“They will always be there for you. You know that deep down.”
Jace just stared.
“I will too.”
“I don’t know.” Jace rubbed his eyes. “Truthfully? I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t think you will if she’s mine, Alex.”
My suspicions were confirmed. It didn’t make it hurt any less.
“You’ve always been very clear that you don’t want kids. If I have a kid, you won’t stay. Or you’ll try, but it won’t be for you and you’ll leave after she becomes attached to you. I’ve read all about this.”
My adamancy about motherhood had affected him more than I realized. To me, I was making a passing comment in the moment. Jace and I hadn’t made promises to each other back then. “I felt that way years ago! Do you really think that I’d leave you?”
“Well, she’s a baby. Her mother’s dead.” Jace regarded me. “Are you telling me that you’ve changed your mind? That you are willing to be a mother to a child that isn’t yours when you didn’t even want to have your own baby?”
My breath caught at his bluntness. I was speechless.
His green eyes bored into mine. He didn’t say anything either.
“Wow.” I rotated my body so we were face-to-face. “I thought we were past our trust issues, but I guess we aren’t.”
“Alex, you were traumatized when you thought you were pregnant.” Jace’s arms tightened around me. “I don’t think you realize how much you freaked out about having a baby. You were adamant that you didn’t ever want children. With me. You didn’t want my child if I’d be on the road. How could I ever expect you to change your mind? For a baby that isn’t yours?”
“I’m not going to lie. The thought is terrifying.” I put my finger on his lips when he tried to interrupt. “But, I’m sure that you are just as terrified, if not more.”
“I am.”
“And I want to be with you, whatever that means.”
Jace stared at me for a while, then he bent down to slowly explore my lips with his. Our tongues touched, and we made out lazily. Our legs tangled together, and our hands stroked all over each other’s bodies. Soon enough, I could feel my studly man’s erection against my thigh, and I reached down to stroke him over his board shorts. Sex was our outlet.
“I want to make love to you, Poppy,” Jace breathed, his forehead touching mine.
I wasted no time shimmying off the couch and removing my clothes in record time. “Yes.”
Standing naked before him, as always, I never got enough of the way Jace looked at me with utter adoration. Reaching back over his shoulder, he grabbed his T-shirt and it was off and on the ground in one motion.
Placing his hands on my hips, Jace moved me to stand in between his knees and kissed my stomach, laving my belly button ring with his tongue. Moving lower, he covered my hipbones and mound with soft flickers of kisses until I was thrusting my hips against his mouth. His hands stroked up and down my outer and then inner thighs until I spread my legs wider. Using his thumbs, he spread my pussy lips and nuzzled and suckled my folds until my breath was ragged. When I was close, he sucked my clit in between his lips and flicked his tongue back and forth until I detonated.
Jace kissed my stomach before standing and leading us into the bedroom. “Let’s go to bed.”
Crawling under the covers, I reached for Jace’s hard cock. Jace tipped my chin up with his finger and gave me a slow, soulful kiss, which was so scorching hot, I wrapped my arms around him to make sure our bodies were as close as they could possibly be. Positioning himself in between my legs, Jace gripped his shaft and flicked the tip against my opening before plunging inside of me.
Cradling my head between his strong forearms, Jace covered my body with his and thrust his cock inside me. Our foreheads touched again. I reached up to grip his biceps as our bodies moved together. Taking my hands in his, he brought our arms above our heads and we stared into each other’s eyes. Jace’s hips rolled against mine, his cock filled me over and over again. Hooking my legs around his, I locked my ankles around his lower back while we chased our release.
Jace pushed up on his forearms and drove harder and more deeply into me. My legs fell to the sides of him, and he pressed his body to mine. My hips jutted up to meet him, and with each pass, his shaft rubbed against my G-spot, and I clamped my inner walls around him. His head snapped back. His face contorted with rapture. My own orgasm spread through me like wildfire, and I gripped his ass to hold him against me when I came apart.
