by A. R. Breck
I think about her words. The craziness of us meeting and knowing each other in a past life. The possibility that our lives somehow connected in this small town in Wisconsin with a whole world surrounding us. That somehow, maybe we were meant to meet.
“My mom says that when you know your soulmate, you’ll be able to feel it in your fingers and your toes. That your chest will feel like you can’t get enough air and are getting too much air at the same time. That the world stops, the ripples in the waters settle, and everything else in the world ceases to exist.” Her eyes are wide, like everything her mom told her, she feels. Down to her bones. “Don't you feel it?" she asks again.
I take a deep breath, letting my hesitation and worry and everything inside of me expel with the air from my lungs.
"I feel it."
CHAPTER FIVE
LUNA
"Do you have everything you need?" Mom asks from the living room. She's crocheting a blanket and is on the last few rows. It's a colorful mismatched pattern of burnt oranges, browns, and creams.
"Yep!" I shake my paper bag full of candy.
"Okay, have fun!"
I burst out the door with my winter boots, and red coat zipped up to the neck.
It's Valentine's Day tomorrow.
For school we get to make cool boxes so we can pass out Valentines to our other classmates. I'm making a special Valentine’s Day card for Roman, even though he's a year older than me. I leap across the yard, making sure to step in the already made footprints in the snow. My boots crunch with each step, the snow packing down with each push of my weight.
The door opens before I even knock, Nora's bright smile and spindly curls bouncing with excitement. "My dad comes home today!"
My eyes widen. Wow. I kind of forgot Roman even had a dad. His mom does such a good job taking care of both Roman and Nora, it's hard to believe he's ever had a dad at all.
"Wow. Really?"
I step inside, the cold air making my legs chill.
"Yeah! We've told him all about you. You'll have to come to dinner tomorrow. I would say tonight but he's not going to be home until really late. My mom already said it would be okay if you had dinner with us. Do you want to?" Her words fly out of her in rapid succession. I can barely follow her, her excitement making her vibrate in front of me.
"Um, yeah, if my mom and dad are okay with it."
"Okay!" She starts walking through her house, her red shirt with a bright white heart in the center shining at me. It smells of banana bread and chocolate chip cookies, and as if on cue, my stomach rumbles.
Then he appears.
"I can hear your stomach growling from the other room." He lifts an eyebrow.
I set my bag full of candy and supplies down on the table, feeling a bit embarrassed.
Roman has become my very best friend. I mean, Nora is my best friend. But Roman, he's something on a completely different level.
It's like he's a part of me.
"Do you want a cookie? They're still warm." Nora picks one from the cooling rack and bounces it from hand to hand as she walks over to me. "Here."
I take it from her and take a bite, the cookie falling apart the moment it hits my tongue. The chocolate chips are still melty, and I can feel the sticky goo spread to my lips.
"You've got…" Roman lifts his hand, then drops it at his side when we hear his mom's footsteps. "You have chocolate on your lips."
"Great! You're here! Let's get started on those Valentine's boxes, shall we?"
We all sit around the kitchen table and munch on cookies and banana bread while Roman's mom helps us build our boxes. We get to pass out Valentine’s cards to other kids in class and make a cool box however we want. Mine is full of pinks, reds, and whites with a glittery pink trim around it. Nora's looks similar to mine, except she adds purples and instead of a glittery pink she uses a glittery red.
Roman opted out of all the glitter and pinks. He chose reds and blues and put cardboard wheels on the sides of his to make a car out of it. The top is an open slot so people can put their Valentines straight into the car.
It takes us most of the afternoon to finish up our boxes and get our candy ready to pass out to our classmates. By the time we're finished, my hands are sticky with glue, the table is full of scraps of paper, glitter is all over the dark wood, and my teeth throb from all the sweets.
I glance outside, my eyes widening when I see complete darkness. "I better go home before my mom comes looking for me." That, and I want to finish up Roman's Valentine, and I can't do that with him right across from me at the table.
