by Kade Boehme
“I don’t fucking know. I’m just ready for the old guy to get it over with. Gavin doesn’t need me. Never did. I’m really doing him a favor leaving.”
“Yes. You are.” Davy snarled as he shoved through the swinging door, unable to stop himself. “Are you fucking kidding me?” His heart hammered. It hurt. So bad. Physically and emotionally he hurt from the anger and for Gavin.
Carmen jumped up from the chair she was sitting in, knocking over the Solo cup she had been drinking from. The room smelled like a bar. “D-davy. Get the fuck out!” She tried for righteous indignation but he stalked to her, assaulted by the strong smell of vodka that hovered around her like a cloud. The point of vodka was to be a neutral spirit, hard to smell unless you were bathed in the stuff. How had they missed this?
“You must be really good at lying if you can cover this shit up.” Davy picked up the cup she’d knocked over and sniffed. Straight vodka. “And no way you’re drinking that much and still standing here if you’ve been sober for a while, so don’t even give me that bullshit.” Davy had had enough booze in his life to know how tolerance worked.
“I guess you’re going to tell Gavin.” Carmen crossed her hands over her chest and jutted her chin out, looking so much like Gavin. Davy was so sad seeing his lover in this pathetic creature’s face. He’d never felt such contempt.
“How could you do this to them? Gavin was trying so hard. And he loves Oliver so much. And Ray? How could you say that? He’s dying!”
“You really are fucking naïve, aren’t you?” Carmen mocked.
“Fuck you, lady.”
“No, fuck you, kid. People aren’t good. So you can stop looking like you expected better. That disappointed look stopped working on me a long fucking time ago.” Carmen’s eyes looked lifeless. Davy guess she was finally able to be real for once.
“I’m sad for you, that you think that. My mom thought that too and she never left her house.”
“She was a smart lady, then.”
“No!” Davy’s anger boiled over. He clenched his fists at his sides. “My mom was wrong. You’re wrong.” Carmen’s face was cynical, as if saying, Oh, Really? “Yes. You’re both wrong. I don’t know what happened with Ray and you, that’s not why I’m here. But Oliver. Oliver is good. And Gavin, he’s good. And he’s strong. Despite you and all the damage you did to him, Gavin’s one of the good ones.”
Carmen lost a bit of her fight. “Yeah. I don’t know how, but he didn’t turn out so bad, huh?”
“No thanks to you.”
“Look, you judgmental—”
“Save it!” Davy felt every word rising from his heart of hearts, blazing with the need to protect his family. His family. Not hers. She’d lost the right to call them family with the first lie, and lost her right to be around them with the last one.
“You, Carmen, are going to pack your shit and get the fuck out of here. No money, no thanks—hell, I don’t care if you fucking get no goodbye on your way out the door. Go back to Rockland or wherever it is you crawled out of and leave Gavin alone. You’re done hurting him.”
She looked at him with a mixture of disgust and begrudging respect. “Well, you got more balls than I thought, kid.”
“More than you wanna know, lady.”
“And I supposed if I don’t go you’ll just tell them anyways and they’ll kick me out.” It was a statement, not a question. She knew from the way Davy glared at her there was no way out of this. No one would trust her over Davy and with good reason.
“Thank you,” she whispered. Davy reared back.
“What?” Davy sounded shocked to his own ears.
She laughed derisively. “You just saved them from me. You know, I meant it when I said Gavin never needed me. He’s better off without me.”
Davy ran his fingers through his hair and said sadly, “You’re wrong about one thing. Gavin did need you. He needed his mom. Like Oliver does. And for the love of all that’s holy, get yourself together for that kid. I know I can’t stop you from taking him but don’t let him lose Gavin. Let them keep in touch. Please.”
She nodded silently. “You should go to him.”
“What? Why?” Davy asked.
“Ray’s in the hospital. It’s not good.” Davy’s heart stuttered. Oh no. He turned to run out, but before he did he pleaded with the woman he disliked most in this world, “Please, do the right thing.”
She flicked her glance to the floor and swayed from side to side. Davy sighed as he looked at her and hated that the only thing he could think of her as a human being was What a waste.
