by E. J. Mara
The other students crowded around him, chatting with each other and joking around.
As I watched him, I thought about how different circumstances bring out various aspects of our personalities. In Math class, Bao was quiet and studious. But in band, Bao was charismatic and full of life.
It reminded me of the part of Mom and Van’s conversation I’d accidentally overheard last night. Around most men Mom wore the mask of an eager-to-please flirt. But with Van, Mom was herself; direct, opinionated and oddly shy.
She was like a different person around him… how would he feel about her if he saw her with her mask on?
I bit down on my bottom lip, wondering about Jonathan. Now that Jonathan knew about my mask, did he hate me so much he couldn’t even stand to look at me?
I looked down at my tennis shoes, my heart sinking.
Based on the way he’d acted around me yesterday at Red’s, it seemed I had my answer. He’d barely been able to stand the sight of me. Clearly, he didn’t want to have anything to do with me now. I was a liar. And he’d flat-out said that he hated liars.
Yep, he 100% hated me.
“Okay, girls,” the Cheerleader’s coach shouted and blew her whistle. “Take fifteen and then meet back here.”
Kimberly, Jen and Lindsey grouped together while they wiped sweat from their brows and drank bottles of Gatorade and water. I watched them chat, a bit of jealousy creeping into my emotions. But then I felt stupid, because all I had to do was climb down the bleachers and go stand with them. They’d welcome my company if I did.
Every vestige of jealousy faded as Kimberly looked up, met my eyes and grinned as she waved and shouted, “Hey, Libby! How’d we look out there? Were we fabulous?”
“Yeah,” I shouted, returning her smile. “You guys were amazing!”
All three girls cheered at this and Kimberly said, “We’re going to the bathroom for a sec, but we’ll be back to come chat with you.”
I gave her a thumbs up.
Just as they started for the restroom, the Cheer coach pulled Jen aside, asking to speak with her. I watched Jen wave Lindsey and Kimberly on. So, the two girls headed across the field and then paused. Kimberly’s gaze went to the band students and lingered there, as if she couldn’t take her eyes off them.
I frowned, wondering why a cheerleader would be so interested in a group of geeky band students.
Then again, I was watching Kimberly- the girl who thought I was cool. So, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by her soft spot for geeks.
Curious, I watched her practically drag Lindsey towards the band students.
She and Lindsey stopped right in front of the tall, dark-haired boy I’d been eye-stalking earlier, Bao.
His face turned full-on red as Kimberly ran her hands through her hair like a nervous tween and said something to him. Bao’s hands went into his pockets and his sudden tan didn’t go away. He just stood there, red-faced, awkward, and barely saying a word while Kimberly played with her hair and talked too much.
I squinted at Kimberly and noticed that she was blushing too. She went from toying with her hair to fiddling with the hem of her cheer skirt and it suddenly hit me- Bao must have been the guy Kimberly was talking about last night. He was the crush that didn’t like her back.
But was it true that he didn’t like her back? Or was she misreading him?
I frowned, watching Bao carefully.
He’d gone from talking and laughing with his friends to completely clamming up.
So, Kimberly thought he didn’t like her, but I thought she was wrong. Based on what I’d just observed, Bao was shy. And he was awkward around Kimberly because he liked her and didn’t know how to handle his feelings.
As I was thinking this over, all of a sudden, something oblong and brown came veering towards my head, out of nowhere. I gasped and ducked. Whatever it was hit the bleacher behind me with a thud.
I turned around and saw a football stuck beneath the bleacher seats.
“You all right?” A familiar voice shouted.
When I looked back at the football field, Jonathan, along with the coach, and every one of the football players were staring at me.
“You okay, Libby?” Jonathan asked, as he left the Coach and jogged towards me.
“I’m good,” I called back. I leaned over and grabbed the football. My heart skipped a beat as I saw that he was still jogging my way.
Securing the ball under my arm, I started down the bleachers towards him.
In the distance, the football coach blew his whistle and shouted, “Take a water break, guys. Regroup in five.”