As if he knows I'm thinking about him, he looks up and locks eyes with mine.
"Can't you stay for dinner?" Nora asks. I feel bad for her. I love hanging out with her and I do all the time, but sometimes, I feel like my mind and body drift toward Roman.
Like, every time.
"Oh, not tonight, Nora. Daddy's coming home tonight." Her mom pushes a finger through one of Nora's curls, pulling it down and releasing it. I watch as it springs back up and bounces a few times.
"Okay," Nora grumbles.
Roman is still watching me, and I find that this is happening more often than not lately. We watch each other. Stare at each other.
The groaning noise from the legs of Nora's wooden chair being pushed against the floor snaps me out of my trance. I straighten my striped shirt and bell-bottom jeans as I stand up to gather my things. "Thanks for letting me come over, Mrs. Hall."
"What did I tell you, Luna, call me Goldie. Or Mom, for all I care."
I smile at her, loving that she has become like a second mom to me.
I slip my boots and coat back on, and with my bag in hand, I head home.
The next morning, I have my velvet red skirt with a white top on. For once, I'm the first one outside waiting for the other three to make their appearance for our walk to school. My backpack is tight on my shoulders with Roman's Valentine's card slipped into the front pocket. I'm holding my bag with my box and candy.
Soon, everyone else stumbles out, half asleep and bundled up in their winter gear. February is freezing in Wisconsin. I thought it was cold during the winter back in Illinois, but Wisconsin takes it to an entirely different level. It's been below freezing most days, making it impossible to spend any time outside. I can't wait for the summer again. I hope this summer I can spend it at the lake again with Roman. I hope we can do that every summer for the rest of our lives.
"Ready?" Harper asks. Since she's in middle school, she doesn't do anything for Valentine's Day. But she's still dressed in a red dress. I've got a heart shaped barrette holding the front of my hair back.
Roman's hair is unusually tamed today, and Nora has her curls pulled back in her own barrettes.
We walk silently, our feet trudging through the thick snow. My cheeks burn from the cold wind, and I tuck my face behind the front of my coat. Nerves start to take hold once school comes into view. I spent so much time on Roman's card, and I hope he likes it.
What if he doesn't?
What if he didn't get me one?
"I'll see you after school," Harper says, jogging across the street toward her own school. We all make our way inside, and Nora rushes off to her locker. Roman is about to make his way to his own locker in the second-grade pod when I wrap my freezing fingers around his coat-covered arm. "Wait."
"What is it?" His nose and cheeks are red from the cold, and his hair looks wet from the winter frost. I slip my backpack from my shoulder and pull out the card that's peeking out from the front pocket. The card itself is in the shape of a heart, with red and white tissue paper bunched up on the front. In a black magic marker, I wrote Happy Valentine's Day on the front.
I hand Roman the card with shaky fingers. He stares at it for a moment, his brown eyes darkening and brightening at the same time.
He takes the card, holding it with both hands as he tips it from one side to the next. He looks up at me, down at the card, and back up at me again. His finger
clips underneath the fold, peeling the card back, and his eyes drop, falling to my girly and swirly scrawl.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I may just be your friend,
But I like you.
Will you be my Valentine, Roman?
It's an admission of my feelings, and not very poetic, but I didn't want to go as deep as my heart was telling me to. I think if I told him how I really feel, he would run for the hills.
I wish he wouldn't stare at it for as long as he is. It seems like he isn’t even blinking as his brown eyes spear the rough pink paper. Then he folds it up, a little rougher than necessary. He looks up at me, his eyes a little lost but also a little found. Like he wants to tell me something, but he doesn't know how. I want to ask him, and I'm about to as my mouth drops open and the question rolls across my tongue, when the bell rings.
"I've got to go," Roman says, hefting his backpack over his shoulder and walking toward his locker without another word, my card clutched in his left hand.
Tears fill my eyes as I stand there. I feel lost, confused. I don't know why his reaction was like that. So cold. Does he really not like me? He finds even being my Valentine for a stupid holiday so horrific that he can barely talk to me?