Chapter Twenty
Davy jumped up from his chair when Gavin walked into the room. They’d both held vigil by Ray’s hospital bed until Davy had convinced Gavin the next morning that he should go home and change and check on Oliver. It wasn’t the right time to discuss what had happened with Carmen.
Ray’s cancer was entering its final stage and Ray probably wouldn’t leave the hospital again. The pain had been so great he hadn’t been able to get out of bed that morning.
Davy just hoped Carmen had let Gavin see Oliver one last time before she left. Gavin was so broken. He’d fallen apart as soon as Davy had made it to the hospital and wrapped him in his arms.
Something about Gavin’s wild expression as he came into the room, Ollie on his hip, gave Davy pause as he moved toward Gavin. Gavin was panicking. “She’s gone,” he said, voice breaking.
“What?” Davy asked, all the air leaving his body. “But, Oliver?”
“She handed him to me and said she’d made a mistake. She said she was leaving him with me. Me! I don’t know anything about taking care of a kid.” Davy stopped Gavin, whose voice had gotten louder with every word.
“Gavin, calm down,” Davy said as he reached for Oliver whose chin was trembling as he started at his yelling brother.
“Calm down?”
“Yes,” Davy said soothingly. He took Oliver from Gavin, who let go more out of being weak with exhaustion than from wanted to. “You’re scaring the kid.”
Gavin took a step back from Davy and ran his hand over his face. Davy freaked out in his head for the second he could allow himself. This was not what he’d meant. What a selfish, selfish woman.
Davy pulled Oliver’s head to his chest as he settled the kid in his arms. “Mommy said I stay with you and Gavvy. Where did Mommy go?”
“Shh. Little guy, don’t worry. Mommy is fine. She just had to go away for now,” Davy said more confidently than he felt. “Gavin,” he spoke to his lover. Gavin looked at him with bloodshot eyes. God, Davy wanted to comfort him so badly but it wasn’t time for that yet.
“Boys,” Ray said from the bed behind Davy. Davy turned to him. Ray’s eyes were cloudy from the morphine drip. Davy put a hand on Gavin’s shoulder and led him to the chair by Ray’s bed. He knew putting the comforting on Ray’s shoulder when he was drifting in and out because of pain meds was a lot to ask but Davy needed some help here, so at Ray’s nod of stoned understanding, Davy placed Oliver on the bed next to Ray with the order to be careful. If there was one order he knew Oliver could follow, that was it.
Davy stalked out of the hospital room and called Sean. As soon as he explained what had happened the previous night and then everything that followed, Sean hung up, saying he’d be there soon. Davy couldn’t help thinking it wouldn’t be soon enough.
He wasn’t good with things like this. His own mother’s death had been hard enough, Davy avoiding mourners who remembered Mona when she had ruffled more than a few feathers. But he had a responsibility to Gavin and Oliver. He had to be here, even though his instincts had him mapping out the closest stairwells to hide in, as he’d done when Mona was in the hospital after her stroke.
Davy called his uncle next and explained everything, mostly for a sympathetic ear. Drew offered to come in from Spokane, but Davy insisted he stay. There was nothing to be done. Hell, Davy didn’t even know what Gavin was thinking yet.
Davy ended the call wit
h his uncle and leaned on the wall outside Ray’s room, taking deep breaths. A roiling feeling Davy associated with a panic attack started trying to wrap its suffocating fingers around his throat. Not now. I can’t. He was so angry at himself. He hadn’t had that feeling in so long. This was definitely not the fucking time.
He slid to a squat on the floor and took deep breaths. He filled his lungs with sterile, foul-smelling hospital air as though it was fresh mountain air. The cold from the air conditioning tickled his skin, something to focus on. And focus he did. Bright, fluorescent lighting, chilly air, urine, and alcohol all anchored him. You can do this. For Gavin, you can do this. He felt the moment that the panic receded and smiled to himself.
“Davy?” A voice sounded down the hall. As Davy stood, hearing a herd of footsteps he looked to see Sean, Devon, and Mason all rushing toward him. God, was he happy to see all of them. And Davy had never been happy to see a group of men running toward him.