My heart pounding, I watched Jonathan approach and slow down as we met each other on the very last bleacher.
He looked at me carefully, as if studying my face. “It didn’t hit you, did it?”
“No,” I said, handing him the football. “It landed in the bleacher behind me.”
He nodded, a pained look in his eye.
“Okay,” he fumbled for words. “Good.”
His words were clipped and his tone distant but the sad look in his eyes gave me hope. I hoped that maybe he would somehow forgive me and let me be his friend again.
He turned around and started to head back.
“Jonathan,” I heard myself say. “Wait.”
“Yeah?” He came back to the bleacher.
“I wanted to ask you a-about,” I stammered. I took a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. Jonathan’s expression softened as he watched me expectantly. “I wanted to ask you about something that’s probably not really my business.”
He smiled a little. “Okay.”
“Yesterday, Kimberly told me she’s crushing on someone who she doesn’t think likes her back,” I said, lowering my voice to just above a whisper. “And, promise me you won’t tell anyone else this. Please?”
He nodded. “I promise.”
“Thanks.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans. “Anyway, she didn’t tell me the guy’s name, but I think I’ve figured it out and I want to ask your opinion because you’ve gone to school with her for at least four years now.”
“Okay,” he repeated.
I moved closer to Jonathan and he took a deep breath, as if steadying himself.
“I saw her talking to Bao Tran earlier,” I said. “And I could tell she was nervous around him, but I don’t think she understands that she makes him nervous. She thinks him being quiet and clamming up around her means he doesn’t like her.”
I glanced at the band kids and Kimberly was still talking to Bao. And by “talking” I mean she was yapping away while he stood there, stone silent and wide-eyed.
“See,” I quietly said, nodding towards them. “Look at their body language. Do you think he doesn’t like her? Or that he’s just nervous around her?”
Jonathan looked in their direction. I watched him watch the two of them.
He smiled. “Yeah, I see what you mean.”
“So, am I right? Does he like her?” I asked.
Jonathan looked down at the football in his hands, quiet and thoughtful. Then, he looked up and met my eyes.
“I think girls don’t realize how shy guys can be,” he said, speaking slowly. “When we’re around someone we like, it’s difficult to know what to say. We’re supposed to be confident without being arrogant and take-charge without being pushy. It’s not easy.”
Neither of us said anything for a moment, we just looked at each other.
I wanted to engulf him in the world’s biggest hug and tell him he never had to feel uncomfortable around me. That I’d like him no matter what he said or did, and that all I wanted was for him to feel the same way around me.
But my limbs wouldn’t budge and the words got stuck in my throat, and all I could do was stare at Jonathan, mute and … powerless.
Finally, he lowered his gaze to the football and continued, “If Jen hadn’t been so obvious, like, if she hadn’t flat out told me she liked me and whatever, I don’t think I wo
uld’ve asked her out.”
My heart took a nosedive and I looked down at my tennis shoes.
“I get it,” I whispered, the unsaid truth behind his words hitting me like a mac truck.
“Yeah?” he quietly asked.
“Yep.” I looked at Bao and Kimberly as I said, “He likes her, but he isn’t sure if she really likes him. And he’s too afraid of rejection to tell her how he feels.”
In my peripheral, I saw Jonathan nod as he said, “Exactly,” in a voice so soft it was barely audible.
We watched Kimberly and Bao in silence; me filled with the urge to cry (why did I always feel that way around Jonathan?) and him, breathing so heavily I could hear his every exhale.
By now, I’d started to realize he only breathed that way when he was nervous.
This made me want to cry even more.
It reiterated the unspoken truth he’d finally found the courage to almost-sort-of admit.
So, I almost-sort-of admitted my truth.
“It’s too bad,” I quietly said. “Because Kimberly really likes him. And he’ll never know.”
Jonathan looked at me, but I kept my eyes glued to the couple we were and weren’t talking about.
“Libby,” Jonathan said. “I-”
“Hey, bae!” Jen called, running up to us.
I instinctively backed away from Jonathan and put on a smile as she approached.
