And now there was Joe. Her son, no longer nameless, wanted to meet her. The reunion she hadn’t believed would ever happen was suddenly the one thing she wanted most—and all she had to do was say yes. Was she strong enough to face the child she’d abandoned so long ago? How would she know what to say? Could she tell him she’d wept every year on his birthday because she’d never stopped trying to picture him as he grew? That she’d prayed every night his mother and father loved him and had given him a happy life? That she’d never gotten over the pain of losing him?
She sat on the stand until the stars blinked their way into the evening sky, and slowly, one by one, all the pieces of her life began to fall into place. It would take strength and honesty. It would mean facing the truth unflinchingly. But if she was very lucky, in the end, the payoff would be healing and understanding, and maybe even love. It was all within reach, if she could only step up and accept the challenge, knowing her life would never be the same.
She’d begin where she needed to. She climbed down and headed for home, and the conversation she never thought she’d have.
Chapter Sixteen
GRACE
“I don’t believe she walked out on us like that.” Grace had been loaded for bear, and the fact that her mother had left the house before she’d had a chance to say one word had infuriated her.
“God, I can’t believe I did that to her.” Natalie covered her face with her hands.
“What could she possibly have to do that would be more important than explaining to us how she’d had this son she never bothered to tell us about? And seriously, Nat? You’re feeling sorry for her?”
Before Natalie could reply, Daisy stumbled into the room, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes. “Mommy, I can’t sleep. I’m lost,” she said, her voice small and frightened, and Grace couldn’t blame her sister for picking up the child and taking her back upstairs. She’d thought Natalie would come right back, but Grace was still sitting alone in the kitchen when she heard the front door open and close quietly.
Grace fixed her mother with her most lethal stare, and she was annoyed even more that Maggie ignored it.
“Where’s Natalie?” Maggie asked.
“Upstairs with Daisy.” Grace got up and opened a new bottle of wine. If she didn’t do something to relax, she was going to blow, and right then the only sure thing in sight was the bottle of pinot grigio sitting on the counter. She took a glass from the cupboard, poured, and drank.
“I’ll have one of those.” Maggie poured a glass for herself, then sat at the island, toying with the fruit in the bowl, rearranging the oranges, apples, and bananas. Finally, she said, “If you have something to say, go ahead, Gracie. Get it off your chest so we can get past this.”
“You think we can just have a nice chat and then we’ll be past this? How do we get past the fact you had a child you never told us about? That I have a brother I never met?” Grace knew her face was headed to ugly town, but right at that moment, she didn’t care. “Did Dad know? Did he know his perfect wife had this deep secret?”
“Whoa, Grace.” Natalie came into the room in a rush. “That’s none of our business. Whatever was between Mom and Dad was just that. Between them.” She touched her mother on the shoulder, and when Maggie turned, Natalie drew her in. “Mama, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about how this would hurt you. I acted like the worst kind of brat, and I’m so embarrassed I could die.”
“Oh, honey.” Maggie hugged her, and Grace could tell both her sister and her mother were close to tears once again.
“Oh, please. Natalie, you have nothing to apologize for. But Mom, you have some explaining to do.”
“Grace. For God’s sake . . .” Natalie turned on her.
“Nat, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Mom. She owes us an explanation.” Grace was aware she sounded like a shrew, but she couldn’t stop herself. Her whole life she’d believed her parents had had this fairy-tale marriage, this once-in-a-lifetime love. She’d always wanted to be just like her mother—her hero!—but never felt she measured up. She’d believed her mother was pretty damned near perfect. Apparently, her perceived perfection had been a figment of Grace’s imagination. Watching her mother fall off her pedestal was more than disappointing. It was excruciatingly painful.
“Thank you.” Maggie held Natalie’s hands, then said, “Pour yourself some wine and join us. Grace is apparently determined to re-create the Inquisition, so you might as well fortify yourself.”
“Mom, you don’t owe us an explanation.” Natalie reached across the island for the wine.
“Grace obviously believes I do.” Maggie directed her gaze to her elder daughter. “Let me preface this by saying I don’t believe I owe you anything. My life is my own, just as your life is yours. And if I recall correctly, recently you needed a hefty dose of understanding after your life imploded. I was more than happy to be there for you, Gracie. Apparently, it’s too much to ask I be given the same respect and understanding I so willingly gave you.”
“Mom, it’s not the same. It’s—” Grace began, but her mother cut her off.
“It’s my turn, Grace. You want to know how come I never told you I’d had a child before I met your father? You want to know about the baby I wasn’t permitted to keep?” Maggie was speaking softly, so softly Grace had to lean in her direction in order to hear her. “I was eighteen, my senior year, when I got pregnant in the spring. The old cliché of prom night . . . well, it doesn’t matter. My boyfriend and I had been together for three years. We planned to get married after college. There was never a doubt in my mind that would happen. I loved him more than I can say. Even now, forty years later, I know I loved him with my whole heart and soul. And he loved me.” Maggie took a sip of wine, then took another before proceeding.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted nothing more than to keep my child. But my parents were adamant I give the baby up for adoption. My boyfriend agreed—I’m not letting him off the hook. The three of them were relentless. My parents didn’t want to have to deal with the embarrassment. My boyfriend didn’t want his football career to suffer. He had plans to play professionally, which he did.”
