by Kade Boehme
Gavin looked at him sideways. “You’re pretty good at that.”
Davy furrowed his brow. “At what?”
“Making me tell you what I’m feeling.”
Davy scoffed. “Nobody can make you do anything.”
Gavin shot him a glare that was highly unamused. Davy laughed. “Maybe you just want to tell me those things, eh?”
Gavin started to protest, Davy could tell, but he stopped himself and shook his head. “Yeah. I guess. God help me, I want you to know how much I enjoy being around you.”
Davy took Gavin’s hand and quietly said, “I liked spending time with you too.”
Davy rolled his eyes at the sudden smugness that took over Gavin’s face. Davy put a stop to that by punching him in the arm. “Hey!” Gavin rubbed his arm where Davy had hit him. “What was that for?”
“Every time I think you’re an ass that’s going to happen.”
“I better buy shoulder pads,” Gavin deadpanned.
“Probably.” Davy stood and started picking up the empty carryout containers from their lunch. When he returned, Gavin was chewing the inside of his cheek as though he had a question he didn’t know how to ask.
“What’s up?”
Gavin was quiet for another moment before asking, “So what’s the deal with your uncle checking on you so often?”
Davy sighed, then plopped down on the futon next to Gavin. “He worries about me. He lives in Ellensburg, thankfully. If he lived here he’d be here every damn day.”
“But why?”
“Oh, it’s nothing major. Ever since my mom died he feels guilty that he couldn’t be around for me. He thinks I’m completely incapable of functioning. He’s not the only one, unfortunately.”
Gavin was thoughtfully silent. Davy thought maybe he was finished with his questions, but Davy didn’t know what to say next. “Is there a reason? Are you sick?”
Oh, Gavin.
Davy place a hand on Gavin’s thigh and rubbed it, trying to silence whatever monster was playing in Gavin’s head. “No, babe. I’m fine.” Gavin’s eyes widened in surprise at the endearment. Davy blushed and shoved on because he wasn’t sure why he’d called Gavin that. “My mom was agoraphobic. Severely. She’d always been anxious, but after my dad was killed in a robbery she went off the deep end. I was so young I don’t really remember much before that, but I do remember her getting much more strict. She wouldn’t let me go out to play, at first. Then she stopped letting me leave for groceries. She started homeschooling mebut I couldn’t go to any of the homeschool group meetings. My socializing went out the window before I was ten. Hence my inability to be a normal member of society.”
Gavin scowled at him. “Shut up. You’re fine.”
Davy wanted to kiss Gavin for sticking up for him. He had been picked on quite a bit for his shyness. It warmed him to his toes to hear someone other than his mother or Uncle Drew tell him he wasn’t a total freak. And to hear it from Gavin was just enough to give him wings.
“Well, she tried to stop it, but I finally got Uncle Drew to talk her into letting me get a job at Bart’s when I was sixteen. He said I needed to learn practical skills.”
“You’ve been there six years?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re not a manager?” Gavin sounded offended on Davy’s behalf.
“Gavin, I am a manager. The manager. Haven’t you noticed how often I’m there?” Gavin looked completely surprised. “I have been for a year.” Davy laughed when he realized, “You actually hit on me the first time on my second day as manager. I’m the general manager. There’s an assistant under me who works nights, but it’s mostly me and the owner, Henry, running things. It pays well enough until I finish school.”
“You don’t mind that your mom kept you in a bubble for so long?” It was certainly not the first time Davy had heard that question. But definitely the first time he’d wanted to answer it honestly.
“I struggled a lot to forgive her after she died, and I had a hard time adjusting. That’s why my uncle checks on me. Those first few months were ugly. I didn’t know shit about paying bills or apartment hunting or what areas of town to move to. All I knew was even with inheritance and my job I couldn’t afford to keep her apartment.”
“Wow. But you forgave her?” Gavin seemed perplexed by the idea.
“Of course. She was my mom. Eventually I realized that, though it wasn’t fair, she did it all out of love. Some parents do worse things out of love. Am I still bitter? At times, yes, but she did her best with the situation she was handed.”
