by A. R. Breck
"Dude, Leslie said she's going to try and pull big moves on you now that you're going to be in a different school than Luna."
I snort. "She can fucking try, but I'll shut her down every time."
Silence.
"Go get her, Rome. You always play like shit when you guys are fighting. It'd be a waste for us to sit here and pretend like the music will be good."
I nod, walking out and shutting the door behind me. They can either wait until I get back or leave whenever they want. I'm sure they'll end up going to the movies, and they know that I'm not going to be going with them. They've been around my house enough times to know their own way out of there.
I slip out the back door, walking in my shorts and t-shirt across my backyard and into Luna's. I walk to her window, tapping on it a few times.
No answer.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me, Luna." Don't ask me how I know she's in there, I just do. I can sense her sadness radiating from the other side of the wall. I can smell the tears that are falling down her face right now. "Please, Luna. I'm not leaving."
Her curtain rips back, and there she stands. Her black hair sticks to her wet cheeks, and the small amount of mascara I wish she wouldn't wear runs down her face in dark rivers. "What do you want, Roman?" she asks, her voice clogged with tears.
"I don't like Cindy," I emphasize.
She rolls her eyes, the whites of them bloodshot and watery. "Quit lying to me."
"I’m not!" I shout, but her voice is muffled through the closed window. "Open your window so your mom or dad don't come see what's wrong."
She looks over her shoulder, gnawing on her lip a moment before turning back to me.
"Open your window, Luna. Right now."
She does as I ask, raising her window up only an inch. I push it up the rest of the way, bending down so I can slide inside. Her room smells salty, like it's full of her tears. "Stop crying," I groan, hating this feeling in my chest. Like it's shredding apart in a meat grinder. I can't take it anymore.
Her ballet slippers hang on her wall on a hook, and the rest of her walls are filled with pictures of me, Nora, and her family. Some ballet artwork also decorates her walls, but the focus is me and her.
It's always been me and her.
Without a second thought, I grab her arms and pull her to me. "I don't like her, and I never will like her. You don't have to worry about her. Not now. Not ever." I punch each word out with so much certainty her face freezes. She stares up at me, trying to decipher the realness of my words.
"I'm being honest with you. I promise."
Her face crumbles, lines forming in her eyes and forehead. Her body shudders as she takes a deep breath. She falls into me, her body sinking against mine. "I don't want to lose you," she whispers.
"You'll never lose me. Never," I mumble against her head.
Because I'll never let her go.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Luna
"Hey, Luna." I look up, seeing Travis staring at me from my table in the library. School started a few months ago, and as much as I hate being here without Roman, I just tell myself I have one more year to get through and then I'll be with him again.
Jealousy gnaws at my insides just thinking of him at the high school by himself. Imagining Cindy talking to him, flirting with him.
Ugh.
"Luna?" Travis asks again, adjusting the books in his arms. His letterman jacket is blue and yellow as it sits on his chest. Being on the football team, he's handsome and one of the guys in my grade that all the girls have a crush on.
Except me.
The library is quiet, and it smells like old books. The one place I like to be in school. My favorite place.
"I'm sorry, what?" I look up at him, setting my pencil down inside my notebook and closing it. It has a huge lump in it, the cover tilted halfway toward the ceiling.
I'm supposed to be studying for my upcoming math test, but I've been drowning in thoughts of Roman. I'm pathetic, but my life is consumed by him, and it has been since I was a child.
"I asked if you wanted to go to the winter carnival with me."
I blink at him, not sure where this is even coming from. I don't think I've ever really spoken with him before unless we were working together on a school project or something. He's never just searched me out for no reason, so I'm kind of wondering why he suddenly wants to take me to the school dance.
"Wait, what?" I let out a small chuckle. "Where is this coming from?"
The librarian gives me a harsh look, and Travis quickly slinks into the chair beside me, his knees knocking against mine. He leans forward, the smell of minty gum coming off his breath. He smiles with his perfectly straight teeth that had braces removed from them this last summer, and it’s infectious with the dimple in his cheek. It has me instantly smiling back at him.
