“I needed to talk to you. Your mother wouldn’t give me your number.”
“How did you find out I was here?”
“The media. Some girl posted a picture of you in a drive-thru.”
That made sense. He didn’t usually care what people posted about him, but this time it allowed his father to find him. Not that he was hiding, but he didn’t want to face him right now. Not with everything else going on in his life. “Well, you found me. Now you can leave.”
Nathan sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”
Irritation set in. He didn’t owe anything to this man. The man who left him and his mother, never to return. “I don’t think so. I think you should leave.”
Nathan hesitated. “Is there no changing your mind?”
“No.”
For a second, Jacob thought Nathan would do as he asked. He passed Jacob and started toward his car. Then, he turned and blurted out, “I have cancer.”
Jacob stared at Nathan, emotion and confusing thoughts swirling in him. “What do you expect me to say to that?”
Nathan exhaled, and held out his empty hands. “I don’t know. I’ve made mistakes. I realize that. I should have done more to keep in touch with you. That’s on me. I guess I was just hoping we could reconnect. Before my time is up.”
“You’re dying?” Why did those words stick to his tongue? He shouldn’t care about this man…the man who didn’t care about him as he grew up. Why should it matter that he was dying? But even though he tried to wall off his emotions, he couldn’t help the sting behind his eyes.
Nathan nodded. “It’s terminal.”
“How long?” Two words. They were hard to say, and it seemed an eternity before his father answered them.
“Three months. Maybe four.”
Jacob raked a hand through his hair. “And I expect you want something from me? Money to seek another opinion? Or to get a treatment?”
His father shook his head. “There is no treatment. Nothing more than I’ve already done. I don’t want anything from you, other than a second chance. I want to get to know my boy.” His voice broke as he said the last sentence, and Jacob sucked in a breath.
His anger melted away as he looked at Nathan. His father was standing before him, only wanting a chance. Much like he was asking of Kendra.
Jacob wasn’t sure if he would regret the decision, but he slowly nodded. “Let’s go talk. I’ll buy the coffee. And maybe a piece of pie, if they have any left.”
His father’s face relaxed and he nodded. “Thank you.”
“You can follow me. I know a good diner.” Jacob climbed into his car and drove the half mile to the downtown strip. He stopped at Myrtle’s, his favorite diner in the small town of Highland Falls. He entered the diner after his father parked and joined him.
After they were seated, he took a moment to study his father. Life hadn’t been kind to him. The deep wrinkles on his face seemed incongruent with what he remembered. Of course, he hadn’t seen his father in person since he was young. He did have one photograph he managed to hide from his mother so it wouldn’t be destroyed.
They chatted small talk for a minute, and the waitress took their pie orders, but Jacob wasn’t that much into chatting about the weather. He tapped his fingers on the table, itching to be blunt and ask what he’d wanted to know for the last eighteen years. He debated for a minute, then just said it. “I know why you came back. What I want to know is why you left in the first place.”
Nathan winced, but met his gaze. He waited a moment before speaking. “I loved your mother. I had a crush on her for years, before she even knew I existed. But there’s something funny that happens when you fall for someone from afar. I think I fell for the idea of her. And then when we became a couple, I was faced with reality.”
He fiddled with his napkin. “We had a whirlwind courtship. Married too young. Things between us started out rocky and grew worse. But then you were born, and things started to look better. It started to seem like she was coming around.”
Jacob studied his father. “Coming around? What does that mean?”
His father drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Your mother was engaged to a man before she and I married.”
“Wait, what? Engaged? To whom?” The question came out, but Jacob had a sneaking suspicion he knew the answer already.
“A man named Michael. He was the president of our graduating class. She and he were inseparable our senior year. She was heartbroken when the engagement ended and Michael left town. I don’t think she was thinking clearly when she married me. I think she was still on the rebound.”
The waitress brought them their pie and coffee. Nathan picked up his spoon and stirred in a packet of sugar. “Your mother blamed me for making her miserable. We fought. A lot. But after you were born, she mellowed out. She seemed to forget about our past. The things she hated me for. I thought it was our second chance. But then, I found out she was writing to Michael.” Nathan’s jaw worked as he stirred his coffee. “She was still having a relationship with him. Just one through distance.”
Jacob groaned and leaned back in his booth seat. “That must have been hard for you.”
“I tried to make things work between us, but she resented me for finding out, and hated me for being upset about it. She was so bitter. Every day things got worse. And your mother…she would play head games with me.”
“Like what?”
“She would act like she didn’t know what I was talking about, when clearly she did. She would pretend she was asleep, when she didn’t want to talk to me. She even lied and said she was pregnant near the end, before I left.”
Jacob wouldn’t have believed it a week ago, but now, after what happened earlier, he’d had his eyes opened. And he didn’t like what he saw.
“In the end, I felt trapped in a loveless marriage, and manipulated into working at a job I hated. Each month I handed my check over to your mother. That’s what I was to her, a source of income. I left, because I couldn’t see any other way out. And your mother has been punishing me ever since.”