Gavin hummed his response and sat silently. Davy hated to ask but he was curious now. “Are you having trouble forgiving your mom for something?”
Davy thought for a moment Gavin wouldn’t answer, but finally he spoke. “It’s different.”
“Okay.” Gavin was a bit annoyed that he couldn’t get a straight answer since he’d been so honest, but maybe the damage was deeper than just an overbearing mother.
“I never knew my dad.” It was a matter-of-fact statement. Gavin sounded as though he had no opinion on that one way or the other.
“I’m sorry?” Davy didn’t know what to say to that.
“Nah. No big. I had Ray. He was awesome, even though Carmen did her best to keep him away.”
“Carmen?”
“My mom. If you can call her that.”
Davy didn’t say anything. He just let Gavin figure out in his own time what he wanted to tell. Quite frankly, Davy was still on overload from the last two days, so he thought he might fall over from shock if Gavin actually shared his past.
“My mom’s a drunk,” Gavin said angrily.
Okay. Now Davy may fall over from shock.
Gavin nodded as though he had made up his mind about something. “She spent my whole life talking about how she never wanted to be a mother. She had new men over all the time. She bitched about how much her parents expected of her. Then when I got a job to save up for college, I got my first bank account and she’d take money from it to pay for her booze. When my grandma died and we both got trusts, she blew through hers in less than a year and tried to get at mine, but Ray made sure he was the secondary on that account so she couldn’t touch it. She was so mad. She made me buy my own school clothes and everything from that point on. I just kept working and putting away to move here when it came time for university.”
“I’m so sorry,” was all Davy could think to say when Gavin stopped talking.
“I was an idiot. I still loved her. I mean, she’s my mom.”
“Of course.” Davy rubbed his knuckles down Gavin’s cheek. Gavin flinched, then jumped up from the couch and started pacing.
“No. I was stupid. And I want you to know this because I want you to know why I have been such an idiot with you, so just let me tell you this because I don’t think I’ll have the nerve again.”
“Okay,” Davy said encouragingly. Davy could feel the pain vibrating off Gavin, echoing through the sparse studio, bruising his own heart.
“It may seem weird, but Carmen was always jealous of me. She made me call her Carmen. She tried to fit in with my friends. She hit on the guys, which was humiliating. She hated that Ray and I were so close. She’d bitch for days about how I had it so much easier than her; how everyone loved me and that even her own dad liked me more than her.” Gavin stopped pacing and stared at the ground, running his fingers through his hair while he gather his composure. “She was so pissed when I came out. Not because I was gay, but because my friends were accepting, Ray was accepting. She was furious, but she didn’t show it to anyone. She acted like the cool, accepting mom.”
Gavin sat back down on the couch but didn’t look at Davy. He hugged himself and Davy ached with the need to touch him but thought better of it. “She really didn’t have a problem with me being gay, she just had a problem with me. So I stayed. I hoped she’d change and I guess I had developed a guilt complex. She’d blamed me for her drinking for so long that I felt l
ike all those DUIs were my fault, all the broken relationships. She even made me feel guilty for having a boyfriend that didn’t leave me.”
“You don’t have to say any more.” Davy was dying for Gavin. Gavin’s pain was like an entity taking on its own life the more he talked.
“No. I want you to know.” Davy didn’t know why Gavin was sharing so much but he let him finish. “I figured even with my savings and trust fund it’d be best to at least finish up at the local community college, plus I could still be with Max for two more years before we headed off to a university. I could save money and be with my ‘high school sweetheart.’” Gavin put air quotes around the latter and snarled the words. “Well, Max was a huge closet case. His dad was a total dick, but we were together for three years. Until the summer after our freshman year of college. His dad had started figuring out we weren’t just friends, and Max started getting the idea maybe he should get a girlfriend. He always said it’d be easier if there were just a girl that looked like me. I always took that as a weird compliment, a safety net for our relationship.”
Davy didn’t know how because it shouldn’t have been his first guess, but to his horror, he guessed the next part of Gavin’s story and was nauseous before the words came out of Gavin’s mouth.
