Her leg felt like it was on fire. Her toes and the rest of her leg not feeling like it was even there. But the pain from where the branch had entered her leg was like someone had stuck her leg in a vat of hot oil.
It hurt so badly, she could barely think, barely even breathe. The pain in her leg, her head, her arms, everywhere, was intense. She knew she needed to take deep breaths to calm herself down, but she didn’t care.
Her thoughts were so scrambled, she knew she should ask about something, or someone, and it finally hit her. Her parents. She needed to know whether or not they had lived, or died. She had to know what happened to her parents. If they had survived the crash. She barely had.
She knew she needed to ask, but at the same time wanted to wait to find out if she was now an orphan. All alone in the world.
As she lay still, more aches and pains came to the forefront. Her head felt like someone was using a hammer in her skull, and her left arm felt numb and tingly. The sensations were not pleasant.
She had to know what happened, so she grit her teeth, and tried to push past the pain. Her voice came out in a pained cry, and she sobbed for her mother.
A man looked down at her face after she cried out for her mother.
“Miss, please don’t move. You were in such a terrible accident, and you have lost a lot of blood. Your leg is injured so severely, that I am worried we might need to amputate your leg, in order to save your life. With the break, and the branch that went right through it, well, you may never have the full use of your leg again.”
She shook her head vigorously, and cried out hoarsely, “No, please sir, please don’t amputate my leg. I can live with my leg not fully working, but you cannot cut it off. I will have no life at all. Please help me. Please.”
He stared down at her, not speaking, just looking. His face full of compassion and pain for her.
She started sobbing even harder. “Please, please. You cannot take my leg.” The terror came back full force that this would not work in her favor. That when she went to sleep again, she would not have a leg when she woke.
The man looked down at her with such compassion in his eyes, “I will do what I can. Just rest, I will give you some laudanum to help you sleep and to help with your pain. We will do all we can for you.”
She lay back and tried to stop crying. It didn't work. She was too scared, in too much pain to focus on what he said. “What happened to my parents? Are they all right? Does anyone know? Please.” she asked through her sobs.
The man looked over the table at the other man standing there, “We know that your father survived, but I don’t know about your mother. Drink this. It will help you sleep. I know this will hurt.”
He gave her a drink of something sweet smelling and she drank what she could, trying to pray to whatever God would listen that her leg could be saved. It took her moments to fall asleep. “Don’t take my leg…” She slurred and the world went dark again.
When she woke the second time, her leg hurt badly. It was hard to bend her toes, but her leg was still there. She sent a silent prayer of thanks and when she looked around, the man walked in the room.
She was grateful to this stranger for listening to her request, and not taking her leg. Her life wouldn’t be the same, this she knew, but at least she wasn’t without that.
She smiled slightly, “Thank you for not taking my leg.”
Her voice was hoarse and she slurred her words, but she got her point across. She felt hot, too hot and she was rather uncomfortable.
He smiled at her too and came over to where she lay and put a hand on her forehead. “I am Isaac Spencer. I am glad I was able to help you. It was not easy, and again, I fear you will never walk normally. I just don’t think it will work the way you want it to. Additionally, you are a little warmer than I would normally think you should be.”
He frowned, turning away, he grabbed a cup of something and gave it to her. It had a bitter taste to it. She gagged and choked on the concoction; it was so foul.
He took the cup away for a minute, then gave it right back to her. “Tis medicine you need miss, if you don’t want to get worse.”
She gagged again, but drank the rest of the cup down. “Can you tell me about my parents?”
She didn’t want to know the answer, but had to. Absolutely had to know. She thought she remembered he said her father survived, and Rhia was terrified to hear about her mother.
Isaac let out a small sigh, and Rhia bit her lip, and waited. “I don’t want to see you upset.”
Rhia’s stomach clenched. “What do you mean? Did they die? Oh my god. Please tell me they didn't die.”
Her thoughts were muddied and it was hard to concentrate, but she had to know. Her eyes filled with tears and a sob escaped her throat. The man leaned over and took her hand.
“I am sorry to tell you miss that your mother died in the wreckage. Your father is still alive, but is very hurt and we are worried he will die from his injuries.”
Rhia bit her lip hard. The tears came pouring down her cheeks, the pain in her heart more than the one in her leg. “My mother died?”
She gasped out a sharp keening cry. Isaac nodded slowly and Rhia shut her eyes and her small body shook with sobs.
Isaac came over, put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her while she cried out her grief.
She wasn’t sure how long she cried, but finally spent, she slumped back onto her pillow and fell asleep.
Over the next few days, the fever took her hard. And with every day that came and went, her fever grew. She was delirious, calling out for her mother, and her father.
Isaac gave her medicine, terrible concoctions that made her delirious mind dream insane things. His wife Magnolia helped to bathe her when she got too hot, and they worked hard to keep her fever in check.
