by LJ Byrne
Connor helps his cousin up silently. Ryder sways, but he doesn’t take his eyes off me. As they move past me, he asks, “You’ll wait? You won’t leave?” His hand lifts as if to touch me but hesitates. He lowers it.
I can smell the sweat, the lingering scent of alcohol, and blood. My heart cracks a little. “I’ll wait, Ryder.”
He searches my face, and his vulnerability floors me.
Connor directs me to a sitting room before helping Ryder up the stairs. While I wait, I ask one of the wandering people if I could make some tea, but the woman assures me that the tea will be brought to me immediately. By the time a large pot of tea and several cups arrive, Ryder and Connor return.
“You didn’t leave,” Ryder murmurs in a low voice. He sounds uncertain, relieved, exhausted. If the shadows under his eyes are any indication, he could use some sleep.
At least he looks more like his usual self in his immaculate gray slacks with a fitted, long-sleeved shirt. His wet hair is combed, and he smells of toothpaste and soap. When I hand him a cup of tea, his hand trembles slightly, and he flinches when I examine his bruised and bloody knuckles.
“I can wrap those for you, Ryder,” Connor says awkwardly, lifting the first aid kit he’s carrying. “But I can also leave so you two can talk.”
“You stay, Con,” Ryder says, remaining focused on me. There’s so much sadness in his gaze. “You should hear this, too, because it involves you.”
That surprises Connor, but he nods while looking for gauze and tape.
Ryder steps towards me, and when I sit abruptly, he sits near me, putting his tea down so that Connor can deal with his hands. I take a sip of my drink, aware of Ryder’s attention. Maybe I have something on my face.
Finally, when Connor is done, Ryder speaks again. “Will you… I don’t even know where to begin.” Taking a deep breath, he tries again. “Do you remember your favorite memory with your mom? The basketball game?” When I nod, he swallows. “I was there, too. I saw you before you came to RBA.”
My jaw drops.
“I should start at the beginning. My father and I have a – contentious relationship. He believes in the whole adage ‘spare the rod, spoil the child.’ Ethan forced my hand regarding Darcy, and I – was angry. I was tired of being controlled. I was… in a bad place.” His throat moves with emotion. “My father dragged me on some business trip, and one night, we were invited to a basketball game. We were in this suite above everyone, and my life felt empty and meaningless. And then, on the screen, a birthday message.” Ryder closes his eyes as he relives the memory. “When the camera focused on you, I felt something. Most girls wouldn’t want to be with their parents on their sixteenth birthday, but I could see your connection with your mom. I could see that light in your eyes. For a moment, I was happy.”
My hand covers my mouth to prevent my sound of surprise from escaping.
Ryder’s eyes open. “I felt something the moment I saw you. It sounds crazy, but I dreamed about you. I planned to find you after I graduated from RBA. And yes, I know how creepy that sounds.”
Is it bad that I don’t find it creepy? His reaction when I first met him now makes sense.
Ryder pauses to examine his wrapped hands. “Last summer, Erin reached out on Discord. She created the site long before she realized Ethan had no intention of dating her. Erin loves toying with and manipulating people. I was still bitter about Ethan’s actions, so when I learned about a cousin, I was game. No one knew his cousin’s name or anything except that she would be attending RBA. I said what Erin wanted to hear, what Ingrid wanted to hear. My whole existence would be meaningless until I graduated. Who cares what kind of monster I became at RBA? Redemption would come when I found you.” His laugh is bitter. “And you end up being Ethan’s cousin. You stood before me. Flesh and blood. Ethan would have told you stories. You weren’t supposed to see me like this: cruel, petty, arrogant. You were supposed to meet me after I’d left my past behind. You were… fragile from your mother’s death. And yet, I could still see your light.” He shudders. “Erin and Ingrid were watching so I tried to act the way they expected. I worried that Erin would send Cage or Arthur after you. So, I lied; I told everyone that I would use you to get to Ethan. I planned to play the game and protect you. But Ingrid was suspicious. She tried to scare you in the pool. It was a warning to me that if I didn’t deal with you, she and Erin would take over. I did my best to convince her that you weren’t important, but then Connor took an interest. When Connor gave you his jersey... I lost it.”