Gavin sucked in a breath as if he were diving into the deep end and forged on. “I came home to find my mother and Max fucking on the couch.” Davy felt as though the wind had been punched out of him. And it hadn’t even happened to him. Who did something that sick? “I’ll give it to Max, at least he had the decency to look as guilty as he should have. He tried to apologize for months. Honestly, I loved him, but who can forgive their boyfriend cheating with their mom, ya know? And Carmen? She said I’d had it too easy and it was about time I learned I couldn’t get everything. I packed my shit that night while she was out getting drunk and caught a really expensive flight out of the local airport and came straight to Ray’s. I even left my car behind. I didn’t care. I just wanted to get the hell out of there forever.”
Davy stared at Gavin. He had no clue what to say to Gavin’s admission, but he understood being gun-shy after that. He’d probably have never spoken to another person, and here Gavin was trying to be someone Davy could be with.
“Oh my God, Gavin. I’m so sorry.” Davy thought Fuck it and pulled Gavin to him. Gavin was so obviously wrung out that he didn’t even fight against Davy’s embrace. They sat silently for a long while, Davy pretending he didn’t know Gavin’s trembling and the wetness on his shoulders were evidence of Gavin silently crying. Davy had never felt as though he wanted to rip someone apart limb from limb, much less a woman. But if he saw Carmen Walker right then, he might do just that.
When Gavin had quieted, Davy kissed the top of his head and said, “I’m so sorry, Gavin. You didn’t deserve that. I just hope you know I’ll be here, okay? I am here. I know I made that dig last night, but I mean when I said I want us to be together and I’m so happy to know you for as long as I get to know you.”
Gavin looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, and Davy almost cried himself when Gavin sniffled pitifully. “I’m sorry I dumped all that. I’ve never told anyone that. I didn’t even tell Ray about Max.”
“Probably best. He’d have killed her, I’m sure. You mean the world to him, Gavin.”
Gavin smiled. “Yeah. He’s the greatest.”
“You’re pretty great too.” Davy kissed Gavin’s last remaining tears away. Davy felt privileged to see him like this. He hated it, but he was so glad to be the person Gavin finally released his burden on.
“Did I scare you off?” Gavin asked.
“You mean the part where you proved how strong you were or the part where you trusted me with something that hurt you so much?”
Gavin shook his head sadly. “That part where I showed that I’m not a badass. I’m just like her. I—”
“Stop right there, Gav. You are nothing like her. You’re kind and you treat your friends well and you never stopped making up to me any wrong you felt you’d done to me. I could fall for you, and it’s scary because everything scares me a little. But maybe we can be scared and strong together?” Davy was convinced he could do just that if Gavin was onboard to give it a try.
Gavin smiled a watery smile that made Davy tremble.
“I’m falling for you too, Soda Shop Boy.” Davy rolled his eyes at the nickname and kissed Gavin on the lips. He didn’t know how he had done it, but he’d brought a smile back to Gavin’s face. He liked being strong for Gavin, though. He hoped he could live up to Ray’s request to be around for Gavin when Ray was gone.
Davy was beginning to think he may always want to be around for Gavin Walker. And that thought wasn’t very scary at all.
Chapter Thirteen
Davy seemed shocked but pleased when Gavin stuck around to at least be introduced to Davy’s uncle Drew. Drew had to have known something was off with Gavin’s mood, but he’d been polite and kind. Gavin was surprised how close the man was to their age. The man had been as surprised as Gavin when Davy introduced Gavin as his boyfriend, but like Gavin, Drew had seemed happy to hearDavy was dating someone..
Gavin had no clue why he’d dumped all his garbage on Davy. He felt guilty and vulnerable to the point of being raw, but he also felt light. Ray had shared some of his burden, as had Gavin’s friends. They had all been so great, but Davy—Davy was this unexpected safe place. It had been so easy to share his most humiliating, heartsick moment.
Gavin was coming to find that even in his shyness and awkwardness, Davy was a force of nature with a surprising, quiet strength. As much as he didn’t want to trust how he was feeling, he’d seen the moment when Davy had opened his heart to Gavin, and Gavin had felt his heart tether to Davy’s.