"It's not a new thing. I've always wanted to ask you out. I've just never had the chance," he says.
I frown at him. "Why not?"
He gives me a look like I'm stupid. Like whatever he knows is obvious.
"What are you not telling me?" My eyes narrow in suspicion. What the hell is going on?
His face drops a little, turning serious as he stares at me. "You really don't know?"
I shake my head slowly, feeling my stomach weigh down with lead. He leans closer, his knees pushing further into mine. I push my chair back a little, releasing the contact. I’m suddenly feeling cold inside.
"Roman wouldn't let any of us ask you to any dances. None of us could do anything, really. Now that he's not here, though, I figured now's my chance."
"Who is us?" I feel like my eyes are about to bug out of my head. “Chance for what?”
He scratches his jaw, looking like he's got all the secrets in the world stuffed in his pockets. "Everyone. All the guys in our grade. Some from even the grade above us. We've all wanted to ask you out multiple times, Luna. Some have even tried. Roman shut everything down before we could even ask." He taps his finger on the table, the tap, tap, tap loud and echoing in the quiet library. "He honestly never told you? You never knew?"
"How would I know?" I nearly shriek.
"Shhhhhh!" The librarian, with her glasses and colorful chain hooking from them behind the back of her head, looks at me like she wants to hit me with the newspaper. "Quiet down or else I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
I cringe and mouth an apology before looking back at Travis. "No, he never told me," I whisper.
The look he makes is a cross between the cat that ate the canary and the kid who stepped in his neighbor’s dog poop. "Don't tell him I told you, okay?"
I glance up at the clock, seeing it's about ten minutes from the last bell of the day. Roman gets out earlier than I do, so he's probably already outside waiting for me.
I slam my book closed, the boom sounding like a gunshot. Shoving everything in my backpack, I don’t even care that my pages are wrinkling, and my pencil pouch is opened, spilling everything to the bottom. I stand up too quickly, my chair making an ugly groaning noise even against the carpet. I wince, pushing it back in quietly.
I'm going to kill him.
I pause on my way out, turning around to a shocked Travis. "Oh, Travis?" He looks up at me, a little nervous from our conversation, I'm guessing. "Yes, I'll go to the dance with you."
His uneasiness drops, a genuine smile popping up in its place, and his dimples reappear. I feel like sticking my fingers into them.
A voice clears her throat behind me, and I look over my shoulder to the librarian standing directly behind me, pointing at the exit.
"I'm already leaving." I huff, walking out without another word.
The librarian will want me to go to the office to wait the last few minutes until the bell rings, but I'm not. I take a detour to my locker and grab the rest of my things. I pull my jacket off the hook and slam my locker closed so hard the door wiggles on the hinges. Slipping my arms into my purple sleeves, I stomp toward the exit with only o
ne purpose in mind.
Roman.
Shoving the doors open, a blast of cold air immediately hits my face. This December is ridiculously cold, with our first snowfall being in October this year. As soon as that first flake melted on my skin, I knew it was going to be a hellish winter.
I let out an angry breath when I see him, sitting on top of the monkey bars as he usually does. Even in the winter, he finds his way to his park. That's what I like to call it. His park. It's been a part of him since I met him. I think if he could, he'd lift it up and put it in his backyard.
Roman blocked guys from seeking me out? Screw that.
The wave of breathy fog escapes my lips with a shuddering, angry breath. I can't believe that asshole.
I'm going to kill him.
I trudge through the freshly fallen snow. My feet go deep, snow instantly making its way into my shoes and socks. He notices me before I cross the street, and a worried look crosses his face. He slips down, landing effortlessly on his feet and brushing the snow from the back of his jeans as he walks up to me.
"What's wrong? The bell hasn't even rung yet. Are you okay?"
I press my cold fingers against his wool coat and give him a shove. "You jerk!"
