Holy shit.
“Bastos,” he managed to say, and Sari shrugged like she couldn’t help it. Then her face changed. He’d seen it enough in his favorite anime, that second when the characters’ faces go wide, accompanied by a little ping! sound before they floated away on magical food clouds and explained exactly why what they tasted was so good.
“It’s so...fluffy,” she said. “Fluffy and rich. I’ve never had cookie dough like this.”
“See? Science,” Gabriel declared, swiping a bit of cookie dough for himself. The recipe called for walnuts, oats, grated chocolate and his personal addition—potato chips. He’d come up with it after his mother came home with a box of chocolate-covered potato chips from Japan.
“I bow down to you. And you’re right, this is my favorite.” Sari nodded, taking more of the cookie dough, this time actually rolling it into a little ball before she ate it. “This really makes you happy, doesn’t it?”
All of the breath was sucked out of Gabriel at that moment. It seemed like such a simple question, but to have her asking him? It meant the world. It was worth all the burns and cuts he got in culinary school, the long hours he spent standing in a professional commissary literally just waiting for butter to soften, and the little snorts and derisive laughs he got from people, from his own father, when he baked brazo de mercedes for his mom, or cupcakes for his siblings.
“How much are you willing to bet that this dough never makes it to the oven?”
He was happy, and he deserved everything he got. And he wanted to share it with this girl, this clever girl who was stubborn, funny and just so damn amazing he was surprised that she liked him. He wanted her to be the first person in the world to know he’d done it. He was going to make his father happy, and he was going to get to go home.
“Sari, I’m opening a store at the Lai Mall.”
And just like that, all the joy and the happiness of the moment stilled, like they had stepped into a different dimension, where time ceased to exist. There was only this space, their breathing, and Sari’s face.
A face that he couldn’t quite read. She didn’t look thrilled or surprised, it was more...shock. Sari had a spoon of dough in her hands, and she put it aside to stare at him and just...blink.
“You’re leaving,” was the first thing she said.
His world crashed around him slowly. Like a deflating souffle, losing air slowly until it could no longer support its own weight. She was disappointed. And hurt. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy with him. He wouldn’t be able to take it if Sari got upset with him for getting the thing he came here for.
She bit down on her lip, and looked away before he could properly understand the emotions on her face. When she turned to him, her emotions seemed to seesaw from anger to...disappointment. He didn’t expect her to be disappointed. “...oh my God.”
“You don’t seem happy about it,” he said, and he knew he was pushing her buttons a bit, but he needed to understand. Why was she so disappointed? “Sari, it’s a great opportunity, and I can’t say no. I keep telling you, my dad—”
“I know, I get it,” she said, even if she was shaking her head. She was slipping away from him, Gabriel realized, and he didn’t know why. “No, I get it, I get it. He has to know how good you are at this.” He wished he could just grab her and hold her close, and wished he wasn’t breaking her heart. “Congratulations.”
She took the bandana off, the apron off, and was fumbling around the kitchen like she didn’t know where she was, but needed to know right away.
“Sari...”
“I have to go. I’m happy for you, Gabriel, I really am.” She was already halfway out the door. “You totally deserve this. Save me a cookie?”
“Sari, come back, let’s talk about this,” Gabriel said, following her downstairs.
“There’s nothing to talk about!” she shouted, and the ferocity of her tone took him aback. She shook her head, and he could see her walls rising higher than Fort Santiago, blocking him off from the parts of her he loved the most. “You’re leaving. And I am not going to be one of those girls who makes you put your career on hold just so we can make out in closets and pretend we like each other.”
“Hey,” now it was Gabriel’s turn to be a little fierce, gently taking her wrist to keep her from leaving. “Don’t say it like that. You’re making this sound cheap.”
“This shouldn’t mean anything,” Sari said, moving her hands between the two of them. “Because if it does, then it means you went out with me knowing that you were going to desert the Laneways. Malls have done nothing but kill small businesses like ours. Like mine. I thought you’d settled here, that you were laying down roots like I have. I’m sorry that I was so wrong about you.”
Gabriel had been a debater in high school and in college. He’d been trained to keep calm and keep his manner cool. He knew how to respond when someone was trying to tear him down point for point, and he knew exactly how to use his words.
But words failed him today.
He let go of Sari’s wrist and slid his hands over her cheeks. Her eyes were glassy, and even in the darkness of the store, he could see they were brimming with tears she was holding back by sheer force of will. He waited for her to give him a tiny, shaky nod before he seared her lips with a kiss.
His hips jerked when Sari’s cold fingers slid under his shirt, but she was holding on to him tightly. She kissed him back, almost as if she was trying to wrestle control from him, and he let her. He let her take the lead, but never let her go.
In the distance, they heard the roosters from nearby start to crow, greeting the new day. All of Gabriel’s strength left his body, and he pulled away to see that Sari looked...absolutely miserable. He backed off immediately.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and he didn’t know how they were so happy just moments ago in the bakery. She was in pain, he could see it on her face, and it was all his fault. “I didn’t...”
She shook her head and kissed him again, her nails scraping his scalp as she kissed him hard, like it was the last they would see of each other.
