by Daniel Defoe
inthe thing, even without acquainting the father, other than by postletters; so that she consented to our marrying privately, and leavingher to mange the father afterwards.
Then he cajoled with his brother, and persuaded him what service he haddone him, and how he had brought his mother to consent, which, thoughtrue, was not indeed done to serve him, but to serve himself; but thusdiligently did he cheat him, and had the thanks of a faithful friendfor shifting off his whore into his brother's arms for a wife. Socertainly does interest banish all manner of affection, and sonaturally do men give up honour and justice, humanity, and evenChristianity, to secure themselves.
I must now come back to brother Robin, as we always called him, whohaving got his mother's consent, as above, came big with the news tome, and told me the whole story of it, with a sincerity so visible,that I must confess it grieved me that I must be the instrument toabuse so honest a gentleman. But there was no remedy; he would haveme, and I was not obliged to tell him that I was his brother's whore,though I had no other way to put him off; so I came gradually into it,to his satisfaction, and behold we were married.
Modesty forbids me to reveal the secrets of the marriage-bed, butnothing could have happened more suitable to my circumstances thanthat, as above, my husband was so fuddled when he came to bed, that hecould not remember in the morning whether he had had any conversationwith me or no, and I was obliged to tell him he had, though in realityhe had not, that I might be sure he could make to inquiry aboutanything else.
It concerns the story in hand very little to enter into the furtherparticulars of the family, or of myself, for the five years that Ilived with this husband, only to observe that I had two children byhim, and that at the end of five years he died. He had been really avery good husband to me, and we lived very agreeably together; but ashe had not received much from them, and had in the little time he livedacquired no great matters, so my circumstances were not great, nor wasI much mended by the match. Indeed, I had preserved the elderbrother's bonds to me, to pay #500, which he offered me for my consentto marry his brother; and this, with what I had saved of the money heformerly gave me, about as much more by my husband, left me a widowwith about #1200 in my pocket.
My two children were, indeed, taken happily off my hands by myhusband's father and mother, and that, by the way, was all they got byMrs. Betty.
I confess I was not suitably affected with the loss of my husband, norindeed can I say that I ever loved him as I ought to have done, or aswas proportionable to the good usage I had from him, for he was atender, kind, good-humoured man as any woman could desire; but hisbrother being so always in my sight, at least while we were in thecountry, was a continual snare to me, and I never was in bed with myhusband but I wished myself in the arms of his brother; and though hisbrother never offered me the least kindness that way after ourmarriage, but carried it just as a brother out to do, yet it wasimpossible for me to do so to him; in short, I committed adultery andincest with him every day in my desires, which, without doubt, was aseffectually criminal in the nature of the guilt as if I had actuallydone it.
Before my husband died his elder brother was married, and we, beingthen removed to London, were written to by the old lady to come and beat the wedding. My husband went, but I pretended indisposition, andthat I could not possibly travel, so I stayed behind; for, in short, Icould not bear the sight of his being given to another woman, though Iknew I was never to have him myself.
I was now, as above, left loose to the world, and being still young andhandsome, as everybody said of me, and I assure you I thought myselfso, and with a tolerable fortune in my pocket, I put no small valueupon myself. I was courted by several very considerable tradesmen, andparticularly very warmly by one, a linen-draper, at whose house, aftermy husband's death, I took a lodging, his sister being my acquaintance.Here I had all the liberty and all the opportunity to be gay and appearin company that I could desire, my landlord's sister being one of themaddest, gayest things alive, and not so much mistress of her virtue asI thought at first she had been. She brought me into a world of wildcompany, and even brought home several persons, such as she liked wellenough to gratify, to see her pretty widow, so she was pleased to callme, and that name I got in a little time in public. Now, as fame andfools make an assembly, I was here wonderfully caressed, had abundanceof admirers, and such as called themselves lovers; but I found not onefair proposal among them all. As for their common design, that Iunderstood too well to be drawn into any more snares of that kind. Thecase was altered with me: I had money in my pocket, and had nothing tosay to them. I had been tricked once by that cheat called love, butthe game was over; I was resolved now to be married or nothing, and tobe well married or not at all.
