by Sonali Dev
The only thing they didn’t share was this, her family. If Rico pushed or asked too many questions a wall came down around her usually wide-open demeanor. Truth was, he and she, they were enough for each other. If there was a part of her life she needed to keep away from him, he didn’t care.
Then why are you standing outside her restaurant?
He had no answer. All he knew was that he was here, across the street from where she was, and it felt essential to be here.
Don’t cross the street, a voice inside him said. Don’t.
He crossed the street and made his way down the curving driveway, walking past the valet parking stand with two layers of cars waiting to be parked or taken away. He held his breath, half expecting someone to stop him and ask what he wanted. He was wearing jeans and his Smoothie King T-shirt, not the best attire to meet the parents in. God, this was such a bad idea.
He got a few curious looks, but no one stopped him, and so he kept going. As soon as he pushed through the door, the delicious aroma from outside intensified. The waiting area was larger than in most restaurants he’d been to. The biggest crystal chandelier he’d ever seen hung from the high ceiling scattering golden light everywhere. Clusters of intricate paintings in carved frames covered the walls. It was like walking into a palace. When Ash had said her father ran a restaurant, he hadn’t expected it to be this fancy.
He was still studying the decor when someone spoke behind him. “Do you have a reservation, sir?”
He turned away from the life-sized dancing Ganesha statue and looked right into the eyes of a girl in a sari. Eyes that made him forget his name, eyes that had become his home. Only today they were lined in thick dark kohl. Her lips were a deep maroon and she wore a string of pearls that made her look ten years older. Then again, maybe it was the bearing with which she carried herself that was different, as though her shoulders were holding up the ceiling. He blinked. Maybe this was her mother.
It wasn’t. Because she looked like someone had kicked her in the ribs. On the surface, nothing changed in her demeanor, but in her eyes something imploded. Her bewildered gaze swept the waiting area behind him and then landed back on him.
His own gaze swept the packed restaurant behind her and then came back to her.
From the very first day that they had met, the one thing that had never touched them was awkwardness.
Now it thickened the air and brought the crowded restaurant into sharp and loud focus around them.
“Ashi!” someone called, and he watched as she snuffed out every last flicker of recognition from her eyes.
“Do you have a reservation, sir?” she asked again.
“Hi,” he said, more lost than he’d ever been in his life.
Before she could respond, a woman dressed in a tunic and pants made from the same fabric as Ashna’s sari hurried up to her and whispered something in her ear.
Ashna’s already frozen face went utterly blank, a placid, deathlike mask falling over her beloved, alive features. If Rico didn’t know her as well as he did, he wouldn’t have noticed, but he knew what the woman had said had cut her off at her knees and that she was struggling to stay standing.
Even though she didn’t sway or stumble, just stood there rooted, he wanted to reach out and steady her. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he didn’t know how to ask this stranger who looked exactly like his girl.
“Take care of this gentleman, please,” she said to the woman with the kind of authority he had never heard in her voice, then without any more acknowledgment than that, she walked into the restaurant and disappeared through a door, leaving it swinging in her wake.
“Have you been helped, sir?” the woman said. “Are you all right?”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Thanks.” And he walked out of the restaurant, not knowing what had just happened but needing to get out of there.
Chapter Twenty-One
All Ashna wanted was to get out of here. But of course, there was no peace to be had even in her own home. Shobi was always waiting, breathing down Ashna’s neck to have her “bonding conversations” and rehash all the reasons why she had chosen not to be a mother to her.
“You okay?” Rico let himself into the green room. The other last person she wanted to see right now.
After her family left, Ashna had needed a minute to herself, so she’d found her way to the green room. A few of the families were still in the lounge with the cast and crew making their way through the substantial amounts of wine and cheese.
“I’m absolutely fine.” And if you say anything about hiding, I’ll punch you.
His eyes studied her in the mirror. Something about him seemed different since he’d left to see his friend Zee off.