That’s an understatement. I bite my lip to hold the words in.
“I didn’t know,” Connor says.
“I can’t explain my rationale. Connor isn’t like me. He’s – kinder. The thought of losing you to him… I’d never experienced jealousy like that before. I lashed out. I – I wasn’t thinking clearly. There was so much going on, and I—” Ryder closes his eyes. “When you turned Connor down, I took the opening to make my move. I hoped Erin would think I was playing her game, but when Ingrid saw us at the winter dance, she saw through my lies. Ingrid told me some bullshit about your mother, but when I laughed at her, she threatened to show you the site. She threatened to tell my father and have him come after you. With how much Ethan detested me, I knew the Discord site would ruin any feelings you had for me. So, I pulled away. But Erin still wanted vengeance. She sent Daniel after you. I knew my actions would get back to Erin and Ingrid, but I couldn’t keep pushing you away if it meant losing you forever. I just had to keep you safe from the other Royals. But I got careless. I should’ve known Erin and Ingrid wouldn’t give up without a fight. I know Ingrid was the one who orchestrated you being on the roof. Mira, I believed you, but I couldn’t tell you why. When I confronted Ingrid, she confessed her involvement. I almost hit her.” Ryder opens his eyes and looks directly at me. “That’s when Ingrid showed me the photos of Celeste.” Connor makes a sound. “Con, Celeste got involved in some sexting dare her freshman year. Daniel had the pics and Ingrid threatened to send them to your parents.”
Connor’s lips thin. Rubbing his neck, he explains, “My parents aren’t much better than my dear uncle. They hate scandal. They wouldn’t hesitate to yank me out of here and throw me in a boarding school in England.”
“Right before the party – before everything fell apart – my father came back to confront me. He heard that I was involved with a girl with no fortune. He—” Ryder breaks off, anger flushing his face. “He was furious. But I was done hiding. You deserved the truth: Discord, Erin, Ingrid, my father. I wanted you to know what was going on so we could protect Connor and Celeste together. But you didn’t show up at the party. Ethan said you were sick. I thought a day wouldn’t matter, but in the morning, before I could leave, Ingrid showed up.” Revulsion fills his face.
Ryder stands, pacing with nervous energy. “She has pictures of you, Mira, from the girls’ locker room. On top of that, she has old pics of your mom on her phone. Your mom is young, so this was probably before you were born. She’s in – compromising positions with Ingrid’s father. Ingrid wanted to post them publicly and I panicked. I couldn’t let her do that. Not after what had happened to you. Not after I failed to protect you. I never deserved you anyway. If it meant she wouldn’t hurt you again… Everything that happened to you was my fault.” Ryder licks his lips. “She promised to delete everything if I – if I… She wanted sex in return. I don’t know what I was thinking… I just – I was so damn desperate. You could’ve died on that roof. And Connor… I didn’t want Ingrid to have that power over Connor.”
Disgust spurs me to speak. “Ryder, that isn’t sex. That’s rape,” I state harshly.
Connor is pale. “So, you slept—”
“I didn’t!” Ryder snaps, pushing his damp hair back. He immediately deflates, his voice growing weary. “I would do anything to protect you, Mira, but I couldn’t do it. When she touched me and kissed me, it was too much. I was about to tell Ingrid when you came in and saw us. Saw me.”
His dark blue eyes are bright with unshed tears. “The disgust on your face. The way you looked at me.” He exhales heavily, looking up at the ceiling like he can’t continue. “That’s it. That’s everything. I can’t ask you to forgive me for being stupid, but… your hate and indifference. I can’t handle that.”
Flabbergasted. No, that word isn’t strong enough to describe how I feel. Shocked, stunned, really creeped out by Ingrid. I’m also glad that I waited on my whole revenge thing. But first things first. I walk to Ryder and wrap him in my arms. My actions aren’t from pity – he would reject pity. I hold him because of the simple compassion humans should have for one another. I don’t want him to clarify what he’s implying with his words – at least, not until I have a plan in motion.
