“Cherry!” Josh cried out.
My airbag didn’t deploy, though it should have. I hit my head on the steering wheel. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I said after the shock wore off, like I was willing it to be that way. As soon as everything came to a halt, I whipped around to look at Josh who was crying, but he didn’t look hurt. I reached back and took his hand. “It’s okay, honey. Everything’s okay.”
The driver of the truck came out and checked on us. I didn’t think it was safe for him to be out of his vehicle. “We’re all right,” I told him through a crack in my window. I wasn’t rolling it all the way down for him. I didn’t know who he was, and I kept thinking, Keep Josh safe. I didn’t even unbuckle him. “Stay put, honey.”
Thankfully, we were conveniently in front of the fire station. I saw lights flashing, and they made the short trip across the street. That at least got Josh to calm down.
“Are you hurt, honey?” I asked him.
He shook his sweet head no.
I felt sore, especially my neck, but I was okay, too.
Within a minute, I had a fireman at my door, opening it up. When they realized Josh was in the back, another one came our way. They both checked us over and cleared us to be moved. My car was not so lucky. It was in bad shape, but it kept us safe, so I wasn’t going to complain.
What was a scary experience for Josh quickly turned into his dream. We were going to get to wait at the Fire Station.
Once there, I got Josh wrapped up in a blanket on my lap before I had a chance to call Ryan. We were waiting in the commons area of the fire station.
I didn’t even get to say hello. “I’ve been worried, are you guys okay?”
“We’re fine, a car plowed into me, but Josh is perfectly fine,” I tried to ease his mind.
“Where are you?”
“We’re at the new fire station on Balch. Josh is in heaven.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Please be careful.”
I called my dad next. He was ready to call out the cavalry to rescue us. I told him there was no need, Ryan was on his way. Besides, Josh was ready to move into the fire house. The firemen were making him balloon animals, and they gave him a toy fire hat. He was set for life.
I watched from the window as they towed my Jetta away. I loved that car. I hoped it could be repaired, but she didn’t look too good. I also watched my least favorite person arrive before her ex-husband. I wasn’t counting on that. I figured Ryan would call her, but I didn’t expect her to show up, and first at that.
She tore across the parking lot like she was on a mission. She threw open the station doors and homed in on Josh. She was to him in two seconds flat. She wrapped him up and began to bawl. Trey, the fireman and Josh’s entertainment, tried to tell her he was perfectly fine, but she was inconsolable. That was, until she turned her sights on me. Through her hysterical crying she went off on me. “You will never see Josh again. I knew something like this would happen with you.”
I stood there, dumbfounded.
“Ma’am,” Trey said politely. “The accident wasn’t her fault.”
“I don’t care whose fault it was.” She pulled Josh tighter to her.
I heard Josh say, “Mommy, Cherry took care of me.”
She didn’t care.
I was at a loss for words, but the next scene was worse in comparison. Within a minute Ryan was there. We all looked his way as he strode across the entrance to the common area.
Victoria was still crying when she set Josh down. Ryan looked between me and her, and he looked torn, even pained as to what he should do. In the end, he didn’t choose me. He took Victoria up in his arms where she cried and cried, and in between, she cursed me.
I watched him tenderly try to quiet her for just a moment before I walked away to the front. I stood by the window. The tears that had been desperate to fall were finally shed. The words the old man spoke to me at the street fair over the summer rang in my head. “You know how to tell if a man is in love. He will look at you like you hold the moon and the stars in your eyes.” That was how Ryan looked at Victoria. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees because I was blinded by love, a misplaced love.
I grabbed my phone and called my dad. I wasn’t going anywhere with Ryan. “Dad, can you come and get me?”
“Yes. Did something happen to Ryan?” He was worried.
“No, he’s fine. He’s here, but I don’t want to go home with him.”
“Honey, what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Okay, baby girl. Hang tight.”
Ryan, Victoria, and Josh all came walking up toward the entrance.
I looked at the little family and tried to hide my tears.
“Josh is going to go home with Victoria tonight. I’m going to walk them out and I’ll be right back,” Ryan informed me.
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. My dad’s coming to get me.”
Ryan stopped in his tracks with confused eyes. He walked my way, leaving Victoria and Josh at the door. “Charlee, what’s wrong?” He reached up to touch my tear stained cheek.
I turned so he couldn’t touch me. “The fact that you have to ask says it all. Just go, your family’s waiting for you.”
His eyes went from confused to worried. “I’ll be right back.”
I turned from him and sat down in one of the chairs near the window. I heard Josh say bye to me. I couldn’t say it back. I felt like every part of my body hurt. I had this horrible hollow feeling in my chest.
“Are you ok, ma’am?” Trey approached me, handing me a tissue.
I reached up and took the tissue. “Thank you. I’ll be fine.” I always was.
Ryan returned quickly, and Trey took his leave, but not before giving me a sympathetic look.
“I told you my dad was coming.”
He sat next to me and tried to take my hand, but I wasn’t having it. “Charlee, please let me take you home.”
