by Daniel Defoe
was now a loose, unguided creature,and had no help, no assistance, no guide for my conduct; I knew what Iaimed at and what I wanted, but knew nothing how to pursue the end bydirect means. I wanted to be placed in a settle state of living, andhad I happened to meet with a sober, good husband, I should have beenas faithful and true a wife to him as virtue itself could have formed.If I had been otherwise, the vice came in always at the door ofnecessity, not at the door of inclination; and I understood too well,by the want of it, what the value of a settled life was, to do anythingto forfeit the felicity of it; nay, I should have made the better wifefor all the difficulties I had passed through, by a great deal; nor didI in any of the time that I had been a wife give my husbands the leastuneasiness on account of my behaviour.
But all this was nothing; I found no encouraging prospect. I waited; Ilived regularly, and with as much frugality as became my circumstances,but nothing offered, nothing presented, and the main stock wastedapace. What to do I knew not; the terror of approaching poverty layhard upon my spirits. I had some money, but where to place it I knewnot, nor would the interest of it maintain me, at least not in London.
At length a new scene opened. There was in the house where I lodged anorth-country woman that went for a gentlewoman, and nothing was morefrequent in her discourse than her account of the cheapness ofprovisions, and the easy way of living in her country; how plentifuland how cheap everything was, what good company they kept, and thelike; till at last I told her she almost tempted me to go and live inher country; for I that was a widow, though I had sufficient to liveon, yet had no way of increasing it; and that I found I could not livehere under #100 a year, unless I kept no company, no servant, made noappearance, and buried myself in privacy, as if I was obliged to it bynecessity.
I should have observed, that she was always made to believe, aseverybody else was, that I was a great fortune, or at least that I hadthree or four thousand pounds, if not more, and all in my own hands;and she was mighty sweet upon me when she thought me inclined in theleast to go into her country. She said she had a sister lived nearLiverpool, that her brother was a considerable gentleman there, and hada great estate also in Ireland; that she would go down there in abouttwo months, and if I would give her my company thither, I should be aswelcome as herself for a month or more as I pleased, till I should seehow I liked the country; and if I thought fit to live there, she wouldundertake they would take care, though they did not entertain lodgersthemselves, they would recommend me to some agreeable family, where Ishould be placed to my content.
If this woman had known my real circumstances, she would never havelaid so many snares, and taken so many weary steps to catch a poordesolate creature that was good for little when it was caught; andindeed I, whose case was almost desperate, and thought I could not bemuch worse, was not very anxious about what might befall me, providedthey did me no personal injury; so I suffered myself, though notwithout a great deal of invitation and great professions of sincerefriendship and real kindness--I say, I suffered myself to be prevailedupon to go with her, and accordingly I packed up my baggage, and putmyself in a posture for a journey, though I did not absolutely knowwhither I was to go.
And now I found myself in great distress; what little I had in theworld was all in money, except as before, a little plate, some linen,and my clothes; as for my household stuff, I had little or none, for Ihad lived always in lodgings; but I had not one friend in the worldwith whom to trust that little I had, or to direct me how to dispose ofit, and this perplexed me night and day. I thought of the bank, and ofthe other companies in London, but I had no friend to commit themanagement of it to, and keep and carry about with me bank bills,tallies, orders, and such things, I looked upon at as unsafe; that ifthey were lost, my money was lost, and then I was undone; and, on theother hand, I might be robbed and perhaps murdered in a strange placefor them. This perplexed me strangely, and what to do I knew not.
It came in my thoughts one morning that I would go to the bank myself,where I had often been to receive the interest of some bills I had,which had interest payable on them, and where I had found a clerk, towhom I applied myself, very honest and just to me, and particularly sofair one time that when I had mistold my money, and taken less than mydue, and was coming away, he set me to rights and gave me the rest,which he might have put into his own pocket.