They didn’t believe she would make a recovery. They kept a constant vigil over the sweet girl who had come into their lives in the worst way. It was touch and go for a while.
Isaac was a country doctor who believed that bloodletting got rid of the bad spirits she had.
Rhia didn't know when that had happened, but she remembered the heat, the pain of her leg, her head. And everything in between.
She had a few new scars to add to the rest when she finally woke up after the fever broke.
Rhia was only able to eat small sips of broth and water after she woke. It was all her stomach could handle.
As the days passed since she had awoken from her fever, she slowly recovered.
She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that her mother had died, and Rhia struggled with the agony of knowing she would never see her mother again. She was just grateful they had ended their argument, and that her mother knew she loved her.
Her recovery was hard, she still hurt and her fever, while it was gone, had made her body sick and weak.
Rhia was able to get her strength back over time, her leg was another story however.
It was stiff and wouldn’t bend, and Rhia couldn’t get it to move the way she needed it to, because of the stiffness of it.
While she was grateful her leg was still here, Rhia hated that she wasn't truly prepared for the implications of how badly her leg was hurt.
She didn't realize how badly it would be in pain. It was a constant pain. One that would be her companion for the rest of her life. Her leg often was badly swollen, and looked grotesque. She made certain to never show anyone how badly it affected her.
Her leg also didn’t have the strength to hold her. She couldn't walk or move anywhere without assistance.
The only time she tried, her leg melted out from underneath her and she fell to the floor, ripping out some stitches and making her recovery that much harder. She never tried it again.
Isaac had told her it was broken and that she had to be off of it for a while. Until it healed more. Rhia hated that she had to be helped everywhere, to do everything.
Isaac and his wife Magnolia, helped her get around thei
r small cottage.
Her father recovered slowly as well, but he never spoke. Not once.
He barely could eat by himself, and it was so hard on Rhia to see the light gone from his eyes.
The footmen that had traveled with them, had taken her mother’s body to London to have her buried. Just days after the accident.
It happened so quickly, and neither her father, nor Rhia were able to get out of bed. Rhia hadn't had the chance to say goodbye.
She mourned that fact greatly when she discovered what had happened. Spent one night sobbing quietly in her bed, trying not to wake the household.
A month passed quickly, with Rhia recovering steadily every day. She still couldn't move her leg, and had a very hard time doing regular things, but she lived and had her leg. That was what mattered to Rhia.
When it was time, and Isaac felt they were well enough, they were ready to return home and have a proper ceremony to say goodbye.
It was also time to get her father fully recovered from his injuries.
The doctors in London would hopefully be able to help Rhia with her leg also.
So, off they went home. Her father spoke not a word the entire way, and they hired footmen to help him in and out of the carriage.
Rhia was grateful for their presence since she too needed help. She hobbled where she needed to go to the best she could. It didn't always work though. Her leg was too stiff, and the pain too much to bear to put weight on it for long.
Rhia tried to stay strong for herself and her father. And every day it got harder and harder to not show how much his silence hurt her. How much her mother's death affected her.
When they finally got home, they rested for a few days. Rhia's strength completely gone from their long days of traveling.
But after sleeping for almost two days straight, Rhia felt ready to go to the cemetery. When they got there, Rhia broke down in tears, seeing her mother’s headstone. It was real.
Her mother; her wonderful, beautiful, kind mother was dead.
She would never give Rhia a hug again. She would never be able to help Rhia to get ready for her first season, and help her navigate her way through the ton. She would never help her find the perfect man to marry, nor help her when she got married. She would never see if Rhia had children.
Rhia sobbed into her father’s arm. He still didn’t speak, but silent tears rolled down his face. The priest blessed her grave and said a few wonderful words.
They left the cemetery and her father, with the help of his valet, went to his bed, where he stayed for a week.
The doctor came and went, telling Rhia that there wasn’t much he could do for her.
She had to walk and stretch her leg, but even then, she would most likely still walk with a pronounced limp.
Isaac had warned her that her leg wouldn't work the same after the accident. But talking with the doctor and having it confirmed was heartbreaking.
Rhia's dreams went up in smoke. She wanted to retreat into a cocoon of hurt, anger, pain and grief.
She would most likely never have a season, never be one of the sophisticated women she had seen with her mother.
Her whole world crumbled in those few weeks. Everything had changed, and Rhia had to figure out her next step.
Had to be strong, when she didn't want to be. Hated that this burden had landed on her shoulders.
Julia was her voice of reason. She told Rhia to get up, get out of the house, and they would work on her walking.
“They had done everything else together, why not this?” Julia had said, so, slowly, Rhia got stronger.
It seemed like every step forward was met by a step backwards, and Rhia would cry in her room, late at night when everyone slept. Wishing her leg would just function. Just let her walk normally again.
She couldn’t walk without her walking stick very well, and she fell quite often, but her limp wasn’t as pronounced.