I shook my head no. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
Ryan looked around at the few firemen and others that had been stranded by the accident. “Can we please have this conversation elsewhere?” He kept his voice down.
“There’s nothing left to say.”
“I don’t understand. Please come to D.C. with me and Josh.”
“That’s the problem. You don’t understand. You don’t really want me to come. You don’t really want me.”
“Charlee, that’s not true. Please, I’m trying here. I don’t want to lose you.”
I couldn’t believe it. “You made your choice today. I saw it in your eyes and in your actions. So take Victoria to D.C. and put your family back together,” I choked out.
“Charlee . . .”
I looked into his beautiful green eyes once more before kissing his cheek. “I love you, Ryan Carter. I hope you’ll be happy.”
He looked at me with wide eyes and touched his cheek where my lips had left a slight lipstick stain.
I stood up stoically and walked over to the window and watched the snow fall gently to the ground. In the midst of the snowflakes, I watched Ryan walk out of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I cried that night like I hadn’t in recent memory. My dad held me on the couch and was smart enough not to say anything. Nothing he could have said would have made it better. The only thing he offered me was the ability to work from home, and I gladly accepted. The thought of having to see Ryan every day was more than I could handle at the moment.
I felt stupid, like the teenage girl that dyed her hair red so that a certain someone would notice, but he never did. Even when we were together, I’m not sure if he had.
Breaking up with the person you love really puts a damper on the whole holiday season. Not like they had been real cheerful for me in recent years, but I had hoped that perhaps this year would be
different. Nope . . . it sucked worse than ever.
That first weekend I basically lived on the couch. My dad and Felicity took turns comforting me and trying to get me to eat something. I was also feeling the effects of being in a car accident. I was sore and stiff all over. It was a great combination. Not really.
The following week must have been the Lawtons’ turn to take pity on me. Every day I had a visit from at least one of them. Krissy, Ann, and Maviny were all trying their best to help me feel better. I felt very loved and quite pathetic.
By the following weekend I declared my pity party and self-loathing over. I gave myself a good lecture that went something like this: You knew you were in love with a man who didn’t love you back. You only have yourself to blame for sticking around. So, now it’s time to move on. You’ve been through worse, you’ll survive this. Think about all that you have to look forward to. You even get a new car out of the deal. It was a totally lame pep talk.
After Saturday chores to the music of 38 Special, I decided to wear real clothes and do my hair. My dad looked relieved when I came up the stairs looking like a human being and not a slug on the couch.
“What do you say we go car shopping today?” My dad was trying to be enthusiastic.
“I guess we better. I also need to finish Christmas shopping.”
“Great. We’ll make a day of it.”
It was a perfect winter day in Colorado, bright, sunny, and cool. That was the great thing about Colorado. It could snow one day and be sixty degrees the next.
When we pulled out on the street, Ryan and Josh were walking out. Of course. I hadn’t seen them in a week, and the first time I left the house, there they were. Josh waved and waved, making my heart ache. I loved that kid. I missed him as much as I missed Ryan.
I waved back at Josh. Ryan and I locked eyes. He put his hand up as if to say hi and I see you. He looked good as always, but there was a seriousness to his mannerisms.
I had to turn from both of them before I lost it. I reminded myself the pity party was over.
My dad reached over and held my hand as we drove away. “You okay, kiddo?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re lying.”
“How could you tell?”
“I’m not sure who’s more miserable, you or Ryan.”
“Why would he be miserable? He’s with Victoria again.”
“That would be miserable for him, but he’s not back with his ex-wife.”
“Well, what he does now is his own business.”
“He asks about you every day.”
“I hope you didn’t tell him I was living on the couch.”
He squeezed my hand. “Your secret’s safe, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was doing the same thing.”
“Oh, Dad. He didn’t feel for me the way I felt for him.”
“You think so, huh?”
“I know so. I don’t want to talk about him.”
My dad squeezed my hand again and let the subject drop.
Our first stop was the car dealership. My dad was excited about it. It was like he was longing to be there.
“Dad, why haven’t you bought a new car?” I asked him on our way into the VW dealership.
He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a little squeeze instead of answering.
“What’s the mystery?”
“No mystery.” He smiled down at me.
“Then why?”
“It seemed unnecessary while you were in school,” he admitted.
I paused and looked up at the best dad in the world. “Dad, now I feel terrible.”
“Don’t you dare. It was money well spent.”
“Why don’t you give me your car and you get something new today.”
He kissed my head. “Not a chance, baby girl. I want you to have something new and with four-wheel drive since you’ll be driving back and forth to school soon.”
“I don’t think that’s in my budget. I was planning on getting another Jetta.”
“Think of this as an early Christmas gift.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“You’re the only kid I have to spoil.”
“Speaking of which . . . Not that it’s any of my business, but you don’t plan on having any more kids, do you?”
He stopped before he opened the door to the dealership entrance. He had an interesting gleam in his eye. “No.”
I let out a huge breath. I don’t know why that thought bothered me, but it kind of did.
