by Tracy Deebs
Page 44
“That’s not what I was saying. ”
“I know. I just feel like an idiot. I could have timed this better, at least waited until Moku got out of the hospital. ”
Right then I fell a little bit harder for him. His certainty that Moku would recover was exactly what I needed to hear.
“But then you’ll be gone, right? Disappearing into the sunset with Kona all over again. ”
I was a little surprised he’d brought up Kona—especially without so much as a flash of the jealousy I was used to from him. I didn’t want to upset Mark, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to lie to him. Not ever again. “We’ll stick around for a while, make sure Moku’s doing okay. ”
“So, you’re definitely planning on staying with him then. ” Suddenly, he was concentrating really hard on tearing into the pack of M&Ms he’d bought. When it was open, he fished around for a few seconds, then handed me five blue ones.
“Yes. ” Why did it suddenly make me so uncomfortable to admit that?
He nodded, then turned his head so I couldn’t see his eyes. “So, is he, like, a mermaid too?”
“They’re called mermen but no, he isn’t. He’s a selkie. ”
“A selkie?” Mark turned back to me, a confused look on his face. “You mean one of those seal things from Irish legends?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, but yeah. One of those seal things. ”
“They’re real?”
“You’d be surprised what I’ve run into under the surface. Legends are filled with real creatures—at least the ones in the sea, anyway. ”
“Huh. ” He shook a bunch of M&Ms into his palm and then tossed them absently into his mouth.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just weird. ”
“Finding out some fairy tales are real?”
“Being dumped for an actual animal. It’s never happened to me before. ”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it—he looked so disgruntled, so annoyed. “Yeah, well, I’ve never been dumped for a cheerleader before, so I guess that makes us even. ”
“We already went over that. I didn’t dump you. ”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t actually dump you either. ”
“Oh yeah?” The smile was back, that sweet, happy grin I’d fallen hard for before we ever left junior high. “So does that mean we’re still together, then? I mean, if no one got dumped …”
“Mark. ”
“What? I’m just asking what it means. ” He scooted closer, brushed a stray curl out of my face.
“It means—” There were a million different things I wanted to say, a million different ways I wanted to say them. But in the end, nothing sounded just right. Not now, when Moku was in the hospital. Not when I was still mermaid. And definitely not when I’d spent most of the night lying next to Kona, watching over him while he slept.
This weird triangle thing was giving the word complicated a whole new meaning.
In the end I settled for generic, and a little lame. “It means I need to go. I wanted to just try and breathe for a few minutes, and I’ve been gone almost forty-five. ” It might be a crappy answer, but it was also the truth. At least partially. I did want to get back to Moku, was worried about staying away from him too long.
It wasn’t the only answer, though. I was confused, really confused. I loved Mark, but I was afraid it wasn’t enough. Not if that love needed to survive long separations that involved me growing a tail and helping to rule a mermaid clan. I also loved Kona—sometimes I was convinced I loved him too much. That I was going to lose myself inside of him until one day the person I’ve always been just ceased to exist.
Even worse, I felt trapped. Not just between two guys, but between two worlds. And it wasn’t like I could have both. That was the one thing I was certain of in this whole situation. Well, that and the fact that I couldn’t—wouldn’t—play one guy against another while I tried to decide where I best fit. Not this time. Both Mark and Kona deserved so much more than that.
Mark’s smile dimmed as he reluctantly pulled away. “Right. Moku. That’s why you’re here, after all. ” He stood up, reached out a hand to pull me to my feet. For the first time, I realized it no longer hurt when he touched me. Not like it had before I’d become mermaid, which was strange because my skin still felt sensitive when it touched anything—or anyone—else on land. “Sorry, Tempest. ”
“Don’t be stupid. ” I punched him lightly on the arm, trying to keep things on some sort of even keel. “It’s my fault. But I can’t think, can’t breathe, when Moku’s like this. After he wakes up—”
“I know. Totally my fault. Let’s get you back to the CCU. ”
For the first time, the silence between us was a little awkward. As we walked back down the winding hallway to Moku’s room, I racked my brain for something to say, but I couldn’t think of anything. Instead, my brain was flashing a warning at me in blinking neon letters. D. A. N. G. E. R.
I knew it, understood it, and still couldn’t bring myself to push Mark away for good. Besides, which part of my life wasn’t dangerous these days?
When we got back to the Critical Care Unit, Kona was standing to the side of the double doors, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his borrowed shorts. He was still, looked completely tranquil, but I could sense the storm raging deep inside of him. He was obviously still suffering from the sadness and anger of the night before. And when he caught sight of me walking with Mark, his beautiful silver eyes clouded over completely. He didn’t say a word, didn’t take one step toward me, but then he didn’t have to. I could sense his hurt and confusion as clearly as I had sensed Mark’s in the weeks before I chose the sea.
“Tempest. ”
I glanced up, found Mark staring at me with the intense look he usually reserved only for catching really monster waves. “I know this isn’t the right time. I know he’s over there waiting for you, but I can’t leave until I say this. ”
He paused, seemed to gather up his courage. Then, when my nerves were at their breaking point, he softly whispered, “In my head, you’ve always been my girl. No matter what happened between us, no matter how many times we broke up, no matter what I told myself about letting you go, I’ve never been able to think about you any other way than as the girl I love, the girl I want to be with—even if you are with him. You’re it for me, Tempest. You always have been and I’m pretty sure you always will be. I love you. ”
He didn’t give me time to answer. He just leaned forward and brushed a sweet, tender kiss across my cheek before he turned to walk away.
I watched him go and as I did, my foolish, fickle heart—already so shaky and confused—cracked right down the center.
Kona was pissed. Really pissed. I could tell by the way he looked at me—or wouldn’t look at me, to be more specific. Not that I blamed him. If he’d heard what Mark said, which I was sure he had despite Mark’s whispers, he probably felt like punching his hand through another mirror. Or worse, straight into Mark’s face.
“Hey, how are you doing?” I asked, softly rubbing my fingers over his battered knuckles.
