by A. G. Khaliq
“Why did you stop?” I whimpered at the loss of his touch.
“I didn't know if you wanted this or not…” Donte murmured. “I don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to. I don’t want you to feel like we’re going too fast or anything…”
“But I do want you, Donte,” I ravished.
“You don't understand how good that felt.”
“Are you sure?”
Donte’s eyes were smouldering with lust.
I could visibly see how fucking hard he was, through the fabric of his pants, how hot he was for me, and I didn’t want to waste any more time.
I wanted him all over me, his hands all over my skin.
“Yes.”
“In that case…” He let out a sigh. “Do you wanna get out of here?”
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“Yes please,” I moaned, in a voice that I didn’t recognize.
“Let's go,” he growled, his breathing hitched.
We'd barely made it to the car when I'd pounced on him, sitting on his lap and claiming his mouth with mine again as I threw him into the backseat.
We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
I started fumbling with his clothes. I could barely recognize myself anymore. He'd woken up a new found confidence within myself I didn't even know existed.
I straddled his hips, sighing in pleasure as I grinded my body against his.
“Fuck!” he moaned.
He held onto my hips as my mouth crashed down onto his, his rough stubble grazing against my skin. He slid the sides of my dress down so that my breasts were exposed, before he took them into his hands, squeezing them and twisting my nipples as his tongue continued to explore my mouth.
I threw my head back in pleasure, feeling waves of heat flood through my body and course through my blood.
“Fuck!” I moaned. “Donte, please…”
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His lips slid down my neck, as he began biting and sucking on my skin, the pleasure of his hands grabbing on my breasts combined with neck kisses too much for me to handle.
“Donte!” I whimpered.
“Your place or mine?” he moaned.
“Yours.”
“Are your brothers here?” I asked, as we made our way into his house.
“Nobody's home.”
As soon as I got the confirmation I needed, I wasted no time in taking his shirt off, and feeling his chiselled abs.
His hands slowly traced every curve on my body over my dress. My waist, my back, my ass. Then he slowly moved one hand under my dress and traced circles on my bare thigh.
I was on fire.
I was ready to go all the way with him.
I remembered what Maisie said…
That I couldn't let Fibonacci dictate my life.
Even Brett's kissing game was nothing compared to this…
“You're so beautiful, Sapphire,” Donte murmured against my mouth. “Fuck. I want to 278
tear that dress off you and take you right here.”
Donte was an animal…
And I was his prey.
He picked me up without breaking the kiss, carrying me to his bedroom. He threw me backwards onto the bed and then he climbed on top of me, trailing kisses down my collarbone as I moaned. He unstrapped my bra as he took my breasts into his hands again, before he took my nipple into his mouth and caused me to scream.
“Donte!”
His tongue swirled around my nipple, nibbling, licking and sucking as I dug my nails into his back, whimpering in pleasure. He flipped me around so that I was on top and my breasts were in his face. He withdrew his mouth from my breasts and brought it back up to my mouth, before sliding his hand up my dress, moving my panties to the side and playing with my clit while we kissed.
By now, I couldn’t even suppress my moans.
“Fuck baby… you’re so wet,” Donte growled, as he continued to work magic with his fingers. “You’re so beautiful… So fucking beautiful.”
But his words slowly snapped me back to reality…
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This man was ready to give me his all.
It was all or nothing with him.
He'd explained that to me already…
How much he respected women,
How much he wanted to settle down.
And suddenly…
I felt sick.
I could feel my stomach churn.
I could feel bile rising to my throat.
Not because of Donte…
Fuck me, he was the most sexy and caring man I'd ever met.
But because of myself…
I couldn't forget why I'd come here.
Why my boss had sent me here in the first place.
I was hiding so much from Donte.
Did he deserve to be lied to?
Did he deserve to love such a complicated woman?
He'd told me so much about himself…
Yet he knew nothing about me.
Nothing about the real me.
I was here on a job…
And the more I thought about it…
The more I realised how much it would tear him apart once he found out.
He didn't deserve a woman with so much 280
baggage,
Who couldn't even tell him her real name, Her real fucking identity.
That she wasn't a software developer like he thought,
That she knew fuck all about Python coding,
That she'd actually studied Criminal Law, not Computer Science,
That she'd worked her way to a career through hurting people,
In underground boxing,
In underground fights.
That all it took was for her to kill somebody…
That was how she really joined the Secret Service.
Not through hard work,
Not through dedication.
I felt terrible.
The guilt ate me up inside...
So it took all the courage in me to know that I had to put a stop to this.
Whatever this was…
Donte didn't deserve a woman who he knew nothing about.
He deserved better…
I had to put an end to this before we both 281
fell in way too deep.
And both of us would end up getting hurt.
I withdrew myself from his body, letting out a sigh. I could feel tears welling in my eyes.
