by Meik Wiking
Time spent with others creates an atmosphere that is warm, relaxed, friendly, down-to-earth, close, comfortable, snug, and welcoming. In many ways, it is like a good hug, but without the physical contact. It is in this situation that you can be completely relaxed and yourself. The art of hygge is therefore also the art of expanding your comfort zone to include other people.
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? OXYTOCIN
Someone puts a hand on your shoulder, gives you a kiss, or caresses your cheek and you instantly feel calm and happy. Our bodies work like that: it is a wonderful thing. Touch releases the hormone oxytocin, which makes us feel happy and reduces stress, fear, and pain.
But when do we experience the pleasure of having oxytocin flowing through our body? A widespread saying is that hugs make us happier, and that is true—oxytocin starts flowing in intimate situations, and helps us connect to each other. Therefore, it is also called “the cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone.” Hygge is an intimate activity often connected with coziness and some company, which leads one to the conclusion that the body will make oxytocin flow during these events. Cuddling pets has the same effect as cuddling another person—we feel loved, warm, and safe, which are three key words in the concept of hygge. Oxytocin is released when we’re physically close to another person’s body, and can be described as a “social glue,” since it keeps society together by means of cooperation, trust, and love. Maybe that is why Danes trust complete strangers to such a great extent; they hygge a lot, and hyggelige activities release oxytocin, which decreases hostility and increases social connection. Also, warmth and fullness release this hormone. Good food, candles, fireplaces, and blankets are constant companions to hygge. In a way, hygge is all about oxytocin. Could it be that simple? Perhaps it is not a coincidence that everything that has to do with hygge makes us feel happy, calm, and safe.
HAPPY TOGETHER
Being with other people is a key part of hygge, but as a happiness researcher, I can also testify that it might be the most important ingredient to happiness. There is broad agreement among happiness researchers and scientists that social relations are essential for people’s happiness.
According to the World Happiness Report commissioned by the United Nations, “While basic living standards are essential for happiness, after the baseline has been met, happiness varies more with quality of human relationships than income.”
The importance of our relationships has even led to attempts to evaluate them in monetary terms. “Putting a Price Tag on Friends, Relatives, and Neighbors: Using Surveys of Life Satisfaction to Value Social Relationships,” a study undertaken in the United Kingdom in 2008, estimated that an increase in social involvements may produce an increase of life satisfaction equivalent to an extra $110,000 a year.
I see this link between our relationships and our happiness again and again, in global data and surveys, as well as Danish ones. One example is a city study we conducted a few years ago at the Happiness Research Institute, in the town of Dragør, just outside Copenhagen.
We were working with the city council to measure happiness and life satisfaction among the citizens. Together, we developed recommendations on how to improve quality of life in the city. As part of the exploration, we surveyed both how satisfied people were with their social relationships and how happy they were overall. Here we found—as we always do—a very strong correlation. The more satisfied people are with their social relationships, the happier they are in general. As I mentioned before, the relationship factor is usually the best predictor of whether people are happy or not. If I cannot ask people directly how happy they are, I ask them how satisfied they are with their social relationships, because that gives me the answer.
An overall satisfaction with our relationships is one thing; the everyday joy of good company yet another. And here, Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s Day Reconstruction Method may shed some light on the effect of hygge. The method prompts people to go through a normal day, rating how pleased or annoyed or depressed they feel during a range of activities.
In what has become a classic study from 2004, a group of scientists at Princeton, led by Dr. Kahneman, had 909 women in Texas participate in an experiment. The women would fill out a long diary and questionnaire detailing everything they had done the day before and rating it on a seven-point scale: what did they do and at what time, who were they with, and how did they feel during each activity? Perhaps unsurprisingly, the group of researchers found that commuting to work, doing housework, and facing a boss were among the least pleasant activities, while sex, socializing, eating and relaxing were the most enjoyable. Of course, socializing, eating, and relaxing are also main ingredients of hygge.
According to the “belongingness hypothesis”, we have a basic need to feel connected with others, and close, caring bonds with other people play a major part in our motivation and behavior. Among the evidence for the belongingness hypothesis is the fact that people across the world are born with the ability and motivation to form close relationships, that people are reluctant to break bonds once they have been formed, and that married or cohabiting people live longer than single people (although this last is in part due to an enhanced immune system).
“Our relationships affect our happiness! Well, gosh, thank you, happiness research!” Yes, as scientists, we can find it quite frustrating to spend years looking into the question of why some people are happier than others and then find an answer that we all knew anyway. Nevertheless, now we have the numbers, the data, and the evidence to support the notion, and we can and should make use of them when we shape our policies, our societies, and our lives.
We are social creatures, and the importance of this is clearly seen when one compares the satisfaction people feel in relationships with their overall satisfaction with life. The most important social relationships are close relationships in which you experience things together with others, and experience being understood; where you share thoughts and feelings, and both give and receive support. In one word: hygge.
