by Easton, Meg
“There are still so many things I need to do to prepare for my presentation with Van Zandt, and none of what is left has to be done here. Here, there are just too many things on my mind and too many distractions taking me away from what I need to do.”
“Those ‘distractions’ are pretty important, too,” Delbrina said.
Brooke must’ve set down something heavy, because he heard a thump and a big exhale. “Like my mom said, I don’t have time for relationships right now—now’s the time to work on the business.”
“Brooke,” Noemi said, “you’ve said it yourself a million times. People are important.”
“They are. Which is one of the reasons I need to put all my focus into the By the Brooke label right now. Lake and Lane as a clothing line just failed. Failed. All because they let a relationship get in the way of the business. Do you know how many of their employees are going to be walking into work today and finding out that they’re losing their jobs?
“This isn’t just about me. So many people’s livelihoods depend on me doing well. All of the people at my sewing manufacturing plant, my accountants, my graphics design people, my advertising and marketing people, my marketing reps, and the two of you. You all need paychecks.
“And that can only happen if I keep my eye on the prize and don’t get distracted by a relationship that was probably doomed from the start.”
All of what Brooke was saying had been shooting tiny daggers into him and his hopes for their relationship. But that last sentence stabbed a giant dagger right through his heart and he could no longer stand out of sight, waiting for their conversation to end so that he could talk to her. He walked to the opening between the front of the store and Brooke’s offices.
“Doomed from the start?”
Brooke looked his direction and her arms fell to her sides, her shoulders falling along with them. “Cole, I didn’t mean—”
“No,” he said, “I guess it’s a fair statement. I’ve heard your views on marriage and long-term relationships before.” He shook his head. “I should’ve known better than to push for it. Looking back now, I don’t know what we were thinking. There were legitimate reasons why we never crossed that line from being best friends to being more than friends. I need more certainty in my life, and you need more freedom in yours.”
Brooke fidgeted with the corners of a stack of papers on the design table beside her as she looked down, silent for a long time. “You’re right,” she whispered. “I can’t give you what you need. Not now and maybe not ever.”
She met his eyes just then, and Cole knew that the pain on her face was going to be burned into his memory forever. It was not the pain of somebody stressed about the load on her plate at the moment or of someone regretful of harsh words said; this was the pain of a final goodbye. He stared into those eyes for a long moment before he acknowledged her silent goodbye with a nod, and then turned and left.
Ever since he’d fallen in love with Brooke two and a half years ago, he’d had a hard time imagining he’d ever get past her to be able to date someone else. Especially because they were such good friends and he saw her often. He’d considered moving several times, much more often at the beginning, because then he could both be away from the sadness of living in the same town as he had with his deceased wife, and be away from Brooke where he could possibly someday start to fall for someone else.
But he and Sam had already moved out of the house that they had shared with Amanda. The only thing Sam had left of her mom was the restaurant and her grandma, and he always figured he owed it to Sam to stay.
But Amanda had been right. He also owed it to Sam—and to himself—to get remarried to someone he could give his whole heart to. Both of them needed someone in their life.
As he walked back down Main toward the restaurant, it struck him that maybe now was the time to pack up and move somewhere else. Maybe what he and Sam needed most right now, even more than stability, was a fresh start. A chance to start over and find that stability somewhere other than in Nestled Hollow.
Chapter Eighteen
Brooke spent all weekend working on her proposal to offer custom dress designs for high-end customers for the part of her presentation where she had to show a new concept, as well as a lot of other last minute items. And now that it was Monday morning, she had less than twenty-four hours before she would be presenting and it still didn’t feel complete.
She worked on the balcony in her hotel. She worked at a table in an outdoor café in Times Square. She worked on a bench facing Conservatory Pond in Central Park. It didn’t matter where she was, though—she was still every bit as distracted in New York by her relationship with Cole as she would’ve been back home.
And even in those few moments when she’d somehow managed to get distance from her thoughts of Cole, her body didn’t forget. Her stomach had a constant dull ache of missing and longing and sadness at how things had turned out.
The truth was, she missed him. She missed the way they laughed together. She missed the way he smiled. She missed the way the space between his eyebrows would crunch together when he was looking down at his calendar. She missed the way he made her feel when he wrapped his arms around her. She missed all the ways that he showed love and concern for her. She missed that with him, for the first time in her life, she had experienced a romantic relationship that felt perfectly right. Meant to be.
Over and over again, she replayed that moment when she first realized that the way he looked at her—the way he had looked at her for years—wasn’t just a look of friendship; it was a look of love. All this time, and she had missed it.
And she missed their friendship. Every time she saw something funny or interesting, her hand automatically reached for her phone to take a picture and text it to him like she always did, and then she’d remember and miss his friendship all over again.
A few days before she and Cole broke up, Delbrina had told Brooke that she’d always had a hole in her heart, and that all of her non-vital trips out of town had been her attempts to fill that hole. But all that was temporary and in the end had left her plumb empty, and that she needed the kind of love that Cole was offering to truly fill it.
