CHAPTER XXXVIII
PERPETUAL LIGHT
Moonlight on the terrace--silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane hadstepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm andstill, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills withsoft-throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close tothe parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweetsounds of the quiet night.
The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth hadremoved the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the gravel;and sat at his wife's feet leaning against her knees. She stroked hishair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and then he put uphis hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring he had never seen.
Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at lastalone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled aboutthem; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth couldnot bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. What toanother would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," was, tohim, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully understoodthis; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And the bliss ofthis was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had seemed to her as ifthe hunger in her heart, caused by those long weeks of waiting, whenher arms ached for him, and yet she dared not even touch his hand,would never be appeased.
"Sweet, sweet, sweet--thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. AndGarth whistled an exact imitation.
"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do sowant you to sing to me. I don't know what it is; but I think you willremember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the pictures,and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our poor hearts wereon the rack; and I went up early in order to begin my letter ofconfession; but you told Simpson not to come for you until eleven.While I was writing in the room above, I could hear you playing in thelibrary. You played many things I knew--music we had done together,long ago. And then a theme I had never heard crept in, and caught myear at once, because it was quite new to me, and so marvellously sweet.I put down my pen and listened. You played it several times, withslight variations, as if trying to recall it. And then, to my joy, youbegan to sing. I crossed the room; softly opened my window, and leanedout. I could hear some of the words; but not all. Two lines, however,reached me distinctly, with such penetrating, tender sadness, that Ilaid my head against the window-frame, feeling as if I could write nomore, and wait no longer, but must go straight to you at once."
Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; turnedit over, and softly kissed the palm.
"What were they, Jane?" he said.
"'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, Safe home at last.'"
"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, 'when all is gone'!Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. Thencame a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I arose, armedwith fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my letter. Againtwo lines had reached me:"
"'Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, Art Lord of All.'"
"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will yousing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should singit, here and now; and I can't wait!"
Garth sat up, and laughed--a short happy laugh, in which all sorts ofemotions were mingled.
"Jane! I like to hear you say you can't wait. It isn't like you;because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciouslylike you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in theAnthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even-song.I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the firstlesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak said untoBalaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,--so I hope I may be forgiven! Theyseemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had ever read; and,fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, I will sing them toyou, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid the air will soundrather poor without the accompaniment. However, not for worlds would Imove from here, at this moment."
So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his faceuplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Muchpractice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of hisvoice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which thewords were set.
Jane listened with an overflowing heart.
"The radiant morn hath passed away, And spent too soon her golden store; The shadows of departing day Creep on once more. "Our life is but a fading dawn, Its glorious noon, how quickly past! Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, Safe home at last. "Where saints are clothed in spotless white, And evening shadows never fall; where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, Art Lord of All."
The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, anddied away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of vastcontent, against his wife's knees.
"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie--perhaps it is because YOUsang it; and to-night;--but it seems to me the most beautiful thing Iever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of all days."
"Oh, I don't know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him,and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel 'Safehome at last'--not because 'all is gone'; but because I HAVE all, inhaving you, Jane."
Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said,"you have all I have to give--all, ALL. But, darling, in those darkdays which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. 'Lead us, OChrist'--It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and hasbrought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord ofAll--Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives--our weddedlives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, eachother's, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, Garth?"
Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek againstit; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss it allround.
"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank God, that I can say in all things:'Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.'"
A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music,Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hearit?"
Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure.
"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty tothe fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; theAnthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when littleRosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about 'the lady portrayed'; andwhat her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, and COULD have been;and had made me SEE 'The Wife' again, and 'The--' the other picture; Ifelt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And then those words came to mymind: 'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, safe home at last.' Allseemed gone indeed; and there seemed no home to hope for, in thisworld." He raised himself a little, and then leaned back again; so thathis head rested against her bosom. "Safe home at last," he said, andstayed quite still for a moment, in utter content. Then remembered whathe was telling her, and went on eagerly.
"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairingthoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords."