“It was nice meeting your family.” She couldn’t tell if he was being polite or jibing her. “I’m a fan of Yash’s work.” Polite, then.
Ashna was used to the spellbinding impact both Yash and Rico had on people, but this instant bromance thing was hilarious.
“I’d say it seemed mutual.” In all her life, Ashna had never seen Yash gush. Yash had gushed.
Getting a smile out of Rico was more gratifying than it should be.
“Listen, Ashna . . .” He stepped closer, and she almost turned to him.
Before he could say more, the door flew open and Song walked in, a wide smile brightening her dewy, fresh face. Rico turned to her and smiled.
Her skin was like porcelain—not one single blemish. No bags under her eyes from all-night headaches. Her hair danced in a swishy bob around her softly rounded jaw. She was flawless, and filled with joy. And Ashna could see Rico’s joy-seeking heart lap it up.
Ashna’s bun pulled at her scalp and she tugged at it. It was extra tight today and all she wanted was to untie and retie it, so it didn’t make her feel like a cross between a school headmistress and a spinster governess from a period film. The only thing she needed to complete the look was a big hairy wart on her chin.
Then she met Rico’s eyes in the mirror and suddenly she was looking at herself through them. It had been her downfall, the way he looked at her.
He turned away from her, his gaze clinging to hers before he shifted his focus to Song. She said something about her niece and laughed, and fell against him. There might have been a little too much wine flowing at the family meet-and-greet.
Ashna’s vision blurred, and the mirror turned hazy, shrouding Rico and Song behind clouds. They were both laughing now. Together.
How she had loved making him laugh. His laughter had always filled her up like sunlight streaming through a crack in a dank, dark room.
Only, now she knew the cold emptiness it left behind when his sunlight was gone.
She forced herself out of her chair and excused herself.
The pounding in her head was bad enough that she should go home, Shobi or no Shobi.
The party was still in full swing in the lounge. Tatiana threw her arms around Ashna. She was wearing a white dog collar with rhinestones today, matched up with her puppy—of course her puppy was her visiting family. “Sorry ’bout the tantrum yesterday. Totally bad form,” she said.
“I’m sorry about the elimination,” Ashna said petting the gorgeous black dachshund.
“Yeah, it’s a bitch. But we were all competing for something when we know who’s going to win.”
“We don’t know for sure that Danny’s going to win,” Ashna said, and Tatiana laughed a big belly laugh.
“I like you. No wonder men are throwing themselves at knives for you.”
Which wasn’t at all what men were doing. Instead of arguing the facts, Ashna took Tatiana’s puppy from her and let it lick her nose while Tatiana reached for some fabulous wine from Ashna’s favorite Sonoma winery.
Ashna wasn’t a drinker. Having an alcoholic father meant even the occasional glass of wine came with all sorts of complicated memories. When she did drink she stuck to her one-glass rule. It kept people she didn’t know from asking why she didn�
�t drink, and it kept people she did know from dumping sympathy on her head.
Ashna’s star made his way out of the green room, with Song hanging by his arm, and was immediately surrounded by a mob.
She tried to slip out of the lounge, but DJ found her.
“What’s the matter, love?” he said, his gaze on her cousin. Trisha had finished her consults and decided to join them.
Trisha made her escape from someone who had accosted her about a sore throat. “Do they not teach human anatomy in schools anymore? How hard is it to know that the trachea and lungs aren’t part of the central nervous system and the brain stem? How hard is it to understand that I’m a flippin’ neurosurgeon!”
DJ and Ashna smiled.
“That is, indeed, a question everyone must ask themselves,” DJ said with utmost seriousness.
Trisha narrowed her eyes at him, not missing the teasing, but her laugh was free and heartfelt.
“Are you sure you’re in love with Trisha?” Ashna asked DJ.
“That depends. What are you offering?” DJ said, waggling his brows, and Trisha elbowed him in the ribs.
“I know many ways to kill a man without anyone ever knowing what happened.”