At the time, Brooke had blown off Delbrina’s words. But now, as she was fully experiencing the pain of that empty hole, she knew that there was nothing that was going to fill it except Cole.
As she packed up her things and got into a pedicab to travel back to her hotel, her mom called to wish her good luck on her presentation the next day.
“Honey,” her mom asked nervously, “you don’t sound like yourself. Is your presentation not finished?”
She hadn’t told her mom that she’d started dating Cole because she hadn’t wanted to hear all the reasons why the timing was bad. And she hadn’t wanted to hear all the reasons why a serious relationship was bad in general. She knew them all by heart already. But right now, she needed to talk to someone, so she told her everything.
“Oh, Brooke. I am so sorry, honey. Heartbreak is some of the hardest kind of pain to endure. And I suspect that you’re feeling the loss of your friendship just as exquisitely. If I could be in New York right now instead of Paris, I would wrap you in a tight hug and never let you go.”
Brooke could face down impossible deadlines, harsh critiques of her designs in the press, or a panel of high-powered executives, but in having her mom’s comfort over a failed relationship, she was suddenly thirteen again and her best friend was moving away and tears streamed down her face just as much.
Except for a few hitches, she managed to keep her breathing normal enough, but it took a while before she trusted herself to squeak out the words, “Thank you, Mom.” She didn’t fool the pedicab operator, though—he glanced back to see if she was okay, so she probably hadn’t hidden her crying from her mom, either.
“That’s what family is for, honey.”
After a moment of getting herself together, she said, “Then why didn’t you want that for me?”
&n
bsp; “Didn’t want what for you?”
“A family to lean on. I only have you and Dad. I’ve been raised on the belief that I don’t need a man. But when you and Dad are gone, I will have nobody. Why didn’t you ever want a family for me? I’m realizing how much family matters, and I don’t think we’re meant to be alone.”
Her mom let out a long exhale and was quiet for a moment before she answered. “I think that sometimes, as parents, we try to shield our kids from experiencing the pain we experienced because of bad choices we made. And sometimes, regardless of our intentions, that shield ends up blocking them from experiencing some of the most wonderful things in life.”
After a long pause, she added, “I’m sorry I never removed that shield for you.”
“Thanks, Mom. But I’m beginning to realize that I had been holding onto that shield pretty fiercely myself, so maybe you couldn’t have if you tried.”
* * *
After she got back to her hotel, she washed her face and put her make-up on again, and vowed not to think of Cole again until after tonight’s reception. She arrived at the swanky restaurant and was shown to the private room at the back, where a long banquet table was richly decorated in blues and silvers, Van Zandt’s colors, and she joined the group of people who had already arrived and were mingling.
“Brooke,” Ian said as she neared. “We meet once again on the opposite side of the country. Is this going to be a thing with us? Because I don’t have any west coast trips planned anytime soon.”
Brooke gave him a hug. “Good to see you, too. Maybe we can mix it up and meet somewhere in the middle next time.”
“Lebanon, Kansas, here we come!”
Amica and Kale, the other two designers still in the running, joined them, and they swapped stories about how difficult the last three weeks had been.
“I had my first solo fashion show right in the middle of it,” Ian said, and both Amica and Kale winced. “My assistant and I were literally finishing our prototype for our reaching-a-new-audience project right up until the moment I got in a cab to come to this.”
“I was still making adjustments on the airplane,” Amica said.
“Really?” Kale said. “I finished everything a week ago.”
Brooke had just taken a sip of her drink and nearly choked. “You did not.”
Kale laughed. “I so did not. But it was great to see your faces when you thought I had. I finished this afternoon.”
“Me too,” Brooke said.
The Van Zandt executives entered the room, and they mingled with the people they had last seen behind a long row of tables three weeks ago. Brooke’s nerves were calming, and she found herself able to concentrate on the moment instead of having her mind elsewhere.
Then a couple entered the room that Brooke hadn’t seen since she was ten. But she had been so entranced by the couple back then that she would recognize Arbor and Mazarine Van Zandt anywhere.
Everyone quieted and Mazarine said, “Welcome, everyone. Please find your seats.
The Van Zandts were at the head of the table and the four designers were in the seats on either side closest to them. The six people who had been on the panel of judges when they’d presented last time took the remaining seats. Brooke sat down in her seat, right next to Ian.
He leaned over and said, “Have you thought any more about our merger of our companies?”
“I have,” Brooke said, “but I don’t have a different answer for you.”
All through the dinner, Brooke socialized with the other designers, the Van Zandt executives who were close enough to talk to, and to the Van Zandts themselves. She had been her mom’s plus one at a reception similar to this one once when they were welcoming her to the Van Zandt family after approving her cosmetics to go out in all of their stores. She had been impressed back then at how very different the Van Zandts’ marriage had been from her own parents’, and she had vowed then that one day she would have a marriage like theirs.
