less Than Zero Rockstar Romance: Book 2: Jace & Alex Page 24
