“I’m not—” Ryan interrupted.
“Sorry, Mr. Carter, it’s not your turn. And Ms. Jensen, you need to address your partner, not the class.”
I smirked at him. “You are in love with your ex-wife. You took her to your parents’ home for Christmas instead of me.”
Ryan tried to interrupt again, but was stopped again by Professor Yost. There was also a gasp heard among my classmates after I revealed that little tidbit. That’s right, I wanted to say. He’s not as wonderful as you think.
“And at the fire station, you went to her first, even though I was the one in the accident and the one you were supposed to be with.” I tried to keep my voice calm and steady, but it was difficult. I also felt completely embarrassed, which reminded me. “I know you’re embarrassed of me and our age difference, among other things.” That was enough. I still couldn’t believe I was bearing my soul in class. I was never coming back.
“Is it my turn now?” Ryan was eager to talk again.
“Not quite.” Professor Yost smiled. He turned his attention back toward me. “What is your age difference?”
“I’m eight years younger.”
“Are you a mother, Ms. Jensen?”
“No.” I could hear the regret in my own voice. “But why do you ask?”
He pointed to my necklace. “The only women that wear homemade necklaces like that are moms.”
I looked at a smiling Ryan. “This was given to me by Ryan’s son, Josh.”
There was a low murmur among my classmates, and my professor, by his look, also found it interesting.
“So, there is an added dimension to your relationship.”
Ryan and I both nodded.
“Mr. Carter, am I correct in assuming your ex-wife is the mother of your son?”
Ryan nodded again.
“Obviously, your ex-wife is an obstacle for Ms. Jensen. Why do you think she feels that way, and why do you feel it’s not an issue?”
Ryan faced me again. “Charlee, first of all, Victoria didn’t come with us for Christmas. You don’t know how sorry I am that I didn’t ask you in the first place. Believe me, you were more than missed. And the day of the accident, you’re right, I should have gone to you first, but I had conflicting emotions. When I saw you standing there, you were so strong, as always, and Victoria had already been threatening to take me back to court over Josh because of you. I panicked when I saw her crying and yelling at you. I was trying to keep both of the people that mean the most to me in my life, but I failed.” He reached out and took my hands in his. I didn’t pull away. “And I’ve never been embarrassed of you. I’ve just acted very poorly out of fear, but I’m done with that because what I fear most already happened when I lost you.”
“Aww …” seemed to be the consensus of the classroom.
I pulled my hands away and thought for a moment. I wasn’t sure if I could believe it. I had seen the way he looked at her, and I told him I loved him and he didn’t say anything back.
My contemplation was interrupted by my professor. “What are you thinking, Ms. Jensen? You seem hesitant.”
I looked directly into those eyes I’d loved for almost half my life. I noticed both hope and fear in his expression. “I don’t want Josh to be taken away from you because of me, and I’ve seen the way you look at Victoria. You look at her like she holds the moon and the stars in her eyes. You don’t look at me the same way.”
Ryan didn’t even wait for the professor this time. He scooted his chair closer, reached up and rested his palm on my warm, embarrassed cheek. His sole focus was on me as if we were alone. “You’re right, I don’t look at you the same way. I never felt for Victoria the way I feel for you. You are my sun. You make everything brighter and warmer in my life. Since we’ve been apart, the light has gone out of my life.”
A single tear drop fell down my cheek and onto Ryan’s hand. He smiled and rubbed his thumb gently across my skin. “And Josh isn’t going anywhere. If Victoria even tries . . . I promise you, it won’t end favorably for her.”
I sat back and tried to let everything he said sink in. I was a mixed bag of emotions, everything from peaceful to confused. I was grateful Professor Yost decided to end his little experiment there. I didn’t know what to say in return.
Ryan and I both stood up. Ryan kissed my cheek. “I need to get back to the office, but I’ll see you later,” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded numbly and took my seat back on the second row. I didn’t pay attention to anything else that was said. I’m not sure if my classmates did either. I think they all took turns staring at me. After class, a couple of women remarked that if they were me, they wouldn’t let such a catch go and that I was a lucky woman. I sat there and thought about that for a moment.
“Ms. Jensen,” Professor Yost called, bringing me out of my swirling thoughts. “May I speak to you?”
I put away my things and joined him at the front of the room.
“I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much today.”
“I’m sure I’ll eventually get over it.”
He laughed. “You will have to forgive this hopeless romantic for trying to help.”
“Don’t be surprised if I transfer out of your class.”
He smiled again. “Just in case you don’t come back, let me give you a few statistics you may find interesting. A majority of men choose younger women to marry the second time around. It can be beneficial, you know. Younger women like to talk more freely, and older men are more settled and better listeners. And you would be surprised how many men learn from their first divorce and try to do better the second time around.”
“Thank you, but Ryan and I have never talked marriage. He’s never even said he loves me.”
“Maybe not in words.” Professor Yost strode out of the classroom, leaving me standing there daring to hope.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I don’t think I learned a thing the rest of the day. Going to my next class was pointless. All I could think about was Ryan, which wasn’t unusual, but he was all I could focus on. His words kept ringing in my head.