He didn’t even get me a card.
A tear leaks from my eyes, tickling my cheek as it makes its way down to my lips. I bat it away, embarrassed to be the new girl crying in the hallway on Valentine's Day.
"You okay?" one of the office staff asks me as she checks the nearly empty hallway.
I nod, barely sparing her a glance as I make my way to my own locker. All I wanted to do was tell him how I really feel, but he finds me so unlikeable. Like I'm some freak. A monster.
Maybe he wasn't who I thought he was in the first place.
"Luna!" I can hear his voice call my name from down the road. I didn't wait for Harper, Roman, or Nora like I usually do. The moment we were released from class, I grabbed the rough strap of my backpack and hauled it out of the school. I didn't even put on my winter boots or zip up my coat. I just shoved everything on as quickly as possible and started racing home.
I've been in a horrible mood all day.
I don't want to talk to Roman. Or Harper. Or Nora. I want to go home and stay in my room all by myself for the rest of the day. Valentine's Day stinks. Love stinks. I hate all of it.
"Luna, wait!" I can hear Roman's heavy panting as he tries to catch up to me. "Please, Luna!" he groans when I don't stop.
I've been holding back tears all day, and I'm still trying to hold them back. They want to break from the surface and spill over the edge. The cold wind can't even dry my eyes until they're scratchy and burning from the cold. The sadness from earlier overpowers the cold and turns my body to fire.
"LUNAAAAAA!" Roman screams from the top of his lungs, sorrow and anger ripping from his throat like a never-healing wound.
I turn around, the second tear of the day making its appearance as it rolls down my cheek. "What do you want, Roman?"
His eyes widen for a split second when he sees my raw emotion. He recovers quickly, straightening his face and catching up to me in the next second. "Why are you crying?" He wipes my face, his somehow warm palm brushing my raw cheek. "Stop crying," he pleads.
"Why would you care?" I ask, shoving his hands away.
His eyebrows furrow, his face turning sharp as he scowls at me. "Why wouldn't I? You're one of my best friends."
I shrug, not wanting to get into it. Not wanting to embarrass myself any further than I already have.
I start turning around, wanting to get somewhere warm. My breath comes out as pants and I can see it puff in the air with every exhale.
He steps in front of me, blocking my exit. “What? What did I do wrong?”
Another tear falls, and he wipes it before it can hit the apple of my cheek.
“You don’t like me,” I whisper, the words passing through my foggy breath louder than they sound coming from my chest.
“What?” His eyes widen incredulously. “Yeah, I do.”
"I gave you the card this morning and it's like you didn't even care. It's like you were mad about it."
He stares at me, his teeth going to his bottom lip and he starts chewing on it.
Bite, bite, bite.
"See?" I step to the side, ready to get away from him. I knew he didn't like me. I knew it.
He steps in front of me again. "Wait."
I look up at him, my nose starting to drip from the cold. I bring the back of my hand up and swipe away the moisture.
He drops his backpack into the pile of snow, and it sinks in deep. Bending over, he unzips the main pocket and pulls out a blue piece of paper. Standing up, he hands it to me without looking me in the eyes, keeping them averted to his backpack. This time his hand is the one that's shaking.
I slide it from between his fingers, feeling the smooth paper. It's a large rectangle with the words Happy Valentine's Day on it. Reds and whites mix on the blue paper, but it's still perfect.
I take a deep breath as I open it, seeing his barely legible handwriting scratched in the middle.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You're my best friend,
But I like you too.
A drop splatters on the letters, blurring them and making the ink run. I wipe my eye, realizing I'm crying again.
I look up at Roman, seeing him looking at me. A bit shyly, maybe. Unsure of himself.
"You like me?" I whisper.
He nods. "I've been working on it all week actually. I just haven't known what to write." He looks up at me. "You made it easy."
"But… but…" I'm at a loss for words, when he leans forward and presses his lips against my damp, cold cheek.
My heart stops.