He stumbles back, slipping on a small patch of ice, but rights himself before he falls to the ground. "What was that for?" he shouts at me.
"I think you'd like to know that I just got asked to the winter carnival."
His brows lower, and it's like a shadow takes over his face. "Who?" he growls, the fierceness in his tone not something I've ever heard from him before.
I go to shove him again, pure anger heating my cool skin. He wraps his hands around my wrists, his long and strong fingers warm even though he's been sitting out in the cold for at least ten minutes. "Who?" he questions.
The tone in his face automatically makes me answer him. "It was Travis."
His eyes widen, rage lighting his brown eyes to gold. "Travis Schwinn?" he roars.
"I told him yes!" I rip my wrists from his hold, shoving him away in the process. "You told him, and everyone else for that matter, that they couldn't ask me out. You have been making me feel like a leper for years, all for your own happiness? I thought I was some freak because no guys talked to me, no guys wanted to hang out with me. Now, I come to find out you've been pissing a circle around my leg?"
I kick snow toward him, and it puffs into dust instead of chucking at his legs like I’d hoped. "I told him yes."
He laughs. "No."
"I'm going with him." I smile. "And I don't care if you like it or not." I take a step away from him, ready to rush home and get away from him before he lures me back.
He always lures me back.
His soft words and his calming, protective presence make me melt around him. I'm nothing but weak when it comes to Roman Hall. He has a power over me no one ever could. I'm a crumbling petal in his strong hand.
"You've never gone to a dance without me. We've always gone together. Every. Single. Time. Now you plan to take Travis fucking Schwinn? I don't think so, Luna. Over my dead fucking body."
I hear the bell ring across the street, and only a minute later are kids flooding out of the doors. I take a step away from him, hating that he's hurt me like this. That he's kept me from experiencing what every girl should experience. I would choose Roman every time, no question. But he never gave me the chance or trusted me enough to believe he'd always be my number one.
And that's what hurts the most.
"I don't think you really have a choice in that matter." I see Nora start to cross the street with a curious look on her face. I know she'll want to know what happened, she always is nosy when it comes to mine and Roman's relationship. She thinks we're going to get married someday, and I usually never deny her claims.
I've always wanted to marry Roman too.
But today, right now, that's the last thing I want to do.
I turn away from Roman and Nora, speed walking toward my house. I ignore both of them shouting my name. Telling me to wait. Nora asking me what's wrong. Nora screaming at Roman for being an asshole. I ignore them as I walk home. I don't answer the door later, or the window tap late at night. I tell my mom that I don't feel good. Because I don't. I feel terrible.
It feels like I'm falling apart, my body like the tied ribbon of my ballet slippers. One easy pull, and I'll collapse into a pile of nothing.
"You look so pretty, Luna," Nora says from beside me. We're standing in my bathroom, dolled up for the winter carnival.
"Ugh, I don't know." I look down at my dress. It's a faded pink, almost creamy in color. The satin fabric goes down to my ankles. The neckline is high, all the way to my collarbones. The sleeves are sheer, save for the two small scraps of satin strips separating the fabric. It's pretty, and my mom made it, so even if I didn't like it, I'd be forced to wear it.
Nora stands beside me in a satin red dress. A big thing that flares at the waist and has a large bow on her hip. Puffy sleeves cap her shoulders and look like oversized marshmallows.
"Are you sure you don't want to wait for him?" she asks, readjusting a curl from her up-do.
She's talking about Roman.
The first thing she told me when she walked in was that Roman was getting ready and planning to take me to the dance.
Hell no.
"I'm not waiting for him. I'm going to the dance with Travis." I run my hand down my dress, from my chest to the tops of my thighs. The dress is light and cool against my skin, the shiny fabric gentle as it kisses my body.
I watch as she frowns through the mirror. She doesn't like that we're fighting. She never likes us fighting.
