Maybe just curl up on the men’s couch with Stanley and watch cartoons and eat ice cream. Or catch up on her reading.
Something not work-related.
And nothing that would remind her of her parents.
They hit the ground running once they landed. They’d rented two cars, Jess and Ted taking one, and Mark taking the other, and headed for the hotel to meet up with Purson and the film crew, along with the locals Jess had lined up, to go over the final arrangements before everything kicked off in earnest tomorrow.
She let Ted drive so she could text Kyle and Tristan that they had safely arrived before she went over her project notes.
“You all right?” Ted asked. “You’ve seemed a little quiet the past few weeks.”
“Between you and me?”
“Yeah?”
“No.” She found herself spilling her guts to him about her conversation with her mother and…the stress.
Along with that, she worked in a very succinct summary of where she was at with Kyle and Tristan, and how they’d broken up and reconciled.
“Wow. We had no clue all that was going on. You could have fooled me.” He glanced her way. “Damn, woman. You are stealthy. We’ve had people flake on us on job sites just because their significant other wouldn’t return a frigging text, and you’ve been holding all that in?”
“Yeah, well, that was the point. I didn’t want any of that out there. I love this job, and I enjoy working for you guys. For the first time in my adult life, I have an actual career. I’m not stupid enough to jeopardize that.”
“I’m seriously impressed. Do you want my opinion as a friend, as your employer, or as a counselor?”
She thought about it. “Yes.”
Ted smiled. “You’re right—stress can do a number on the body. Everything you’ve been through the past several months would put stronger people than you in the hospital, between the storm and the move and now your personal stuff. But have you thought about seeing a doctor? You might have a good start on an ulcer.”
“If my symptoms came out of nowhere, I’d agree with you. Like I said, this is how my body copes. Puking, stomach pain, irregular periods. It’s not nearly as bad as when I was a kid. I’d actually felt pretty good there for a while, until the whole thing with the guys, and then my mom.”
“If money’s an issue—”
“It is, and no, thank you. I should be at a place where I can afford to sign up for health insurance in a few months. Not right now.”
“So those were my employer and counselor opinions.”
She really liked Ted. Not that she didn’t like all three brothers, because she did, but she’d spent more time with Ted. “What does my friend say?”
His expression darkened. “Your friend says if your guys fuck up again, I’m liable to get Mark and Josh, and the three of us will pay them a visit and kick their fucking asses. I’m surprised Kel didn’t.”
“I didn’t tell him. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t, either.”
“Why not? You’ve known Kel for years.”
“Because he’s dealing with enough with Mal. She finally seems to have turned a corner, now that they’ve gotten her meds adjusted. The last thing he needs on his plate is worrying about me. That’s not his job.” She had a thought. “Oh, and that info about Mal is not for public consumption. I shouldn’t have said anything about that. They haven’t even told Chelbie yet. Kel doesn’t want Mal putting any additional stress on herself, like thinking people have expectations of her or something.”
“Do they know when she’s coming home?”
“Not yet. But she’s finally responding in positive ways. It’s still one day at a time, but he was actually smiling when he showed up at his mom’s the other night after a team meeting with Mal’s care providers. According to Michelle—his mom—that’s the first time she’s seen him really smile in months.”
“That’s good.”
“It is. Which is why I’m not about to piss on his parade. I’m a big girl. I can deal.”
“Do your guys know about it? Your symptoms?”
“Some.” She pointed at herself and circled her finger. “Again, whole big-girl thing going on.”
Ted chuckled. “Gotcha.” His smile faded. “Show no weakness, because that’s where you’re most vulnerable to more pain? Learned behavior from childhood?”
“Damn, you’re good.”
“That’s why I have the letters after my name.” He smiled. “Kind of a trained professional. Sorta what I dooo.”
“Never said I was perfect. I deal how I deal.”
“Can I offer one more suggestion, though?”
“Sure.”
“Look into essential oils. Especially ginger and peppermint. Not all brands are safe to consume orally, but some are. Essie used ginger and peppermint tea when she was pregnant with Eddie, and is again this time, to help with her morning sickness. But a friend of ours in the lifestyle, who has fibromyalgia, she gets chronic pain nausea really bad sometimes, and takes five drops of each oil together in a capsule to help settle her stomach so she can keep food down.”
“Thanks. I’ll look into that. I know ginger ale helps me, so that makes sense.”
“If it’s any consolation, we’ve known Kyle and Tristan for years. I’ve never heard anyone say they were players, or liars. They’ve always had a good rep. For what it’s worth. I don’t know if that helps you or not.”
Something currently tightly wound inside her…eased just a hair. “Thanks. I hope you’re right. I really…I love them,” she quietly admitted despite the terror she felt admitting it to someone else besides Michelle.
“Scared?”
“Yeeeeah.”
“Don’t worry. After we first got together with Essie, she took off for Spokane, because she only overheard part of a conversation between us and Purs and completely misinterpreted what it meant.” He chuckled. “And that is not for public consumption.”