“Got it. The answer to your question, lovely Ashna, is that I am very much in love with your cousin. Hers forever, etc.” Then he mouthed Help me!
The effect was ruined when he dropped the tenderest kiss on Trisha’s head. For the past twelve years the idea of an intimate relationship had made Ashna physically sick. Now she hated the grip of envy that tightened inside her.
Trisha tucked a lock of hair that had come loose from Ashna’s bun behind her ear, and turned suddenly somber eyes on her. If she said anything about how Ashna would find the perfect person someday, Ashna was leaving right now.
She didn’t. Instead, she said, “You’re spectacular on the show. Everyone loves you.”
“Actually, everyone loves Frederico Silva.” Ashna was just basking in reflected glory.
“What’s not to love? The man tore open his stitches for you.” Trisha made a swoony sound and looked at Rico, who was fully absorbed in keeping Song upright. “I wonder if he looks that good when he wakes up in the morning.”
“That’s what you wonder, is it?” DJ said.
“I am human.” Trisha made another exaggeratedly swoony sound.
“Nah, you’re a goddess.” He kissed her again. “But carry on with your ponderings. There’s someone China wants me to meet.” He gave Ashna a hug and left.
They watched him walk away smiling to himself. Well, Ashna watched him. Trisha watched his butt.
“Classy,” Ashna said.
“It’s even better without the jeans.”
“Whoa! TMI, Trisha! The man is like a brother to me!”
“And aren’t we glad I don’t share that problem.” Trisha grinned and poured herself a glass of wine from the well-stocked table. “So about Rico. Why are you looking like someone just stabbed you in the chest?”
Maybe because the man had. Except he’d stabbed her in the back.
“I’m doing nothing of the sort. Just tired.” Ashna took a sip of Trisha’s wine.
“Come on, Ashi, there’s an incredibly hot guy in your kitchen and you’re acting like you’re being tortured. How often does that happen?” She took the glass back. “Well, DJ is often in your kitchen, so it happens a lot. But still.”
“I’m not interested in him.”
“Okay. Although, why aren’t you?” An annoying brow wiggle. “Kidding. Seriously, though, he’s going to help you win. You do want to win, right?”
“Ugh, that’s the problem. I do.” She considered telling Trisha about the Shobi Deal, but she had never been able to talk to anyone about her plentiful parental issues. “But I want to win for my food.”
Trisha looked at her like she had no idea who she was. Ashna knew exactly what she was thinking. Ashna wasn’t like DJ, who was a food whisperer. He had once told Ashna food spoke to him and he just listened. Ashna had pretended to understand.
Her palms went clammy. Food spoke to her too, but it didn’t whisper, it screamed. Shrieks that curdled her blood if she dared to deviate from Baba’s recipes.
Trisha squeezed her arm. “Sweetheart, you’re here because of your food, but in life you have to use all the advantages you’ve been given. It’s ungrateful to kick away good fortune. Isn’t that what we’ve been taught?”
DJ came back and said something to Trisha, and she laughed and pulled out her phone. Until Trisha had met DJ, she’d basically treated the whole world as not worth her time; now she was pulling up an article on arthroscopic gallbladder removal because one of Lilly’s daughters had told DJ that she needed the surgery.
How did people change so much? Across the room Song dropped a kiss on Rico’s cheek and he grinned as though he had not a care in the world. Then again, maybe people didn’t change, maybe you just hoped they did.
Rico caught her watching him being all cozy with Song. Song followed his gaze. Brightening even more, she dragged him over before Ashna could make her escape.
“You’re so lucky to have Rico as your partner,” Song repeated, hanging from Rico’s arm and slurring just a little bit.
Ashna refused to look at Rico.
“And he’s lucky to have Ashna as his partner.” Trisha stepped closer to Ashna and gave Song her famous I can maim you with a scalpel look
Which Rico caught. He held out a hand to Trisha. “Rico Silva, sorry I wasn’t quite myself the last time we met. Thanks so much for taking care of my knee.”