When I arrived home that evening, it looked like he was home. I didn’t know what I should do. Should I go talk to him? Should I smack him? It was a toss-up. I decided to do what I always did when I was stressed and unsure. I changed into some athletic pants, a hoodie, and my basketball shoes and hit the court. It was dark and cold outside, but basketball was like medicine for my soul. It helped me not go crazy with my thoughts. I started playing a stupid game in my mind . . . he loves me . . . he loves me not . . . but instead of petals on a flower, it was he loves me if I made a basket and he loves me not when I missed. If we went by that, he really did love me, but I was a good basketball player. I tried not to put too much in it, but I really wanted to.
After thirty minutes of shooting hoops, I noticed Victoria pull into Ryan’s drive. She had Josh with her, and as soon as he saw me, he ran to me. I took him up into my arms. He looked like he had grown in the month since I had seen him, and he had gotten his hair cut. I missed the curls, but he was still the most handsome little boy.
“Cherry.” He wrapped his arms around my neck.
“Josh, I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you.”
His mother joined us, and I thought she would be furious, but instead she looked stoically beautiful. She looked like she was trying to be brave.
“Charlee, may I speak to you?”
I thought for a second. I felt like I was entering the danger zone, but I knew I could take her if I needed to. “Sure.”
She walked closer and eyed her son in my arms. I could tell she wasn’t overly fond of it, but she didn’t say anything.
“Can we play basketball?” Josh asked.
I looked to his mom to reply. I wasn’t sure why they were there. Typically Ryan only had Josh Friday through Sunday.
“Sure, honey. Why don’t you play with the ball while I talk to Charlee.”
I set Josh d
own and handed him my ball. He was getting better at dribbling.
Victoria stood tall and proud near me. “Ryan called me today. It was the first time I think he’s ever been truly angry with me, and after everything we’ve been through, that’s saying a lot. It speaks volumes about how he must feel about you.” She paused and looked off into the distance for a moment. Before she directed her attention back toward me, she let out a very long, drawn out breath. “This is really hard for me to say.” She ran her fingers through her flawless red hair while grimacing at the noodle necklace around my neck. “But I owe you an apology for my behavior toward you.”
I felt my own eyes dilate. “Thank you?”
“I’m going to be honest, I probably won’t ever like you, and I’ll always be jealous of your relationship with Josh and maybe even Ryan, but my mother and Ryan reminded me that I had made choices and there are consequences to them, and I’m fortunate that Ryan has found someone that loves Josh and treats him well.”
I looked over to my big guy dribbling so well. “I do love him.”
“I know.” Her words were cold. “I know you love Ryan, too, and he deserves someone that loves him the right way and for the right reasons.”
Her forthrightness was throwing me for a loop. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but I don’t think she was looking for a response. I think, in a way, she was warning me.
“Come on Josh, your daddy is waiting for you.” She stared at me with that peed-on-Cheerios look of hers. “Don’t forget, I will always be Josh’s mother.”
“I’m not looking to take your place.”
She held her head up, took Josh’s hand, and began walking him over to Ryan’s, but not before Josh waved and said goodbye to me.
“Bye, big guy.” Saying those words didn’t hurt now because I felt like they weren’t permanent. It was a see you later.
I ran my ball back into the house and waited for Victoria to leave. I stood there, for a moment, looking at Ryan’s house, asking myself if I really wanted to give us another chance. I rushed next door. I barely knocked before I found myself being pulled in and wrapped up in Ryan’s arms, where I belonged.
“I was just coming to get you.” He kissed my cheek.
He felt warm against my cold body, and I sank into him. Josh wormed his way in between us, and we just stood there in the perfect silence, not saying anything for several moments. I think Josh went as long as he could. “Can you please make me some psghetti?”
Ryan and I both laughed and reluctantly pulled away from one another. Ryan wiped at my cheeks. “I hope those are happy tears.”
I nodded before looking down on the little man in my life. “Are you ready to make some spaghetti?”
“Yeah!” he shouted.
I took his little hand in mine.
His daddy pulled me to him for a hard, but brief, kiss. “I’ve missed your lips.”
“I look forward to making up for lost time.”
Ryan flashed me his sexy smile. I hoped Josh was tired tonight.
We spent the perfect evening together doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company and eating. It took longer than normal to get Josh to go to bed. He had a lot to tell me, from his trip to D.C., to all his Christmas gifts, to school. Then he had to be read three different books. It was funny watching Ryan be almost exasperated at his son prolonging bedtime.
“Are you anxious for something?” I teased as Ryan raced through the third book.
He looked up at me with those passionate eyes, and the butterflies said, Ahhh.
As soon as Josh was tucked in, kissed, and sang to, we made a quick escape. The moment Josh’s door was shut, I found myself being picked up and kissed thoroughly as Ryan walked us toward the couch. I never knew he was so talented to kiss, carry, and walk all at the same time, but dang, he was good. I think my toes even curled as he explored every inch of my mouth, face, and neck. We settled nicely on his couch, and there we stayed for several more hours as our lips got reacquainted. Not a word was spoken, even after our lips finally parted. I sank against him and enjoyed being near him.
