“Well this all looks very interesting,” said Maggie, eyeing up the equipment stations.
“I feel sick,” muttered Rachael.
“Evening, all,” interrupted Thor enthusiastically as he bounded energetically into the gym. “What a great turnout, well done, everyone. Right, hands up if it’s your first time.”
Rachael, Kyle, Maggie and two others raised their hands.
“Brilliant, you guys. Welcome, showing up is the hardest part.”
“I’m sure it isn’t,” muttered Rachael. Maggie rolled her eyes.
“Now I know it looks intimidating, but it’s really quite simple, and I’m going to demonstrate each exercise. Please go at your own pace, don’t worry about what anyone else is doing as everyone has a different level. Their level isn’t your level. Just remember you’re unique…
Before he could finish, three women burst noisily into the gym.
“Talking of unique,” sighed Thor, raising his eyebrows. “Evening, ladies, good of you to show up.”
“Sorry, Thor! I know we’re a wee bit late, car trouble. Better late than never though, hey?”
Thor shook his head.
“In your case, Marnie, I’m not so sure,” he replied as Marnie waved to Rachael.
“Do you two know each other?”
“Yeah, we work together,” grinned Marnie. “I told her to come, so I must get brownie points for that.”
Thor grinned. Marnie was a scream. She never seemed to get any thinner, mainly because booze was too enticing, but she did show up every week. He couldn’t fault her commitment to the class.
“All I can say, Rachael, is don’t follow these three. Coordination is not their strong point.”
“Yeah, but what we lack in coordination we make up for in entertainment value,” replied Marnie. “And, anyway, at least we’re making an effort, for god’s sake, give us some credit.”
Thor smiled at them as he sensibly brought the conversation to an end. He glanced at the newcomers. Rachael and Kyle both looked terrified. Maggie was concentrating hard on the circuit, already mentally preparing herself.
“Right, let’s warm up first, then I’ll explain what we’re doing. Any injuries I should know about, come and see me. OK, Marnie, latecomers lead off…”
* * *
As Thor watched them all trudge around the gym, he tried not to think about the latest outburst from Jess.
“Knees up!” he bellowed over the uplifting techno emanating from the speakers. Jess was losing it, or rather, he was losing her. He just couldn’t commit to her constant demands on his time.
“And side-steps, two-in, two-out.” It was always the same with his relationships. Why were the women he ended up with so needy?
“And crossovers.” He couldn’t see it lasting past the weekend. Another one was about to bite the dust.
* * *
As Kyle tried to get his breath at the end of the warm-up, he desperately wanted to leave. He was never going to make it through. He already felt sick.
“This is shit, isn’t it?” whispered Rachael, homing in on a fellow sufferer. “Why are we doing this? I could be at home watching EastEnders with a Tunnock’s Teacake.”
Kyle tried to smile. He could hardly speak. A tea cake, like pizza, seemed a distant memory.
“Don’t worry, love,” she continued, “we’ll get through it. It’s only twenty more minutes.”
“I’ll never make it,” gasped Kyle.
“Stick next to me, pet. If you keel over, it gives me an excuse to get out of it while I call an ambulance.”
“OK,” shouted Thor, “listen up. We’ve got five stations, which I’ll demonstrate or make Marnie demonstrate if she doesn’t stop talking…thank you. You’ll have one minute on each station before I blow the whistle, then you move on. Always wait for the whistle before you start the next exercise.”
“One minute!” whispered Rachael to Maggie. “Of skipping? Christ almighty!”
“Skipping,” continued Thor, “pretty obvious, next station squats with kettle bell.”
“I bet he’s put that in on purpose,” whispered Maggie. “He must have heard me fart after all.”
Thor continued to demonstrate the remainder of the exercises, which involved a testing combination of sit-ups with a ball, step-ups and some complicated press-up manoeuvre which was apparently good for bingo wings according to Marnie, who had sidled in beside Rachael.
“You all right, Rach?” she whispered. “It’s a laugh, isn’t it?”
“No,” replied Rachael. “This is madness. I’m never going to get through it. A minute is ages.”