Somewhere along the way, she had forgotten all about that promise she’d made to herself twenty-two years earlier.
She found her mind going to Cole over and over, and every time it did, she forced herself to listen more intently, or to ask a question of someone if the conversation had lagged.
After they finished their desserts, the Van Zandts stood up, holding hands, and thanked everyone for coming. “Designers,” Mazarine said, “you will all be giving your presentations tomorrow, and soon after, one of you will have the distinct honor of not only joining the Van Zandt family, but doing so as a featured designer. To those of you who don’t gain that honor, I do hope you’ll continue to submit proposals to us, because we’d love to one day have each of you join us.”
Arbor smiled at Mazarine and said, “This year we celebrate the thirty-sixth year of Van Zandt Department Store, and our thirty-ninth year of marriage. We were told that both would fail by many, many people.”
Mazarine chuckled and added, “Many.”
“But I knew we wouldn’t fail. I didn’t worry about it for a second. Not only do we bring out the best in each other, but we both understood that marriage was a partnership, not a war. Whatever happened, good or bad, we were determined to face it together. And in doing so, we were able to accomplish so much more than either of us would’ve been able to do alone.”
The words hit Brooke like a tidal wave crashing into her. This couple had entered into both kinds of partnerships that Brooke had spent her entire life being afraid of. Yet far from being doomed, they had flourished.
Mazarine looked at Arbor with such love in her eyes, even after thirty-nine years of marriage. Then she turned back to them. “In the dining room of our home, we have a proverb on our wall. It reads ‘If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.’ Beyond question, we have gone far together, and we hope that, after tomorrow, one of you will go far together with us.”
Brooke felt like she had been going fast her entire career. Her entire life, actually. She always felt like she was in a race to learn more, to be more, to accomplish more. Listening to the Van Zandts had helped her to step back and take a look at her life from a distance. As she did, she realized that, although she’d been going fast, she was really running in wide circles that weren’t getting her to where she wanted to be.
And where she wanted to be wasn’t just about where she wanted to be with her business. She discovered that it didn’t matter how successful she made her business if her relationships with the people who truly mattered in her life failed. She did want to go far, in all aspects of her life. And like Mazarine said, she was only going to do that if she went together.
Chapter Nineteen
Cole glanced out through the opening to where Samantha was working on her homework. She wasn’t looking overly sad or distracted or unwilling to work. But she was missing her usual spark. The part of her that was most quintessentially Sam. He missed his Samster.
“Hiya, Boss,” Hani said as he put on his apron.
Cole grunted. “You’re late.”
“Yeah, but I worked it out with Ann. That’s cool, right, Boss?”
“Not if you don’t run it through me.”
Ann reached out and lightly touched Cole’s upper arm with her fingertips. “Listen, I can stay for a while longer. Why don’t you go out and grab some fresh air? You’ve been snapping at people all day.”
Cole almost fired off a response about how he was just fine and didn’t appreciate the commentary on his mood, but the fact that he wanted to give that response only made what she said all the more true. Instead, he gave a “Thanks, Ann,” that came out more as a grunted mumble.
After taking off his apron, he headed out the back door and breathed the crisp mountain air in deeply. It was definitely a day for wearing a jacket, but the sun was shining and the cool air helped to calm his nerves as he breathed slowly in and out.
He glanced the direction of the parking lot behind Best Dressed. He knew that Brooke was in New York and
that her big presentation was tomorrow. Still though, that knowledge didn’t stop a part of him from wishing that she would show up unexpectedly like she tended to do. For any reason at all. Even to make him do something ridiculous, like race around his house, or sing while he was cooking, or take an unplanned trip to get ice cream.
He realized that he liked that Brooke wasn’t as scheduled as he was. It was too easy for him to fall into a trap of being too rigid, and she was the one who always pulled him out. Not until now, with it gone, did he realize how much he had appreciated that about her. How much he had needed it. How much he actually had really wanted it.
Without realizing he was doing it, he found his phone in his hand, looking once again at the screen for a text from Brooke. Even before they started dating, he rarely went a day without getting texts from her. She had been gone a full three days already and hadn’t texted once.
He shook his head. It was like he was having Brooke withdrawals.
He opened his photos app and touched a picture that Brooke had snapped when the three of them had been going to the booths at the Take Flight festival. They had gotten blue cotton candy, and in the selfie, he, Brooke, and Sam were all showing off their blue tongues, their faces shining with happiness.
He flipped through all his other pictures, most taken by Brooke and texted to him. Some pictures were just the two of them, and some were with Sam as well. Every single one of them had one commonality—happiness on their faces.
How could he have thrown something like that away?
But then he remembered the look on Brooke’s face when he had stopped in Best Dressed last Friday morning. She hadn’t wanted this relationship to continue.
He took one last deep breath and blew it out slowly. Ann had already stayed late for Hani, and he needed to get back inside so she could leave. Especially since she’d probably had a pretty long day already, having to deal with him being so irritable.
