“Are you two fighting?” Leif questions, chewing a big spoonful of the stew.
“No,” answers Frey after going silent again.
I narrow my eyes slightly, and I mutter, “Well, you did say I smelled this morning.”
Frey’s eyes drift to me, and he sighs and argues, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“And you also have been avoiding me since the ceremony,” I say again but snappy.
Frey goes quiet again, and Leif laughs. “What now, brother? You don’t want her now that she is a Dane and no longer an English woman?”
Silence follows, and I turn my head, knitting my brows as I stare at Frey waiting for his reply. He looks aggravated at Leif’s prying and my staring for an answer.
“Well, would you like to share your feelings like a woman? Something bothering you about our Ellie?” teases Leif even further.
He growls at Leif and at me before standing up abruptly, looking down at Leif who was on the bench with a smug face.
“What are you going to do?” provokes Leif further. “Slap me? Or run to Mother??”
Frey then dumps his stew over Leif’s head with a curled back lip and tosses what’s left in the bowl on the ground, it splattering all over the place and making a mess.
Leif stands up as well while wiping his eyes and he hisses, “What the hell?! I just fucking bathed Frey!”
Frey ignores him, and he walks away, stomping his feet the entire time before storming out of the home, even leaving the door open to the outside.
“Frey!” yells his mother as she sees the mess her son has made and catching a glimpse of his anger, she complains, “That boy is just like a child all over again. Throwing a tantrum and making a mess with his food...”
Leif continues wiping the stew off of him in chunks, more of it landing on the ground, and disgusted noises leave his lips each time.
I put down my bowl, anger now replacing the worry I was feeling about Bard, and I whip around before following Frey’s quick steps out the door, not caring if he is currently and obviously moody.
In the background before I shut the door, I hear Noma asking, “What have you done to anger your brother now Leif?”
To which I hear Leif whine back, “I didn’t do anything for him to snap like that! He and Ellie are fighting about something.”
His pace is fast, but he barely makes it to the edge of the woods when I decide I am going to attempt to knock the bastard off his feet just like I tried with Noma all those years ago and what I was taught to do.
I charge him, picking up speed, and I slam into him with my entire body weight. I feel him stumble forward, but he grabs the nearest tree for support and digs his claws in which were inhuman.
“What the hell are you doing, lass?” asks Frey, his voice shocked as he turns around to face me and my wrath.
My shoulder aches where I slammed into his body, and it feels similar to hitting a rock.
“You bastard,” I growl out, and I push at him as I step back from him.
He doesn’t budge from his spot, and I continue to hiss at him, “Are you serious about not liking me now that I am a Dane? Did you only like me because I was something different that you couldn’t have?! You kidnap me from my home only to push me away once I become a part of your village?!”
I give him a look of disgust, and I hiss, “You disgust me if that’s what this is about.”
His hands leave the tree, and I continue to try and push at him, but he evades my attacks and the swinging of my fists with ease.
I don’t give up until he grabs both my wrists to which I resort to kicking him, but he lets go of my wrist to grab my leg, tossing me off balance, and I fall on my rear.
I look up to see Frey frowning and obviously displeased about my attacks. I go to stand and punch him again only for him to grab my fist and shove me back once more.
I breathe heavily as I stumble back, but I catch my footing, this giving Frey enough time to speak the words he wanted to say.
“Look you got it all wrong,” he says. “It’s nothing like that...” He makes a face, and he asks, “Tell me, Ellie. Why did you become a Dane...why did you drink the blood? Why did you denounce your god? What were your reasons??”
I am quiet as I think about my original reasons, which included getting Arvid to accept me. The man’s looks towards me had changed, though he stills holds onto that same distaste.
Nothing has really changed liked I wanted...Even Fenrir didn’t accept me.
“It was because of me, wasn’t it?” he asks. “You denounced your god and forced yourself into a situation that you didn’t even want just because we shared a few kisses.”
“No, that’s isn’t it,” I say quickly. “It was to be accepted!”
“Was it really?” he questions, and I fall silent.
Wasn’t it to be accepted by Arvid and the village? It was, right? I didn’t do that because of just Frey.
He crinkles his face before he asks, “Did Fenrir even accept you?”
I feel my chest tighten, and I reply, Frey being the first one to be told, “No....”
“You weren’t ready then,” he says. “You will become cursed, Ellie. Those who are bound to two religions walk in another realm and are vulnerable to many bad things. You will become targeted as you’re unprotected by your god or ours...”
I remember the dream and how Fenrir himself even said something similar. That I was cursed...
So, it is real.
Frey steps towards me, and he hesitantly cups my cheek with his palm making me look up at him. His hand is warm, and it feels nice on my skin.
I stare up at him, and he says, “I hear your god is forgiving...I’m sure he will take you back. It is better than being cursed.”
“No...not after I have sinned,” I say, casting my eyes down. “In so many ways...I won’t be accepted back by him. Not now. Not after everything.”