I loved the company, indeed, of men of mirth and wit, men of gallantryand figure, and was often entertained with such, as I was also withothers; but I found by just observation, that the brightest men cameupon the dullest errand--that is to say, the dullest as to what I aimedat. On the other hand, those who came with the best proposals were thedullest and most disagreeable part of the world. I was not averse to atradesman, but then I would have a tradesman, forsooth, that wassomething of a gentleman too; that when my husband had a mind to carryme to the court, or to the play, he might become a sword, and look aslike a gentleman as another man; and not be one that had the mark ofhis apron-strings upon his coat, or the mark of his hat upon hisperiwig; that should look as if he was set on to his sword, when hissword was put on to him, and that carried his trade in his countenance.
Well, at last I found this amphibious creature, this land-water thingcalled a gentleman-tradesman; and as a just plague upon my folly, I wascatched in the very snare which, as I might say, I laid for myself. Isaid for myself, for I was not trepanned, I confess, but I betrayedmyself.
This was a draper, too, for though my comrade would have brought me toa bargain with her brother, yet when it came to the point, it was, itseems, for a mistress, not a wife; and I kept true to this notion, thata woman should never be kept for a mistress that had money to keepherself.
Thus my pride, not my principle, my money, not my virtue, kept mehonest; though, as it proved, I found I had much better have been soldby my she-comrade to her brother, than have sold myself as I did to atradesman that was rake, gentleman, shopkeeper, and beggar, alltogether.
But I was hurried on (by my fancy to a gentleman) to ruin myself in thegrossest manner that every woman did; for my new husband coming to alump of money at once, fell into such a profusion of expense, that allI had, and all he had before, if he had anything worth mentioning,would not have held it out above one year.
He was very fond of me for about a quarter of a year, and what I got bythat was, that I had the pleasure of seeing a great deal of my moneyspent upon myself, and, as I may say, had some of the spending it too.'Come, my dear,' says he to me one day, 'shall we go and take a turninto the country for about a week?' 'Ay, my dear,' says I, 'whitherwould you go?' 'I care not whither,' says he, 'but I have a mind tolook like quality for a week. We'll go to Oxford,' says he. 'How,'says I, 'shall we go? I am no horsewoman, and 'tis too far for acoach.' 'Too far!' says he; 'no place is too far for a coach-and-six.If I carry you out, you shall travel like a duchess.' 'Hum,' says I,'my dear, 'tis a frolic; but if you have a mind to it, I don't care.'Well, the time was appointed, we had a rich coach, very good horses, acoachman, postillion, and two footmen in very good liveries; agentleman on horseback, and a page with a feather in his hat uponanother horse. The servants all called him my lord, and theinn-keepers, you may be sure, did the like, and I was her honour theCountess, and thus we traveled to Oxford, and a very pleasant journeywe had; for, give him his due, not a beggar alive knew better how to bea lord than my husband. We saw all the rarities at Oxford, talked withtwo or three Fellows of colleges about putting out a young nephew, thatwas left to his lordship's care, to the University, and of their beinghis tutors. We diverted ourselves with bantering several other poorscholars, with ho
pes of being at least his lordship's chaplains andputting on a scarf; and thus having lived like quality indeed, as toexpense, we went away for Northampton, and, in a word, in about twelvedays' ramble came home again, to the tune of about #93 expense.
Vanity is the perfection of a fop. My husband had this excellence,that he valued nothing of expense; and as his history, you may be sure,has very little weight in it, 'tis enough to tell you that in about twoyears and a quarter he broke, and was not so happy to get over into theMint, but got into a sponging-house, being arrested in an action tooheavy from him to give bail to, so he sent for me to come to him.
It was no surprise to me, for I had foreseen some time that all wasgoing to wreck, and had been taking care to reserve something if Icould, though it was not much, for myself. But when he sent for
