It's Only Pretend: A Single Dad Boxset

by Piper Sullivan

  “Thank you for inviting me. Now go get your man. I’ll see you out there.” I left her and Edie in the suite because royal weddings were different. Instead of marching up the aisle I would wait at the altar. The same as the best man.

  Or the worst man, depending on who you asked.

  Antonio

  Where was she? After the gift I sent up to Sasha, I expected her to come find me and thank me properly. But I haven’t laid eyes on her since the photographer finished with the wedding party nearly two hours ago. I could feel that something was wrong, but I had no idea what it was. She hadn’t shown up for dinner the night before and we hadn’t said more than a few words since that tryst in the passageway, two nights ago.

  “Have you seen Sasha?”

  Rafael grinned at me and slapped my back. “Last I saw her she was helping Harper into her reception outfit, but that was a while ago.” His gaze landed on his wife and I knew he was lost to me.

  Finally, I spotted her standing beside Edie. They were chatting like old buddies, and I realized there was a lot about her I didn’t know. I made my way over to them, but she was gone by the time I made it through the throngs of guests.

  “Edie, you are a vision.”

  She laughed and blushed. “Hush up boy. If I wasn’t married, I’d take you in a dark corner and show you what’s up.”

  I choked on my champagne at her words. “Well I guess it’s a good thing you’re a married woman, because I admit that I’m not curious about what’s up.”

  “I like you. Just don’t go making anymore crude suggestions to my granddaughter or I’ll have to turn you into one of them eunuchs.”

  She wrapped her arm around mine and began to walk. “I’m only telling you this because I like you,” she stopped and dug around her purse for something. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I waited patiently until she revealed a familiar box. “Whatever you’ve done, jewelry ain’t fixing it son.” She tucked the box in my jacket pocket and laid a gentle hand on my face before she walked away.

  Blood roared in my ears. Sasha hadn’t even opened the gift. Not even curiosity had compelled her to do so, which meant Edie was right. She was upset and I had no clue why. Though I now understood her absence last night and today.

  I needed to find her. Now.

  She wasn’t under the tent with the food and alcohol, and she wasn’t with Rafael and Harper who were snuggled close on the dance floor. I spotted the kids and several nannies but Andreas was not among them. Or Sasha. I lengthened my stride and entered the palace, ducking and dodging waitstaff at every turn in my desire to find Sasha and talk to her.

  “Father!” Andreas stood at the top of the staircase, arms crossed over his little chest and a dark scowl on his face. “Why?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “Why? Why did you run off the only person who loves me? I hate you! I hate you!” He turned and ran down the hall and took the stairs two at a time and followed him.

  “Andreas what are you talking about?” I called after him but when I found him he was in his room crying on the bed. “Where is Sasha?”

  “You sent her away! She loves me and I love her, and you made her leave!”

  Leave. I had no fucking clue what he was saying but I needed to figure it out. “Where did Sasha go?”

  “She left,” he yelled, still frowning at me. “She said you wanted me to yourself for the safari, but that’s not true. I know you sent her away because you hate me and I don’t care because I hate you too!” He turned his back to me and I was stunned to hear such vehemence from my son.

  “What’s going on?” Harper appeared in the doorway with a worried look on her face. “Are you okay Andy?”

  “No! Sasha left and she was crying so I knew she didn’t want to. She would never leave me because she’s the only one who loves me! He made her do it.”

  I was stunned by Andreas’ words and I stumbled back against the wall, unable to move. But Harper went to my boy and wrapped her arms around them. “She does love you, very much.”

  “I want to go with her.”

  “She’ll be waiting for you when you get home. She said you can call her anytime.”

  In true Cavallero impatience, Andreas ran to the phone and dialed all the numbers on the paper Harper held. “Sasha! Come back please. Take me with you.” He bawled so hard his little body vibrated with emotion and I wanted desperately to go to him, but I knew he didn’t want me. Didn’t need me. “You promised you would never leave!”

  Whatever she said to him seemed to calm him down and I wondered what it was. Hell, I needed to know if she really was gone because how would I ever parent this boy who hated me? He ran from the room, tears now mostly a memory and I moved after him but Harper stopped me.

  “I need to make sure he’s all right.”

  “No, you don’t. He’ll be fine. You need to read this,” she smacked a folded up sheet of paper against my chest.

  I unfolded the paper and scanned the short note.

  Antonio, I know everything. If you want custody that bad, you can have it.

  She didn’t sign the note but I knew the neat, slightly slanted handwriting anywhere. How had she found out? I looked up at Harper who looked at me like I disgusted her and I deserved it.

  “Did she say where she was going?”

  Harper gave me a look that said she thought I was an idiot. “She has no family and no home so my guess is she’s going back to California to figure out where her home is.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you would do that to her, after everything she’s done for you.”

  “I paid her very well.”

  “Then I guess that makes it all right,” she said a moment before leaving me alone in my son’s room.