Drinking the blood.... murder....unpure thoughts....so many things I can think about that is considered a sin.
“How have you sinned?” he questions, his hand still on my face. “You’re the purest thing I have seen in this village for a long time.”
“You don’t understand my God, Frey...and you don’t understand what I have done,” I mutter, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from my cheek.
“Try me,” he says. “What have you done that is unredeemable in your god’s eyes?”
“I can’t talk about it,” I say still having a hold on his wrist.
“Well, that’s a shame. I would love to hear about all the sinning you have done in your past,” he says sarcastically.
“You made your mother mad,” I mutter, trying to get off the topic now that things have settled between us.
“I know,” he sighs. “That’s why I’m not coming back tonight.”
“And where will you be going without your horse?” I question.
“There’s a place nearby that no one knows about,” he says. “It’s within walking distance in these woods.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“Something I built when I was young. I always liked to build, but I no longer had time once becoming a warrior,” he states.
“Can I see?” I question, curious about the place he built that he disappears to from time to time. I let go of his wrist, waiting for him to take the lead.
“It’s nothing great,” he says, averting his eyes.
“That’s only for me to decide,” I say, grinning slightly, thinking about what could be a pathetic and tiny house he built when he was a child.
He sighs before he starts walking off the trail and into the woods, and I follow behind him.
The walk is quiet until he says, “The reason why I was upset is because you put yourself in danger because of me.”
‘Was it really because of Frey? Did I push myself to change my religion because of him and our kiss?’ I think to myself as I follow behind him in the dark forest.
“Now I’m worried yo
u will get hurt or fall sick, even worse get killed,” he mutters.
“I won’t,” I say. “I’m strong. Just because I’m cursed doesn’t mean I can’t escape bad situations. I could have been cursed for a lot longer and not have known it.”
“Does that mean you were already divided between your religion and mine?” he questions me.
“I think I have been for a long time,” I reply.
I try to get closer to him after looking around me and becoming paranoid about the darkness.
“Are you frightened of the dark?” asks Frey when I draw closer to his heel.
“No, I just can’t see that well like you can,” I reply.
“I see. Well, you’re welcome to grab on to me anytime you feel scared,” he says, chuckling slightly.
As he walks and I ignore his statement, I start to see shapes and funny things in the darkness. I also hear odd noises and flapping sounds from above, reminding me of the tales of dragons that my mother used to tell me before bed.
I promise myself in my head that I won’t need to grab on to him, but my heart begins to thump wildly in my chest, and within the darkness, the closest thing to safety is in front of me and if I lose that...I don’t know if I will be able to find my way back.
So, within my states of paranoia and panic, I grab onto Frey’s shirt and he doesn’t say anything to aggravate or upset me. I guess he knows better not to.
When I feel him so close by, along with his body heat, I feel safer. Even though I can’t see, and I am out walking in the woods at night, I feel safer just because of Frey.
It is something so odd. As a child, I hated and despised him and wished him dead, but now I can confirm those thoughts and feelings aren’t true. I don’t hate Frey, and I definitely don’t want him dead.
I then feel Frey stop abruptly, and during this stop, I assume the worst and immediately ask, “What’s wrong?!”
I feel his chest vibrate with a laugh, and he says, “Nothing. It’s just we are here.”
I step towards the side, and I squint at the faint shape of a small home, perhaps the size of my room, if not bigger.
He walks forward, more towards the small house, and I hear him open the door which creaks open. He walks in, and I follow him, and inside is much darker than outside.
“Do you have any candles?” I ask.
“Yes, somewhere,” he says. “Give me a moment.”
I shut the door from the outside and lean my back against it, waiting for when I can see with some form of light.
I hear rustling before what sounds like the rubbing of sticks. He must have a fire pit in the tiny makeshift place. No wonder Noma couldn’t find him and wondered where he went some days when they got into fights.
Seems Frey even got clever some nights and would use things to mask his scent from the people around him.
He blows and rubs again at what sounds like sticks, and then he pours a liquid onto the fire to get it started.
It goes on for a while, and I sit down on the ground by the door before I see sparks. Then before long, those tiny sparks turn into a fire in the middle of the floor where the fire pit is.
Then he takes a candle and lights it using the fire on the ground and places it upon what looks like a table.
“Did you make that too?” I question, seeing the faint outlines of things and his face with an orange glow on it.
“I did,” he says. “It wasn’t hard. My uncle taught me when he was around still. It isn’t the best, but it’s something...”
I move closer to the light, and once the fire grows, the more I can see around me. “Who would have thought you could build such nice things like this.”
I inspect the table and rub my hands up and down the side to find it pretty smooth other than the occasional bump from the wood.
“The only thing about the fire is that it’s going to get hot in here, lass. Real hot. So, you might want me to walk you home,” he says, lighting another candle and placing it on another surface.
“You don’t have much wood to burn...it will die down quickly,” I say, looking at the two logs and sticks in the fire pit.