Why did it have to be?
“I can’t stay with someone who’s determined to help my home fail. And you knew I felt so fucking alone, and you—”
“Why does it have to be one or the other?” he argued, following after her. “You know how much I gave up for this, and I thought you would be proud—” He stopped himself quickly. It wasn’t Sari’s approval he was after. “I just thought you would be happy for me. I thought you understood why this would be important!”
“I guess that makes us both wrong, because I thought you understood that I wanted you to stay!” she roared back at him. “That everyone in my life is trying to leave me—”
“Nobody is trying to leave you, Sari! Your sisters are still here, and I’m still going to be here!”
Tears sprung in her eyes, and Gab recoiled. It was a horrible moment, to realize you were the reason for someone else’s tears. He wondered if his father had ever felt this way when he and his mother fought. He wanted to take it back, it would be fine, his hurt didn’t matter. But he couldn’t. His emotions were valid too. And he never meant to make her feel like he would abandon her. He thought they could make it work.
“I thought you wanted me,” he told her.
“Unlike you, I can’t do it at the expense of my home,” she said, and now Gabriel was hit with the shock of Sari breaking his heart. He didn’t know what to say after that. He couldn’t.
Seeing her chance to leave, Sari turned and walked away from him. Gab didn’t have the heart to make her come back, or convince her why that was wrong. He just watched her close the door behind her, walk the ten steps back to her shop.
He stood there in the middle of his empty shop for a long time. For the first time, it didn’t make him as happy as it used to.
Chapter Twent
y-Two
December 23
“Where are you going?” Sam asked, after Sari showed up to Sta. Cruz in a blind rage a little later that same morning. The drive would have usually taken her fifteen minutes from the Cathedral, past Hotel Villa and down Alaminos Road until she reached the gates by the highway. She’d let her anger stew and simmer the last couple of hours, throwing herself in her work and refusing to look at the window. To Gabriel’s credit, he didn’t try to talk to her or convince her to talk to him, which only proved her point—he was leaving her.
And as always, Sari refused to be anything but fine about it.
“I missed Simbang Gabi,” she said out loud, because it was already 9 a.m., and she’d felt too horrible and rotten to get up and go to Simbang Gabi that day. Innocent churchgoers and food sellers did not deserve her anger or frustration.
“That’s okay, I’m sure Lola Rosario won’t be too mad at you for it,” Sam said gently, leading her sister through the door of the house. The restoration looked like it was going really well. Sari hadn’t been to this house, even during the process of Sam’s move, but that didn’t mean she didn’t appreciate it. “You do lose your wish, though.”
Sari paused before she shook her head. “I think I’ve had enough of wishes.”
As Sam had described, Sari could hear the rustling of the bamboo trees her grandfather had planted just outside. The inside of the house was nice, open and airy, all white concrete walls and hardwood floors from the Narra trees in the property. Sam’s decor was sparse, and there were more rooms than she was certainly able to handle, but it was so worth it for the back garden the house opened up to, currently still a mess of grass and old dead trees.
Sari knew it was going to be beautiful when Sam finished it up.
Selene and Sam were supposed to be going around the farmhouse, making a list of all the work that still had to be done before the house was 100% livable. But Selene was asleep on the couch in the living room when Sari had burst in, asking for a beach bag.
“Ate?” Sam asked as she and Kylo followed Sari to the second floor of the house, the both of them barefoot as they’d left their slippers at the base of the stairs. Sari took the bag she had on her and overturned the contents on the perfectly made four poster bed. “What happened? I’m sorry I forgot to text you again last night, I was so wiped out here...”
“It’s not you. I just need to get away from here.”
“Why?”
“Does it really matter why? I need to go,” Sari said, taking the huge tote bag Sam handed her. It was a bayong made of straw, with a soft cloth lining inside and pompoms attached to the outside. Cute, and totally clashed with Sari’s mood, but she was in no shape to be picky. “I can’t find my swimsuit, so I’m going to borrow yours. Have you unpacked it yet?”
“Yeah, it’s in the upper drawer of the aparador.” She pointed, and Sari pulled out a stool that she spotted nearby and used that to get to the top drawer of the closet, rifling through Sam’s stuff before she found the bathing suit.
“This is my bathing suit,” Sari grumbled, holding the suit in her fist and shaking it at her sister.
“An honest mistake.” Sam waved her off. “But where are you going?”
“Wallet, keys, phone, lip balm, tissues, wipes, sunglasses,” Sari murmured, once again giving herself a pat on the back for always carrying around too much. “I can buy sunblock in a convenience store. Can I borrow a towel? A mat?”
“Towels in the bathroom, and I’m pretty sure there’s a banig in the bodega. You’re going swimming?”
“I’m going to Laiya,” Sari announced, her destination decided about a second before Sam finished asking her question.
“Okay,” Sam said, following her sister as she retrieved the items she was borrowing. “Why?”
Sari paused in front of the bed and inhaled sharply.
“Gabriel and I just broke up.”
“After three days?”
Holy crap. It had only been three days? It didn’t feel right, even if all she needed to do was consult her calendar to know it was true. How could she possibly feel so strongly for someone she’d been with for that short of a time? Since when did Sari live her life like she was in a nineties rom-com? It wasn’t even her preferred genre!