Trisha shook his hand with both of hers, suddenly all warmth. “I’m so glad you’re all right. Thanks so much for saving Ashi’s toes. Not many people would do that for a perfect stranger.”
Rico turned to Ashna and waited. For what? Did he really expect her to tell Trisha about them? Now?
What would she say? He’s the boy I was in love with, the reason I caused Baba to die?
When she stood there frozen, a bitter grin curved his lips, as though her inability to claim him as hers was one of their inside jokes.
“It was a reflex.” His flat voice hid every whit of hurt banked in his eyes. “But I’m glad your cousin’s foot is in one piece.”
That made Trisha so happy she gave him a hug, which he returned wholeheartedly.
It was strange to see Trisha be all effusive. As for Rico, obviously he had changed his stance on physical contact and turned into this touchy-feely charmer. Foolishly, she ached for the days when they had been the same, perfectly mirrored.
They might not be kindred spirits anymore, but she knew without a doubt that his mind was stuck on the fact that she had let Trisha call him a perfect stranger.
Why is that such an issue for you?
He caught her jaw tightening and looked away.
“What an honor to meet Zia Malik today,” DJ said excitedly and they started to talk about football again.
Ashna swallowed her groan. She couldn’t bear another gushing rendition of that miraculous goal in the ninetieth. Spectacular as it had been (thank you, YouTube).
Ashna watched Rico watch Song rattle off some stats and misery engulfed her. “You all carry on. I have to get home.” She made her way to the door.
“Ashna.” Dear lord, please, why did he have to follow her?
She didn’t stop but he caught her in the passageway. For a few moments they just stood there, circling the mess of unsaid things between them.
“Your cousins are lovely.”
“Yes, they are.”
There was something determined in his face, like the all-consuming focus before he went in for a penalty kick. “You’re surrounded by love, Ashna.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you so miserable?”
Excuse her? “I am not miserable.” She turned away and started walking again.
He followed her. “Being here makes you miserable. So why are you here?”
She shouldn’t have
stopped. “I’ve already answered that.” She shouldn’t have turned around.
The real question he was asking was in his eyes. Clear as day. “When was the last time you did something because you wanted to?”
She tugged at her bun, that stupid strand of hair gouging at her scalp. “I do a lot of things I want to.”
“Right. I mean when was the last time you did something that made you feel alive?”
She hoped her face showed him exactly how much she didn’t want him to say what he was going to say next.
“When was the last time you played ball?”
Sweat broke out down her back, prickles of ice over hot skin. The dampening spread to her palms, the insides of her elbows, the backs of her knees.
She could have named the exact date and time. “I think your friend is looking for you.” Song was heading their way. She stumbled and Rico went to her. Ashna made her escape.
Despite her soccer scholarship to UCLA, Ashna had never really thought of playing as something she would do after college. She hadn’t meant to let it go entirely either. In all honestly, she’d never given it a thought, believing that there would be time to make those decisions. As about everything else, she’d been wrong.
The last time she had put on her gloves, touched a ball, was when her high school soccer team had taken pictures for the yearbook. It had been after the season was over. She’d had plans with Rico after. Plans that relied heavily on the fact that his aunt was traveling and her house was empty overnight. It was going to be their first time spending a night together.
Ashna had lied to Mina Kaki and told her that Baba needed her at the restaurant, even though it was midweek. Then she’d freaked out. She’d been sure that Mina Kaki would call Baba, that Rico and she would be found out. She hadn’t been able to relax until Rico asked if she wanted him to drive her home, and he had, without a whit of disappointment. For years, she had wished they’d had at least that one night together.
She went to the green room and took her time grabbing her jacket. No, she was not hiding. When she opened up her rideshare app she remembered that there was a huge tech conference happening in the city. It was going to be a twenty-minute wait. Ashna groaned. This was what happened when you became too dependent on technology.