That may be why Danes prefer smaller circles of friends when they are looking for hygge. Of course, you can have a hyggelig time if there are more people, but Danes would rather a smaller group of people for a hyggelig time. Almost 60 percent of Danes say the best number of people for hygge is three to four.
THE DARK SIDE OF HYGGE
Hanging out with your close friends in a tightly knit social network, where you all go way back together and know each other well, definitely has its benefits.
But in recent years I have also come to realize that there is a severe drawback to a social landscape like this: it doesn’t readily admit newcomers. Every person I’ve met who has moved to Denmark tells me the same thing. It is close to impossible to penetrate the social circles there. Or at least it requires years and years of hard work and persistence.
Admittedly, Danes are not good at inviting new people into their friendship circles. In part, this is due to the concept of hygge; it would be considered less hyggeligt if there were too many new people at an event. So getting into a social circle requires a lot of effort and a lot of loneliness on the way. The good thing is, in the words of my friend Jon, “Once you are in, you are in.” Once you have broken through, you can trust you will have formed lifelong friendships.
HYGGE—SOCIALIZING FOR INTROVERTS
While I was researching this book, I gave a lecture to a group of American students who were spending a term in Copenhagen. I often use lectures as opportunities to gather input and inspiration for what I am currently researching, and this was no different, so I steered the discussion on toward relationship between well-being and hygge.
One student who had been quiet in the previous discussions raised her hand. “I am an introvert,” she said. “And, to me, hygge is such a wonderful thing.” Her point was that in the United States, she was used to taking part in social activities with a lot of people, a lot of fast networking, and much excitement. In short, she was
in the realm of the extroverts. In Denmark, she found that the way social activities are organized suited her much more—and that hygge was the best thing that could happen for introverts. It was a way of being social without being draining for them. I thought that this was perhaps the most insightful thing I had heard in a long time and promised her I would steal her insight and put it in this book.
It is known that introverts derive their energy from within, while extroverts derive theirs from external stimulation. Introverts are often seen as loners, while extroverts are the ones to surround yourself with if you want to have a good time. Introversion is often wrongly linked with shyness, and although social events are not for everyone and might leave an introvert overstimulated and exhausted, social introverts do exist (just as calm extroverts do).
This may sound a bit clichéd, but introverts often prefer to devote their “social time” to loved ones whom they know very well, to have meaningful conversations or to sit down and read a book with something warm to drink. This happens to have a very high hygge factor—great, right? Introverts are social, but in a different way. There is not one single way of being social, but it might feel like there are right and wrong ways. Just because introverts are drained by too many external stimuli doesn’t mean they don’t want to hang out with other people. Hygge is a way of socializing that can suit introverts: they can have a relaxing and cozy night with a couple of friends without having to include a lot of people and a lot of activity. Introverts might want to stay at home instead of attending a big party with a lot of people they don’t know, and hygge becomes an option, something in between socializing and relaxing. It makes these two worlds go hand in hand, which is great news for both introverts and extroverts, since it becomes something of a compromise. So, to all you introverts out there, do not feel embarrassed or boring for being a person who prefers things that are hygge. And to all extroverts: light some candles, put on some soothing music, and embrace your inner introvert, just for the night.
HYGGE TIP: HOW TO MAKE MEMORIES
It is common knowledge that the best part of memories is making them. Start a new tradition with your friends or family. It might be playing board games on the first Friday of every month, or celebrating the summer solstice by the water. In fact it can be whatever meaningful activity will knit the group more tightly together over the years.
CHAPTER FOUR
FOOD AND DRINK
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
If hygge was a person, I think it would be Alice Waters. With a casual, rustic, and slow approach to life, she embodies many of the key elements of hygge—and she also seems to understand the value of good, hearty food in the company of good people.
New Nordic food has gotten a lot of attention in the last few years. The center of attention has been Noma, which opened in 2003 and has been rated the best restaurant in the world four times since 2010. While a dish consisting of live shrimp covered in ants may make the headlines, it is relatively far from everyday Danish cuisine. Traditional Danish lunch includes a budget version of smørrebrød (open-faced sandwiches) on rye bread with pickled herring or leverpostej (liver paste—a spreadable mixture of baked, chopped pig’s liver and lard). I bet you think those ants are beginning to look appetizing. For dinner, 50 Shades of Meat and Potatoes would be an apt title for a traditional Danish cookbook. Danes are meat lovers, and on average, every person consumes around 105 pounds of meat per year—with pork being the nation’s favorite.
The high level of meat, confectionery and coffee consumption in Denmark is directly linked to hygge. Hygge is about being kind to yourself—giving yourself a treat, and giving yourself, and each other, a break from the demands of healthy living. Sweets are hyggelige. Cake is hyggeligt. Coffee or hot chocolate are hyggeligt, too. Carrot sticks, not so much. Something sinful is an integral component of the hygge ritual. But it should not be something fancy or extravagant. Foie gras is not hyggeligt. But a hearty stew is. Popcorn is. Especially if we all share the same bowl.