"'The radiant morn hath passed away, And spent too soon her golden store; The shadows of departing day--'"
"And then--suddenly, Jane--I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I usedto SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to my canvasin shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I felt thesame kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when inspirationcame, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I played thesunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and what one feelswhen the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into darkness; and then theprayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, where evening shadowsnever fall: And after that came the end; just certainty, and worship,and peace. You see the eventual theme, worked out
of all this. It waslike making studies for a picture. That was why you heard it over andover. I wasn't trying to remember. I was gathering it into final form.I am awfully glad you like it, Jane; because if I show you how theharmonies go, perhaps you could write it down. And it would mean such alot to me, if you thought it worth singing. I could play theaccompaniment--Hullo! Is it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on mycheek, and another on my hand."
No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her breath;and realised that she was weeping.
In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what isthe matter; Sweet? What on earth--? Have I said anything to troubleyou? Jane, what is it? O God, why can't I see her!"
Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immenseeffort. Then drew him down beside her.
"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy--a wonderful surprise.Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that youhave composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do youknow, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but ALLwomen who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do yourealise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, thatwhen one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. When youhad your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you will createby the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely works throughanother channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! The world liesbefore you once more!"
Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet withthankful tears.
"Oh, bother the world!" he said. "I don't want the world. I only wantmy wife."
Jane put her arms around him. Ah, what a boy he was in some ways! Howfull of light-hearted, irrepressible, essential youth. Just then shefelt so much older than he; but how little that mattered. The bettercould she wrap him round with the greatness of her tenderness; shieldhim from every jar or disillusion; and help him to make the most of hisgreat gifts.
"I know, darling," she said. "And you have her. She is just ALL YOURS.But think of the wonderful future. Thank God, I know enough of thetechnical part, to write the scores of your compositions. And,Garth,--fancy going together to noble cathedrals, and hearing youranthems sung; and to concerts where the most perfect voices in theworld will be doing their utmost adequately to render your songs. Fancythrilling hearts with pure harmony, stirring souls with tone-pictures;just as before you used to awaken in us all, by your wonderfulpaintings, an appreciation and comprehension of beauty."
Garth raised his head. "Is it really as good as that, Jane?" he said.
"Dear," answered Jane, earnestly, "I can only tell you, that when yousang it first, and I had not the faintest idea it was yours, I said tomyself: 'It is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.'"
"I am glad," said Garth, simply. "And now, let's talk of somethingelse. Oh, I say, Jane! The present is too wonderful, to leave anypossible room for thoughts about the future. Do talk about the present."
Jane smiled; and it was the smile of "The Wife"--mysterious;compassionate; tender; self-surrendering. She leaned over him, andrested her cheek upon his head.
"Yes, darling. We will talk of this very moment, if you wish. Youbegin."
"Look at the house, and describe it to me, as you see it in themoonlight."
"Very grey, and calm, and restful-looking. And so home-like, Garthie."
"Are there lights in the windows?"
"Yes. The library lights are just as we left them. The French window isstanding wide open. The pedestal lamp, under a crimson silk shade,looks very pretty from here, shedding a warm glow over the interior.Then, I can see one candle in the dining-room. I think Simpson isputting away silver."
"Any others, Jane?"
"Yes, darling. There is a light in the Oriel chamber. I can see Margerymoving to and fro. She seems to be arranging my things, and givingfinal touches. There is also a light in your room, next door. Ah, nowshe has gone through. I see her standing and looking round to make sureall is right. Dear faithful old heart! Garth, how sweet it is to be athome to-day; served and tended by those who really love us."
"I am so glad you feel that," said Garth. "I half feared you mightregret not having an ordinary honeymoon--And yet, no! I wasn't reallyafraid of that, or of anything. Just, together at last, was all wewanted. Wasn't it, my wife?"
"All."
A clock in the house struck nine.
"Dear old clock," said Garth, softly. "I used to hear it strike nine,when I was a little chap in my crib, trying to keep awake until mymother rustled past; and went into her room. The door between her roomand mine used to stand ajar, and I could see her candle appear in along streak upon my ceiling. When I saw that streak, I fell asleepimmediately. It was such a comfort to know she was there; and would notgo down again. Jane, do you like the Oriel chamber?"