Donte furrowed his eyebrows, staring at me with a confused expression on his face.
“What's wrong, babe?” he asked, concerned.
“I can't do this,” I mumbled.
“Don't worry, we don't have to continue,”
Donte reassured, shrugging. “It's cool, we can just watch a movie or something. We can take this slow.”
“No, I mean…” I broke off my sentence, shaking my head as tears began streaming down my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop them. “Fuck!”
I bolted out of the room, sobbing, leaving Donte dithering, wondering what the hell went wrong.
I bolted out of his mansion and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I felt fucking pathetic.
Why didn't I just stay out of his way when I saw him in his office that day?!
Avoid the pain and complications…
I was already starting to fall for him, and it scared me.
I couldn't even bring myself to say to him 282
that we couldn't do this…
How stupid would I look?
Stringing him along for all this time?
Letting him take me on a date, have lots of fun with him after playing hard to get for so long.
To cut him off at the very last minute?
We were about to fuck, for God's sake!
But it was for the best…
I didn't want to be responsible for breaking his heart…
I took a deep breath in…
…And a deep breath out.
A deep breath in…
…And a deep br
eath out.
It felt like I was suffocating. Like the walls were closing in around me, and I couldn’t breathe.
“Sapphire?” came Donte’s voice.
I didn’t respond. I jolted upwards as soon as I heard the sound of his voice, and ran away as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn’t want to stick around to rub more salt in the wound. I already felt terrible enough, and I’d embarrassed myself so terribly.
I continued to run, one foot in front of the other…
Until I was out of sight and ear-shot.
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36
donte
“Sapphire?!” I called out again, reaching the gates of the mansion as I looked and searched around for her.
I couldn’t see her anywhere.
“It’s no use…” I said to myself exhaustedly. “She’s gone.”
I let out a deep sigh as I recounted what the hell had just happened. As much as I fucking loved pleasuring her, I respected her wishes when she said that she wanted to stop. But she 284
didn’t give me an explanation as to why she ran out. Had I done something wrong? Was she scared that we were moving too fast?
I didn't understand what was happening with Sapphire anymore…
One minute, I felt like I was getting somewhere with her…
And the next, she ran out on me!
I couldn’t put my finger on what I was doing so wrong.
We had such a great day today.
We had so much fucking chemistry, and nobody could deny that.
She had a beautiful laugh, and she was laughing all day long.
I knew that she liked me…
And I really liked her…
I liked her so much.
But I didn't know how much longer I could keep going round in fucking circles with her. I was pulling out all the stops for her, but she kept on having second thoughts about me, like she was unsure of what she wanted.
I couldn't keep up with her playing games with me forever…
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37
maya
A FEW DAYS LATER
I awoke from my sleep, yawning loudly. It was time for another day of work.
I needed to fucking pull myself together.
I’d spent the last few days in bed, just wallowing in self-pity.
I needed to get ready, and get out of my apartment.
I took a long, warm shower, and then 286
dried my hair. Then I dusted myself off, wrapped myself in a towel, and made my way to my wardrobe.
I picked out a black skirt paired with a white t-shirt and black tights. I sighed to myself in the mirror, straightening my hair, trying my best to look more presentable, because I looked and felt like fucking death.
Today, I had to put an end to whatever me and Donte had…
For good.
And I knew that it was going to fucking tear me apart when I did. I didn’t have it in me to do this, but I knew that I had to. I couldn’t continue stringing him along. It wasn’t fucking fair to either of us. I was getting too attached to being Sapphire Myers, because I felt like I could be myself here…
When really, all I was and would ever be was Maya fucking Bradshaw, a sorry ass, timid and pathetic excuse for a woman who wasted her life away for the sake of work, and shutting away her past.
I made my way to Indigo Limited, my heart hammering against my chest for the entire length of the journey there in the cab. I paid the fare to the taxi driver, before I made my way to the Reception, a fucking bundle of nerves, feeling 287
myself shatter at what was about to come.
The receptionist Sainabou was sitting there, filing through some paperwork.
“Good morning,” I greeted.
“Morning,” she smiled, with her hands on her hips.
I made my way to the corridor, walking down the floor, making my way to Donte’s office. As I reached his door, I let out a massive sigh that I didn’t know I was holding.
“Here goes nothing,” I mumbled to myself.
I reached for the door handle, and let myself in, not bothering to call his name first, because my mouth suddenly felt like it was dry, and I’d lost my ability to fucking speak.
When I walked in, I saw Donte standing there, typing away on his computer, with his back turned to me.
“D - Donte?” I stammered shakily. “Mr Abruzzi?”
He stood up from his desk, turning around to face me. He narrowed his eyes, before folding his arms. He wouldn’t speak for a few minutes, and an awkward silence drifted through the room.
