I’d been wild, too rough because she’d been so hot and wet and willing and I couldn’t resist her. But looking at the evidence of her inexperience on my cock reminded me that we’d been careless with protection. How careless I’d been about protection because it was my responsibility.
Though the evil voice within me said maybe getting her pregnant was a good thing, she would probably do whatever I requested to keep that baby and forget all about Andreas. Then I would get him all to myself.
If that’s what I really wanted.
I had no fucking clue what I wanted because for some reason Sasha’s virginity made me rethink my plans of seduction. Just when I was so close to getting what I wanted, my conscience fucking attacked. Great.
So the next day I called up the one person who was annoying enough to be honest with me. My cousin Rafael. We met at Duke’s and took a seat on the patio thanks to his group of henchmen. Their sole responsibility was to make sure the future king was always safe and secure.
“Thanks for coming.”
Rafael frowned. “You said you needed to talk.”
That’s exactly why I’d hated my cousin for years. Why I’d done the unthinkable to him, taken his former wife to bed more than once. All because he was a good man. I needed to talk so he made time for me.
“Yeah, well thanks anyway.”
“How did things go with Tara?”
I told him all about her plan, and then about my own actions, as well as the whole virginity thing. I outlined every damn detail and then asked, “In another week or so I’ll have her right where I want her. What should I do?”
In typical Rafa fashion he mulled over everything I’d said, and probably a few things I didn’t say before he spoke. “Do you want her?”
“No.” The moment I said it I knew it wasn’t completely true. I wanted her in my bed again but that was it. “What I want is sole custody of my son.”
“Why?”
I blinked. “What the hell kind of question is that? Because he’s my son dammit!” Thankfully the waitress arrived with our drinks before she took our orders. I would take any reprieve from the pressure in my chest this conversation had produced.
He sat back and stared, familiar hazel eyes assessing me. My words. Everything. “It’s a damn good question Antonio. You are never around to spend any time with Andreas and you hardly know your own son, yet you want to get rid of the one person who has always been there for him. You should at least know why.”
“I don’t want to get rid of her.” Why couldn’t anyone understand that? I just wanted the comfort of knowing that my son was my responsibility. Solely my responsibility.
Rafa chuffed out a laugh that was a mix of amusement and condescension. “She recently finished culinary school Antonio, and if not for her love and dedication to that little boy, she could have taken a job anywhere in the country, hell in the world. What do you think will happen if you trick, or seduce her into giving up custody?” He laughed again at my expression. “You actually thought she would stick around?”
I frowned. “If she loved him she would stick around.”
“Like you?”
It was a low blow, but we both knew I deserved it. I hadn’t been around for Andreas in any significant way and that deflated all of my righteous anger. “What would you do?”
His smile was grim, no amusement in sight. “I used every possible edge I could to keep Sofia so I’m not the best person to offer up guidance on this topic. But I will say this. Stop worrying about custody so much and get to know your son. Spend some time with him. Maybe Sasha will see that you can be the father Andreas needs and she will give you want you want.”
That was all wonderful, best-case-scenario type of thinking. But, “What if she doesn’t?”
“Then you have another person who loves him deeply. Is that such a bad thing?” He shook his head, obviously disappointed with my casual shrug. “Have you thought about how Andreas will feel if Sasha is gone from is life? She has been his only constant.”
I hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t given one single thought to how he would feel without her. But I knew. He would be completely devastated because Sasha was the only person he’d been able to count on in six years of living. He’d been barely a year old when Miriam had gotten sick the first time, but the doctors caught it early and treated it aggressively. But eighteen months later they learned that it hadn’t been aggressive enough and it had spread.
In that time Sasha had stepped up and taken on full-time care of Andreas, attending school events, making sure he got to his activities on time, play dates and parties. She’d gone above and beyond to make sure his life was as normal as it could be while his mom was dying. It had been her, Sasha. Not me and not Miriam.
“Dammit Rafa.”
A cocky grin spread across his face. “You’re welcome.”
“You know, all the things I hated about you over the years, I find them annoying as hell still. But in a helpful way.”
“Antonio, you like me.”
“Don’t push me,” I growled. “It’s still new and can change at any time.”
“It won’t.” His expression turned serious. “I’m glad you called actually, because I have something I want to discuss with you. About the wedding.”
“I already told Harper Andreas would love to be your ring bearer. He’s already had Sasha doing research so he can do it perfectly for his favorite uncle.”
“His only uncle, but I’ll take it.”
I grinned at that. Suddenly we were an actual family again. “So, what is it?”
“I want you to be my Best Man.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“You sure?”
“I’m very rarely unsure Antonio.”
I laughed at the truth of that statement. “Then hell yes I’ll be your best man.” Progress. She was a strange mistress.
Sasha
“You’re what?” I knew I must have had some problems with my hearing because I couldn’t have possibly heard Antonio right.
“You heard me Sasha. I’m coming with you to pick up Andreas from camp.” His tone brooked no argument. Arms folded across his expansive chest, biceps bulging against the lightweight sweater her wore and his handsome face twisted in a dark scowl.
