by Daniel Defoe
proposed to me to send for a midwife. I scrupled it at first,but after some time consented to it, but told her I had no particularacquaintance with any midwife, and so left it to her.
It seems the mistress of the house was not so great a stranger to suchcases as mine was as I thought at first she had been, as will appearpresently, and she sent for a midwife of the right sort--that is tosay, the right sort for me.
The woman appeared to be an experienced woman in her business, I meanas a midwife; but she had another calling too, in which she was asexpert as most women if not more. My landlady had told her I was verymelancholy, and that she believed that had done me harm; and once,before me, said to her, 'Mrs. B----' (meaning the midwife), 'I believethis lady's trouble is of a kind that is pretty much in your way, andtherefore if you can do anything for her, pray do, for she is a verycivil gentlewoman'; and so she went out of the room.
I really did not understand her, but my Mother Midnight began veryseriously to explain what she meant, as soon as she was gone. 'Madam,'says she, 'you seem not to understand what your landlady means; andwhen you do understand it, you need not let her know at all that you doso.
'She means that you are under some circumstances that may render yourlying in difficult to you, and that you are not willing to be exposed.I need say no more, but to tell you, that if you think fit tocommunicate so much of your case to me, if it be so, as is necessary,for I do not desire to pry into those things, I perhaps may be in aposition to help you and to make you perfectly easy, and remove allyour dull thoughts upon that subject.'
Every word this creature said was a cordial to me, and put new life andnew spirit into my heart; my blood began to circulate immediately, andI was quite another body; I ate my victuals again, and grew betterpresently after it. She said a great deal more to the same purpose,and then, having pressed me to be free with her, and promised in thesolemnest manner to be secret, she stopped a little, as if waiting tosee what impression it made on me, and what I would say.
I was too sensible to the want I was in of such a woman, not to accepther offer; I told her my case was partly as she guessed, and partlynot, for I was really married, and had a husband, though he was in suchfine circumstances and so remote at that time, as that he could notappear publicly.
She took me short, and told me that was none of her business; all theladies that came under her care were married women to her. 'Everywoman,' she says, 'that is with child has a father for it,' and whetherthat father was a husband or no husband, was no business of hers; herbusiness was to assist me in my present circumstances, whether I had ahusband or no. 'For, madam,' says she, 'to have a husband that cannotappear, is to have no husband in the sense of the case; and, therefore,whether you are a wife or a mistress is all one to me.'
I found presently, that whether I was a whore or a wife, I was to passfor a whore here, so I let that go. I told her it was true, as shesaid, but that, however, if I must tell her my case, I must tell it heras it was; so I related it to her as short as I could, and I concludedit to her thus. 'I trouble you with all this, madam,' said I, 'notthat, as you said before, it is much to the purpose in your affair, butthis is to the purpose, namely, that I am not in any pain about beingseen, or being public or concealed, for 'tis perfectly indifferent tome; but my difficulty is, that I have no acquaintance in this part ofthe nation.'
'I understand you, madam' says she; 'you have no security to bring toprevent the parish impertinences usual in such cases, and perhaps,'says she, 'do not know very well how to dispose of the child when itcomes.' 'The last,' says I, 'is not so much my concern as the first.''Well, madam,' answered the midwife, 'dare you put yourself into myhands? I live in such a place; though I do not inquire after you, youmay inquire after me. My name is B----; I live in such astreet'--naming the street--'at the sign of the Cradle. My professionis a midwife, and I have many ladies that come to my house to lie in.I have given security to the parish in general terms to secure themfrom any charge from whatsoever shall come into the world under myroof. I have but one question to ask in the whole affair, madam,' saysshe, 'and if that be answered you shall be entirely easy for all therest.'
I presently understood what she meant, and told her, 'Madam, I believeI understand you. I thank God, though I want friends in this part ofthe world, I do not want money, so far as may be necessary, though I donot abound in that neither': this I added because I would not make herexpect great things. 'Well, madam,' says she, 'that is the thingindeed, without which nothing can be done in these cases; and yet,'says she, 'you shall see that I will not impose upon you, or offeranything that is unkind to you, and if you desire it, you shall knoweverything beforehand, that you may suit yourself to the occasion, andbe neither costly or sparing as you see fit.'
I told her she seemed to be so perfectly sensible of my condition, thatI had nothing to ask of her but this, that as I had told her that I hadmoney sufficient, but not a great quantity, she would order it so thatI might be at as little superfluous charge as possible.
She replied that she would bring in an account of the expenses of it intwo or three shapes, and like a bill of fare, I should choose as Ipleased; and I desired her to do so.
The next day she brought it, and the copy of her three bills was asfollows:--
1. For three months' lodging in her house, including my diet, at 10s. a week . . . . . . . . . . . 6#, 0s., 0d.
2. For a nurse for the month, and use of childbed linen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1#, 10s., 0d.
3. For a minister to christen the child, and to the godfathers and clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . 1#, 10s., 0d.
4. For a supper at the christening if I had five friends at it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1#, 0s., 0d.
For her fees as a midwife, and the taking off the trouble of the parish . . . . . . . . . . . . 3#, 3s., 0d.
To her maid servant attending . . . . . . . . 0#, 10s., 0d. -------------- 13#, 13s., 0d.
This was the first bill; the second was the same terms:--
1. For three months' lodging and diet, etc., at 20s. per week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13#, 0s., 0d.
2. For a nurse for the month, and the use of linen and lace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2#, 10s., 0d.
3. For the minister to christen the child, etc., as above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2#, 0s., 0d.
4. For supper and for sweetmeats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3#, 3s., 0d.
For her fees as above . . . . . . . . . . . . 5#, 5s., 0d.
For a servant-maid . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1#, 0s., 0d. -------------- 26#, 18s., 0d.
This was the second-rate bill; the third, she said, was for a degreehigher, and when the father or friends appeared:--
1. For three months' lodging and diet, having two rooms and a garret for a servant . . . . . . 30#, 0s., 0d.,
2. For a nurse for the month, and the finest suit of childbed linen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4#, 4s., 0d.
3. For the minister to christen the child, etc. 2#, 10s., 0d.
4. For a supper, the gentlemen to send in the wine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6#, 0s., 0d.
For my fees, etc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10#, 10s., 0d.
The maid, besides their own maid, only . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0#, 10s., 0d. -------------- 53#, 14s., 0d.
I looked upon all three bills, and smiled, and told her I did not seebut that she was very reasonable in her demands, all things considered,and for that I did not doubt but her accommodations were good.
She told me I should be judge of that when I saw them. I told her Iwas sorry to tell her that I feared
I must be her lowest-ratedcustomer. 'And perhaps, madam,' said I, 'you will make me the lesswelcome upon that account.' 'No, not at all,' said she; 'for where Ihave one of the third sort I have two of the second, and four to one ofthe first, and I get as much by them in proportion as by any; but ifyou doubt my care of you, I will allow any friend you have to overlookand see if you are well waited on or no.'
Then she explained the particulars of her bill. 'In the first place,madam,' said she, 'I would have you observe that here is three months'keeping; you are but ten shillings a week; I undertake to say you willnot complain of my table. I suppose,' says she, 'you do not livecheaper where you are now?' 'No, indeed,' said I, 'not so cheap, for Igive six shillings per week for my chamber, and find my own diet aswell as I can, which
