by A. M. Brooks
I love that I make him talk. It’s an intoxicating feeling to know he wants me as much as I want him, even though he isn’t supposed to even like me. “I don’t need that right now. I just don’t want to be a joke to you and your friends later.”
He shakes his head, his lips dropping to place open mouthed kisses along my jaw and down the sides of my throat. He zeros in on the pulse point at the base of my neck and sucks. My body jolts, slamming my core right into him. “You aren’t a joke or a secret. I need to be the one to tell him, though.”
I pull back, forcing him to make eye contact. His blue orbs shine with lust but also honesty and truth. I may not understand fully, but if that’s what he needs, I’m fine with it. “I understand,” I tell him. “Ci?”
“Hmm,” he answers.
“I’m not ready for anyone else to know anyways. I don’t,” I look away, trying to organize my thoughts, “I don’t want the school to know we live together.”
He stares at me puzzled, before his features soften. He almost looks relieved for a second before his jaw clenches. “Why not?”
“You guys drive enough attention and gossip the way it is. I’m supposed to be staying under the radar, remember?” I throw his own words back at him. I don’t miss the way his gaze slants like he wants to argue. “We have things to work through, and while we’re figuring this out, can we just take those things in stride?”
“I think you’re the only girl who would probably ever want to keep this a secret.” His shoulders shake under my hands, and I realize he’s trying not to laugh.
“What can I say,” I shrug, “I’m weird.”
“I like it,” he tells me, running his fingers through the strands of my hair.
The mood from earlier has simmered, and I realize how tired my body actually is. Ciaran falls to my side and wraps his arm around my waist. My leg slides between his, and my free hand relaxes over his chest. In a scary way, our bodies fit together perfectly. My curves fill in the harder planes of his. I bite my lip and keep these thoughts to myself. I wonder again, for the hundredth time, if I can survive this Midwest Boy and keep my heart in one piece.
Ciaran
Saylor is officially in my head. I can’t breathe or think straight, and it’s becoming an issue. Even though I visit her every night, I hate being away from her during the day. Not even the guilt I should feel when my best friend is around is enough to stop the storm inside me. She’s addicting and maddening. She doesn’t want me to claim her publicly, wants to be my friend and still allows me to shove my tongue down her throat on a nightly basis, while she grinds her pussy against me, and I have to stop myself from reverting back to my fourteen-year-old hormonal ways.
The tension when I’m around the guys, though, has become too much. Without me having to say it, I know they know something has shifted in my dynamics with the demon princess. My own monster likes her too much. He’s pussy whipped, without even actually having a taste. I settle every night just for her lips and her body against mine. I sound like some sappy lead in a romcom, and I hate it, but I like her more. She’s mine. My enemy wrapped in a small package of fuck you attitude and purple hair.
I bend over the engine of the car we’re working on, my eyes briefly catching Kai’s. His eyes widen, and he nods at me mouthing Just do it already. I drop my gaze back to the engine, concentrating on the right words to say. I’m about to break many years’ worth of pacts that were made over PB&J sandwiches, the first joint we snuck together, and the first night we got wasted when we were thirteen.
“She’s in my head.” The words fall out of my mouth, and I instantly want to take them back. The delivery was not so smooth. It definitely sounded better in my head. I clear my throat when Si pulls back, turning to face me. He rubs his hands in the oil rag. Kai’s arms cross over his chest, and he’s watching intently. “Saylor, I mean.” Fuck my words suck today. Not like he wasn’t going to know who I meant.
I watch a myriad of emotions flash over his face: anger, betrayal, and acceptance, before he shuts it down. His jaw locks, and his eyes zone out. It’s a look I’ve seen many times. Usually when anything touches on his past, Si will shut down. He nods while his feet step back.
“You’re okay with this, too, Liu?” He addresses Kai, while his steely blank eyes never leave mine.
Kai’s arms drop. “You both need to settle this and put it to bed. She’s not her mom or her dad.”