“Davy, how’s Gav?” That was Mason. They all started asking questions in unison.
“Guys, hush. Quiet it down,” Davy shushed them all. “Thanks for coming.” He definitely meant that.
“I told them what’s going down,” Sean said.
“Well, I doubt they’ll let all of you in there, but I know Ray and Oliver will be happy to see you,” Gavin assured them. “But Gav, he’s a wreck and I need to get him by himself for a minute.”
“Sure thing. We can handle baby duty,” Mason said.
“We can?” Devon asked. Everyone stared at him for a minute.
“Anyway,” Sean drawled. “Let’s go get out boy. You take him somewhere, we’ll handle the rest.”
Davy let out a breath and was shocked when Devon pulled him into a clumsy hug. “It’s all good, dude.”
“Okay, you can let him go now, Dopey.” Mason pulled Devon off and Davy could see Devon was sniffling.
Sean rolled his eyes, but patted Devon’s shoulder fondly. “There, there.”
Davy laughed lightly, and it really helped fend of the last of the panicky feeling from earlier. He was thankful that he’d fallen in with this group of friends. He couldn’t imagine he could’ve done better than these guys.
Sean led the way into the room. “Ray, you old bastard, how do you make hospital white look so sexy?” Ray laughed, and Davy could see the look of surprise on Gavin’s face when all of his friends spilled into the room. Everyone passed out hugs and jokes as though nothing was wrong with being cramped in a hospital room. Davy waited for Sean to signal that they had it from there, then he grabbed Gavin by the sleeve and dragged him out in to the hall. Switching from his sleeve to a strong grip on Gavin’s hand, Davy led Gavin to one of the stairwells he’d scoped out.
As the door shut behind them, and Davy pulled Gavin down to sit on a step next to him. Gavin looked at Davy, confusion and hurt pouring out of his eyes.
“Oh, Gavin.” Davy pulled his lover to him and held him tight. Gavin was so tense in Davy’s arms, but he clung to Davy’s shirt as if he might disappear. “I’m here, babe. I got you.” And Davy did. He had Gavin.
They sat for a long, long time. Gavin had trembled for a while, the gears in his head grinding so loud Davy could hear them. But Gavin never cried. He held it together there in Davy’s arms, and Davy just sat silently letting him do whatever it was he needed. If he just needed time to think, Davy would let him have it because there was so much to deal with right here and right now.
Eventually Gavin sat up and leaned against the rails of the stairs, looking blankly at Davy. Davy waited him out. He knew Gavin needed to come around in his own time.
“Why?” Gavin asked so quietly that Davy would have missed it if he hadn’t seen Gavin’s mouth move. “Fucking why?” Gavin shouted. Davy reached for Gavin but Gavin flinched away. “Why did she leave now?”
Davy looked at his feet. He had to tell the truth. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and said, “It’s my fault.”
“What?” Gavin’s tone was harsh. Davy kept looking at his feet until Gavin grabbed Davy’s chin and made him look up. “What did you say?”
“I said it’s my fault.” Davy wished his voiced hadn’t shaken so much.
“How so?” Davy could tell Gavin was trying hard to be patient, and under the circumstances Davy understood why it was hard to deal with Davy’s inability to just fucking speak.
“I told her to leave, Gavin.”
Gavin jumped up, glowering at Davy. “Why in the fuck would you do that?”
Davy stood quickly and put his hands on Gavin’s shoulders. “She was drinking. A lot.” Gavin deflated.
“How do you know?”
“Sean saw her drinking when you guys went to the market.” Davy saw Gavin getting worked up again. “He didn’t know what to do, Gav. You have to understand. He didn’t want to say anything in front of Oliver, then when you guys got to the house everyone was there.”
Gavin sank back down to sit on the steps and Davy followed his lead. “Then I went to talk to Ray but he was already here, which I didn’t know when I told her to go away. She was wasted and talking to someone about getting money out of Ray then skipping town after he died. She’d been lying. She was still drinking and she was never going to stay. So I told her to fuck off. But I didn’t know she’d leave Oliver. I just told her not to keep him from you, honest.”