“Yeah but it gets easier. Once we’ve been round three times, it goes down to twenty seconds. Don’t take it so seriously, it’s not a competition. And dreams don’t work unless you do, darlin’.” Marnie nudged her playfully.
“Marnie, you’ll get an extra circuit if you don’t stop blabbing.” Said Thor, irritated.
“Don’t worry, I’m giving Rachael some of your ‘dreams don’t work unless you do’ inspirational chat.”
“I’ll do the chatting,” continued Thor, “you do the workout. Right, everyone. Find somewhere to start and we’ll get going.”
“Let’s start on the skipping,” said Maggie. “Always best to do the hardest thing first, get it out of the way.”
“But we have to go around three times,” hissed Rachael. “I hope these Tena Ladies are up to the job.”
“Pink leggings probably weren’t sensible,” whispered back Maggie.
Rachael hadn’t thought of that. “Oh god, please tell me if I get a wet patch.”
“I’m beside you, not behind you,” muttered Maggie. “I’m not going to be able to see.”
“Ok!” shouted Thor, cranking up the volume, “let’s go, guys.”
And, as he blew his whistle, Maggie, Kyle and Rachael’s pink leggings launched themselves into enemy lines.
* * *
With the cool-down over and everyone lying on the floor for the relaxation, Thor dimmed the lights and put on a soothing track. Unfortunately, it reminded him of Jess. He did like her; she was beautiful and funny and, when she was on form, he loved being in her company.
Unfortunately, she just didn’t get it; she couldn’t see that he needed to make a success of his life first. His business was going well, it had taken a lot of effort to build it up and he loved what he did. Yeah, it could be unsociable, but so were lots of jobs. Why couldn’t she see that? As he looked at them all lying on the floor, he wondered what was going through their minds during these three minutes of peace; how many of them had their own inner battles going on and how many of them were truly happy? Hardly any of them, probably. Life wasn’t easy, he knew that, but finally he had a chance to make his own a success. As much as he liked Jess, he couldn’t let her take it away from him now. And as the track finished and he turned on the lights, Thor Thorogood mentally closed the door on yet another unproductive relationship.
CHAPTER 9
As everyone filtered slowly out of the class, Kyle hung back. Thor called him over.
“Well done, mate, glad you made it. Great effort, see, you didn’t drop dead.”
“The night’s still young,” replied Kyle, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his bandana. He was beetroot and completely spent.
“I bought one of those bullet things,” he continued, as Kyle handed him some skipping ropes to carry.
“Sorry?”
“One of those bullet things that makes juice, you put fruit and vegetables in.”
“A NutriBullet?” Thor was impressed.
“Yeah, bloody expensive and I don’t know what to do with it now.”
“Did you read the instructions?”
“Yeah, but I thought it would be easier to ask you – like what’s the best thing to start with? I don’t think I can do that kale stuff, or anything too green, like in the book. I don’t even eat peas.”
Thor looked at him. The guy looked like a lost kid
trying to find his way out of a very deep hole. And he was trying. This wasn’t easy for him. He was showing some guts.
“Always throw a banana in, makes it sweeter. What made you buy one?” Thor replied, taking the skipping ropes and placing them in an orderly fashion on the shelf of the very organised cupboard.
“Kelsey, a girl at work told me to get one.”
“So what does she put in hers?”
“No, she hasn’t got one, she can’t afford it. She told me her mates use them, well one puts vodka in hers. I bought two, one for home and one for the office, I thought we could share it.”
“Very generous of you,” replied Thor, grinning. “Is she worth it?”
“Yeah, but I’ve got no chance, she’s just a mate.”
“At the moment,” replied Thor, latching on to a carrot. “She might change her mind when you turn into David Beckham.”
“Absolutely no chance. She’s heard of you though,” said Kyle, finally breaking into a smile.
“Course she has, I’m a legend,” laughed Thor.
“She said you shagged some woman who did yoga, in a garage at a party.”