“I. Fucking. Love. You,” Jace shouted with each thrust. Then he exploded his release and collapsed in a heap on top of me.
“I. Fucking. Love. You. Too.” I kissed each word on his temple.
We lay together, kissing in the afterglow until Jace softened and slipped out of me. He rolled off me, flopped back against the pillows, and shut his eyes. He still looked exhausted, but he was satiated.
“Let me get a towel to clean us up.” I kissed his chest.
Slinking out of his embrace, I quickly went into the bathroom, ran a towel under some warm water, and returned to bed to clean us up. Jace regarded me as I gently wiped his cock, balls, and inner thighs. Tossing it on the ground, I climbed back in bed. In all the years we’d been making love, he always cleaned me up. Tonight was my first time cleaning him.
I kissed his chest and urged him to turn over. “Let me spoon you.”
When he was situated, I reached around and clasped myself tightly into his back. Kissing his shoulder blades while my hands stroked the rigid planes of his abs, I breathed in his manly, sandalwood scent. I squeezed him and pressed every part of my body to his. After making love with such intensity, I felt much calmer. It seemed like everything would be okay.
That’s what I’d been telling myself for weeks.
Jace’s body grew more and more relaxed until I could tell he’d fallen asleep. My own eyes began to get heavier and heavier and before I knew it, the room was full of light and Jace wasn’t next to me anymore. A little disoriented, I called for him but there was no answer. Looking over at the nightstand, I saw he’d left me a note just like old times, although the sentiment wasn’t quite as sweet and my heart sank.
Poppy – had to go rehearse. I’m not doing the red carpet. See you at the show.
Cold. So cold.
Dressing quickly, I called a Lyft to head back to Ty’s. When I arrived, I slipped into the pool house without detection, showered and changed, and then headed up to the main house to check in with Zoey. I found her and Ronni in the kitchen getting their nails done.
“Hey!” Zoey called to me. “Where have you been? Maybe at the London?”
I went to the fridge to grab a bottle of cider. It counted as juice. Today. “Maybe.”
“Are you going to glam squad with us?” Ronni batted her eyes dramatically. “I saw your dress, it’s killer!”
“I’m not going to do the red carpet, after all.” I sat down at the counter with my juice-cider. “Zoey, I need to talk to you when you get a minute.”
“Hey, don’t worry about me, I’ve got to make a few calls.” Ronni jumped up. “I’ll head out to the pool for a bit.”
Both of us watched the beautiful, chestnut-haired beauty leave, and then we looked at each other.
“Is this really happening two days in a row?” I shook my head in awe. “You’re actually becoming friends with a famous actress who dated Ty?”
“She was only a fake girlfriend.” Zoey laughed.
“Fair enough.” I laughed with her. For a second.
“I think it’s time you stop hiding your relationship with Jace, Alex.” Zoey looked at me pointedly, but her expression was kind.
“It’s been a crazy ride.” I slumped over on the counter, took a few deep breaths, and decided. She was right, I wanted to come clean. So I proceeded to fill her in on the truth of our relationship over the past eight years, including losing my virginity to him before they went on their first tour. The only thing I left out was the pa
ternity issue, mainly because that was Jace’s secret to tell when and if he was ready.
“Wow.” Zoey was blown away. “I’m sorry you felt like you needed to keep such an important part of your life from me.”
“It wasn’t your fault, we never had more than a couple of months where things were stable until this year. And in the beginning, there was no way to tell you and Ty without it being super painful. When we didn’t know what was going on, why would we hurt you guys?”
Zoey twirled gleefully. “Why aren’t you shouting it from the rooftops! I mean, we bagged our rock stars! It only took eight years, but—”
“Because I think we are broken up right now. We were together last night, but he has something personal going on that he needs to handle. It’s a shit-show. I’m not sure where we stand.”
