by Daniel Defoe
information among theservants that I should, in a very little while, be desired to remove.
I was not alarmed at the news, having a full satisfaction that I shouldbe otherwise provided for; and especially considering that I had reasonevery day to expect I should be with child, and that then I should beobliged to remove without any pretences for it.
After some time the younger gentleman took an opportunity to tell methat the kindness he had for me had got vent in the family. He did notcharge me with it, he said, for he know well enough which way it cameout. He told me his plain way of talking had been the occasion of it,for that he did not make his respect for me so much a secret as hemight have done, and the reason was, that he was at a point, that if Iwould consent to have him, he would tell them all openly that he lovedme, and that he intended to marry me; that it was true his father andmother might resent it, and be unkind, but that he was now in a way tolive, being bred to the law, and he did not fear maintaining meagreeable to what I should expect; and that, in short, as he believed Iwould not be ashamed of him, so he was resolved not to be ashamed ofme, and that he scorned to be afraid to own me now, whom he resolved toown after I was his wife, and therefore I had nothing to do but to givehim my hand, and he would answer for all the rest.
I was now in a dreadful condition indeed, and now I repented heartilymy easiness with the eldest brother; not from any reflection ofconscience, but from a view of the happiness I might have enjoyed, andhad now made impossible; for though I had no great scruples ofconscience, as I have said, to struggle with, yet I could not think ofbeing a whore to one brother and a wife to the other. But then it cameinto my thoughts that the first brother had promised to made me hiswife when he came to his estate; but I presently remembered what I hadoften thought of, that he had never spoken a word of having me for awife after he had conquered me for a mistress; and indeed, till now,though I said I thought of it often, yet it gave me no disturbance atall, for as he did not seem in the least to lessen his affection to me,so neither did he lessen his bounty, though he had the discretionhimself to desire me not to lay out a penny of what he gave me inclothes, or to make the least show extraordinary, because it wouldnecessarily give jealousy in the family, since everybody know I couldcome at such things no manner of ordinary way, but by some privatefriendship, which they would presently have suspected.
But I was now in a great strait, and knew not what to do. The maindifficulty was this: the younger brother not only laid close siege tome, but suffered it to be seen. He would come into his sister's room,and his mother's room, and sit down, and talk a thousand kind things ofme, and to me, even before their faces, and when they were all there.This grew so public that the whole house talked of it, and his motherreproved him for it, and their carriage to me appeared quite altered.In short, his mother had let fall some speeches, as if she intended toput me out of the family; that is, in English, to turn me out of doors.Now I was sure this could not be a secret to his brother, only that hemight not think, as indeed nobody else yet did, that the youngestbrother had made any proposal to me about it; but as I easily could seethat it would go farther, so I saw likewise there was an absolutenecessity to speak of it to him, or that he would speak of it to me,and which to do first I knew not; that is, whether I should break it tohim or let it alone till he should break it to me.
Upon serious consideration, for indeed now I began to consider thingsvery seriously, and never till now; I say, upon serious consideration,I resolved to tell him of it first; and it was not long before I had anopportunity, for the very next day his brother went to London upon somebusiness, and the family being out a-visiting, just as it had happenedbefore, and as indeed was often the case, he came according to hiscustom, to spend an hour or two with Mrs. Betty.
When he came andd had sat down a while, he easily perceived there was analteration in my countenance, that I was not so free and pleasant withhim as I used to be, and particularly, that I had been a-crying; he wasnot long before he took notice of it, and asked me in very kind termswhat was the matter, and if anything troubled me. I would have put itoff if I could, but it was not to be concealed; so after suffering manyimportunities to draw that out of me which I longed as much as possibleto disclose, I told him that it was true something did trouble me, andsomething of such a nature that I could not conceal from him, and yetthat I could not tell how to tell him of it neither; that it was athing that not only surprised me, but greatly perplexed me, and that Iknew not what course to take, unless he would direct me. He told mewith great tenderness, that let it be what it would, I should not letit trouble me, for he would protect me from all the world.
I then began at a distance, and told him I was afraid the ladies hadgot some secret information of our correspondence; for that it was easyto see that their conduct was very much changed towards me for a greatwhile, and that now it was come to that pass that they frequently foundfault with me, and sometimes fell quite out with me, though I nevergave them the least occasion; that whereas I used always to lie withthe eldest sister, I was lately put to lie by myself, or with one ofthe maids; and that I had overheard them several times talking veryunkindly about me; but that which confirmed it all was, that one of theservants had told me that she had heard I was to be turned out, andthat it was not safe for the family that I should be any longer in thehouse.
He smiled when he heard all this, and I asked him how he could make solight of it, when he must needs know that if there was any discovery Iwas undone for ever, and that even it would hurt him, though not ruinhim as it would me. I upbraided him, that he was like all the rest ofthe sex, that, when they had the character and honour of a woman attheir mercy, oftentimes made it their jest, and at least looked upon itas a trifle, and counted the ruin of those they had had their will ofas a thing of no value.
He saw me warm and serious, and he changed his style immediately; hetold me he was sorry I should have such a thought of him; that he hadnever given me the least occasion for it, but had been as tender of myreputation as he could be of his own; that he was sure ourcorrespondence had been managed with so much address, that not onecreature in the family had so much as a suspicion of it; that if hesmiled when I told him my thoughts, it was at the assurance he latelyreceived, that our understanding one another was not so much as knownor guessed at; and that when he had told me how much reason he had tobe easy, I should smile as he did, for he was very certain it wouldgive me a full satisfaction.
'This is a mystery I cannot understand,' says I, 'or how it should beto my satisfaction that I am to be turned out of doors; for if ourcorrespondence is not discovered, I know not what else I have done tochange the countenances of the whole family to me, or to have themtreat me as they do now, who formerly used me with so much tenderness,as if I had been one of their own children.'
'Why, look you, child,' says he, 'that they are uneasy about you, thatis true; but that they have the least suspicion of the case as it is,and as it respects you and I, is so far from being true, that theysuspect my brother Robin; and, in short, they are fully persuaded hemakes love to you; nay, the fool has put it into their heads toohimself, for he is continually bantering them about it, and making ajest of himself. I confess I think he is wrong to do so, because hecannot but see it vexes them, and makes them unkind to you; but 'tis asatisfaction to me, because of the assurance it gives me, that they donot suspect me in the least, and I hope this will be to yoursatisfaction too.'
'So it is,' says I, 'one way; but this does not reach my case at all,nor is this the chief thing that troubles me, though I have beenconcerned about that too.' 'What is it, then?' says he. With which Ifell to tears, and could say nothing to him at all. He strove topacify me all he could, but began at last to be very pressing upon meto tell what it was. At last I answered that I thought I ought to tellhim too, and that he had some right to know it; besides, that I wantedhis direction in the case, for I was in such perplexity that I knew notwhat course to take, and then I related the whole affair to him. Itold him h
ow imprudently his brother had managed himself, in makinghimself so public; for that if he had kept it a secret, as such a thingout to have been, I could but have denied him positively, withoutgiving any reason for it, and he would in time have ceased hissolicitations; but that he had the vanity, first, to depend upon itthat I would not deny him, and then had taken the freedom to tell hisresolution of having me to the whole house.
I told him how far I had resisted him, and told him how sincere andhonourable his offers were. 'But,' says I, 'my case will be doublyhard; for as they carry it ill to me now, because he desires to haveme, they'll carry it worse when they shall find I have denied him; andthey will presently say, there's something else in it, and then out itcomes that I am married already to somebody else, or that I would neverrefuse a match so much above me as this was.'
This discourse surprised him indeed