“Oh, for fucks’ sake, yoga Debbie. To be honest, not one of my finest moments; got bloody oil all over her new jeans. Still don’t know how I got out of that one. Anyway, that’ll soon be you, if you stick at it, although I’m not sure I recommend messing about with someone else’s bird. Right, let me give you a starter recipe. You can swing by the shops on the way home, get the stuff and impress your work buddy tomorrow.”
“She said you were very supple,” continued Kyle, following Thor.
“So was she,” replied Thor. “She certainly didn’t need any WD40. It was fucking unbelievable.”
* * *
“Well, that wasn’t too bad,” said Maggie, looking at herself in the car mirror. She was pink, but nothing too drastic. She’d survived, hadn’t wet herself or farted, and she’d loved the music. She usually listened to Radio 4 at home; this was a whole new world. She would try and remember to ask Thor for his playlist, or whatever they called it now. She wouldn’t ask her girls; as teenagers, they’d just laugh, say she was embarrassing and think she was having a mid-life crisis, which she probably was. But if this was a mid-life crisis, she’d take it any day. She hadn’t had this much excitement in years.
Rachael didn’t quite have the same enthusiasm. She was completely knackered. Thankfully, the Tena Ladies had held up.
“Are you OK?” asked Maggie, starting the car, “you’re very quiet.”
“I’m bloody knackered,” replied Rachael.
As they came to a set of traffic lights, Maggie signalled left.
“It’s right here,” said Rachael, sniffing. She didn’t want to cry. Especially in front of Maggie.
“Thanks for driving Maggie,” she whispered, “I really appreciate it. I can’t believe I didn’t used to like you.”
Maggie was stunned. “You didn’t like me?”
“No,” replied Rachael, honestly. “Well, it wasn’t exactly that I didn’t like you, I was terrified of you.”
“Terrified?” replied Maggie, “Of me?”
Rachael hesitated. “Well yes, actually, before the girls’ trip I thought you were a bossy cow, I was scared to death of you.”
“Were you? Oh dear, did everyone think that?”
“No, not everyone, Christie said you were great fun, so I reserved judgement and she was right; well sort of, you’re still a bossy cow, but in a good way. Actually, I was probably jealous, I would love to be like you, all organised and efficient. I’m a bloody disaster.”
Maggie took a moment to let what Rachael had said sink in. She was bossy, she realised that, Callum had pointed it out to her more frequently lately, but she just wanted what was best for them all. She was starting to mellow though, and Myles Cavendish had been the catalyst for that. She also loved the fact that Rachael was being honest. She was definitely a woman after her own heart.
“Well I think I can take that as a compliment and, to be honest, I’m grateful to have a partner in crime. We’re in this together, Rachael, all for one and one for all and all that. I can’t have you giving up at the first fence.”
“When are you going to tell him that you know he’s seeing someone else?” asked Rachael.
“I’m biding my time, Rachael. I’ll deal with it when the time is right, and that’s definitely not now. He knows I know, I guarantee that. He’ll be making a plan as well; working out his tactics.”
“I just told Rex to fuck off,” smiled Rachael. “Not sure that counts as tactics. I need to get organised.”
“Well that’s where I come in. I’m a bossy cow and if I can’t get us both organised for a successful divorce, no one can.”
* * *
As Thor got in his car, his phone rang. It was Jess. Taking a deep breath, he accepted the call.
“Hi, how ya doing?” he answered cheerily.
“Fine thanks,” came the stilted reply. He could already sense where this was heading.
“Are you coming round tonight?”
“Do you want me to?” replied Jess, placing the ball firmly in his court.
“Only if you want to,” he returned.
“You obviously don’t want me to.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because if you wanted me to, you would have phoned me and asked me round.”
“I’ve only just got in the car.”
“But you didn’t say you wanted me to, you said; only if I want to, which is different. You obviously don’t want me to, or you would have said yes.”
“Would I?” Thor continued, trying to put up a fight. “I only want you to come if you want to, I didn’t think you wanted to see me any more.”
“I don’t think I do now.”
“You didn’t yesterday either.”
“I hate you.”
“I know. You tell me frequently.”