  Sasha

  Two weeks later

  I couldn’t believe two weeks had passed so soon. I hadn’t gone so long without seeing Andreas since I held him in my arms at just four days old. Right now I felt nervous and anxious to see him. He probably needed a haircut and maybe he’d even grown an inch or two. After hours spent on the phone crying, he’d finally forgiven me for leaving Estamillo without him. I assured him I wasn’t leaving him and it took nearly a week for him to believe me.

  Then he’d called everyday this week to be sure I would meet him at the airport so he could tell me all about his trip to South Africa. So here I waited in the small lounge for private jets, heart in my stomach, for my little boy to arrive. I would have to deal with his father soon enough, but that no longer left me a wreck.

  Over the past two weeks I came to terms with my love for Antonio as well as my hate. I understood that a man like him liked to be in control and wouldn’t appreciate sharing custody, but to go so far? It was unacceptable. So I shoved the love part deep down into the darkest corner of my heart and determined that this was all for the best.

  I had already gone to his shark of lawyer to sign the custody papers, so if he didn’t want me around his son, I would respect that. It would tear my heart out, but I would accept it.

  “Sasha!” Andreas’ excited shouts pulled me from my musings and I braced myself for impact. “I missed you Sasha, did you miss me? I can’t wait to tell you everything we saw and show you the pictures Father took. We saw lions and tigers, elephants and leopards. It was the best!” He stopped just long enough to hug me and smile again.

  “I can’t wait. Did you have a good flight?”

  He nodded. “I slept a lot and Father showed me how to play poker.”

  “Sounds like you had a good time kiddo.” I ignored that feeling in my chest that told me these two would be fine without me. It was a good thing. Exactly what I wanted.

  “I did. Too bad you weren’t there though.”

  “I’m here now.” I stood and took his hand as the driver piled their luggage in the limo. “Are you ready to go?”

  He looked between me and Antonio, whom I was doing my darnest to pretend didn’t exist, torn in his loyalties as his little face scrunched up in
confusion. “Father’s taking me to lunch.”

  “Oh. Well then you go on and have fun. I’ll see you at the house.” I bent and kissed his cheek, holding back tears I couldn’t explain.

  “You could come,” he offered.

  “I already ate. You two have fun.”

  “Okay,” he said, shoulders drooped in disappointment. “See you later Sasha.”

  I didn’t want to put him in the middle of this tension between his father and I, but I also didn’t want to deal with Antonio for as long as I could help it. And I really was happy that they had started to enjoy spending time together.

  “Sasha?”

  “Yes, Andreas.”

  “You’ll be home when I get there, right?”

  “Sure will.” I had made a few changes to my room but I would be there. For now.

  “Where are all of your things?” Antonio’s voice sounded from the doorway, startling me as I sat on my bed reading.

  “My things are here,” I told him simply.

  “I seem to recall a lot more stuff in here before we left.”

  “I put it in storage.” Decorating this room like it was mine had only added to my delusion that I was part of this family. So I stripped the room of all the photos I’d taken of me and Andreas over the years. I packed up my colorful comforter in favor of the fancy damask one that was meant for the room, and I kept all but a few of my books. Now it looked like the room of an employee, not of the spinster aunt who’d come for a visit and stayed forever. Though I would never abandon Andreas, he would be in school full time in a few weeks and wouldn’t need me as much, so I needed to remember this was all temporary. Soon I would have to live my own life.

  “Why?”

  I shrugged. “Why not?” I refused to look at him just as I had in the airport. It hurt too much to see him, to know I’d been falling in love and he’d been playing me.

  “So you’re leaving?”

  “Are you firing me?”

  “Would it matter?”

  “Seeing as you’re his father, I suspect it would.” I couldn’t sit here and have this conversation with him. “Did you need something?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t. Just don’t bother with an apology. Please.”

  “I never meant to hurt you.”

  I laughed bitterly at that. Of course he’d meant to hurt me, he just hadn’t cared. I wasn’t a person or a woman, I was just an obstacle and he’d found the most effective way to remove me from his path. “It doesn’t matter. He’s all yours now so if you’re firing me then yes, it would matter.”

  “You would leave?”

  “I have no choice now, do I?” He’d made sure of it.

  “I’m supposed to feel guilty now?”

  I stood and smoothed the comforter. “I have never been in charge of what you do or feel Antonio.” If I had, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I would still be a virgin with a love-hate relationship with her boss, instead of a broken hearted loner who’d inserted herself into his family. “You should feel triumphant. You won.”

  “What do you want then?”

  A few tears fell before I could turn my head or stop them. “I want you to appreciate what a wonderful person your son is. I want you to be good to him. Love him.” I turned away. “And right now I want to be alone.”

  He stood there for several long minutes before finally leaving.

  I closed the door and let the tears fall. I gave myself fifteen minutes because in twenty I had to wake Andreas from his nap.

  Antonio

  I was in hell.

  I’d gotten everything I wanted—Sasha in my bed and sole custody of my son—but I wasn’t satisfied. My feelings alternated between anger and emptiness to outright helplessness. Sasha was here, but she wasn’t. The spark of life that had drawn me to her was gone. I’d snuffed it out.