Silas nods his head aggressively, backing farther away from us, as if our presence is painful and too much. “I see how it is.”
“Si—”
“Nah,” he shakes his head, “You’ll learn, Jakobe, you’ll learn.” He stalks out of the garage. A few moments later, the sound of his truck peeling out of the lot can be heard.
“That went well,” Kai says sarcastically.
“Shut up,” I tell him, before going back to the project in front of me. Now that Silas left, it’s going to take all night to finish setting this ride up, and Matt asked for it to be ready by tomorrow.
“Are you serious, though?” he asks, his head tilting like he’s trying to decode one of his stupid transcripts.
I don’t answer, just flick my eyes to his then back to the engine. I’m at a loss for words, just like the first night she asked me about my feelings. When she asked for my favorite color and food. Mundane things, yet, I had to remind myself she doesn’t know me. I may have an endless file on her, but to her, I’m a stranger. I’m a mystery, but, damn, that girl is wasting no time unraveling me. I’ve let her in more than anyone else in the past ten years. Next to Kai and Silas, she now knows me the third best. I doubt even Matt knows that I love fruits, let alone my favorite color or that I’d rather watch a comedy over a horror film. Matt is my uncle, and I love him, but we aren’t close. I do the work he asks of me, and in return, he leaves me alone and ignores when I’m not home at a decent time on a school night.
“Well, we’re not about to go out and get matching tattoos or anything. I’m not planning any big Valentine’s date.” I give him that tiny bit of information. They may now know she’s on my mind, but they don’t need to know the extent to which she’s wrapping herself around me.
Kai’s lost in his thoughts when I look back up at him. The worry line that creases his forehead is there. His one major tell that he’s deeply disturbed by something.
“What?” I ask. Something is clicking too fast in that genius brain of his.
“Fuck,” he mutters, bringing his hands up to cup his neck.
“Dude.” I stand back, my hands twisting around the wrench.
“She’s supposed to tell you,” Kai winces. I freeze, waiting for him to continue.
“Well, she didn’t, so maybe you should,” I bite the words out. For a brief moment, I’m almost wondering if Silas’ point has already been made.
“It would be better if you heard it,” he clips out, running a hand through his hair. He nods his head toward the office. I follow behind, my heart rate accelerating. I can feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins. Whatever it is, I know I’m not going to like it.
We walk in, and he brings a computer screen to life. A few clicks later and a box opens. “One minute,” he mutters, his eyes moving from one screen to another.
I’m about to ask what the hell he means when Saylor’s voice cuts through the audio.
“O?” Her voice sounds sad and so filled with hope that I pause.
“Oh my God, Say!” Another girl’s voice answers.
My gaze flashes to Kai. “Take it down,” I order. Anger radiates over my frame. My stomach tightens with realization.
“Just wait,” Kai pleads. I’m about to tell him off when I hear the sob on her line.
“I miss you,” she chokes out. Her friend, on the other line, is crying, too.
“I thought you were dead. Your house,” her voice trails off.
“I didn’t know if anyone knew,” Saylor answers. “It wasn’t on the news.”
“They’re keeping it
hush hush,” Oaklynn answers.
“Who?” Saylor asks, her voice so small. I lean forward to listen and even Kai stops breathing.
“I don’t know. The investigators, I think. Maybe Nash’s parents. My mom tried really hard to get it to that level, but it kept getting covered up. I thought you were dead, Say. We were going to offer a reward for information, but they wouldn’t let us,” she explains hurriedly. Saylor’s intake of breath is sharp and audible.
“Doesn’t matter, I’m just glad you got the phone,” she replies. I can hear the difference in her voice, the happiness.
“You scared the living shit out of me. I’ve been waiting for weeks to open it, scared that pictures of your dead body would be on there or some shit like that,” Oaklynn rambles.
“That’s pretty gruesome,” Saylor replies. I can tell, without seeing her, that she’s smiling.
“So, is this #MNGirl account you?” Oaklynn asks her. I raise my brow at Kai, questioning, but he waves me off.