“But, why?” He’d never once, in six years, bothered himself with the mundane details of parenting.
“Because he’s my son and he’s been gone for a week and I’d like to see him.” He let his words hang in the air before he spoke again. “You’re not threatened by that, are you?”
“Of course not. It’s just you’ve never wanted to do anything like that before.”
“Well I do now.”
“Fine.” And that’s how we’d ended up locked in a car together on a three hour drive. It’s too tense. Even being this close to him is too much. My emotions, hell my body, couldn’t handle it. Having sex with him, well with anyone I’m sure, but specifically with Antonio and for the first time was enough to put me on edge. But knowing how I’d thrown myself into it when he was only trying to get me to submit, well that just fucking stung. It hurt and I wasn’t ready to forgive him and act like everything was all right. No matter how much he tried.
And he had tried to engage me in conversation but I just…couldn’t. I wasn’t ready because I couldn’t look at him without seeing all the things we’d done together, without hearing those words. Now I know how to get you to shut up, and that smug laugh. It burned me right down to my very soul. Worst part of all, I can’t blame him because I was just as willing as him.
“You can’t ignore me forever Sasha. You know Andreas will pick up on the tension.”
“I’m well aware, thanks. There will be no tension Antonio, don’t worry.” The little boy was sensitive, and he had a keen sense of when things were not right in his world. I worked hard to make sure his life was as normal as possible.
“So why not start now?” He flashed a grin that caused tingles
to rise up my body, but I pushed them back down. There will be no more of that, so just stop getting excited.
“Because now, Andreas is not here.”
His smile faded and I nearly regretted my words.
“Do you need me to apologize? Will that put things right between us?” He sounded so condescending, so annoyed like he had a right to be annoyed. “I don’t need you to do or say a thing. I was as much a willing participant as you were.”
“So what’s with the walking-wounded act?”
I glared at him for a quick second before turning back to the road. He wasn’t worth running off the road, or worse, ramming head first into one of the hundreds of semi trucks around us. Instead of answering I cranked up the Metallica song coming through the speakers. Wounded? Who did he think he was calling wounded when he’d made love, no had fucked me just to get me to shut up! Did he think that made me feel good? Of course, he probably didn’t even think about how I’d felt.
He turned the knob to lower the music. “Well?”
“I’m acting wounded? Why because I don’t want to talk to you? That’s rich. What do you care anyway? You got what you wanted, so what’s there to talk about?” I turned Metallica up. Way up. Thankfully he got the hint and kept his mouth shut the rest of the ride. As soon as I slid into a parking spot, I jumped from the SUV and headed towards the main building.
“Where are you going?” His long legs easily kept up with me.
I spotted the camp director as soon as we entered the office. “Hi Peggy, how did it go this week?”
She looked up and smiled at me, casting a wary gaze at Antonio whom she’d never met. “Andy did wonderful after that first phone call. He’s developed a love of oil paints, but he’s made great strides with the charcoal. And,” she smiled like we were in on some joke, “he’s made a few friends.”
“Oh that’s wonderful!” I was worried that his formal way of speaking, or his intelligence might make him an outcast, but I should have known he’d do well in a camp full of outcasts. “I’m so glad to hear that Peggy, thank you. This place is great.”
“Well, we are doing an adult camp at the end of the summer, well it’s more of a family camp, with adult oriented activities. It’s new this year.”
I was tempted. And I knew Andreas would love to be with me to experience my first summer camp. “You know I’d like that. If the dates line up we could definitely do it.”
“I hope we can see Andy again next year too,” she kept talking while she gathered the forms for the adult summer camp.
I smiled when I saw the dates and promised to get the forms back to her soon. Peggy walked us to the cafeteria where all the campers waited for a special presentation and awards ceremony. Andreas spotted us immediately.
“Sasha! I had so much fun!” He talked nonstop about everything from pizza boats and dry burgers, to the sundae bar and his expert s’mores. “I thought I was gonna get sick at the sundae bar but I stopped and had water like you said.” He leaned in with a conspiratorial smile so his friends wouldn’t hear. “Mikey and Dominic both puked.” He giggled because at his age, it was so funny.”
“That’s good to hear. I missed you but I’m glad you had fun.” He didn’t have much kid fun and it looked good on him. I bent to hug him. “Don’t forget to welcome your dad, he came all the way over just to see you.”
Andreas looked up at his father, assessing him for a moment. I could tell from the change in his expression when he realized his dad had come. To see him. A bright smile spread across his tiny face.
“Hello Father. I’m glad that you came.”
Antonio looked thunderstruck. “I, uh, I’m glad I came too. It’s good to see you. How was your week?” Antonio was so awkward it was almost adorable to watch him stumble over his words like a knobby kneed horse.
“It was fine. How was yours?” I hated that Andreas always defaulted to his formal stilted way of speaking whenever Antonio was around.
They acted like strangers or, at best, acquaintances who saw each other casually. Maybe once or twice a year. I didn’t know much about family, but I knew these two guys should be closer. Miriam would hate to see her boys like this.
“Why don’t we take our seats?”
