by Bella Jewel
I instead stare at the people in front of me. The people I just met. The people who just told me Brody is going to fight a death match.
He’s going to avenge Mick.
He’s going to probably lose his life doing it.
I’m numb to it all right now. The pain is no longer. I can’t possibly feel anymore.
My perfect life was turned upside down, and it has remained that way since.
I zone in on the girls staring at me, all of them strangers in the scheme of things. The only reason I tracked them down is through Finn. I knew he was a friend of Brody’s, and I thought maybe Brody had gone to him for help.
I was right.
I just didn’t realize the extent of what he was going to ask for help with.
Death match.
Those words don’t even seem real.
“Do you want a drink?” the girl named Lucy asks, walking over to me and handing me a glass of water.
I tip my head back and look up at her—she’s beautiful, truly beautiful. They all are, really.
I don’t know much about these guys, I just know they’re a group of brothers. The Knight brothers. Lincoln, Slater, Finn and Damon. Brody has spoken of them before. They seem like good guys, so far.
“Thanks,” I murmur, taking the glass of water and balancing it in my lap.
“Know you probably don’t want to talk about it,” Finn says, his eyes scanning my face, “but do you want to tell us what you know, so we can help you find Brody?”
I give him a weak smile. “Right now, I don’t even want to think about it. If you don’t mind, I’d just like to find somewhere to get some rest and we can figure out how to find Brody in the morning.”
“Have you got somewhere to stay?” Erin, the other lady, the one with Finn, asks.
“No, but there are motels everywhere, I’ll go and get one,” I say, standing and placing the untouched glass of water down.
“No,” Lucy says, shaking her head. “No way, you’re not going to stay in a motel. I have a spare room, and I’m at Nicolai’s a lot anyway. You’re more than welcome to stay with me.”
I shake my head. “Oh no, I can’t put you out.”
She shrugs, snorting. “Don’t be silly. It’s not putting me out.”
I study her, then glance around the room again, saying in a soft voice, “Okay sure. Yeah, sure. Thank you.”
Lucy stands and walks over to a very good-looking dark-haired man, giving him a hug, saying something to him, planting a kiss on his lips, and then turning back to me. “We’ll have to get a cab, I’ve had a little too much to drink.”
I nod, looking around at everyone again. The two other ladies in the group, Shania and Ellie, both smile at me. They all seem nice, really kind, and more than willing to help. I’m just glad to be getting away from the pity, the endless pity. Aria, I love her to death, but she just wants to fix everything. What she doesn’t realize is that she can’t fix it. Nobody can. You can’t fix heartbreak like this. You can’t fix the pain that is forever embedded into my soul.
You can’t fix Brody.
Yet for some reason, I’m still here, still standing, still waiting, still hoping.
For what, I don’t know. That he’ll come home? That he’ll be okay? That the demons will just disappear?
I’m not sure they’ll ever disappear.
Hell, I’m fairly certain they’re part of him now. They are who he is.
But I can’t give up on him, no matter what, because I made a promise to him a long time ago; I promised him that I’d always be there, that I’d always have his back, that I’d never abandon him, and I can’t take that promise away now. So even if my attempts at finding and helping him are futile, I’ll still do it, because I made a promise, and I keep my promises.
“Ready?” Lucy asks.
I nod, staring at the group again. The oldest, Lincoln, at least I’m assuming he’s the oldest, is staring at me like he has a million questions to ask. I know how he feels—I have a million to ask, too.
Brody is from a family of brothers like these guys, but that wasn’t enough to pull him from the spiral he dove himself down into. Would these brothers be able to pull each other from such depths? Do they have the same kind of bond? I’m guessing so, just judging by the situation I found them in.
“I’m sorry about Brody,” Lincoln finally says, as if he can tell my thoughts were just lingering on him. “Know it ain’t easy on you.”
I press my lips together and then ask the one burning question that I’ve been so desperate to know, “Why did you help him?”
He knows I’m not asking why they took him in, he knows I’m asking why they helped him to track down his demons and do a death match with them.
“Because,” Lincoln says, “if we didn’t help him, he would be dead already.”
Those words crush my heart, and my bottom lip trembles for a second, but I suck it in. I won’t cry, I will not fucking cry. I’ve done so much damned crying.
“If we didn’t help him,” Finn adds on, “he’d have never made it through. Us helping him was an attempt not to get him killed and also to delay him a little.”
I nod, fighting back the pain threatening to rear up and incapacitate me. “Did you, ah, did you know about me?”
Finn nods. “Yeah.”
“So he told you?”
He shakes his head. “No, but we knew there was someone he left behind. Brody ... he’s ...”
“I know what he is,” I whisper softly. “I know better than anyone what he is. Thank you for keeping him in check as long as you could, I appreciate it.”
They look like they feel sorry for me, which I hate, so I quickly turn to Lucy and say, “I’m ready to go.”
She nods, smiling, and we both leave.
I know they are going to have a million questions for me.
The problem is, I don’t know how I’m going to answer them.
I just want this to be over.
“I’M FINE, LEE,” I WHISPER into the phone, rolling to my left side on the very comfortable bed in the spare room at Lucy’s place.