It was fucking scary. But it felt right. Gavin needed a moment to get his thoughts about it together, so he’d bowed out after introductions and drove around the city aimlessly for hours before returning home. He’d steeled his resolve to dive head-first into what had developed between himself and Davy. And if there was one thing anyone could tell you about Gavin Walker, it was that when he made up his mind, he was stubborn and fought to stay on that path. And the path to Davy had way too much hope on it to make him want to wander off. Gavin was out of his depth. He had gone years without getting emotionally involved with someone in the way he was with Davy, but he had Davy now and he didn’t want either of them to be alone anymore. More than anything, Gavin didn’t want to hurt anymore and he didn’t want anyone one else to use or hurt the pureness that existed in Davy.
Gavin knew getting to this point had taken a push or two but he’d meant it when he told Davy that he cared about him. Gavin knew that for certain when Davy said he cared too. Gavin had almost flown apart from the joy of the confession. He was filled with hope. Hope… and love.
Gavin sat for a long while in his truck, staring at his grandfather’s house, unable to move at the realization of how much he really had fallen in love with Davy. Not that Gavin was quite ready to say those three words, but the truth was undeniable. They hadn’t just had sex. They’d made love. And it had made Gavin feel more wanted, more special than he knew how to comprehend.
Gavin was finished fighting. He hoped Davy was finished too. But he could wait it out, either way. After all, look how long he’d waited just to get Davy to have a coffee with him, even when Gavin didn’t do “coffee” and all it implied, unless coffee was a metaphor for a blowjob in the bathroom.
Gavin shook his head as he scolded himself for being such an idiot. And he felt okay admitting he’d acted like an idiot and done exactly what he’d not wanted. He’d let his mother continue to affect his life from a million miles away. And wasn’t it shocking how quickly he became that self-aware?
A knock on his window startled Gavin from his thoughts. Devon stood outside the truck looking amused. Gavin flipped him off and opened the door.
“Fucker,” Gavin said with no heat to the word.
“Sorry, G
av.”
“What’s up, Devon?”
“I wanted to know how it went with Davy. I was about to bust not talking to the guys about what a dick you had been.”
Gavin scowled at Devon and punched him in the arm, getting a “Hey!”
“Come on in and see Ray, so long as you’re here.” Gavin led the way into the house. Devon had made his way in to see Ray before Gavin had shut the door and taken off his shoes. When Gavin walked into the sitting room, Devon and Ray both went silent and stared at him expectantly.
“What?” Gavin shrunk under their gazes.
“Well…,” Devon said, rotating his hand in front of him, gesturing for Gavin to speak up.
“Well what?” Gavin feigned ignorance, which got him two disbelieving harrumphs that were eerily similar. Gavin was beginning to think he’d let his friends spend too much time around the old guy. He glared at them both.
“Spill it, Gav. Did you make up with Pretty Boy?” Devon pushed.
“And how,” Ray stated jovially, eyes crinkling in the corners with smile lines.
Gavin gestured to Ray. “The gossip queen there will give you a play-by-play if you bribe him with a foot rub. I’m going to change.”
Gullible Devon eyed Ray’s proffered feet warily. Gavin started to leave when Ray said, “I’ll even tell you about how that Davy boy stayed the whole night and how crazy in love our boy is.”
Gavin halted in his tracks and turned his surprised gaze on Ray. Ray held a hand up to stop the protest Gavin never intended to give. “Don’t deny it, boy. I suspected that the first time you talked about him. I knew it was different, but then I saw you with that boy. You were different. Alls I can say is, it’s about damn time you finally found someone to knock your socks off. And that Davy has got you tripping over yourself in love.”
Devon started laughing, but it died in his throat when Gavin smiled shyly and said, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I love him.”
That seemed to take Ray and Devon by surprise. Ray say up straight in his chair, and Gavin realized that he had struck the man dumb for the first time ever. Ray and Devon both looked at each other, then back to Gavin. Devon, like a puppy wagging with happiness, bounded over to Gavin and hugged him, lifting him a few inches off the ground and squeezing the breath out of him.