Thoughts swirled around in Jacob’s mind as he sat and pondered what his father said. Had his mother pushed his father away, like she’d pushed Kendra and him apart? All his life his father had been the villain. The one who left and broke his mother. But he was starting to see things in a different light. He was starting to see his mother had something to do with this.
His father stuck his fork into his pie. “Anyway, I know I haven’t been there for you. I tried to send birthday cards when I could. I know it wasn’t enough. I wanted to see you, but your mother kept you from me. She wouldn’t let me talk to you on the phone. She threatened that if I ever showed up, she’d call the cops and get a restraining order.”
Jacob coughed into his fist. He shouldn’t be surprised, but he was. “Seriously? How could she do that? Didn’t you have partial custody?”
Nathan sighed and shrank back. “I made the mistake of signing over my parental rights when I left your mother. She could have made good on her threat.” He shook his head slowly. “I didn’t want to rock the boat. I honestly didn’t want to see her ever again. I know that wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
Jacob stared at his father, a new understanding settling in. This was not the man he hated growing up. This was a man who was beaten down. A man who did the best he could with the circumstances he was given. Jacob reached across the table and took his father’s hand. “I forgive you.”
Tears sprang to his father’s eyes and he blinked. “You don’t know what that means to me.”
Jacob fought back emotion. So much time had been lost. And now there wasn’t much time left. He didn’t know where to start. “Tell me about your life in Florida. I don’t know much.”
His father swallowed. “I worked on the docks for the last twelve years. It was a job. But I quit last week. I’m moving to Denver to be closer to family.”
It had been years since Ja
cob had seen any of his father’s side of the family. He knew he had a grandmother and an aunt, but he didn’t know anything more. He frowned. “I’m sorry.” Jacob’s throat closed. “About how I treated you.”
His father waved his hand, dismissing it. “I don’t blame you.”
“I’m glad.”
“So, tell me about yourself. Your singing career has taken off. I want to hear all about it.” His father gave him a small smile.
Jacob wrapped his hands around his coffee cup as he talked. Too many emotions and thoughts were fighting for his attention. He didn’t know what he was going to do about his mother. He had some thinking to do, and he probably should get a room at the Cobblestone Inn tonight. He wasn’t in any mood to face her.
Chapter 18
Kendra finished breaking down the last box and tossed it in the recycling pile. It was almost time to leave for the day, and she was ready for the break. She needed a hot bath and a good book to curl up with.
Last night was an emotional rollercoaster, finding out what her daughter wanted most for Christmas, and then realizing that in order to give it to her, she had to cut out her heart and hand it to Jacob. She took in a deep breath. A cleansing breath. Maybe her daughter would be happy if she just bought her an electric keyboard or something musical.
Kendra took off her dollar store apron and hung it on the hook. Was it really all that hard to sing for her daughter? Why was she being so stupid and emotional over it? Why did it all have to lead back to Jacob, and how he hurt her?
That was the past. And she was okay leaving it in the past. She’d tried so hard to get over it. But if she were being honest with herself, she was no closer to being over Jacob today, than she’d been the day she found out he’d left Highland Falls.
What was it about him that she couldn’t get over? Yes, he was handsome, but so were other men. He could sing, but so what? She didn’t want to think about his other qualities. His kind heart, or the way he would go out of his way to do small things for her, like how he’s been taking her to and from work this week. She couldn’t focus on those things, because she was already close to crying, and he was going to be there any second to pick her up.
“Kendra?”
She whirled around, her heart pounding. When did Jacob come into the back room? Had he been there, watching her struggle with her emotions? She quickly squared her shoulders and hoped the tears stinging her eyes were not noticeable. “Sorry. I was just finishing up.”
“It’s five after. I figured you’d be back here.” Jacob leaned against the wall, his hands in his coat pockets. “Your car is done. We can go pick it up after we get Aria.” He studied her. “Are you okay?”
She avoided his gaze. “I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. Let’s go get Aria.”
“When does school get out for Christmas break?”
“Friday is her last day,” Kendra said.
“The day before Christmas Eve? They sure don’t give them much break time, do they?”
Kendra shook her head just as she saw the door swing open. Shelly walked in. “Hey, only employees are allowed back here. What are you doing, Kendra?”
Jacob pushed off the wall and raised his hands in a ‘calm down’ motion. “Sorry. I came back here to get Kendra. I didn’t mean to break any rules.”
Shelly glared at him. “Get out of here.” She whirled on Kendra, her eyes blazing. “Don’t bother coming in tomorrow. I’ve had enough of you and your lazy attitude. You’re fired.”
Kendra’s mouth dropped in shock. She couldn’t say anything. No words would form. Flashes of her and Aria sitting alone on Christmas day, no heat, no presents, skittered through her mind.
“Wait. It was my fault. Don’t fire Kendra. She had nothing to do with it.”
“She was back here talking with you. I don’t know how long you’ve been in here.” Shelly folded her arms. “She knew the rules.”
Jacob took a step toward Kendra. “I got here at five after. Kendra was already off the clock. I swear.”
Shelly’s cheeks turned red and puffed out. She looked like she was going to blow. “Get out! Both of you.”