“Your high school boyfriend played professional football?” For some reason, this sounded incredible to Grace. “Seriously? Who’d he play for?”
“What does it matter? Geez, Grace.” Natalie shot her a dirty look. “Go on, Mom.”
“So the end of August came around and my friends all took off for college. I pretended I was going, too, but I was really going to spend the next few months living in a cabin in Maine my mother’s brother owned. He only used it in the summer, so he let us move in until after the baby was born.” Maggie paused. “I don’t think my mom told him why she wanted to stay there. We stayed in Maine until the baby was born, and a few weeks after, because I was such a wreck. My mom stayed with me, but once I went into labor, my dad flew up to be with us. And the day after I gave birth, my boyfriend came to the hospital.” She smiled sadly. “It wasn’t exactly a happy reunion.”
“Mom, I can’t even imagine what you felt, having to leave your child behind. That must have been horrible for you.” Natalie had tears in her eyes.
Maggie nodded. “There are no words to express how painful.” She glanced across the table at Grace. “You want to know why I didn’t tell you? Why I didn’t tell your father? It wasn’t because I thought he’d be angry or because I was afraid he’d stop loving me. Your father was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known, and he loved me unconditionally. I didn’t tell him because it hurt too much for me to talk about it, to say the words out loud. I wanted to tell him, believe me. I thought about it a thousand times, rehearsed over and over what I’d say. But every time I tried, I couldn’t get the words out. Because it hurt too much that I’d given my baby away.”
“And I made you say it. I threw it in your face and made you say it. I don’t know how you could ever forgive me for putting you through this, Mom.” Natalie’s face was w
hite with anguish.
“It’s all right, Nat. It’s out in the open now. And if we look on the bright side, we could say you brought me the answer to a prayer I’ve held inside for forty years. It means everything to me to know my son is alive, that he sounds happy. He says he’s had a good life. What more could I ask for, under the circumstances?”
“I still think you should disown me.” Natalie sniffed.
“Oh, sweetie. That would never happen.” Maggie hugged her.
Grace glared from the opposite side of the island.
“So who’s the father?” Grace asked.
“Mom, you don’t have to answer,” Natalie hastened to say.
“I’m not sure that is your business. In any event, it’s not something I feel like discussing right now.” Maggie crossed her arms over her chest. “When—if—I decide to share that with you, I’ll let you know.”
Their mother may have been forgiving of Natalie—Natalie, who’d started this whole mess!—but she wasn’t sending Grace the love. Not that Grace expected or wanted her to. She couldn’t understand how Natalie could cave in and forgive Maggie just like that. Natalie, who’d been so angry and indignant when she’d first told Grace about their mother’s secret love child, had backed down the minute Maggie had turned on the tears.
“So what are you going to do now?” Grace asked. “About him.”
“I need some time to think about it. I’ve been told he wants to meet me, and I’d like to meet him, but I need to think it through.” Maggie rolled an orange on the island top, back and forth between her hands.
“I’d like to meet him,” Natalie spoke up. “He sounds really nice. Maybe you could invite him here, and we could all meet him.”
“And do what, Nat? Hold hands and sing ‘We Are Family’?” Grace shook her head. “No thank you.” She glanced at her mother. “And if you invite him here, to this house, I won’t be here.”
“As you wish, Gracie.” Maggie tossed the orange into the bowl. “This is my house. You are my daughter, and you are welcome here. He is my son, and he is welcome as well.”
“Count me out.” Grace got up and walked out of the room and straight out the front door.
Grace walked toward the center of town, her mind replaying the facts over and over. Her mother had gotten pregnant by her high school boyfriend on prom night, had the baby, and gave it away. If Grace had been asked to guess the most unlikely scenario—her mother having landed a spacecraft on the moon or having a secret baby—she’d have been hard pressed to choose between the two.
Her anger kept her company while she walked. When she arrived at the corner of Front and Cottage, she turned left and walked two blocks before taking a right onto Jasper Street. She was just starting to calm down when she heard someone calling her.
“Gracie, is that you?”
She turned in the direction of the voice and realized she was passing Liddy’s house.
“Hey, Liddy,” she called but kept her stride. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to her mother’s best friend.
“Come on up here on the porch and have a margarita with us. Liddy makes the best margarita on the entire Massachusetts coast.”
When Grace looked closer, she could see Emma standing on the front porch with Liddy.
“Oh, thanks, but I just had some wine, and I don’t think . . . ,” Grace declined, but the ladies were adamant.
“Well, in that case, just have some of this delicious guacamole. We’re doing Cinco de Mayo, Wyndham Beach style.” Liddy came down the front steps, margarita glass in hand.
Crap. Seeing no gracious way out, Grace joined Liddy on the walk, then followed her up the stairs to the porch.
“May fifth was a month ago,” Grace said. “You know that, right?”
“So we’re a little late.” Emma tilted her glass in Grace’s direction as a sort of toast.