"Yes, dear. It is a lovely room; and very sacred because it was hers.Do you know, Aunt Georgina insisted upon seeing it, Garth; and said itought to be whitened and papered. But I would not hear of that; becausethe beautiful old ceiling is hand-painted, and so are the walls; and Iwas certain you had loved those paintings, as a little boy; and wouldremember them now."
"Ah, yes," said Garth, eagerly. "A French artist stayed here, and didthem. Water and rushes, and the most lovely flamingoes; those on thewalls standing with their feet in the water; and those on the ceiling,flying with wings outspread, into a pale green sky, all over whitebillowy clouds. Jane, I believe I could walk round that room,blindfold--no! I mean, as I am now; and point out the exact spot whereeach flamingo stands."
"You shall," said Jane, tenderly. These slips when he talked,momentarily forgetting his blindness, always wrung her heart. "Bydegrees you must tell me all the things you specially did and loved, asa little boy. I like to know them. Had you always that room, next doorto your mother's?"
"Ever since I can remember," said Garth. "And the door between wasalways open. After my mother's death, I kept it locked. But the nightbefore my birthday, I used to open it; and when I woke early and saw itajar, I would spring up, and go quickly in; and it seemed as if herdear presence was there to greet me, just on that one morning. But Ihad to go quickly, and immediately I wakened; just as you must go outearly to catch the rosy glow of sunrise on the fleeting clouds; or tosee the gossamer webs on the gorse, outlined in diamonds, by thesparkling summer dew. But, somehow, Margery found out about it; and thethird year there was a sheet of writing-paper firmly stuck to thepincushion by a large black-headed pin, saying, in Margery's carefulcaligraphy: 'Many happy returns of the day, Master Garthie.' It wasvery touching, because it was meant to be so comforting and tactful.But it destroyed the illusion! Since then the door has been keptclosed."
Another long sweet silence. Two nightingales, in distant trees, sangalternately; answering one another in liquid streams of melody.
Again Garth turned the wedding ring; then spoke, with his lips againstit.
"You said Margery had 'gone through.' Is it open to-night?" he asked.
Jane clasped both hands behind his head--strong, capable hands, thoughnow they trembled a little--and pressed his face against her, as shehad done on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before.
"Yes, my own boy," she said; "it is."
"Jane! Oh, Jane--" He released himself from the pressure of thoserestraining hands, and lifted his adoring face to hers.
Then, suddenly, Jane broke down. "Ah, darling," she said, "take me awayfrom this horrible white moonlight! I cannot bear it. It reminds me ofShenstone. It reminds me of the wrong I did you. It seems a separatingthing between you and me--this cruel brightness which you cannot share."
Her tears fell on his upturned fate.
Then Garth sprang to his feet. The sense of manhood and mastery; theright of control, the joy of possession, arose within him. Even in hisblindness, he was the stronger. Even in his helplessness, for the greatessentials, Jane must lean on him. He raised her gently, put his armsabout her, and stood there, glorified by his great lov
e.
"Hush, sweetest wife," he said. "Neither light nor darkness canseparate between you and me: This quiet moonlight cannot take you fromme; but in the still, sweet darkness you will feel more completely myown, because it will hold nothing we cannot share. Come with me to thelibrary, and we will send away the lamps, and close the curtains; andyou shall sit on the couch near the piano, where you sat, on thatwonderful evening when I found you, and when I almost frightened mybrave Jane. But she will not be frightened now, because she is so myown; and I may say what I like; and do what I will; and she must notthreaten me with Nurse Rosemary; because it is Jane I want--Jane, Jane;just ONLY Jane! Come in, beloved; and I, who see as clearly in the darkas in the light, will sit and play THE ROSARY for you; and then Veni,Creator Spiritus; and I will sing you the verse which has been thesecret source of peace, and the sustaining power of my whole innerlife, through the long, hard years, apart."
"Now," whispered Jane. "Now, as we go."
So Garth drew her hand through his arm; and, as they walked, sangsoftly:
"Enable with perpetual light, The dulness of our blinded sight; Anoint and cheer our soiled face With the abundance of Thy grace. Keep far our foes; give peace at home; Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come."
Thus, leaning on her husband; yet guiding him as she leaned; Janepassed to the perfect happiness of her wedded home.
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