“Yeah,” Saylor answers. “I just wanted to let you know I was alive.”
“Thank fuck, Say.” Her friend sounds like she’s going to cry again. “I miss you, bitch.”
Saylor laughs. “I miss you, too. Look, I don’t have much time. My friend can only keep this line secure for short amounts of time. I’m alive, though. I’ll keep posting to that account as often as I can. Until I have to close it.”
“Are you coming back?” Oaklynn asks, and I freeze.
“I don’t think so. It’s not safe.” Saylor’s voice is barely a whisper when she says it.
“Say,” her friend sobs a little, “Same thing next time?”
“Same thing,” Saylor answers.
“Love you, wild,” Oaklynn tells her.
“Love you, crazy,” Saylor answers, before the line goes dead.
Kai’s fingers start clicking across his keyboard. Things are decrypting and dissolving on the screen. I’m at a loss for words.
“Kai.” I want to lay into him, only the anger I had been holding onto was fleeting.
“She set it all up. I told her I’d give her a clean line, so, at least, it’s as safe as possible. She was really upset over her friend not knowing about her. I caved. She was supposed to tell you and Matt, though,” he answers, at least trying to look guilty.
“It was safe, though?” I ask again. They’re conversation, the hurt in her voice followed by pure joy is slowly killing something inside me.
“Yeah,” Kai replies, going back to clicking his screen.
“What’s this #MNGirl thing?” I ask.
Kai chuckles. “Oh, I’ll save that for your girlfriend to answer.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I shoot back. I hate labels. I barely understand my own feelings, right now, and Saylor is in the same boat. We agreed not to label or define what we’re doing until we’ve had some time to figure it out. I like that about her, too.
“Yeah, yeah,” Kai answers, “we better get back out there.”
I nod and follow him out of the office to the garage. I check around the room, making sure we really are alone. No one else is scheduled tonight. Years of training, though, has heightened my sensitivity. After what I just saw and heard, the last thing I need is someone here, knowing about it, too. The less people, the better.
“No one else knows about that, right?” I ask, not liking the way his face tightens. “Just you, Ariel, and me?”
“And Reed.” Kai winces when he says the name. My hands ball into fists. Of all people, it would be Reed. Kai did say she told him she figured it out herself, and while I do believe she is smart, there is no way she’d have known how to pull that off.
“Fucking great,” I breathe out, before hurling the wrench against the back door.
“Talk to her,” Kai admonishes, sprinting over to pick it up.
I give him a scathing look, while he holds his hands up in surrender. There were many things I had been imagining doing to Saylor when I got home tonight. Talking to her about her little escapades was not one of them.
The rest of the evening passes slowly. Silas never returns. Kai and I work in silence. I’m pissed, and he knows it. At least he stays quiet. The drive home sets me on edge. I go back and forth between being pissed off at Saylor, wanting to shake her, to feeling bad for the girl who lost everything after witnessing her mom’s assault. Black and white is how we operate within Rogue. It’s what I’ve been trained to do, the lens I’ve been forced to look through. Since Saylor’s arrival, everything has become shades of grey. She’s everything my mind has been taught not to do.
The lights are still on when I pull into the driveway. I send a small prayer to the big guy upstairs that Matt won’t get back until tomorrow before he leaves again. He’s been taking more trips out of town than usual. Not that I’m complaining. It just gives me more alone time with Saylor.
I find her alone in her room, laying on her stomach, with a textbook sprawled out in front of her. She looks up and does a double take. Her chocolate eyes widen. Whatever she saw on my face has her scrambling to her knees. In only a t-shirt and leggings she looks beautiful and a small part of the anger I’m holding onto slips away.
“Hey.” Her voice is timid. Guilt laces her words, and I cock my head to the side, wondering if she feels that way because she did it or if it’s because she doesn’t feel bad about it.
I look away from her, needing the time to sort my thoughts. Even after hours of contemplating what I was going to say, I have no words. I made a fatal mistake letting my emotions put me in this position. I’m already in too deep. She may not know it, but this is tearing me up inside.