“It’s okay, Jacob. Let’s just leave.” Kendra forced her legs to walk out of the back room and through the store.
Janet rushed to her and grabbed her arm. “What was that about? Did she really just fire you?” she asked in hushed tones.
“Yes.” Kendra tried not to cry, but the tears were already sliding down her cheeks. Shelly’s voice must have carried. Great.
“She’s a demon,” Janet spat out. “I can’t believe she did that right before Christmas.”
Kendra placed her hands on Janet’s shoulders. “It’s okay. I’ll get another job.” She wasn’t sure how, but she knew she had to.
“Of course, you will. And it will be much better than this one and it will pay more.” Janet pulled her into a hug.
Shelly came out of the back room and Janet scurried away before she could get yelled at, too. Kendra wiped at her cheeks and rushed outside, Jacob following after her.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I can call and talk to corporate. See if I can get you your job back.”
She turned to him, the sunset causing the sky behind him to be pink and blue. “It’s not you. It’s Shelly.”
“She fired you because of me. I feel terrible.”
Kendra looked at him. He did look like he felt terrible. In fact, he had dark circles under his eyes that she hadn’t noticed until now. Had he slept at all last night? “You don’t look so good.”
Jacob exhaled, his breath coming out in a white cloud of fog. “Something happened last night.”
A cold feeling snaked through Kendra. “What?”
“I saw my father.”
“What? He’s here?” Kendra leaned against his car, her nerves in a jumble. Jacob had never talked much about his father. All she knew is that he left when Jacob was little, and he hadn’t seen much of him since. She knew his father angered him, how he left like he did.
“It’s kind of a long story.”
Her heart went out to him. He must be in such an emotional state, having seen his father. She couldn’t even imagine. “Let’s go pick up Aria. After we get my car you can come over and we can talk.”
He nodded and opened the passenger door for her. “Okay.”
Twenty minutes later, Aria was sitting at the coffee table putting a puzzle together and she and Jacob were in her kitchen. She motioned to the chairs. “Do you want to sit?”
“No, I think I have too much pent-up energy for that.”
She leaned against the counter. “Okay. What happened? Did you talk to your father?”
“Yes.”
“What did he want?” She prayed his father wasn’t here to demand money from him. She knew that would hurt Jacob badly. He didn’t deserve that.
“He’s dying.” Jacob rubbed his temples and paced the floor. “He came to find me because he has stage four pancreatic cancer.”
“Oh, dear heavens.” Kendra clutched at the hem of her shirt. That was bad. Jacob must be in shock. He looked like it. His eyes were wide and bloodshot. He kept pacing the kitchen floor, back and forth.
“He told me some things, Kendra. Some things about my mother, and their relationship.” He ran a hand through his hair, then gripped it in a fist hold. “I can’t believe she did these things, and yet, I know she did.”
Kendra didn’t know what to say. “What did she do?” she finally asked, her voice almost a whisper.
“She kept him from me. My own father. I grew up without a dad because of her.” He looked like he was going to break down.
Before she could stop herself, she closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.”
“I don’t want to hate her, but right now, I’m just so angry. She took away my father. And she took away the only woman I’ve ever loved. I lost you, and I don’t know if I can ever get you back. How could she do that
to me? That wasn’t a choice she had to make. That was my own choice. If it weren’t for her, I never would have lost you.”
His words broke her heart and she reached up and cupped his cheeks. The feeling of his skin on hers, the roughness of his five o’clock shadow, made her heart do crazy things. He smelled so good, like musk, pine trees and cinnamon all rolled into one. It was rugged, and yet, so much like him. A flood of memories came back to her. How she’d curl up on the couch beside him. How she loved to be close to him. All rational thought left her. “I’m right here, Jacob.”
He closed his eyes and placed his forehead on hers. “You’re here. But I feel you slipping through my fingers.”
The way he said it, with such anguish, made her want to show him how much she cared. How much she loved him.
She paused…her heart hammering. She loved him. Was that true? Did she still love him, after all this time? Had she always loved him?
She didn’t have to ponder very long. She knew the answer deep down to her toes. Jacob was her one true love. She had fallen in love with him, hard and fast, back when they were barely adults. She had not stopped loving him. He was everything she needed. Everything she ever wanted. He was the missing piece of her.
She pulled him closer to her, until his lips were a whisper from hers. She stared at him until he opened his eyes, his gaze questioning. She saw in the depths the same desire that was coursing through her. “I’m right here,” she whispered again.
His mouth claimed hers, and she clung to him as his kiss enveloped her. Jacob’s kisses were usually like a slow song, rocking her gently into the rhythm. But this was different. Passionate. Desperate. A fire that burned hot and rocked her to her core.
A thousand nerve endings in her body exploded as his lips moved over hers. She threaded her fingers in his hair. He groaned and pressed her up against the counter, his hands on her back.
Need, want, and desire all mixed as he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, and then back to her mouth. She lost herself in him. In his smell, the feel of his hands on her lower back. How many nights she’d dreamt of Jacob, only to have him evaporate in the morning sunlight.
Aria's Christmas Wish Page 10