I went to him and represented my case very plainly, and asked if hewould trouble himself to be my adviser, who was a poor friendlesswidow, and knew not what to do. He told me, if I desired his opinionof anything within the reach of his business, he would do his endeavourthat I should not be wronged, but that he would also help me to a goodsober person who was a grave man of his acquaintance, who was a clerkin such business too, though not in their house, whose judgment wasgood, and whose honesty I might depend upon. 'For,' added he, 'I willanswer for him, and for every step he takes; if he wrongs you, madam,of one farthing, it shall lie at my door, I will make it good; and hedelights to assist people in such cases--he does it as an act ofcharity.'
I was a little at a stand in this discourse; but after some pause Itold him I had rather have depended upon him, because I had found himhonest, but if that could not be, I would take his recommendationsooner than any one's else. 'I dare say, madam,' says he, 'that youwill be as well satisfied with my friend as with me, and he isthoroughly able to assist you, which I am not.' It seems he had hishands full of the business of the bank, and had engaged to meddle withno other business that that of his office, which I heard afterwards,but did not understand then. He added, that his friend should takenothing of me for his advice or assistance, and this indeed encouragedme very much.
He appointed the same evening, after the bank was shut and businessover, for me to meet him and his friend. And indeed as soon as I sawhis friend, and he began but to talk of the affair, I was fullysatisfied that I had a very honest man to deal with; his countenancespoke it, and his character, as I heard afterwards, was everywhere sogood, that I had no room for any more doubts upon me.
After the first meeting, in which I only said what I had said before,we parted, and he appointed me to come the next day to him, telling meI might in the meantime satisfy myself of him by inquiry, which,however, I knew not how well to do, having no acquaintance myself.
Accordingly I met him the next day, when I entered more freely with himinto my case. I told him my circumstances at large: that I was awidow come over from America, perfectly desolate and friendless; thatI had a little money, and but a little, and was almost distracted forfear of losing it, having no friend in the world to trust with themanagement of it; that I was going into the north of England to livecheap, that my stock might not waste; that I would willingly lodge mymoney in the bank, but that I durst not carry the bills about me, andthe like, as above; and how to correspond about it, or with whom, Iknew not.
He told me I might lodge the money in the bank as an account, and itsbeing entered into the books would entitle me to the money at any time,and if I was in the north I might draw bills on the cashier and receiveit when I would; but that then it would be esteemed as running cash,and the bank would give no interest for it; that I might buy stock withit, and so it would lie in store for me, but that then if I wanted todispose if it, I must come up to town on purpose to transfer it, andeven it would be with some difficulty I should receive the half-yearlydividend, unless I was here in person, or had some friend I could trustwith having the stock in his name to do it for me, and that would havethe same difficulty in it as before; and with that he looked hard at meand smiled a little. At last, says he, 'Why do you not get a headsteward, madam, that may take you and your money together into keeping,and then you would have the trouble taken off your hands?' 'Ay, sir,and the money too, it may be,' said I; 'for truly I find the hazardthat way is as much as 'tis t'other way'; but I remember I saidsecretly to myself, 'I wish you would ask me the question fairly, Iwould consider very seriously on it before I said No.'
He went on a good way with
me, and I thought once or twice he was inearnest, but to my real affliction, I found at last he had a wife; butwhen he owned he had a wife he shook his head, and said with someconcern, that indeed he had a wife, and no wife. I began to think hehad been in the condition of my late lover, and that his wife had beendistempered or lunatic, or some such thing. However, we had not muchmore discourse at that time, but he told me he was in too much hurry ofbusiness then, but that if I would come home to his house after theirbusiness was over, he would by that time consider what might be donefor me, to put my affairs in a posture of security. I told him I wouldcome, and desired to know where he lived. He gave me a direction inwriting, and when he gave it me he read it to me, and said, 'There'tis, madam, if you dare trust yourself with me.' 'Yes, sir,' said I,'I believe I may venture to trust you with myself, for you have a wife,you say, and I