I slide my phone from my pocket and open the account I found on Instagram that she created with Reed’s help. It’s so embedded that I can see how Kai was able to conclude she didn’t do it on her own.
“Is this you?” I ask, holding up her latest picture, where she’s pointing to the time on her watch. The exact same time she asked Kai to open a secure line for her today. Her face pales. To her credit, though, she doesn’t back down. Her spine straightens and that small pointed chin lifts.
“Yes,” she answers, her voice hoarse but strong. I almost wish she had lied to me, so, at least, I could stay mad at her.
“What were the rules, Princess?” I ask, unzipping my sweater and hanging it over her chair. Her throat bobs with emotion. Her eyes shine, but she holds her tears in check.
“Don’t stand out, stay under the radar and--”
“And don’t make stupid decisions. Think smarter. Under no circumstances contact anyone from your previous life,” I practically growl at her. She has no idea the danger she potentially put, not just herself, but the others in.
“What were you going to do if the people looking for your family were watching Oaklynn and her family?” I can tell my question startles her. Her skin takes on a greenish tinge. The thought makes her sick, and I can tell by the way her brain spins that she didn’t think that part over.
“I did everything I could to make the package not look suspicious. It’s been weeks, and nothing’s happened. I thought,” her voice breaks. My chest squeezes involuntarily. “I thought it would be fine.”
I scoff. “You had no way of knowing that, Saylor. You not only could have compromised yourself and our whole operation, you could put her entire family in danger. Don’t you think there’s a reason why your disappearance hasn’t been reported? It’s being covered up. Who are the people they are going to watch the closest?”
“Friends and family,” she mumbles, and the tears finally flow free. She’s getting it. And I still feel like an asshole having to tear her down like this.
“You can’t do it again. Post to your little account or whatever, but no more calls.” I shake my head. “Kai’s good, but it’s still risky.”
Her head falls in defeat. I’ve won this round; yet, it still feels like I lost. She shuts down in front of me, closing herself off in agony. The hairs on my neck start to rise in reaction.
I don’t want her to shut me out. I realize it makes me a hypocrite because I’m so hell-bent on sharing as little about myself and my emotions as possible. Still, the minute she starts to build a wall around her, my mind spirals for a way to break it down, to demolish and destroy it.
I stalk over to her and grab her face between my hands; she gasps before my lips crash onto hers. She resists, at first, making the victory that much sweeter when her lips finally surrender, letting me in. I kiss the shit out of her, wanting to bruise her mouth, mark her, anything to keep her from trying to shut me out. I envelop her, crowd her space, and force her body into mine. So far, we’ve been keeping things over the clothes, while we figure this shit out between us. Tonight, I’m not so sure I can keep my monster from devouring his demon princess.
I force her off her knees until she’s lying underneath me; a soft whimper escapes her mouth, as she also realizes things are about to cross a line we definitely can’t come back from. Stolen kisses and sharing favorites in the dark is elementary compared to where my thoughts are heading.
Her eyes open to see me watching her. The rich brown color is almost swallowed up when her pupils dilate. From chocolate to oil. They say when a person sees something they like or is attracted to that this will happen. I can’t take my eyes off of her. My breathing shallows out, and I have to mentally talk myself down from rushing too fast. I want her in a way I’ve never felt for another person.
Reclining back on my knees, my fingers graze her sides, pulling the thin fabric of her t-shirt up and over her head. The motion causes her tits to bounce free. I close my eyes to keep my dick in check. Rowdy fucker has a mind of his own when it comes to Saylor. Sliding off her bed and to my feet, I reach back and pull my own shirt over my head, never looking away from her. Her cheeks turn pink, the blush chasing down her chest, creating little splotches everywhere.
“If we do this, things are going to change,” I try to rein everything in on the chance she isn’t ready. Her eyes glance over my bare skin, dragging up my torso, before holding my gaze. Flames dance in the depths of her eyes, momentarily stealing my breath. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip.