She has a nice apartment, it’s clean and tidy and it feels safe. Mostly, it’s free of everything Brody. I can’t feel him here like I could at home, the emptiness doesn’t entirely consume me because I know he’s not coming back, the stinking scent of heartbreak doesn’t torment me everywhere I go. No, it’s free of him, and that helps just a little, because now I only have to deal with the pain in my heart, instead of the pain surrounding me as well.
Ripley sighs, making a frustrated sound in his throat. Ripley, or Lee as we call him, is the youngest of the brothers, and over the years has become a very good friend of mine. He’s gay, which is freaking awesome, and his partner Orlando is equally as awesome as Lee. I like the two of them, and without Lee, I don’t know how I’d get through sometimes. He has been my rock, the only person I can truly count on.
Aria has been amazing, too, but she worries too much and in turn, makes it harder for me to focus. It’s not her fault, and I love her dearly, but she’s too close to me and she wants to patch it all up, but she simply can’t. Lee is equally as concerned for Brody, and for me, but he has this way of staying cool in a difficult situation. He keeps calm, he’s the voice of reason, he’s just ... Lee.
“If you’re fine,” he says, reminding me I’m on the phone with him, “why did you ignore us all for three days, disappear, and send us all into a panic?”
“I’m a grown woman,” I say. “I can do what I need to do. It was too much for me there with everyone constantly fluttering around me, freaking out. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“You could have told them you needed space, now they’re all concerned.”
“You think I haven’t told them that, Lee? You think I haven’t begged for space. I love them all, I know they’re worried about me, but they won’t stop. That’s okay, but I needed space.”
“You’re looking for Brody, we know you are.”
&nbs
p; “And?” I say, my voice flustered. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because he doesn’t want to be found, Mel. You’re running yourself into the ground chasing a damned person that doesn’t want you to find him.”
“I made him a promise, Lee. That I’d never give up on him, that I’d always have his back. I love him. I can’t just forget about him.”
Lee exhales. “Nobody is expecting you to forget about him, but you can’t put the rest of your life on hold when he’s so determined to crush his.”
“He’s your brother,” I whisper.
“Yes, he is. He’s also choosing this path. Nothing we have done or said has changed that. Do you honestly want us all to stop our entire lives because Brody wants to crush his? We’ve spent so fucking long trying to help him, and he still disappeared anyway. He crushed us all, not just himself.”
I clench my eyes shut. “I respect that, but I’m not giving up.”
“And if or when you find him? What then? What will you do? Beg him to come back? Plead? You’ve already tried it all, and none of it worked, he still disappeared on you without a word, breaking your heart. What is going to be different this time?”
I don’t know.
I honestly don’t know.
I know Lee is right, I know there is probably nothing I can do, but if I don’t keep fighting for the man who owns my heart, then I’ll never be okay again. I’ll never get over him. I’ll just never move on.
I have to try, even if this is the last time I do so.
“I don’t know what I’ll do, Ripley. All I know is I have to at least try, even if this is the last time. If I can’t help him now, I’ll try, very hard, to let him go.”
Lee exhales, then sighs. “You’re too good for him, Melanie. Too fucking good. But I love you for the way you love him. Where are you? You need to at least let us know where you are.”
“I’m not going to do that because I know for a damned fact your dad, Aria, Blade, they’ll all come down here. No, this time I’m going to do this on my own. Just me. Just Brody. Please, give me that.”
“Okay,” Lee begrudgingly agrees. “Can you at least let me know when you find out information? I’ll keep it to myself, I promise you, but I’d like to know.”
“I promise. I’ve found some people who last saw him, they’re going to help me. They know who he is looking for.”
“Is it dangerous?”
I hesitate. “Yes, Lee, it is.”
“Fuck, Mel. If anything happens to you because of him ...”
“I’ll be okay, I promise.”
Making a frustrated sound, Ripley says, “Okay, but I’m not happy about it. I know you well enough now, though, to know you’re going to do it anyway.”
He’s right, I am.
Even if deep inside I’m not entirely sure I’m doing the right thing.
My mind. My body. My spirit. It’s all a big broken mess.
I can’t honestly say I’m confident that I’m ever making the right choices. My mind isn’t rational enough right now for me to know that I’m doing the right thing, all I know is that I’m doing what I think I have to, in this moment right now, and that’s all I’m working with.
“I miss you,” I tell him.
That’s the truth, I do miss him.
But being around him, around that family, it’s too painful right now.
I needed this space.
I needed to breathe.
“I miss you, too,” he tells me.
I smile, even though it physically hurts to. “How is Orlando?”
Ripley smiles, I can hear it in his voice. I love that he smiles every time anyone mentions Orlando. I wish I could smile again at the mention of Brody. Hell, I just wish I could smile about anything.
I wish I remembered how it felt to be happy.
“He’s really good. Busy with work. He misses you, too.”
“Tell him I’ll be back soon. I have to go, I’m so tired.”
Lee sighs. “Be careful, Mel. You call me every single day, do you hear?”
“I hear you.”
“Bye.”
I hang up the phone and lie back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
Strange town.