“Fine. I guess we were never really together in the first place,” she huffed and stuffed a towel into a tote bag Sam had lying around. “But he’s leaving, just like you are, like Selene and Lola and Mom and Dad did, and can I just have one day to myself so I can process it?”
Sam paused from where Sari was packing and tentatively reached out to her, but Sari shrugged her hand off. She refused to look at her sister, refused to register the hurt or the confusion on her face. She wanted out. Out of this, out of everything. And where did you go when the place you loved most in the world didn’t feel safe?
The beach. Or at least that was what Sari thought.
“Fine.” Sam’s arms were already crossed over her chest as she and Sari descended the steps of the rest house, putting house slippers back on. “Go already. Take my car. Take Kylo.”
“What?” Sari snapped. “I am not taking your gigantic horse—”
“Sari,” Sam’s voice was serious and a little bit angry, enough to make Sari startle and stop. “Take Kylo.”
Very suddenly before her eyes, her baby sister turned into an adult, one with more wisdom and practicality than Sari would ever have. Given the features she’d inherited, Sam looked the least like their grandmother, but seeing her reminded Sari of their lola so much that her heart ached. Lola would have been proud. “You will take my keys, take Kylo, and take all the time you need. Just fill the tank when you get back.”
Then, before Sari could say anything else, or refuse her younger sister, Sam threw her arms around Sari, hugging her tight.
Minutes later, with Kylo already snoozing in the backseat, Sari opened her windows and drove as fast as she was legally allowed to the beach. It was December 23, and the entire road from Lipa to Rosario to San Juan and to Laiya was open to her. And there was not a single Christmas song to be heard.
* * *
“You have got to be kidding me,” she told the receptionist, after she and Kylo arrived two hours later. “That’s your day rate?”
“Christmas is a very popular time for visitors.” The receptionist gave her a strained smile and Sari immediately narrowed her eyes. Next to her, Kylo stood and placed his paws on the table, panting slightly at the woman behind the desk, who jumped at the sight of the gigantic dog and his slobbery tongue drooling on her desk. “It comes with a cabana, a free drink and meals, madame.”
“That’s miss, to you,” Sari said, and reluctantly handed her the cash. “One day pass, please. And whatever it is you charge for pets.”
“I’ll have someone take you to a cabana right away.”
“Come on, Kylo,” Sari said, gently tugging on the dog’s collar to get him off the table before they headed out to the beach.
Geographically, Lipa was much closer to Taal Lake than it was to Laiya. The honor of best beach went to Lobo for its diving spots, and with Mindoro a quick ro-ro away, there were much more spectacular places to go. But Laiya was easy to drive to, easy to get in to, and when there weren’t a lot of people, it could be exactly what someone needed when they wanted to get away.
There weren’t many people now. It was still a work day, after all, but in the distance, the staff was clearly setting up for an office party, complete with the requisite karaoke machine. It was a little blip in the otherwise calm, serene horizon. If she had a boat and set out at lightning speed, she would be in Marinduque within the hour, Mindoro in even less time.
Sari and Kylo sat together under the umbrella set up for them, Kylo drinking greedily from a bowl of water while Sari nursed a bottle of San Mig Light and a bowl of saging saba con hielo while looking out at the
sea. She was playing chill French music on her phone, the kind with a woman singing to a guitar and a double bass.
The sound of the waves was calming, and the salty tang in the air helped clear her foggy brain. Here there was no café to worry about, no sisters who never stuck around or wanted to move away, no Gabriels who were trying to leave her.
“We should have done this ages ago,” she told Kylo, who came over to press his nose against her shoulder, as if making her move over before he dropped his gigantic body on the cool sand next to her. Sari absentmindedly started to scratch the big black dog’s ears.
It was a beautiful scene, but Sari had to admit...it was horribly lonely. Even with Kylo by her side.
“Well, you’re just going to have to suck it up and get used to this,” she said out loud, not caring that tears had sprung in her eyes at that one sentence. Damn it. Where was coffee when she needed it?
Kylo grumbled and snuggled closer to Sari. She sighed as her thoughts turned to the soon-to-be-empty house by the Cathedral. She could see herself walking around the house, growing older and more alone, just like her grandmother had. Lola Rosario was independent through and through, but never really let anyone into her life. She had three granddaughters she never really shared her life and her problems with, a son who couldn’t care less about her, and a husband who had died too soon.
That’s not exactly true though, is it? Sari reminded herself. Lola Rosario had Lolo Marco until he passed. She shared her coffee and traditions with you. She shared her farm with Sam. She shared the business with Selene.
She was never really alone.
And neither are you.
“Fine,” Sari told Kylo, pressing her nose against his side while she scratched his belly. “I’m going to miss you. But you’ll love living in the farm. Just...don’t chase after the pigs. Or the chickens. Take care of Sam. Although we both know you’re already doing a really good job of that.”
Kylo turned and licked a huge stripe on Sari’s cheek. She said nothing, but wiped it off with the towel. Then she whipped out her phone and dialed Selene’s number.
Sweet on You Page 22
