“I don’t know.” I wanted someone as sweet and thoughtful as Laird. I certainly wanted someone I was as addicted to as him when it came to sex. I’d had no idea that sex could be this good, and I had forgotten what it felt like to feel this safe with someone—or perhaps I had never known. But this was all fake for him.
I didn’t know what to do, and I was running out of time. We were leaving for Ireland tomorrow.
“Well…” Red shrugged. “If nothing else, you’re learning what it’s like to be in a good relationship? You’re learning what you want when you’re with someone? We can fall into bad patterns easily, and you might’ve found someone who was like your awful ex. But now you know what it’s like to be with Laird and you’ll be ready to find someone like that for real.”
It was a positive way of thinking about it, but I still felt sick inside. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
Red gave me a comforting pat on my shoulder. “It’ll work out, Trudie. I know it might not seem like it and I’m sure given your past you’ve got every reason to think that it won’t. But Laird’s a good guy. I think that this is going to go better than you think it will.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. It sounded almost like Red was being cryptic on purpose. But then, what did I know? I was just trying to survive this mess that I’d walked into. Sure, I’d walked into it with my eyes open, but I hadn’t seen my feelings coming. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have realized, when I first saw Laird and thought him incredibly handsome, that I was going to end up in this situation. But how could I? I had thought that I wouldn’t want to be with anyone for a long time after Pete.
“Can I leave early today?” I asked Red.
Red didn’t look surprised at all. He just nodded. “Sure thing. And hey, have a good time on your trip. You’ll be in a new country, exploring, that’s going to be fun. Don’t let your fears weigh you down, okay?”
“Thanks, Red.” He really was a good friend and I was glad to have his support.
I tried to focus for the rest of the day but it all kind of passed in a haze, and I was glad that I was able to leave work early. My shift technically ended at four but I would almost always end up staying later to help with the shift changeover or take care of extra things, so today I got out of there a little early and tried not to feel guilty about it. I worked every day, I told myself. I was allowed to take a little time when I was about to go on a trip and was freaking out about it.
When I got home, nobody was around. That wasn’t all that surprising. Everyone else here was working crazy hours to make ends meet and most people didn’t get back until five p.m. We even had a couple late-night workers but they would do something in the day like a second job or going to school, or it would be the reverse and they’d be doing night school. No one wanted to live at the co-op for too long. Everyone wanted their own space. And we were all doing as much as we could to earn that for ourselves.
I was pretty sure I was the only one in as crazy of a situation as mine, though. I hadn’t told anyone here, obviously, but sometimes I worried that somehow one of them would find out and then everyone here would judge me. It was just paranoia leftover from Pete, and I knew that, intellectually, but it wasn’t always easy to shut off the hamster wheel of anxiety in my brain.
Edith wasn’t even home—a note on the community board said that she was out running errands and wouldn’t be back until later—so for once, I had the whole place to myself, at least in the room that I shared.
It was really nice.
First things first. I took a shower, then got to packing. I still didn’t have a dress for the wedding, but Laird had assured me we would find something in Dublin and that I shouldn’t worry about it. I tried to keep from freaking out as I packed my clothes into my suitcase. My entire life had been lived out of this suitcase for months as I had literally fled from my ex-boyfriend, terrified and alone.
Now, I was using it to pack for my all-expenses-paid trip to Ireland with the man who was technically my boss, where I would pretend to be his wife to fool his family, after we’d had a crazy sex weekend together. And to top it all off, I still had my fake name on my passport and if I somehow got caught, Laird would get in trouble too.
This was like a romantic comedy film gone bad, and I didn’t know how to get off this ride, or how to stop my emotions. The fakeness of it all, and the fact that I was truly starting to have feelings for Laird, was starting to really wear down on me.
I finished up my packing, surveying the cute clothes laid out neatly in my suitcase. They were all ones that I had bought with Laird, and I loved them, I really did. I felt confident in them, confident and more like myself. Like I was a human being again now that I wasn’t wearing the same three shirts over and over. But it still felt… false, because they had been purchased so that I could continue the charade and pass myself off as the wife of a rich man.
Forget it. I was exhausted.
I laid down on the bed, fully intending to take a nap. I was worn out—not physically, but emotionally. Although physically, yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was also worn out in that way too, given all the sex we’d had. The amazing, mind-blowing sex.
Before I could stop myself, I found my mind lingering on the sex, on how it had felt, what we had done.
My hand slid slowly down, massaging my breast. I wanted so much more. I hadn’t craved sex like this, thought about it like this, since I was a teenager getting off to fantasies about celebrities that I would never meet except in my dreams.
But Laird… oh, I wanted so many things from him. I wanted his mouth on my breasts again, imagined that it was his fingers plucking at my nipples instead of my own. My hands were too small, my fingers too thin, but it was still good enough to help me imagine. Help me think about Laird doing this to me.