“You would be surprised how long it can burn with that liquid I bought from a nearby village.” he says, and he leans back in the furs on the floor that is his makeshift bed.
“And where will you be sleeping if you’re going to stay the night?” he questions.
“With you, I guess...” I trail, and things get quiet. I then say, breaking the silence, “I used to sleep next to Leif all the time, remember?”
“You were a child,” he says. “Things were different then. You’re a woman now.”
I get up before plopping down next to him on the furs that were surprisingly soft and squishy underneath.
I then ask him, getting comfortable and taking off my shoes, “What’s so different now? We can keep our distance.”
He eyes me before raising his brows, and he says still laying down, “A lot of things are...If you lay down next to me, I can’t confirm I won’t let my hands roam.”
I hold my legs once kicking my shoes aside, and I look back at him, and I ask, “Do you men ever have any control?”
“Perhaps, but I’m not one of them. Especially when it’s a woman that I like,” he states.
“You like me in what way?” I question curiously.
He sits up, and he answers after smirking, “I like you in a not so innocent way, lass.”
“So, you only like me for my body?” I question next, being bold with him suddenly.
“Hmm...I would say it was something much more than that,” he trails after reaching out and stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers before leaning into me.
I don’t lean back or away, knowing what was going to happen next, and instead, I eagerly await that feeling.
He soon presses his lips into mine, and I shut my eyes.
I’ve come to enjoy his lips, even if I just felt them once before this.
I begin to meet the way his lips move against mine, following his movements that are slow and sensual.
He moves slightly from the position he was in earlier to where he is more comfortable and in front of me instead of on my side.
He continues kissing me, and my heartbeat is thudding so loudly in my chest that I can hear it in both my ears.
The sensations are all but familiar.
His kisses soon become quick and rough not holding the same innocence to them from earlier, our lips smacking together noisily each time they greet each other.
His hand slips through my hair before resting on my shoulder. He applies his weight to it making me fall back, and for my lips to separate from his momentarily. One last sound of ours lips smacking echoes in the silent room lighted with just the candles and fire.
My back hits the bed of furs and it is then I reopen my eyes to stare at Frey who looms above me, his braid slipping from his back to on his shoulder.
His eyes hold a darkness to them that is something similar to lust, a look I didn’t mind, and I feel heat gather to my cheeks.
Frey doesn’t say anything as neither do I, a silent consent to what he is about to do and what I want him to do.
As I stare up at him, that safety I felt is returning, and all the worry that I was feeling before these events are slipping from my mind, and it is then I realize something more.
Frey is my comfort from within the darkness. A darkness which is my mind and heart and one that he eases with the feelings he stirs within me.
A feeling to which could never be forgotten, and he leans down and kisses me once more as both his hands are placed upon my shoulders, his fingers curling around them, applying slight pressure.
The hair from his braid tickles my arm, and I part my lips to partake for the beginning of sinful events. He too welcomes the motion with the slip of his tongue.
Tonight...the fire won’t be the only thing making us hot.
We have nobody but ourselves to blame for the heat and I begin to stop
thinking, my swirling thoughts coming to an abrupt end as I get distracted by his tongue roaming the inside of my mouth.
A mind with no thoughts is a light world for me. A world where I can focus on the things that make me feel good and a world that isn’t constantly worrying about whether I can survive or do something like this.
I shut my eyes once more letting the darkness consume me, everything stopping, even time itself. All that matters is our bodies tonight...
Chapter 23
Loving The Animal
I was doing this, right?
It seems unreal I am doing such things. Everything is much faster than I anticipated, and things feel much hotter than they did seconds ago.
I whimper into Frey’s mouth as his body presses into mine, the heat from his body pushed on to me, his hard and solid body against my own which I always thought of as solid and hardened from my training, but I was wrong. I am soft and my body willingly melds with his as if asking to be one with him.
One…
It reminds me of stories of the Bible and of the first man and woman and how Eve came from Adam. Perhaps this is where the desire comes from, the reason why women yearn for men and men yearn for women, the want to be whole again…
But pagan Gods spoke of a different first man and woman, Ask and Embla. They were never of the same being, but driftwood with the appearance of humanoid bodies found together which the Gods breathed life into. Even as wood, their wish was to be together by their own free will.
Fate...
I suppose my fate was this…
However, I chose this path like Embla chose to be with Ask.
Fate…and my head feels dizzy not just by my thoughts of Gods but from what Frey is doing to me. Ask and Embla’s desire for skinship was because of love. Skinship is an expression of their love made physical.
Do I love Frey?
I can’t think more about it and maybe I don’t want to.
My flesh feels like it is burning because of him but also the fire which has not died down. My body is sleek with my sweat and I am sure Frey’s skin is the same. His body is always much hotter than mine, perhaps because of his beast, his wolf.
Frey groans and it is then I feel something hard press against my inner thigh. It is the hottest thing currently on his body and something that feels foreign to me. I know what it is despite his clothes hiding it. My mind not so innocent as my body.
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