Slowly, day by day, she grew stronger. Until she no longer needed the walking stick, unless it was slippery out, and she did quite well on her own.
She couldn’t walk long distances, but at least she could move around her home unencumbered. Aside from the stairs. She still struggled with those. It had been her dearest wish, and now that she could move about unassisted, Rhia longed to help her father.
Julia helped every step of the way. She was a patient nurse and helper. Rhia was so grateful to Julia.
Julia’s mother was their housekeeper and cook. She taught Rhia how to cook many great recipes and Rhia loved it.
She actually enjoyed cooking and learning side by side with those two amazing women was such a wonderful gift.
As Rhia got stronger, her father got weaker and weaker. Rhia tried desperately to get him to show emotion, to be the loving father he had once been, but she feared it was too late.
He drank often, something he had never done before. He never spoke to her, spent his days either in his room in bed, or in his study at his desk.
He never went outside, never spoke to anyone, only some clipped words to his valet.
It was very difficult for Rhia to see her father deteriorate in such a way. More than she let on. She felt that she had lost not only her mother in the accident, but her father as well. For the man who lived in her house was most certainly not the man who he had been.
For years, Rhia was basically alone. Except for the staff. She learned to take care of the household, and how to manage their finances. Even though she had to sneak into her father’s office and take the ledger book.
He would never notice, but she wasn’t sure what he was like when he locked himself in all day.
She had to be strong for him, since he couldn’t be strong for himself. Someone had to be an adult, and her father just wasn’t it anymore.
She took on as much responsibility as she could. Doing what the few servants could not. Even with her leg. It gave her trouble every single day. Never did she get a reprieve from the pain, or the hardship from her leg.
She felt like she had done her best with the cards she had been dealt. Trying every single day to walk normally, deal with her father, take care of the household and still be a kind, young woman.
She would go walking to get a few things from the market, and more than once, she would fall, her leg simply would take no more steps.
People would stop and stare, and a few gentlemen would help her up, if they were around, but more often than not, she just did it herself.
She knew it had to be that way. That she had to figure it out for herself, because there wasn’t a knight in shining armor waiting to save her.
So, she did what needed to be done. Things that she never thought would happen, before. But, this was her reality now. It wasn’t going to change.
That is, until again, her life was turned upside down. In the worst way.
Three years after the accident, her father died. He had not been himself since then, steadily getting worse and worse as the years passed.
Drinking more, eating less. He had lost a lot of the weight he had before, and the loss of his wife, the crippling of his daughter, and the hit to the head that seemed to take his mind, made him a different person every day.
Some days he knew her, loved her. Cared that she was alive, praised her recovery and her hard work in walking again.
Other days, he stayed in his room, or his study drinking the day and night away.
He was an awful man those days. Yelling and throwing fits. He got worse before the end. And on the day she found him face down in his office, not breathing, it was quite possibly the worst thing to discover.
It had already been too late to help him when she had found him. But, oh how she mourned and grieved. Burying the last of her family was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. Her grandmother had passed away a few months prior, but Rhia hadn't been able to make it to see her buried.
And oh, the injustice of it. The sad, hard end of knowing that the last of her family had left this earth and she
was all alone. It was a bitter pill to swallow.
Chapter Three
Rhiannon
London, England Sept, 1812
Rhia pulled herself out of the memories. That time of her life was not her favorite to review, yet at the same time, it seemed like it was in her mind constantly, like it would never fade away.
Those were dark and terrible days. It was not a good time for them. But, when her father died, Rhia would have given anything to have even the worst days back.
Had longed to hug him one last time, to let him know she was there and would always be. Let him know he wasn't alone in this world.
His attorney had come to call and told her that she now possessed her father’s home here in London, the home in Scotland and any of her mother’s things.
Unfortunately, she was also left with her father’s mountain of debt.
Which was a shock to Rhia. She had thought she had kept the books, but apparently her father had spent the inheritance from her mother years ago. It was the reason her mother and father had fought when they went to Scotland.
But Rhia didn't realize it had been a bad investment and they had money lenders beating down their door.
She knew they had to do what they could, so she started off by selling the fine carriages, the matched horses, the racing horses, and almost all of the cows.
It paid down some of the debt, but every few months or so, some other bill would come up and they would have to sell something else to get by.
She hadn’t even been able to pay the servants, so some had left, but Julia's family since they were like family to her, stayed with her.
Eventually, they were left with a few chickens, one cow for milking and one horse to ride to and from the market.
It was the oldest horse they had, but it was still a means of transportation.
The year of mourning flew by in a quick succession of paying bills, selling her family’s possessions and starting over.
She sold every last ball gown, day gown, her fanciest shoes, a few corsets, until she had only a few dresses left. These were ones that were worn and old and wouldn't get any money for. Plus Rhia knew they couldn't afford for her to buy new fabric for dresses, so she kept those few.
The Duke Who Loved Me Page 5