“Good morning, Sapphire,” he shrugged flatly.
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I took a deep breath in, and another deep breath out, trying my best to compose myself and stop myself from trembling.
“I wanted to apologise,” I mumbled. “For running out yesterday.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Donte muttered, rolling his eyes.
“D - Donte…” I stuttered. “I need to speak to you.”
Heat roared to my ears, as my whole body began feeling like it was burning up with nerves.
I needed to get this over with. It was now or fucking never.
“I've really enjoyed getting to know you,”
I began uneasily, “and I had a lot of fun.” I broke off my sentence, shaking my head. “But I think you should move on. I feel bad for stringing you along, but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I can't give you what you're looking for…”
My voice trailed off, as I felt like my chest was about to explode.
“I know you're looking to settle and stuff…” I carried on shakily. “So it wouldn't be fair for me to let this continue…
“I hold too much baggage from my past, and I know I'm not ready to give a new man my all.”
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I folded my arms awkwardly. I felt like fucking shit, but I was glad that I got things off of my chest, and that I’d said what I needed to.
Donte continued to stare at me with a blank expression on his face, without saying a word. It was like I’d rendered him fucking speechless. Like the world he knew had come crashing down on him. He’d shown nothing but pure, raw emotion to me and never treated me like shit or like I was unworthy, and I’d made it backfire on him. I stared into his eyes, and I could see the darkness in them again. They were so dark. It was like his soul was black, and consuming him entirely. Like I’d taken away the only good that he had in him left. Like I was what he depended on for his fucking happiness. I knew I'd hurt him badly. I felt so fucking terrible...
I only wanted him, nobody else.
But I had to lie to him to spare his own feelings.
It was for the best...
“I'm really sorry if I've hurt you,” I said timidly, trying my best not to break down in tears. “That wasn't my intention at all. But it's for the best. I don't want to hurt you…
“By allowing you to catch feelings for me that I can't reciprocate, because I'm still trying to 290
heal from my shit faced past.”
Donte continued to stare at me without speaking. I felt so uneasy and intimidated by his harsh gaze. I didn’t want to stay here any longer than I needed to, because I would just make him feel worse even more than he already did, and rub more salt in the fucking wound. I needed to get out of here.
“I'll go to the computer room to do the programming tasks for the day,” I breathed quietly. “Take care.”
I turned around to begin walking away from him, before I heard his broken voice begin speaking to me. My eyes welled with tears as I turned around to face him again. I swallowed down a lump that had caught in my throat.
“You know what, Sapphire?” Donte’s breathing was laboured. “I really liked you. To say that you cutting things off fucking stings me is an understatement.”
I stared back at him with a timid expression on my face, not knowing what I could possibly say or do to make him feel better, because I knew that it would be useless.
“Yeah,
I'm fucking hurt,” Donte muttered, his voice dropping to barely below a whisper. “I don't know if you're just bullshitting me right now, and I don't know what I have to 291
do to make you see that I won't hurt you.”
He rolled his eyes, folding his arms bitterly.
“I'm not like the fuck faced men you've had in the past,” he shrugged flatly. “But you know what? It's your decision. If you don't want to be with me, it’s up to you.” He broke off his sentence, taking his head into his hands exhaustedly, looking upset and defeated. “I was punching above my weight anyway.”
“No you weren't Donte, you really weren't…” I mourned.
“But just because I was punching above my weight when I asked you out, doesn't mean I'm going to chase you forever,” Donte snapped harshly, cutting me off my sentence. “I'm not gonna stick around where I'm not wanted, Sapphire. You made your choice, you made your fucking decision. So for the sake of us both, I think we should just keep things professional now.” He exhaled deeply, a stone-cold expression written all over him, like he’d truly given up on me. Given up on us. “You're Miss Myers, and I'm Mr Abruzzi.”
Every word that came out of his mouth stung me like a fucking bitch.
I could feel the pain in his voice…
I could hear it.
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But I had to get it together…
I couldn't let him see that I was hurting.
I knew better than to say anything back to him. The damage had already been done, and the bridge had already been fucking burnt. This felt like it was beyond fixing.
“I'll get to work, Mr Abruzzi,” I mumbled, before I turned on my heel, and made my way out of his office.
I could feel his eyes burn into my back as I left, as if he knew that this was goodbye. That we would never go back to being what we were, because of my own fucking insecurities. My own damn fuck-ups.
We were destined for failure from the fucking beginning anyway. He was a Mafia man, and I was a fucking secret agent. We were a match made in hell.
They say if you keep dancing with the devil you’ll get burned…
I’d done my eight-hour length shift at work, and programmed all of the Python codes that I’d been assigned to do. Needless to say, I was fucking exhausted from working my ass off all day, and this exhaustion combined with the heartbreak I’d experienced earlier was enough to 293