I remembered how he’d eaten me out during our first time and my hand moved further down, between my legs. I wanted to go down on him, I wanted his cock in my mouth, to return the favor. I could imagine the weight and taste of it—I’d never particularly enjoyed giving blow jobs before but that had been because I felt like I had to. Laird had never pressured me, never even brought it up, and I wanted to do this for him, I wanted to bring him pleasure the way he’d done for me. I wanted to do that for him.
My fingers rubbed at my clit and then slid into me, pumping lightly, trying to imitate the way that he would tease me. God, yes, it felt so good, but not as good as when Laird did it. I pictured his face as he came, remembered how he would bite my earlobe, his voice in my head, his thick accent, his large hands on me… he was so sexy, I wanted him so much, more than I had ever wanted anyone…
I came hard and I had to bite my lip to keep the noises in, my hips jerking, making a mess of myself and the bed sheets.
I forced myself to take deep breaths as I slowly spiraled back down from my orgasm. I felt like I was in the grip of some crazy spell, my desire through the roof. Whether it was a good idea or not didn’t even matter anymore—it was too late. I was addicted to Laird.
18
Laird
My blood was zinging when I woke up, buzzing in my head, full of anticipation. Today was the day—we had a long-ass flight to Dublin but we’d be there by tomorrow morning, find Trudie a dress for the wedding, and then we’d be off to see my entire family.
I was a combination of depressed and elated, anxious and excited, terrified and eager. Part of me was glad—no, more than glad—to show off Trudie to my family. I wanted them to see how amazing she was. I wanted her to be with a family for once, to see what it was like, to feel appreciated.
But there were so many ways that it could go wrong. What if someone found us out and Trudie was embarrassed? I would have no problem tearing my family a new one if they did find out—they put all this pressure on me and my parents lied to them, so it was really only fair that I got a chance to prank them all in return. But Trudie would feel humiliated. And what if she felt uncomfortable just for other reasons? What if she realized
how I was feeling about her and was uncomfortable with that?
On the other hand, I couldn’t wait to see everyone’s faces when I walked in with this beautiful, amazing woman on my arm. Trudie was gorgeous, thoughtful, sweet, and sassy, and I knew she would charm all of them. I couldn’t wait for all of them to realize that I could get an amazing girl like Trudie if I wanted, and I wasn’t the sad, lonely person that they’d all decided I was.
The irony that I wanted Trudie, specifically, and couldn’t have her wasn’t lost on me.
“You can worry about all of that later,” I told myself as I got up, trying to be stern. It was too late to back down now. I had to get up and get going.
After a quick shower and double-checking that I was packed, I headed out to pick up Trudie. It was the first time I would see the place where she lived so that I could grab her and we could head to the airport. My curiosity was piqued as I drove over, following the directions on my phone’s map application.
To my surprise, I found that Trudie seemed to be living in a co-op of some kind. I had expected her to be living in a not-so-good part of town, given how she’d refused to let me see where she lived all this time, but I hadn’t quite expected that. I didn’t see anything wrong with living in a co-op but I understood why Trudie would be embarrassed. I probably would’ve felt the same if I’d been in her situation.
Trudie was already standing out front, with an older woman next to her. She seemed nervous, chewing on her bottom lip and holding her well-worn suitcase in a death grip that had her knuckles standing out stark white against her skin.
I parked and Trudie immediately walked up. I got out and took her suitcase before she could do anything, putting it in the backseat and opening the front passenger door so she could get in.
“You must be Trudie’s man,” said the older woman. She smiled at me, her face infused with warmth. “I’m Edith, I’m the person running this place. You’ll take care of her?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I promised her. Trudie blushed, looking embarrassed. “It’s lovely to meet you.”
“Trudie hasn’t told me much about you,” Edith said, “but you seem all right. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what I’ll do to you if you don’t treat her right.”
“No, ma’am, I get the picture.” I smiled at her and got into the car.
Trudie waved goodbye to Edith as we pulled out, then groaned and buried her face in her hands once we’d set out on the road. “I’m sorry about that. I had to tell her about my trip but I didn’t tell her the full story…”
“I think if you had that would’ve just made her more suspicious.” I laughed. “I think it’s good that you’ve got people who care about you and look after you.”
“I just wish she didn’t make me feel like a fourteen-year-old out on her first date,” Trudie grumbled, but I saw the corners of her mouth twitching upwards as she struggled to keep from smiling.
We got to the airport in good time, and my stomach churned as we got through security. I hated flying, always had. I knew, logically, that we were going to be fine. There was nothing bad that was going to happen. The number of times a flight went wrong was miniscule compared to all the flights that happened constantly around the world. Statistically speaking, we were going to be all right.
Try telling my stomach that. I always sprung for first class tickets so that I could stretch out in the pods and try to sleep.
We got onto the plane and I showed Trudie how everything worked. She kept looking around, her eyes wide, taking it all in, and it took me a moment to realize before it all caught up with me—of course, bloody idiot that I was! I’d fucking forgotten that Trudie had never flown before!
I wanted to bang my head against the wall. How could I have forgotten something like that? I might not have enjoyed flying, but with all of my experience with it, it was at least an evil that I was used to. This was all completely new to Trudie.