“Is he okay?” Zoey stroked my back comfortingly. “Should I have Ty talk to him—”
“No.” I cut her off. “Telling you would betray Jace’s confidence. I can tell you that he is fine. He will be fine. It has nothing to do with the band. It has nothing to do with his health.”
“O-kay.” Zoey looked puzzled.
“Give us—him—a couple of weeks.” I shook my head. “He just needs to sort a situation out.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t need help?”
“I don’t know. I’m trying to help him, but he’s stressed. We planned for me to go to New York so we could tell everyone we’re together, but the night before we had a stupid fight and I stayed home.” I confessed. “We made up then fought then made up again last night, and I figured we’d tell everyone today. Then he left before I woke up, and I don’t even know why.”
“Wow.” Zoey nodded empathetically. “You’re on your own rollercoaster.”
“Yeah. Let’s just say that he’s afraid I’m not going to stay with him. I’m afraid he won’t let me.”
“Is that why you aren’t doing the red carpet?” Zoey retrieved another cider for me and one for her.
“We were going to walk together; he arranged the style session with Ty yesterday. When I woke up this morning, he left me a note saying he’s not going to do it.” We clinked our ciders in solidarity. “I don’t care about a stupid red carpet; I’ve done them before.”
“You’re not asking, but I’m going to give you the same advice that helped me a few months ago.” Zoey took my hand and squeezed. “Don’t let him get away. And, some extra advice. Stop sneaking around.”
“I know. He wanted to go public years ago.” I closed my eyes, remembering all the times I came up with excuses. “But then I thought I was pregnant. I wasn’t, but I freaked out and told him I never wanted kids.”
“Alex, ohmygod.” Zoey looked stricken. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.”
“It’s okay, it was between me and Jace.” I tucked her hair behind her ears. “As it should have been. But he was leaving on tour, and the real reason we split up was that he just didn’t understand what I was doing with the rescues. He didn’t take time to learn my passions.”
“Has that changed?”
“So much! He’s basically moved in with me, and most of his stuff is at my house. He’s learning about the horses, working on the ranch.” I smiled thinking about our summer and fall together. “Everything was on track until a couple of weeks ago.”
“Until this situation that you won’t tell me about?” Zoey poked me.
“Yes.” I wanted to tell her so badly, but I couldn’t betray Jace when things were so tenuous.
“Don’t give up on him, Alex.” Zoey squeezed me. “He’s worth it. You have no idea how much he’s helped Ty over the years.”
“He’s really grown to think of Ty as a brother.”
“The feeling’s mutual.” Ty’s low voice interrupted us. “Sorry to interrupt, but Z, we need to leave in an hour and you’re not ready.”
“Shit! Alex—we need a follow-up.” Zoey shot up, kissed Ty, and made a beeline into the house.
“You and Jace going public yet?” Ty crossed his arms, his beautiful brown hair cascaded around his face.
“Gawd. Everyone already knows, don’t they? I’ve just filled Zoey in on the details, so you can get them from her if Jace hasn’t already told you.” I leaned back on the stool. “Changing subjects, I’m glad you finally found your way back to Zoey.”
“Me too.” Ty sat next to me. “But, Alex, I need to ask you something. Is there something going on with Jace that we need to know about?”
I wasn’t sure if Jace had said anything to Ty. Or if this was a test. “Why do you ask?”
“He’s not been himself for a while.” Ty squinted. “He’s always the stable one of our crazy group and he’s acting super aggro.”
I studied Ty, trying to gauge his intentions. “You’re putting me in a hard position. I’m going to tell you that, yes, he has a situation he’s dealing with, and he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“Fair enough.” Ty gave me a pat on the shoulder. “I’ve got to go get ready, my girl’s making her debut tonight.”
“I’m really happy you found your way back to each other.” I hugged him.
I hope Jace will find his way back to me.
Chapter 29
JACE
Just when I felt like Alex and I took some steps forward, something pulled us back again. The emotional rollercoaster of the past week was relentless and exhausting. It was more like multiple rollercoasters which had merged into one giant ball of stress and emotion.