“Right,” a slightly tipsy Liddy said. “It’s Cinco de Mayo somewhere.”
“Actually, it’s Cinco de Junio, but whatever,” Grace said.
“So what are you doing out walking in the dark?” Liddy sat and pointed to a chair for Grace to sit in.
“It seemed like a nice night, so I thought I’d get a little air.” Grace sat and crossed her legs.
“Have some guacamole.” Emma passed her the bowl and a plate of chips.
“Oh, no thank you. My stomach’s a little unsettled.” Grace was already regretting having stopped. She should have simply waved a greeting, then continued on her way. Walking had helped dispel the anger and the hurt, but she was still on edge and uncomfortable, and she’d be foolish to think neither Liddy nor Emma would notice.
“What’s going on, Gracie?” Emma leaned over and patted Grace’s knee. “You don’t look like yourself.”
“Why, you’ve been crying,” Liddy announced. “Oh, sweetie, I hope you’re not still pining for that ex-husband of yours. Exes are always best left in the past, where they belong.”
Grace felt the tears well in her eyes. She shook her head, not trusting her voice.
“It’s the job thing, right? You’re upset about leaving your dad’s law firm. You’ll find another job with another firm, honey. I know it won’t be the same, but Art would totally understand. He loved you and was so proud of you,” Emma said softly.
“No. It’s not that. I’m okay about Zach, and I’m almost okay about Flynn Law. It’s Mom.” Grace began to cry and babble at the same time. “Natalie got an email from Joe and she showed it to Mom and now Mom wants to meet him, and I’m upset because we didn’t know about him. She never even told Dad about the baby.”
Liddy and Emma exchanged a long, confused look, then both turned to Grace.
“What baby?” they asked.
Chapter Seventeen
NATALIE
“Mom, where do you suppose Grace went?”
“She’s probably walking it off. My guess is one loop around town should be enough for her to calm down.”
“Who’d have thought she’d react this way?” Natalie paused. “I mean, I did at first. I was pissed off, too, but once I saw how devastated you were, I couldn’t be mad at anyone except myself for not talking to you privately. I made it about myself when it had nothing to do with me.”
“In a sense, it does have something to do with you. He—Joe—is your brother.”
“I always wanted a big brother when I was growing up.” Natalie was trying to sound upbeat. “Well, better late than never.”
“You want to meet him?”
“I do. He sounds so kind and understanding. Wanting to meet me but not wanting to push. Telling me he was okay if I didn’t want to meet him, that he respected whatever I wanted to do.” She reached for a banana from the bowl and peeled it. “He said he discovered he has three other half sisters.”
“I believe that’s true.”
“Do you know anything about them?”
“Not really. I think one might be around your age—not certain about that, though—one might be in her teens. One might be young, like maybe six or eight? I’m not sure.”
“But you know this because you know their father?”
“Right.”
“I’m not going to ask you who he is,” Natalie assured her.
“Thank you.”
“Even though it’s killing me,” she whispered, and Maggie laughed.
“When the time comes, when I can put it all together, you’ll know,” Maggie assured her. “Until then, that door is closed.”
“Got it.” Natalie had peeled the entire banana but had yet to take a bite. She broke off a piece and offered it to her mother.
“Thanks.” Maggie reached for the pile of emails she’d left on the island and began to read through them while she ate the fruit.
“When do you think you’re going to meet him?” Natalie couldn’t help it. She wanted to meet Joe in the worst way but thought Maggie should be allowed to meet him first.
“Soon, I think. Now that it’s out there and we all kn
ow about it, I don’t see any reason to wait too long to contact him.” Maggie grabbed a napkin and wiped her hands. “It may take me a day or so to get my head in the right place. This”—she pointed to the emails—“has come as such a shock. I never expected to know what happened to him. I never thought he’d look for me or his father.” She smiled. “Who could have known forty years ago that someday you’d be able to send your spit away and that act would lead you to lost relatives?”
“When I signed up, all I wanted was to find some of Dad’s relatives he’d lost track of. It never occurred to me someone might be looking for me.” She amended that to, “Or for someone with my DNA.”
“Well, then, I guess it was meant to be.” Maggie got off her stool and went to the sink to rinse her glass. “I’m exhausted from all this.” She waved her hands around the island. “I think I’m going to turn in. Maybe read for a little while. Will you remind Grace to lock the front door when she gets back? Sometimes she forgets.” She kissed the top of Natalie’s head. “Good night, sweetie. And don’t lose any sleep over the emails. I think it was probably the right time for it all to come together.”
Maggie left the kitchen, the emails in her hand.
Natalie straightened the kitchen and turned off the overhead lights before going into the family room. She searched for something to watch on the TV, but nothing appealed to her. She scanned the bookshelves and tried to get into three different novels, but she couldn’t concentrate. She kept thinking about the dilemma her mother had faced, and about the brother she’d yet to meet.
The right time for it all to come together. Maggie’s words played over and over in Natalie’s head. Somehow it seemed to imply something more than just Joe Miller.
Just Joe Miller, Natalie mused as she flipped through a magazine without really seeing the articles. Just my long-lost brother.
An Invincible Summer (Wyndham Beach) Page 25