“Really?”
“Really. She shut off her phone and flew out and we followed her on the first flight out we could get. Did the whole groveling thing. Bought a ring for her and proposed, all three of us.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“We don’t advertise it, for obvious reasons. If we could get past that, I’m sure you three can make this work. Everything you’ve told me points to the men wanting you and wanting to make it work with you.”
“It does?”
“It does. And that comes from both the counselor and your friend.” He smiled. “Your boss is staying the hell out of it.”
They got settled into their rooms at the hotel and met downstairs in a conference room with everyone for pizza and planning. It was a little nerve-wracking when Mark handed it over to her to start the meeting and work down the project list.
But as she started checking off items, she realized she’d relaxed, calmed herself.
And her stomach had settled. She’d actually felt better even before they’d landed.
Maybe all I needed was to throw myself into my work again.
By the time she crawled into bed that night, it was too late to call the guys and talk to them. They’d already be in bed. While she missed her guys, it was hard to deny the truth staring her in the face—she loved her job and wasn’t half bad at it.
Another blatantly obvious cue that she needed to maintain her relationship status quo for a while. Keep the apartment, for now. Submitting to Kyle and Tristan in bed or the dungeon—sure.
Except she was a long way from ever ceding control of her life to someone the way she had Brad.
Maybe she’d never be able to bring herself to do that again.
Something else she hated Brad for taking from her—her peace of mind.
What little of it she’d managed to scratch and claw for herself after leaving home, that was.
Then again, she thought about Ted’s words. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life running from happiness whenever there was a bump in the road
. But for the next two weeks, all she could focus on was the job ahead of her. This was a huge test for her and the last thing she wanted to do was fuck it up.
That meant putting on her big-girl shit-kickers and stomping flat any obstacles in her path.
Including her own insecurities.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jess started out early the next morning hugging her hotel room toilet and making a mental note to buy a case of ginger ale before returning to the hotel that evening.
Guess I’m still stressed out.
But after puking, she felt a lot better, steadier. By the time she made it downstairs to eat with everyone, she felt something as close to normal as she usually felt. She didn’t even mention it to Kyle and Tris when she texted them good morning, not wanting them to worry about her.
Ted walked over to her while she was piling food on her plate. “You all right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You look tired.”
They weren’t mic’d up yet, and no cameras were filming. “Got my morning jitters out of the way already. I’ll be good to go.”
“What?” He frowned. “You got sick again?”
She dropped two pieces of bacon onto her plate to emphasize her point. “I’m fine. Seriously. This is my normal stress reaction. That’s all it is.”
They ran through a quick morning briefing to make sure everyone was on the same page before caravanning over to the work site. They still had an hour before the bulk of the local work crew was slated to arrive.
Purson and his guys got them and the homeowners mic’d up and ready to film. Then Ted took over the initial discussions with the homeowners, an elderly couple, while the film crew focused on him.
For right now, it was Ted’s show. He’d already had several phone consultations with them, and had flown out four times to talk with them in person. This time, it was the husband who was the hoarder. He’d lost his job ten years earlier, and had some severe health issues, and in the process started hoarding.
The final straw was when he’d had another hospitalization and his wife had excavated their kitchen so she could actually use it. Upon his return home and seeing what she’d done, he’d lost his shit, started screaming at her, and the neighbors had called the cops. That had prompted a welfare visit by code enforcement and social services.
And now, here they were. Their choices were to clean out their home, or risk it being condemned and them possibly being placed into state custody for their own welfare.
Ted had been working in tandem with the man’s doctor to come up with a treatment regimen, including putting him on medication to help with his diagnosed OCD. The couple’s children and grandchildren had also come in, and now, finally, the man was reluctantly willing to try to let go of the hoarded mess. He had no choice, unfortunately.
As they worked through the morning, lots of tears were shed, but they were finally making progress. At lunchtime, Purs walked over to Jess and switched off her mic before leaning in.
“Good job, kiddo. Like you’ve been working this gig all your life.”
“I was terrified when I got up this morning. I puked my guts up.”
He laid a hand on her shoulder and frowned as he touched his bloodstone amulet with his other. “You feeling all right?”
“Yeah, just my nerves. Again. I’ll be okay.”
“Everything all right at home?”
“So far. We’re kind of in a holding pattern right now, but we’re okay.”
“Okay?”
She shrugged. “At this point it’s more me than them.”
“You love them, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
He offered her a smile as he squeezed her shoulder before letting go. “I’m sure everything will work out the way it should.”
She frowned at his comment. More the way he’d said it. “That’s…comforting?”
He shrugged. “I have a feeling.” He smiled again. “A good one.”
Fortunately, the rest of the day was so busy she soon forgot about his comments. Thursday, Jess was hoping to have a long, relaxing dinner with Brenda and Jim. Brenda loved the Otherworlds show, and Jess had gotten permission from Purson, as well as Ted and Mark, to let them come by Thursday afternoon and observe for a little while, and to meet Purs. Jim had to be in the area for a work meeting anyway, and Brenda would come with him.