I couldn’t remember any other time in my charmed life where everything was so complicated. My family had always been solid, my band was successful, I’d lived an amazing life on the road, now I had love with the most beautiful girl in the world.
At the same time, I had no idea how to process being a father to a little girl whose mother might have drugged me. It sure wasn’t the baby’s fault. If she was mine, I’d live up to my responsibility and probably love everything about her.
Who could I even talk to about this? I’d done a search online, and the resources for men who had been roofied were practically nonexistent. The resources that did exist were for gay men. In my case, could I have even performed if she drugged me?
To add to my confusion, I couldn’t figure out if what happened was actually rape. As hard as I tried to piece together what happened, after the first drink I couldn’t remember a thing. Did we even have sex? If we did, I’d always had great chemistry with Cassie—maybe I’d even initiated it. If she drugged me, then wow. Just fucking wow. The memory thing was fucking with my head in a big way.
And now that Cassie was dead, I’d never have any answers.
Her sister wanted some. My time for avoiding the inevitable had run out. Beginning early in the morning, Jessica had sent me about twenty threatening texts about going public to get me to “do the right thing.” Whatever that was. She was so insistent on me getting tested that I was beginning to believe that Helena was my daughter. Why else would Jessica be so determined?
Needless to say, I was overwhelmed.
All my plans to proudly show Alex off on the red carpet were off the table. Under no circumstances would I allow Jessica and her family to learn about her from the tabloid and press coverage of the event. It was better to let Ty and Zoey have their moment and for me to fade into the background as much as possible.
Like I always had done.
Alex had texted me too, but I was too stressed out to respond for most of the day. We had a long rehearsal because of the special light effects, and I just hung out in the dressing room while everyone else got ready and walked the red carpet.
Back home in Seattle, my dad had helped me find a family lawyer to make sure that the situation was handled legally, and we had a plan in place an hour before the show was supposed to start.
Poppy: Is it ok to come to the dressing room?
Jace: yes
Poppy: I’m with Zoey’s M&D.
Jace: ok
Poppy: How are you hold
ing up?
Jace: I got a lawyer, my dad helped me.
Poppy: good
Poppy: Feel better?
Jace…
All of the guys and Zoey were hanging out in our dressing room waiting for the show. Waiting for Alex to arrive, I leaned on the edge of the sofa, shut my eyes, and tried to fend off the headache that was threatening to overcome me. When Sergey opened the door to the dressing room and Zoey’s mom and dad walked in followed by Alex.
She looked so beautiful. Forbidden.
When she started toward me, I could only shake my head “no” to ward her off.
Alex looked crushed, but to my surprise she ignored me. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she claimed me in front of the entire room. She sealed the deal when she reverentially brushed my hair away from my face.
“You are the most amazing man I know,” she whispered into my ear before going over to Zoey.
I managed a small smile before Ty interrupted my thoughts. His offer to help was heartfelt, but I wasn’t ready to share what was happening with him or any of the other guys in the band. Luckily, our tour manager gave us the sign and within minutes we were getting ready to go onstage in front of 20,000 people.
Opening with Rise, our show was fantastic. Wailing on my drums was always therapeutic for me, especially when I had stuff on my mind. Lost in our set, every now and then I caught glimpses of Alex dancing at the side of the stage with Zoey and Ronni. It occurred to me that she was actually here at my show to support me, and I was surprised at how comforting it was.
By the time we played our special version of Butterfly for Zoey, complete with a butterfly light extravaganza, I felt lighter somehow.
When Ty brought Zoey out onstage at the end of the show, the audience embraced and cheered for her. Knowing that LTZ wouldn’t be onstage together for a long time, none of us wanted the show to end so we played rock classics for over an hour. The girls were dancing their asses off, our crew was having a blast. Best of all, I was feeling good for the first time in a week.
LIMITLESS: A Less Than Zero Rockstar Romance: Book 2: Jace & Alex Page 27