“Don’t. Don’t toy with me,” he whispers, his body taut with pain and tension, but he doesn’t fight my touch.
“Ryder. This isn’t your fault.” I make him look at me. “I believe you.” How could I not? His pain is palpable, plus Connor is right there. It explains the push-pull relationship we had last year. I can’t even begin to contemplate Ingrid’s actions. To force someone like that… It’s wrong. I don’t know the details of Ryder’s relationship with his father, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that Ryder grew up without parental love.
I remember the heated words I threw at Ryder when he tried to talk to me and cringe inwardly. Pictures of my mom. Pictures of Celeste. Pictures of me. The Discord site. The devastation on Ryder’s face. It’s a lot to process.
My relationship with Liam isn’t real. It’s a means to an end, but I can’t disavow the relationship without talking to Liam first. “I don’t hate you, Ryder. I never hated you.”
Ryder shudders, leaning into me. “Mira,” he murmurs, burying his face in my hair. The way he says my name…
“I’ll just give you two a minute.”
I twist in Ryder’s arms. “Wait, Connor. Who do you trust at school, Ryder? If Ingrid’s been blackmailing people…” I let my words dangle.
Ryder thinks. “None of the Royal girls. I trust Xander and Nate. They both know how I feel about you. I know Xander sounded like a sleazeball, but he wrote most of that because I asked him to. Nate sided with Ethan early on. Other than Celeste and Connor, I don’t trust any of the Court members. Ingrid’s slept with most of the guys. Daniel Jameson does most of her dirty work and she has sex with him regularly.”
As I plotted my revenge, I did thorough checks on Xander and Nate. I’m sure they’re clean, even by Liam’s standards. With the additional background checks I did earlier, I’m willing to trust them if Ryder and Connor trust them.
“I do not need to know Ingrid’s sleeping habits. God, she’s repulsive,” I say, making a face. “Connor, can you get Xander, Nate, and Celeste here quickly?”
Connor nods. “Sure. I’ll give you two some privacy here.” Connor clearly wants to leave, so this time, I let him escape.
When Ryder tightens his hold, his eyes glowing with need, I stop him. “No. No, we can’t do that,” I say firmly. “I’m not angry with you and I believe you, but we need to stay focused.”
I see him retreat, hiding his emotions behind the wall he constructs every day at school.
His nod is stiff. I want to tell him that I never stopped caring. But sometimes, we don’t have the freedom to say what we want when we want.
011010
I text Liam to get here ASAP and to bring his laptop and one that I can use. He has a government-paid condo about ten miles away – yes, this is how our tax dollars are spent. I’m not sure if it’s ritzy or not – his place in Washington was simple, clean, and neat – but very few things in this area are cheap.
Celeste arrives first, hugging me and asking me questions before I can speak. I pull her aside and talk to her quietly, stopping only when Xander and Nate appear. Xander’s handsome face is puzzled when he sees me, but he and Nate surmise that something’s up.
Liam, in his damn Range Rover, chooses that moment to arrive. He’s a walking poster child for the FBI. Why couldn’t they have picked a more “teen” car?
“What the hell is he doing here?” Xander snarls, looking over my shoulder as he spots Liam.
Ryder’s façade shows signs of cracking. “No,” he says to me. “No, I don’t want him here, Mira.”
Moment of truth. “I need you to trust me.” Liam may dislike Ryder, but I need his help now that the scope of my revenge has changed. “I need you to trust me enough to tell him what you told me.”
Pain. Anger. “No. Don’t do this to me, Mira. Not him.” The cracks grow bigger. He doesn’t want to deal with Liam because he thinks Liam and I are in love.
Ryder walks back inside, Connor and Xander following quickly. Nate’s lips tighten as he glares at me. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he says in a disapproving tone.
Liam, wearing an annoyed pout while dragging his computer bag, walks up to me and says, “You know this is my day off, right?”
Seriously? He’s on some mission to save the world and he is taking a day off? We’re online all the time! We don’t take days off!
He scans me, taking in the set of my mouth and anger in my eyes. He immediately collects himself. “What’s going on? This is Cabot’s place.”