"Knock, knock." My mom walks in with her Polaroid camera. She's been excited all day for the dance. Finishing last minute hemming on the bottom, helping me curl my hair into a subtle wave. I decided to leave it down, and it cascades down my back. "Wow, you guys look so pretty. Are you ready to go?"
"I'm ready." I take one last glance in the mirror and turn to my mom. "Ready to go?"
"I am." She turns toward the hallway. "Charlie! The girls are ready to go!" Both Nora and I grab our clutches and follow my mom into the living room.
"I want to take a couple pictures before we leave."
I sigh at this, hating the ridiculous picture taking.
"Well, don't you girls look lovely! You'll be the most beautiful girls at the dance!" My dad comes over and presses his lips gently on the crown of my head.
We take some pictures in the living room, since it's too cold outside to stand out there in our dresses. Once we have our coats on, we hop into the Oldsmobile and are off to school.
It's packed by the time we arrive. Cars parked along the curb, doors opening with colorful outfits spilling out. A rainbow of bodies filling up on the sidewalk.
A light snow is falling from the darkening sky, the evening sun setting early this time of year. The flakes are light and powdery, the kind that brush against your skin without actually seeping into you.
I see Travis standing in the hallway, his letterman jacket covering his suit coat. His black trousers fit his slim form nicely. A smile breaks out on his face when he sees me.
"You made it!" He wraps me into a hug when he sees me, and my eyes widen slightly.
Okay. I didn’t realize we were on this friendly of terms.
Beside Travis stands George, Nora's date, another player on the football team. They've been casually flirting this year, although I know Nora's sights have always been on Flynn, Roman's best friend.
We head into the gym, where hundreds of white and blue balloons are hung from the rafters. Streamers dangle down, spinning from the constantly running vents along with shiny decorations. A disco ball hangs from the ceiling, creating glittery triangles to shine all throughout the room.
A boombox sits on a table in the corner of the room with Piano Man by Billy Joel screaming from the speakers. Next to the boombox is another table with a glass bowl filled with a red juice brimmi
ng to the top. There's also a platter of cookies and a bowl of chips.
Riveting.
We walk through pools of people; their different colored dresses and outfits making them a vibrant kaleidoscope of colors.
"Want some punch?" Travis shouts over the music.
I nod, clutching my purse with both hands, suddenly feeling a little uneasy.
I miss Roman.
I've only ever gone to dances or school events with him. I'm used to him standing beside me, and I’m so much more comfortable with him. Not that Travis is a bad guy, he just isn't the guy my heart beats inside my chest for.
Roman is.
But I'm so mad at him, and he shouldn't have kept guys from talking to me. Because now I have to spend my time with Travis instead of him, all because he wanted to be a possessive asshole who only thinks about himself.
Though, the thought of Roman seeing me have fun while he stands on the sidelines is a knife to the gut. Hurting Roman isn't something that interests me. Watching the blanket of sadness cover his face shreds my insides.
The gnawing in my abdomen grows, and I rub at my lower stomach, hating the ache that missing Roman does to me.
"Here you go." Travis and George come back with four cups of juice in Styrofoam cups. I take mine and watch as Nora takes hers. We stand on the sidelines, watching everyone dance and have a good time, while we stand there awkwardly.
"Want to dance?" Travis asks me once he's done with his juice.
I look down at my cup, seeing the mostly full cup with watered down punch. It tastes gross, and Travis has a little red mustache on his upper lip from his own drink.
"Sure." I swallow down the sigh that wants to break free and set my cup down on a nearby table. Glancing at Nora, I see her watching me with the same sadness. She wants what she can't have, too. Not only does she like Flynn, but Roman would never let her date him. And she thinks Flynn only looks at her like a sister, anyway.
"You okay?" Nora asks as I’m setting my cup down.
I nod. "You?"
George grabs onto her wrist and pulls her out into the dance floor before she has a chance to respond. We split off, Travis pulling me left and George pulling her right. People are spinning around, dancing with couples or with their friends. Smiles on faces and screams and laughs fill me from every which way.