He was so quiet and still, I thought perhaps he had fallen asleep. I knew I felt like doing the same. Sleeping in his arms was like heaven to me. But then, in the still of the night, I heard the most beautiful words ever spoken against my ear, “I love you, Charlee Jensen.”
“Did you say that because you thought I was sleeping?”
“I said it because I mean it. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was afraid of moving too fast like I did with Victoria. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“And let’s not forget embarrassing me today.”
He pulled me closer to him. “I’m not going to apologize for that. It was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
I looked up into those smiling eyes of his. “I’ll give you that one, but only because I love you.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you, Ryan Carter.”
Epilogue
I rushed home from Krissy’s baby shower at the Lawtons’, a shower that I threw in conjunction with her sister, to get ready for my Valentine’s Day date. I’d had the two most handsome men ask for the pleasure of my company tonight, and I couldn’t wait. I wanted to look fabulous, so Krissy and I had spent the previous weekend picking out the perfect outfit. She was now waddling and was to the point where she was tired of being pregnant. I think she had a twinge of jealousy while I tried on non-maternity clothes.
“You’ll be back in regular clothes before you know it. Just enjoy it, and your large chest.”
She threw a red dress at me. “I never thought I would say it, but I think your boobs can be too big.”
“Well, I’m sure Chance is enjoying it.”
She blushed, and we left it at that. Thankfully, she didn’t feel the need to discuss that facet of her relationship.
We decided we better go more flirty than sexy since Josh was part of the date. Valentine’s Day fell on Saturday this year, and it was one of Ryan’s nights. Thankfully, Ryan was getting more nights now with Josh. Ryan was now insisting that the original terms of the custody agreement be in force, and that meant they switched off every other week getting Josh for four nights. I liked that arrangement much better. Victoria, not so much. But like she said, she’d made choices.
I chose a flirty belted pleat dress in berry that hit me right above the knee. It was fun, child appropriate, and I felt pretty in it, so we went with it.
I don’t know why I was so excited. I knew we were just staying in, but it was our first Valentine’s Day together and everything had been going so well. We had practically been inseparable. I had even gone back to working at the office on my work days. I’ll admit, I kind of threw out the whole “I won’t make-out in the office” rule, but I had a feeling my dad and Felicity had thrown that one out too, so I didn’t feel too guilty.
When I went to put on my lip gloss, I glanced at the two dozen white roses Ryan had already had delivered to me earlier that morning on my dresser. I couldn’t help but pick up the card that came with them. I opened the pink card with the same anticipation I had from the first time I read it.
Charlee Jensen,
I’ve been trying all day to come up with something witty or clever to say to you, but as you know, my gems are usually inadequate. So I hope you will settle with me trying to express the depth of what you mean to me, what you’ve meant to me all along. I knew I was in trouble from the first moment I laid eyes on you in your dad’s truck that first day you came back. I couldn’t believe how incredibly beautiful you had grown up to be. I know you hate it when I say grown up, and I know I was an idiot to keep saying it to you, but I was trying my hardest at the time not to be attracted to you. It was the one thing I’m glad I failed at.
One thing I wish I hadn’t failed at was letting you know how much I cared for you right from the beginning. If I could go back, I wouldn’t let a day go by that I didn’t tell you what you meant to me, how beyond lucky I fe
lt that you found me worthy to be by your side. I wish I would have told you the moment I knew I loved you, that night as we danced in the crowd at the mall.
Charlee, I just want to say thank you for sticking it out with me, for loving me like no one ever has, and for showing me what real love is. You’ve made me a better man and father. I hope someday I’ll truly be deserving of you. Until then, I hope you’ll choose to stay by my side.
Know that I ardently love and admire you. Please be my Valentine.
With all my Love,
Ryan
I set the card down and dried my eyes again. I had read it so many times I almost had it memorized word for word.
I looked at the time and threw on a sheer layer of lip gloss. The doorbell rang and I had just enough time to grab Ryan’s card with a gift certificate to his favorite running store. I ran upstairs to the door and opened it. There stood my men, decked out in suits and ties, looking oh, so fine. Josh looked so stinking cute in a suit and Ryan . . . let’s just say the butterflies were back to swearing and making me feel like I was going to puke. I loved it.
“Well, hello.” I smiled at my men.
Ryan started to hand me a large bouquet of white roses, but his son beat him to the punch.
“I made you this card.” He handed it up with a large heart-shaped box of chocolates.
I took them and admired them both. I bent down and hugged and kissed him. “I love them. Thank you.”
“Happy Valentime’s Day.” He was the cutest kid ever.
“Happy Valentine’s Day to you.”
Ryan had been patient long enough. He handed me the flowers and then crushed them between us as he kissed me. “That,” he whispered against my mouth, “is for starters, the rest will have to wait until after we put someone to bed.”
I smiled and kissed him once more. “Something to look forward to.”
He groaned and released me.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved dating Ryan and Josh, if you know what I mean, but sometimes it was tricky. There really was something about anticipation, though.
Trouble in Loveland (The Loveland Series Book 1) Page 30