“Don’t worry,” I promised her. “I’m right next to you.” There was an aisle between us, but it was small enough that we could easily reach out and touch each other if we had to.
I showed her how all the fancy bits and bobs worked, how to recline her seat, how to work the television, where the button for the flight attendant is, etc. Trudie was silent through the whole thing, which wasn’t too odd when I first met her, but by now she had opened up and relaxed a lot more around me, so I could tell that she really was nervous if she was being silent like this.
“I know I’m being ridiculous,” Trudie said as we strapped ourselves down for takeoff. “I know it’ll be fine. But it’s very new and I can’t stop thinking of all those crazy news stories I’ve seen, like the time the plane ended up in the river.”
“Trust me, I get it,” I promised her. “I’m a bit of a nervous flyer myself. But it’ll be okay. And whatever you need, if it’s a sleeping pill or water, or something else, the flight attendants can help you out. They’re used to people being nervous and they’re available for that very reason.”
Trudie smiled bravely at me, nodding, but the moment the plane began to take off her hand shot out across the aisle and reached for mine. I reached out as well, taking her hand, and let her squeeze mine tightly. Even once we had evened out, she held on, and didn’t let go for a good twenty minutes. I saw the flight attendants giving us warm smiles, and I swore that everyone in the cabin could hear my racing heart. She felt safe with me, she wanted me to comfort her. I couldn’t even begin to describe how that felt to me.
To distract her, I said, “do you want me to tell you more about Dublin?”
Trudie gave me a deadpan look. “Is this one of those times where you quiz me on the names of all your cousins?”
“No, it’s where I tell you about all the times Liam and I got into trouble growing up.”
Trudie gave a fake put-upon sigh. “Well, I suppose if you insist…”
I grinned at her. I’d been a right little bastard growing up, especially since I’d been around during the Troubles in Ireland, when there was fighting in the streets and all kinds of violence and insanity. My parents were worried sick about us half the time and annoyed and saying we would deserve it if we died the other half, because Liam and I would’ve accidentally exploded an oven in a bakery or something.
“You did not really explode an oven,” Trudie said, incredulous.
“Oh, trust me, I wish I was lying,” I assured her. “I was such a troublemaker growing up, everyone’s going to be shocked that I managed to land a woman like you.”
Trudie blushed. “Oh, stop it.”
“I’m serious. You’re going to knock ‘em dead.”
Trudie ducked her head down, her blush deepening. I couldn’t contain the smile on my face. We might only be pretending to be married, but anyone would be lucky to be married to Trudie, and I wanted her to understand that. I wanted her to know just what a fantastic person she was.
I told her a few more stories to help her relax, really getting into it myself as I recalled my vivid and crazy childhood. Eventually, though, Trudie let go and we both drifted off to sleep. It was a long flight and I wanted to avoid being jetlagged.
No such luck. By the time we landed in Dublin, all I wanted to do was crash into a bed.
“You look like shite,” Liam said, grinning as he picked us up from the airport.
“Take a look in the bloody mirror you daft bastard,” I shot back, already feeling my accent getting thicker as we hugged. I never quite lost the accent, no matter how much time I stayed in America, but the moment I was home in Ireland it became ten times stronger.
Trudie hugged Liam as well, looking dead on her feet, poor thing. Liam might’ve teased me but he was kind about the fact that we’d been traveling all day, not asking us a lot of questions and keeping up a stream of light chatter just to fill the space as he brought us back to his flat.
I didn’t even think about it as we were shown into the bedroom where we’d be staying, with just the one bed there. Normally I would’v
e been freaking out, for sure, but I was too fucking tired for that right now. Instead I just stripped, got into my pajamas, and collapsed into bed with Trudie, pulling her close without even thinking about it as I fell into sleep.
19
Trudie
When I opened my eyes, the digital clock on the nightstand said it was three in the morning.
What?
For a moment, I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I was in an unfamiliar space, in the dark, lying curled up with someone. Panic nearly set in as I started to wonder—was I back with Pete? Had he found me? Or had I never really left and the last six months had just been a wonderful dream, a very realistic one?
Then I woke up a bit more, my eyes adjusting to the dark, and I realized that I was an idiot. I wasn’t back with Pete, or anything like that. I was in Liam’s guest bedroom in his apartment (or “flat” as they apparently called it here) in Ireland. The person sleeping next to me, his arm thrown over my waist in a kind of casual intimacy that made my stomach flip, wasn’t Pete, but Laird.
My stomach rumbled, apparently deciding that it didn’t care that it was three in the morning, it wanted food, and it wanted it now. I didn’t feel like I could just go wandering around Liam’s place, even if I was theoretically his sister-in-law. That wasn’t polite when I’d only really met him once before.
Laird, though, could definitely do that in his brother’s place, right?
I poked him. “Hey. Hey. Feed me. I’m starving.”
Laird groaned softly, rolling onto his back so that he could stretch. He blinked a few times, then squinted up at me. “What the bloody time is it?”
“Three. And I want food.” I pouted.
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