My world stops. Everything stops as Roman's warm, soft lips press against my skin. He lingers for a moment, the air from his nose rushing against my cheek. My chest hiccups like a huge leap that I can barely contain from falling out of my chest.
Finally, he steps back, staring at me with an uncertainty but a need that I feel in my own blood.
"You mean it? You're not lying to me?" I ask, my entire body thrumming with excitement. Anticipation.
"I do. Now come on, let's go home and get warm." He wraps his hand around mine and pulls me home.
I'm no longer cold, though.
I'm so, so warm.
"Luna, you ready to go?" my mom shouts from down the hall.
"Coming!" I prop Roman's card up on my dresser after reading it for the millionth time. Since he dropped me off earlier, I haven't been able to stop reading it. Touching it. When the phone rang a short while after I got home, I ran to it in hopes that it was Roman wanting to play.
It was his mom.
I forgot that Roman's dad, Cypress, got home from tour yesterday. I was going to eat dinner with them, but Goldie actually wanted our entire family to go over so he could meet all of us. She told my mom we're basically family at this point.
I walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. It's smoky from their most recent joint that my dad is stubbing out into an ashtray. My dad is dressed in blue jeans and a button-up shirt. My mom is wearing one of her many dresses. She doesn't own much else besides her dresses that she makes herself. Harper sits in the kitchen, her hair in a tall ponytail and she’s wearing jean bottoms and a matching jean top.
I'm wearing a dress as well, though mine brushes just below my knees and it's matched with a pair of long socks and Mary Janes. We all bundle up in our coats and make our way up the hill to Roman's house. Their outside porch light is on. My dad holds a bottle of wine while my mom knocks on the door. My parents aren't rock fans, they're more folk fans. But they're still meeting a celebrity of sorts, and they've been raving about it since Goldie's phone call.
Nora opens the door, a bright smile on her face while she takes us all in. She's in jeans and a dark gray sweater. "Luna!"
I wave
at her, pushing through my parents to get in the house. "Hi." I look around for Roman, but he's nowhere to be found.
"Oh, hi, guys!" Goldie walks into the kitchen with an apron on. "Come on in." She gives my mom a hug and smiles at my dad. "You did not have to get anything! I told you that earlier."
"We just had this lying around." My mom waves her hand in the air to brush off her lie. Harper snorts, clearing her throat to cover it up. She actually made my dad rush out of the house to go buy one of the nicest bottles they had at the store. I think Goldie knows this, too, from the smirk on her face.
"It smells good in here. Can I help with anything?" Mom compliments as she follows Goldie into the kitchen.
"Oh, thank you. It's just a pot roast with some potatoes and carrots. If you want to slice the bread, that would be great."
My dad takes our coats to hang them up, and Harper walks to the living room with her cassette player and headphones. All she does is listen to music nowadays. She can't stop listening to The Ramones and Aerosmith.
I look around for Nora, but she's nowhere to be seen now.
And where's Roman? And Cypress?
I can feel a low hum on the bottom of my feet, like the floor is barely vibrating. Curiosity gets the best of me. I look over my shoulder, seeing my dad talking to Harper, and my mom and Goldie laughing and giggling in the kitchen. Turning around, I walk through the living room with their davenport, striped chair, and television. Opening the door to the basement, the sound of humming has turned into a low thrum of music—a guitar and what also sounds to be a voice singing.
As quietly as possible, I make my way down the stairs and walk toward the music studio. I've only been in here once, one of the first times I came in their house and Roman showed me around. He said this is where his dad records and practices with his band members. The door is shut, and I press my hand to the cold brass knob and as slowly as possible, turn it and pull it open.
My steps falter as I watch the sight in front of me.
Roman sits on a stool as he fumbles through the notes. He strums most of them perfectly, save for a few times when his finger squeaks down the guitar strings. His dad stands at his side, belting out the lyrics to Highway to Hell by AC/DC. He sounds just like the main singer, and Roman sounds like he could be the guitarist.