As long as they didn’t have any big snags during the day, Jess would be able to take off and go have dinner with them. That made it her short-term goal for getting through the rest of the week.
That evening, when she returned to the hotel, she almost forgot to call Kyle and Tristan after she had dinner and took her shower. In fact, she’d lain down on the bed for just a moment, and startled awake nearly an hour later only because a room door slammed shut somewhere down the hall.
Shit.
After a quick conversation with them, because it was almost ten o’clock back in Florida, she sat and stared at her phone. Yeah, she loved the guys. But the fact that she didn’t need them…wasn’t that a clue?
Besides, they have each other.
Maybe it would be better to cool things off with them for a while. Her job was going amazing. She’d felt more confidence over the past several weeks than she had in the past several years.
That should tell me something, right?
Now she totally got why someone could get their self-worth completely wrapped up in their career.
She was there.
Except…
She loved the guys.
Nothing says I have to marry one of them.
Hell, nothing said she had to move in with them.
Maybe she didn’t have to cool it with them. She’d be gone for two weeks, and every bit of that was work time. When she returned, they could sit down and talk and start over from scratch. Maybe the problem was she’d slept with them so soon. It’d clouded her judgment.
Dammit, Brad had whored around. When it came down to it, Jess had no clue how many women he’d slept with before the toothpick.
Before meeting the men, Jess hadn’t slept with anyone except Brad in over six years, counting the time following when she’d left him.
With her job situation now settled, and her financial situation slowly looking up…why couldn’t she enjoy this, too? Have it all?
A massive fuck you to her parents, in some ways.
Especially to her mother.
She had friends, an adopted family who cared about her.
After putting her phone on the charger, she curled up in bed. Hell, right now, she felt so damn emotional, she could barely see straight. Not to mention how exhausted she felt.
All the stress hitting me.
* * * *
“You all right?”
Jess forced a smile she suspected Ted could see right through. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She snagged a plain bagel off the breakfast buffet and added it to her plate. “Peachy.”
He didn’t push the issue.
She’d awakened in time to puke her guts up and kick herself in the ass for forgetting to get ginger ale yesterday. So she took one of the rentals, while Ted and Mark took the other, and stopped by a grocery store on her way to the job site. She also bought an inexpensive foam cooler, a bag of ice, and several cases of ginger ale, sticking one case on ice to chill.
That’ll keep me going.
By Thursday morning, she was convinced she had picked up a virus on the plane ride out, because she felt shittier every morning, although she’d always perked up by lunch.
Except she also felt even more exhausted despite getting nearly ten hours of sleep the past two nights.
At this rate, she wasn’t sure she might not be begging out of dinner tonight with Brenda and Jim, just to go to bed early.
No, she hadn’t told her men, much less discussed it with Mark and Ted. Although on the plus side, her emotional pendulum had swung back to missing Kyle and Tris like crazy and wanting to see them as soon as she returned to Flori
da.
Jess pushed through her exhaustion. By lunchtime, she’d confirmed Brenda and Jim were still driving up to visit. Thanks to ginger ale and Red Bull, Jess felt marginally awake and aware.
For now.
When Brenda and Jim arrived, Jess nearly started crying when she saw them and Brenda pulled her in for a long hug.
“Hey, girlie. How you holding up?”
“I’m…” Jess choked back tears. “I’m alive.” She’d already told Brenda about what had happened with her and the men—as well as their reconciliation.
The true friend she was, Brenda hadn’t offered any unsolicited advice, waiting until Jess had asked her opinion to agree that it seemed like the men were genuinely trying to regain her trust.
“How’s your stomach?” Brenda asked.
Jess started laughing. “Oh, my gawd…” As they walked arm-in-arm toward the production trailer, Jess told her about her ongoing stress problems.
A step behind them, Jim laughed. “At least you’re not pregnant.”
Jess started laughing, but Brenda wasn’t. Not only that, Brenda stopped walking, and since her arm was still hooked around Jessica’s, she had to stop, too.
“What?” Jess asked.
Brenda, a nurse who’d retired after twenty years spent working in an ER, and who now worked for the claims department of a health insurance company, arched an eyebrow at her. “Um…”
“Oh, come on. We went through this when I left Brad, remember? I’m not pregnant.” Jess tugged on Brenda’s arm. “I thought you wanted to meet Purs? He said he’d be happy to take a couple of selfies with you.”
Brenda finally started walking again. Over the next hour or so, Jess showed them around the site and explained everything to them. From what they did as a company, to the film production end of things. For the first time in ever when it came to a day job, she felt a lot of pride in being able to…not show off, exactly, but being able to explain to someone what she did with no inner need to qualify any of it or feel less-than.
Purs was, of course, his usual, charming self. Even Jim acted more than a little fanboyish over the guy. While Brenda and Jim were taking selfies with Purs and his crew, the contractor on the site needed to talk to Jess for a moment about the schedule for the weekend and upcoming week.
Steady Rain Page 22