Gavin put a finger on Davy’s lips to quiet him. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have butted in.”
“No, babe. You don’t understand. I can’t believe you stood up to her. You just went up to her and told her to go?”
Davy grimaced. “Um, that’d be a polite way of paraphrasing our conversation.”
Davy was stunned when Gavin’s lips descended on his and Gavin held him close as he delivered a bruising kiss with tongue and teeth and no air. When they separated, Davy felt weak and his mind wasn’t functioning properly.
“You, Davy Cooper, are my hero. Don’t ever doubt that, okay.”
Davy nodded dumbly.
“I’m going to ask you to do something really hard right now, though.”
“Anything.” That was the truth. Davy knew he’d give Gavin anything he needed.
“I need a little time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I just got my brother kinda dropped in my lap. I have to figure out what that means and I have to do it while preparing for Ray to die. I know this is when they say I’m supposed to hold tighter to those I love, but Davy I need time.”
Davy hated how much his voice shook but he was so confused when he asked, “Forever?”
“No, Davy. No. Just a little while. I need you, I do. And don’t stop coming to see Ray, but while I figure all of this out, I know myself well enough to know there’s a fucking major freak-out around the corner, and it seems like every time I freak out, you’re the one getting hurt and I’d like to not do something to make you go away forever.”
“But, I’d know better, Gavin.” Gavin couldn’t do this. Davy wanted so badly to give him time but Davy couldn’t go back to being alone. He needed Gavin, and damn if he cared how pathetic he sounded. “I need you.”
Gavin’s eyes were so soft, tears filling them. “I need you too.” Gavin kissed Davy so softly. Davy teared up, feeling how close that kiss was to a good-bye kiss. “Davy, you have to think long and hard too. If I really do keep my brother, I’m a package deal with a kid. That scares the fuck out of me, but he’s my brother. You made me strong, so I know I can do right by him.”
“Gavin, you were always strong.”
“Maybe. But you made me better. Never doubt it,” Gavin said before kissing both corners of Davy’s mouth.
God, Davy hated how much the felt like a good-bye. “What’s there to think about?” he asked earnestly.
“Are you ready for that? We’re twenty-two, Davy. I don’t expect you to be ready for a forever and a kid. We haven’t been together that long. I�
��d rather you go away now if you can’t handle it than rush into it and freak out down the road. Oliver can’t handle that, and God knows I can’t take it. I love you too much already.”
Davy knew what his answer was but something in Gavin’s face made him relent. “Okay.”
“I’m always here, Davy.”
Davy kissed Gavin on the forehead. “Me too, Gav. I love you so much. If you need anything….”
“I’ll call.” Gavin looked away, chin trembling.
Davy stood and walked out the door, willing himself to follow Gavin’s wishes. He didn’t have to like it and he didn’t have to stay away for long, just long enough for Gavin to know Davy could keep his word. Even if it hurt like motherfucking hell. This was worse than losing his mother, knowing Gavin and Oliver were live flesh and blood and just miles away but he couldn’t touch them.
“Davy?” He heard someone call his name. He couldn’t turn around, though. He knew if he did he wouldn’t leave and Gavin needed space. Davy would give him that.
When Davy stepped into the crowded elevator he saw Sean standing in the hallway, eyes sad and knowing. The door closed, and Davy’s heart shattered.
Chapter Twenty-One
Davy was ready to put summer behind him. July was almost rolling to a close and he was grateful. The days were long and so were the lines at the shop. Since an article was published a few weeks earlier calling Bart’s a hidden treasure of the Emerald Coast business, which was already booming in the tourist season, had tripled. The owner was pleased with the profits and the employees were over the moon with the overflowing tip jars every shift. Davy couldn’t really complain, either. All the work meant he didn’t have as much time to obsess on how long it had been since he’d shared his bed with Gavin.
Davy still heard from Gavin if Gavin needed someone to sit with Oliver. Davy loved spending time with the little guy. And Davy still went to see Ray whenever he could. Ray slept more often than not, but that was a relief as most of his waking hours were spent in pain.