Suddenly Andreas found the scuffed wooden floor in the mess hall very interesting. “There’s only one seat for my guest because I didn’t know Father would be here.”
“Oh, is that all kiddo? You and your dad go sit together while I go explore the grounds.”
“No!” He looked between me and Antonio, a big-eyed stare of confusion. “I just mean that I want you here. Too,” he added hastily. “I want you here too.”
He was such a sweet boy. I ruffled his hair. “How about I stand in back over there and you and your dad take the seats? You can tell him all about your week.”
I didn’t give either of them a chance to come up with more solutions when we all knew mine was best. I sent him a wink when I pressed against the wall and he gave me a tiny wave.
The ceremony got started after a brief welcome and then campers from each age group presented one piece of art from their week here. Andreas did a fantastic charcoal drawing of me and him in the kitchen, him drawing and me smiling while I decorated a cake. It was stunning, and with so much detail you could see the smudge of flour on my cheek. I winked at him and wiped a tear from my cheek. He’d perfectly captured the fun we had those evenings after dinner.
When it was over they offered standard camp food—hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and soda—for any of the families choosing to stay for lunch. “Did you see it Sasha? Do you like it?”
“Like it? I loved it. I’m so proud of you buddy. I could almost hear the laughter in the kitchen.”
“You can keep it. It’s for you.”
“Thanks Andreas. You’re the best.” He squirmed out of my hug and looked around to make sure none of his friends saw.
“So are you Sasha,” he mumbled, pink rising up his cheeks.
I looked over at Antonio, and he looked every bit the outsider he’d made himself into. The only difference was that now he didn’t look so happy and smug about it. The forlorn look on his face tore at my heart and I decided to throw him a bone.
“Antonio what did you think?”
“I uh, I think its great. I had no idea you could draw like that son.” He wanted to say more, I could see it all over his face, yet he remained silent.
“I practiced every night while Sasha did her cake homework.” He smiled and kept up a steady dialogue as we made our way back to his cabin and then to the car. “I’m hungry.”
“Really? That’s so weird because Andreas is never hungry,” I joked
He laughed. “Can we have barbecue?”
I cast a baleful look at over at Antonio. “Yeah Dad, can we have barbecue?”
“Yeah, Dad, can we,” Andreas added with an insistent clap.
Antonio tried hard not to laugh, but I saw the twitching at the corners of his mouth. “I guess we’re having barbecue.”
I finally understood a bit more about Antonio. Sure, he’d purposely kept a distance between himself and his son for years, but now he didn’t know how to bridge the gap. Releasing a long sigh as I pointed the car towards home, I knew this meant I had to help.
Damn.
Antonio
“Dad, taste this!” Andreas shoved a hot wing in my direction, almost right at my forehead, but a quick dodge avoided that catastrophe. “You’ll love it I swear!”
I opened my mouth because I was eager to discover what type of food made my son so excited. But also because watching him and Sasha together had done something to me. I realized that she was his only parent. The one whose approval he sought after an achievement. The one he looked to for assurance, for help. For everything. I needed to be that to him.
“It is good. Spicy as hell though.”
They both laughed. “Here try it with the dressing, Sasha says it cools it down and it does!” He dipped another wing and handed it
to me, dripping all over the table.
“Delicious.” I smiled but my mouth still burned. Sasha smiled and pushed a glass of water my way. “Thank you.”
Her laughter was genuine. “No problem. Here just have the barbecue ones Antonio.”
“No, I’m good.”
“Suit yourself,” she said and went back to the hell baked pieces coated in fire.
We sat in silence while Sasha ate her way through the basket of wings. Without her help, Andreas and I had little to say to one another, and it left me out of sorts. A small voice in my head said it didn’t matter, that Andreas would get over her in a few months once she was gone. That I should do what I have to do.
I needed to get over my desire to protect her. She wasn’t mine to protect. Andreas was. So, I would continue on with my new, amended plan. Seduce her while she showed me how to be a better father to my son. Then get her to give up her custody rights.
“So Andreas, what would you like to do for the summer?”
He looked to Sasha for an answer and she nodded. “I want to go on a safari!”
A safari. Of course he wanted to do something completely outrageous, but I wondered if I could make it happen. There were almost three full months before Rafael and Harper’s wedding, so with some creative scheduling I could make it work.
“Okay, let’s do it. Sasha I hope your passport is up to date.”
“Yes it is, but don’t you want to do this with Andreas? Just the two of you?”
“But Sasha you have to come!”
I could always count on my boy to do the dirty work. He flashed big puppy dog eyes at her and I watched her instantly soften.
“You know I can’t say no to you, sweet boy.”
“So you’ll come?” She nodded and offered him the last spicy wing, both of them giggling when he bit it right form her hands. “Thanks Sash,” he said around the chicken.
She winked and I knew this would give me everything I wanted. Her in my bed, and eventually, full custody.
“Why are you doing this?” Sasha stood in the middle of the kitchen, hands fisted on her hips that were encased in a tiny pair of denim shorts. I licked my lips at the sight she made. Angry. And sexy. And pissed.
It's Only Pretend: A Single Dad Boxset Page 14