Staying with strangers.
Yet I’ve not felt so at ease in a long time.
Maybe this is the end of my journey, right here, in this town.
Maybe this is what will, in turn, make or break me.
I guess we’ll find out.
3
THEN – MELANIE
I GRIN AT BRODY AND flick more pancake batter in his direction. Laughing, he charges at me, scooping me into his arms and pulling me close, his face covered in the spoonful of batter that I just flung at him. He leans in, and even with my squealing protests, rubs the batter all over my face, using his. I scream and laugh, squirming to get free. He only releases me when he’s effectively rubbed most of it back onto my face.
I laugh and stumble backward, swiping my face with the back of my arm. “You’re a toad, Broderick!”
He chuckles. “Toad, that’s a new one.”
I giggle and grin over at him. “Now what will we have for breakfast?”
He grins at me, devilish and handsome. “I can think of at least one thing I’d like to eat, right about now.”
I cross my arms. “My pussy is not for breakfast, young man.”
He snorts, grabs a wash rag and walks over, wiping my face until it’s free of batter, only then does he clean his own.
“Mick is coming over today,” he tells me.
“He is?” I raise my brows. “That’s good.”
“Heard he wasn’t meant to be home just yet but got sent back early. Haven’t heard from him in months, so I’m not sure what’s going on, but it must be somethin’ if they’re bein’ returned home.”
“You don’t think it’s bad, do you?” I ask him, leaning on the arm of the sofa in the living area, watching my gorgeous boyfriend as he crosses his big arms and leans his back against the wall.
“Thinkin’ it’s possible that it’s not great. They’re cutting them short, which makes me think somethin’ bad went down. Because I’m not direct family, I don’t know what that is, but I do know it usually isn’t good.”
“Have you been able to get hold of his sister again, what’s her name again?”
“Maxine?”
“Yeah.”
“Nah, I haven’t. She’s been travelin’ overseas somewhere. She let me know he was comin’ home, but that’s it. They don’t really get along. I guess I’ll find out when he gets home.”
“What about his mom?”
“Doesn’t talk to her much, either.”
Oh. Well. That’s not good. I know Mick spent a lot of time with Brody and his family growing up, I guess he had a hard life of his own, to not want to go home.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say softly.
“He wants to stay here.”
“He does?” I ask, brows raised. “How come?”
“I don’t know, guessin’ he doesn’t want to go back to his mom’s place which is half way across the country. You don’t mind if he stays for a bit, do you?”
I shake my head. “Of course not. He’s your best friend. I don’t mind at all.”
Brody grins and walks over, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me, long and deep. I melt into him, like I always do when he kisses me like this. Everything else in the world stops, and I feel incredible. Amazing, really. Like nothing could ever touch me, or hurt me, or even bother me when I’m right here in this moment with him.
He surrounds me.
I love it.
Not nearly as much as I love him.
No, the amount I love him scares me. It’s the kind of love you read about, the kind of love they make movies about, but you don’t honestly think you’ll ever experience it in your lifetime, hell, you question if it’s even a real thing. At least I did, until I met Brody. Then I felt it, really felt it. That ache in my heart w
hen I think about him. The longing. The protective side. The pure bliss.
Just looking at him has my heart doing strange twists.
My stomach going into a giddy mess.
Brody is my world, and I’m confident enough to say I’m his.
That’s a nice feeling.
“Love you,” he murmurs when he lets me go. “I’m goin’ to go into town and get some beers, get ready for when Mick arrives. You want to come?”
“I can’t.” I smile. “I have to head into work for an hour to give them a hand.”
He nods, kissing me again. “See you later then?”
“Yeah, later.”
I watch him go, my heart swollen with happiness and love.
Nothing in the world can take that away from me.
Nothing.
YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE is broken.
I don’t know precisely what it is, but you can see it in their face. Not just the tight set of their jaw, but the way they smile, and frown, or the way their eyes seem almost vacant. Even if they’re laughing, they’re empty. Yes, you can tell a broken person, what’s worse is when the light is completely out.
Like someone has gone in there, switched it off, and buried the switch so deep you know you’ll never be able to turn it on again.
That’s how Mick looks.
Not that I know Mick all that well, but I’ve met him a few times and he always seemed friendly, happy, and easy going. He’s more the silent type, much like Brody, but he always had light in his eyes. Now, there is nothing in the steel-grey depths. They’re completely empty. Even though he’s smiling at me, talking to me, he’s missing something.
Something really vital.
I know Brody notices it, too. I can see the way he’s scanning Mick’s face, eyes narrowed, jaw tight. He’s trying to figure out what happened to his friend. He’s trying to figure out if there is anything he can do to help. Mick doesn’t say much. Just that an accident caused them to come home early, and he’s tired and wants some rest.
We let him go, let him sleep, and pray that he’ll wake up happier.
He doesn’t.
One day turns into a month, and Mick seems to be living in this empty, broken pit. He doesn’t talk about what happened, and we don’t push, because anyone knows you don’t push a man who has been fighting for his country to tell you details. No, you don’t push. You just be there, in whatever way you can be there. Which is what we’re doing, Brody and me.