LET’S SIN TOGETHER
A couple of years ago, I visited a friend of mine and his family. His daughter was four at the time, and over dinner she turned to me and asked, “What is your job?”
“I try to find what makes people happy,” I replied.
“That’s easy.” She shrugged. “Sweets.” When it comes to happiness, I am not sure the answer is that simple, but she might have been onto something when it comes to hygge.
Danes are crazy about confectionery, and a majority of people associate it with hygge: gummy bears, licorice and flødeboller [fleu-the-ball-r], chocolate domes stuffed with cream. In fact, according to a report by Sugar Confectionery Europe, the annual consumption of confectionery in Denmark is 18 pounds per person, making Danes second only to the Finns as the people who eat more sweets than anyone in the world, twice the European average. Also, by 2018, Denmark is expected to overtake Finland as the world’s most sweet-crazed country. And it is not just sweets Danes are crazy about. Cake, anyone?
CAKE
Cake is most definitely hyggeligt, and we Danes eat a lot of it. Cake is a common sight in our offices. Jon is one of my poker buddies, and he and I meet over a pint at his favorite bar in Copenhagen, Lord Nelson, to discuss hygge and our Danish cake obsession.
“We do walks by the meeting rooms to scout and monitor leftover cake. We call it cake watch,” he told me. “And this is just for internal meetings. If clients are coming, then there will be petits fours on top.” Jon is right. Cakes and pastries make everything hyggeligt, both eating them and baking them. They also bring an atmosphere of casualness to any business meeting.
However, most cakes are eaten outside the office, at home or in cake shops. One of the most popular and traditional ones is La Glace, Denmark’s oldest confectionery shop, established in 1870. Their selection of cakes, including cakes named after famous Danes like Hans Christian Andersen and Karen Blixen, looks like something out of a dream. Their most famous cake is perhaps “sport cake,” which is essentially an ocean of whipped cream and so not exactly the breakfast of sports champions. The name derives from the fact that the cake was first produced for the premiere of a play called Sports Man in 1891. The old ideals, the interior, the cakes and pastries and the beautiful rooms in which one sits down to enjoy a sweet masterpiece scream hygge all over Copenhagen.
KAGEMAND
They say that your superheroes say a lot about you. Americans have Superman, Spiderman, and Batman. Danes have . . . well . . . Cakeman.
Okay, so he is not a superhero per se, but he is as popular as his American colleagues at birthday parties. Cakeman (Kagemand [Cai-man]) is a traditional element at Danish birthday parties for children. It looks like a large-scale gingerbread man, is made of a sweet dough with lots of sugar and butter, and is decorated with sweets, Danish flags, and candles. If only we could add bacon to the recipe, we would have all things essentially Danish in one place. Part of the tradition is that the birthday boy or girl cuts the throat of the Cakeman while the other kids scream.
“Happy birthday, darling. Now cut the throat of Cakeman.” How is that for a hyggelig Nordic-noir birthday?
PASTRIES
A pastry that is typically Danish is . . . well . . . a Danish. It is not every nationality that gets a butter-infused dough with gooey cream in the middle named after it.
Usually, it is the kind of nation that has lost every war they have participated in for centuries. However, in Denmark, Danish pastries are called wienerbrød (Vienna bread), as Danish pastry recipes were first developed by chefs who had been to Vienna in the middle of the nineteenth century. Some of the pastries have charming names such as “snails” or “the baker’s bad eye,” but names aside, they are delicious and good for hygge. Also, if you are looking to spread joy and cheer in a Danish office, just shout out the word “Bon-kringle!” Kringle is a classic Danish pastry and bon means receipt. The concept behind bon-kringle is that when you buy cake and pastry worth 1,000 kroner (around $140) at your loc
al bakery, if you present the receipts, the baker will give you a free kringle. It’s like a pastry loyalty card—but without the loyalty card.
DIY
Getting your hands dirty by baking at home is a hyggelig activity that you can do by yourself or with friends and family. Few things contribute more to the hygge factor than the smell of freshly baked goods.
The result does not need to look like something out of a Disney movie—in fact, the more rustic, the more hygge it is. For some time now, sourdough has been a hit among a lot of Danes. The slowness of the process and the feeling of taking care of a living thing makes it all the more hyggeligt. Some Danes talk about their dough as if it were their baby, which they feed and care for. Sourdough is basically a gastronomic alternative to The Sims.
HOT DRINKS
My team of researchers ran a survey among Danes to find out what people associate hygge with. I had put my money on candles, but I was wrong. Candles came second, while hot drinks took first place.
Hot drinks are what 86 percent of Danes associate with hygge. It might be tea, hot chocolate, or mulled wine, but the Danes’ favorite hot drink is coffee.