  To someone who didn’t know her they would see the kind smile and warm eyes and see a happy, healthy woman. But I saw that she used up all her energy to put on a brave face for Andreas during dinner and any other time I was around. But Andreas was the only person she seemed genuinely happy around these days, and that tore me up inside. Now that I spent more time with my son I could appreciate how much of her life she’d put on hold to raise him. When we came back from outings she was either reading in her room or roaming the beach alone all night.

  She was completely alone in the world, and I’d taken away the one thing she had.

  “If you’re going to spend all night moping, I could go home to my wife.” Rafael stared across the table with an amused grin.

  “I am not moping.”

  “How are things at home?”

  “Great! Andreas and I are spending more time together and finally getting to know one another.” Andreas seemed satisfied with our new relationship, but I couldn’t help but notice his undercurrent of sadness that Sasha wasn’t around. I felt it too.

  “Then you’ve got everything you wanted. Why the long face?”

  I finished my whiskey and ordered another one. “I think I broke her Rafa. She’s not the same. When Andreas isn’t around she’s like a zombie.”

  “And?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “I am asking why you care. What did you think would happen when you took her virginity and made her fall for you? That she’d bounce back like the women who chase your title and your fortune?”

  Yes. That’s exactly what I thought. “Well what the hell do I do about it?”

  “Nothing. You don’t love her, she’s just your son’s nanny.”

  “No, she’s not,” I insisted vehemently.

  “Really, what is she? Your undercover lover?”

  My shoulders fell because that’s exactly how I’d treated her. Like some secret I was ashamed of when that couldn’t be further from the truth. “Shit.”

  “Exactly. Man up, cousin or let her go. It’s cruel to make her see the man who broke her heart everyday.”

  I stood and laid a few bills on the table. “I have to go. Come on.”

  Rafael smiled and followed me out and we tore down the PCH towards home. “Good luck.”

  I knew I was going to need it because Sasha had no reason to forgive me. When I found her she was sitting on the beach motionless just staring at the vast blueness of the ocean. She didn’t blink, didn’t sway and she didn’t make any moves to tame her hair the wind swept up and around her face. Yep, broken.

  “Hi.”

  She still didn’t move and she didn’t acknowledge my presence.

  “We don’t have much time before Andreas gets home.” Edie and Charlie had taken him and Sofia to Disney so Harper could relax with her due date fast approaching.

  That got her attention but she still hardly moved other than her mouth. “I’m not having sex with you Antonio.”

  Ouch. I guess I deserved that. “Good to know, but that’s not what I had in mind. We need to talk.”

  “So talk.”

  I decided to just start talking. “I like being in control. Most of my life I had no control over anything. The second born son of a second born son has no real royal future, not even as a politician, but I was expected to live my life just in case I became king. I couldn’t do it, so I ran and built my life away from Estamillo. I couldn’t control what happened to Miriam, and then she took away my choice where my son was concerned.” She was listening though she didn’t look at me. “I did have a plan to seduce you and have you sign the custody papers.”

  “It worked.”

  “I don’t know how or when but the plan changed. I hoped you would never find out why I seduced you. But now that you know, I owe you the sincerest apology I can find. Sasha I am so truly sorry. The last thing in the world I wanted was to hurt you. You are the sun that lights up Andreas’ world and that means the world to me.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered but that was all.

  “You didn’t open my gift.” I held the box out to her but still she didn’t
budge.

  “I don’t need it. There is no point in paying anymore than you already have just to gain full custody.”

  I sat dumbfounded, trying to figure out her meaning and then I got it. “Trust me when I tell you that seducing you was no hardship. If not for your relationship with my son I would have done it long ago.”

  “Apology accepted,” she said and stood, her gaze still riveted on the ocean as though she were expecting someone to come out and carry her away.

  I reached for her. “Wait Sasha. Open it, please.”

  She took the box and opened it, pulling out the charm bracelet inside as the wind carried the note away. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

  “You were supposed to read the note first.” I spent hours on that damn note and now she would never read it.

  “What did it say,” she asked softly, finally letting her gaze meet mine.

  I grabbed her hands and held them against my pounding chest. “It said thank you for bringing my son back to me. Thank you for reminding me there’s more to life than work. Thank you for opening your heart to me.” I brushed a kiss to her knuckles and her breath hitched.

  “Anything else?”

  I took a deep breath. “It also said that I love you. Somewhere between scheming to get you into bed and you leaving me, I fell in love with you.”

  “Is that true?” Her green eyes looked hopeful, but wary, and I knew it would take more than a bracelet to win her over.

  “Of course it is. It may have started as a game but I fell for you. Hard. You don’t let me getaway with anything because I’m rich and good looking.”

  “Don’t forget a prince,” she grinned.

  “And a royal,” I nodded with a wink. “You call me on my shit and you put my son first. And your body has been giving me dirty dreams for a year.” I pulled her close. “I want you Sasha. I want all of you and then I want just a little bit more.”

  Big green eyes filled with tears but they didn’t fall. “I want you too Antonio.”