“But, I was going to talk to you. I’ve been thinking about asking Felicity to marry me. How would you feel about that?”
I looked up into his hazel eyes that matched my own. “I think that’s terrific. I’m happy for you and Felicity.”
His eyes lit up at the sound of her name.
“It’s weird, both of my parents beating me to the altar.”
He lifted my chin. “Your time will come.”
“Yeah, maybe.” My eyes began to water. No pity party, I reminded myself.
After our day of shopping, I ended up driving home a beautiful cherry red Tiguan, four-wheel drive with more bells and whistles than I needed. My dad ended up with an engagement ring. It was an odd thing, helping my dad shop for rings, but I knew Felicity would love her Christmas present. I tried not to be jealous. I think I would have rather had the ring than the car. Not a ring from my dad, but you know what I mean.
My dad had plans with Felicity that night, which left me home alone, sitting by our Christmas tree and wrapping gifts. It was kind of depressing. You shouldn’t wrap gifts alone. At seven my phone went off. I picked it up, it was a text from Ryan.
Can Josh please come by and see you? He has something for you.
My heart ached. I wanted nothing more than to see Josh, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Victoria said she didn’t want Josh around me.
That’s not her call. Please, just five minutes. He misses you. I promise I’ll wait by your mailbox.
I held the phone to my heart, my broken heart. Okay.
Within two minutes, there stood my big guy, wrapped in a coat at my door. He was holding a gift bag. I knelt down and tried my hardest not to cry. He immediately flew into my arms. I held him to me and let the tears fall. I loved him with all my heart.
“I made you something, Cherry.”
I set Josh down. I looked up and caught Ryan’s eye. He was standing by our mailbox. He held his hand up and waved. I turned my attention back to Josh.
Josh handed me the little green bag.
I eagerly looked inside and pulled out the most beautiful noodle necklace I had ever seen. I put it right on. “I love it. It is my most favorite gift ever.”
Josh’s eyes danced with delight.
I pulled him to me again and kissed him all over his cheeks until he giggled loudly. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, Cherry.”
More tears flowed. “I have something for you, too.” I handed him a large gift bag.
His eyes were wide with anticipation before he peered in and pulled out a largish remote-control dinosaur. “Yay!” he exclaimed.
“Merry Christmas, Josh.”
“What do you say?” Ryan called out.
Josh threw his arms around my neck. “Thank you.”
I stroked his head and held him to me. I didn’t want to let him go even though I was freezing. I didn’t think to wear a coat. “You’re welcome.”
“Josh, we better go,” his dad called to him.
“I don’t want to go,” he yelled back.
I looked up at Ryan, who, from where I stood, looked torn about what to do.
I wanted to ask if he could stay with me for just a little while, but it wasn’t my place. I hoped Ryan would offer, but instead he hung his head. “We need to go, son.”
“No, Daddy!”
I had never seen Josh behave in such a way. He was usually an obedient little guy.
I knelt down again. Josh looked determined as he clung to the d
inosaur that was almost as big as him. “Please, can I stay?” he pleaded.
It was almost my undoing, but I couldn’t undermine Ryan. “I’m sorry, honey, you better go with your daddy.”
“But I miss you. I want you to come over and play with me, and you didn’t make me psghetti.”
“No, I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”
By this time Ryan was walking up the porch.
I wiped at my tears, but I’m sure he had already seen them.
Ryan gazed down at me. He acted as if he wanted to say something to me, but he didn’t.
“I don’t want to go, Daddy.” Josh dropped the dinosaur and clung to me.
I held onto him like a vice. “I love you.”
“I love you the mostest.”
I looked up at Ryan, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I saw tears in his eyes too. I wasn’t sure why he would be emotional.
I kissed Josh one more time, and Ryan took him from my arms. Josh howled. It shattered what was left of my broken heart.
“I don’t want to leave.” He was kicking and thrashing about.
Ryan was trying to calm him down, but it wasn’t working.
I placed his dinosaur back in the bag and tried to hand it to Ryan, but Josh was really out of sorts.
“Hey, buddy. Calm down,” Ryan tried to soothe him.
“I want CHERRY!” he wailed.
I approached him and stroked his head. “It’s okay, Josh.” I was too close to Ryan. My whole body was drawn to him.
Ryan’s eyes were warm as they met mine. “He’s got good taste.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “That’s a matter of opinion.”
“Charlee?”
Why did he always say my name like a question?
I handed him the bag. “I better get in.” It was freezing outside, though I was feeling some heat as Ryan and I stared at one another. It was as if, for a moment, there wasn’t a little boy between us throwing a tantrum. And for a moment, I foolishly thought it looked like he wanted me. “Goodnight,” I choked out before I ran in.
I could hear Josh cry from the other side of the door. It trailed off the farther away they got. I stood against the door and said to heck with not feeling sorry for myself. I stood there and sobbed until my insides hurt, holding on to my noodle necklace that I was never taking off.
Trouble in Loveland (The Loveland Series Book 1) Page 28