“You’re so self-centred and selfish, you never have time for me.”
Thor was exasperated.
“Jess, I have just finished work, I’ve been working all day; I’m trying to run a fucking business. I’ve just got in the car and I asked you if you wanted to come round.”
“But you didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I can’t win; whatever I say will be wrong. If you want to come round, come round, if you don’t, then don’t. I’m not bothered either way now, to be honest.”
“I realise that, that’s why I never want to see you again. I’m just wasting my time; the only person you have any time for is yourself and all those bloody women that you cavort around with.”
“I don’t just train women, Jess, and I’m a personal trainer, not a fucking escort service.”
“Oh, fuck off, Thor, I hear what people say, I’m not stupid. No wonder you’re knackered when you get home from work, you’ve probably been shagging all day. People talk you know, butat least I know where I stand now. Don’t try and call me either, because I won’t pick up.”
“Good,” replied Thor. “I won’t bother then.”
And with Jess in mid-sentence, he hung up, turned off his phone and started the car.
CHAPTER 10
Fussing her two black labs as they greeted her in the kitchen, Maggie was surprised to see Callum still sitting at the kitchen table. As was usual these days, he was glued to his phone.
“You’re late back,” he mumbled, not looking up from what was obviously more interesting than her. “I thought the class was half an hour.”
“It was,” replied Maggie, “but I had to drop Rachael back and the traffic going through to her place was dreadful, another water main had burst. I’m thinking of writing to our MP, they need to get it sorted” Opening the fridge door, she stared at the half-eaten pie. Callum continued to stare at his phone.
“Didn’t you like it?”
“Like what?”
“The pie. You haven’t eaten it all. I got it from that ne
w farm shop, it’s locally made. I thought you’d enjoy it.”
Callum looked briefly at the pie, then returned to his phone.
“It was okay. I wasn’t that hungry.”
Biting her tongue, Maggie removed the plate. The dogs, ever hopeful, raised themselves from their bed, and, with tails wagging, waited expectantly. Rewarded with a small piece each, they retreated contentedly and Maggie, covering the remainder, replaced it in the fridge.
“I thought you had a meeting tonight,” she persisted cautiously, as she retrieved her quinoa salad from the top shelf.
“It was cancelled.”
“Last minute? Who was it with?”
“Does it matter?” Callum replied curtly, “it won’t mean anything to you.”
Maggie poured herself a glass of water, popped in a slice of lemon and sat down at the table.
“I’m just trying to have a conversation, Callum, please try and be civil.”
As Maggie picked up her fork, Callum looked at the salad.
“What the hell is that?”
“Superfood salad,” replied Maggie with her mouth full. “Quinoa, beetroot, avocado, nuts, olives…”
“Keen what?”
“Keen wah” replied Maggie, pronouncing it perfectly, “it’s a grain from South America, a superfood. It’s a Jamie Oliver recipe, do you want to try some?”
Callum looked at the salad.
“I couldn’t think of anything worse, it looks like Trill.”
“What?”
“Trill, that seed my grandmother used to feed her budgies.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Callum, it’s actually very nice.”
“I doubt that,” said Callum, finally putting down his phone and replacing it with a glass of red wine. “So, what’s brought all this on anyway?”
“Brought what on?” said Maggie, bracing herself for where this was heading.
“All this. Bloody salads, going to the gym.” Callum sat back in his chair and took a large mouthful of wine.
“I am simply trying to lose a bit of weight and get a bit fitter. I’ll be fifty in a couple of years and if I let myself go now, it’ll be much harder to get the weight off. Have you been in a hospital lately? It’s positively hideous; full of people dying a slow death because they didn’t look after themselves. I don’t want to turn into a shuffling wreck in my seventies, Callum, and have to be looked after, either by you, the children or an over-stretched and under-funded NHS. Do you know how much it costs the NHS to look after people who can’t be bothered to look after themselves and are overweight? Millions. I’m merely doing my bit for the health service and taking preventative action. Rachael’s coming too, its good fun.”
Trust Me, I’m a Personal Trainer Page 5