“I need your help,” I whisper. “And you owe me.”
Okay, I can see Liam’s desire to record this moment. I never need Liam’s help, so he wants to rub it in that I’m asking for a favor. I grab Liam’s arm. “I want to tell Ryder the truth about us,” I say, watching his green eyes widen.
“Mira,” Liam says in disbelief, “please don’t tell me you’re one of those weak-kneed girls, melting every time the bad boy smiles at you.”
I scowl before I swat him. That’s a low blow calling me weak. “No. He’s hurting, Liam. And I think what happened last year may not have been what it seemed.”
“Was he or was he not in bed with Ingrid? And she isn’t just a mean girl, Mira. She’s scary. I have never met a girl so gleeful about causing people pain. She’s like the nightmare mean girl.”
“She’s blackmailing people,” I explain. “She has pictures of my mom. Not the nice kind either. And she has pics of me from the girls’ locker room. She’s been using that to control Ryder.”
That gets Liam’s attention. I see him gnaw his lip. “It’d be easier to say no if it didn’t involve you,” he grumbles. “But we can’t trust this guy and his friends with the truth. I’m sorry.”
“I trust them, Liam. The ones in there.” I gesture vaguely to the mansion. “I trust Celeste and Connor. Ryder trusts Xander and Nate. We don’t have to tell them you’re with the government and all that.”
“Ryder is now the good guy?” Liam rubs a hand across his face in frustration.
“He’s being blackmailed.”
“What a convenient excuse. He could just say no. This is dumb, Mira. He’s messing with you. You want to tell him we’re faking it? Tell him who I am? You could blow this whole thing just for a stupid crush!”
I underestimated Liam’s obstinance. “I agree some of his decisions are stupid, but we are still teenagers, Liam. Just come in and listen first,” I finally say, and he realizes how much restraint I’m showing.
His resistance wavers with a resigned sigh. “Fine.”
When I talked to Celeste earlier, she agreed to tell her story openly. Once we’re seated, she admits how Daniel got the pictures of her. She explains how she got carried away at a party and was flattered by the Court's attention. She did the pictures on a dare. She never expected Daniel to use them against her.
“How old were you?” Liam asks with a troubled expression, but he’s paying attention.
“Fifteen,” she says in a shaky voice. Connor rubs her shoulders.
Liam exchanges a look with me. “Mira, she was under the age of consent. There are other ways to get—”
I already know it falls under child pornography laws, but I’m trying to protect Celeste from exp
osure. “What if someone finds out?” I interrupt. “Her parents. Connor’s parents may find out. And from what I hear, Connor’s parents aren’t the forgiving type. Do you want to put her through that?”
Liam exhales sharply. “Dammit, Mira, think this through. You’re smarter than this.”
Ryder snarls from his corner, but I raise a hand for quiet. “That’s not fair and you know it. All I’m asking is for you to trust me.”
Liam rests his hands on his hips. “What’s his story, then?” he asks, jerking his chin at Ryder.
Ryder’s blue eyes grow cold. “There are only a few people I care about. Connor is one of them. I’ve been trying to keep Ingrid from going further with the pictures, but short of sleeping with her, it isn’t enough.”
Liam crosses to a window and stares outside blankly. “So, sleep with her. Ingrid’s not bad looking. Some earplugs may be required because of her voice.”
Wow. That’s casual and crude. I scrunch my face in distaste and give Liam a what the hell gesture.
Ryder makes an angry sound, but Liam continues, “Or can’t you do it? Because Ingrid wouldn’t be doing this if you were satisfying her.”
Xander and Connor grab Ryder before he can reach Liam. Ryder spews a slew of expletives while Xander holds him back. “Why are you being an ass?” I ask Liam, pushing on his shoulder roughly.
“If we’re going to do this, I need to be sure, Angel.” Liam’s green eyes are serious and far older than his near twenty years. “You’re going to get me in a lot of trouble.” He sighs. “You screened them?” At my nod, he exhales again, looking at Ryder. “You said Connor is someone you care about. Where does Mira fit in all of this?”