Jen tossed her red locks over her shoulder and before I could blink she was in Jonathan’s arms, her lips over his, her chest smashed into his, and me wanting to hurl.
Without another word or glance at the two of them, I walked away and headed to the restrooms.
Maybe Jonathan was right.
Maybe hiding the truth did completely suck.
If we’d been honest with each other from the start, maybe I would have been the one kissing him and smashing her boobs against his chest.
As I headed to the bathroom, my eyes sprung a leak and I wiped the stupid tears away.
“Lying sucks,” I whispered to no one.
Chapter Twenty
After practice and a quick lunch at Marvin’s Diner, the five of us were in the break room at Red’s Security. Jonathan had assured us his dad was out for the afternoon, busy with home-installations; that meant he wouldn’t return until six in the evening. Meanwhile the employee manning the store was a pleasant, older guy named Chet who couldn’t have cared any less about what we were up to.
Our infiltration into Timothy Dawes’ home would be completed well before six… hopefully.
I sighed as I looked at myself in the small mirror of Lindsey’s compact eyeshadow while Kimberly pulled my hair up into some sophisticated up-do she swore would make me look older.
Jen and Jonathan were huddled together in the far corner of the breakroom, doing something techy with the mics and mini-cameras that I’d need to carry. Meanwhile, Lindsay sat at my left, having just completed my make-up.
“Okay, Libby, I love you but I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop sighing and moving. You need to keep still,” Kimberly said, lightly thumping my left shoulder with her brush.
“Sorry,” I said. “When I sigh, I move my whole body.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Kimberly said with a chuckle. “Are you nervous?”
“No, not at all,” I deadpanned. “I’m totally prepared to waltz into a murderer’s home and bug his house when he’s not looking.”
Jonathan glanced my way and when I caught his eye, he quickly returned his attention to whatever he and Jen were doing.
“You’re going to be fine, Libby,” Lindsey said in a soothing voice. “We’ll be right outside and we can come get you in a second if anything goes wrong.”
I nodded, which earned me a second bop on the shoulder with Kimberly’s brush.
“Unless I kill her before any of this goes down,” Kimberly said.
“Sorry, I’m keeping still, I promise,” I said.
“Do you think the lipstick makes you look old enough?” Lindsey asked, squinting at me.
“Yeah, it’s great,” I said, careful not to nod as I said this.
Lindsey frowned and called over her shoulder, “Hey Jen, and Jonathan, what do you think about Libby’s lipstick? Is this color okay or should it be darker to make her look older?”
Jen pouted her lips and tilted her head as she assessed me. “It’s perfect,” she said firmly.
We all looked at Jonathan who was slightly red as he quietly said, “It’s fine,” before returning his attention to his work with the mics and camera.
“You really should be a make-up artist, Lindsey,” Kimberly said from behind me.
“Thanks,” Lindsey beamed. “I’ve thought about it. And I kind of think maybe someday I will. I don’t know. Of course, I’d never tell my parents that. They’d lose it.”
“Tell me about it,” Kimberly said. “You can’t tell parents anything. They freak out over every little thing, except for their own mistakes, of course. Those don’t even exist.”
Lindsey snorted. “Right. And don’t make the mistake of pointing them out. That’ll get you nowhere.”
I listened to Lindsey and Kimberly go on about their parents, feeling lucky that I didn’t have those kinds of issues with Mom… and then I remembered Mom’s lie.
I couldn’t believe I’d nearly forgotten about it.
Why had she lied to me about the Principal calling our house?
The question nagged me until Lindsey excused herself and returned, moments later, with a large briefcase and five real estate pamphlets.
“Here you go,” she said with her typical cheerful smile. “These will make you look even more official. And you can leave one of the pamphlets with the guy, if you want. To make it seem realistic.”
“Sweet, thanks.”
Kimberly patted my shoulder and said, “Okay, your hair’s done. And trust me, you’ll probably be asking me to do this again someday. It looks bomb.”
“Here, check yourself out,” Lindsey said, handing me a mirror.
I accepted it and looked at my reflection. Kimberly was right, I would be asking her to do this again. That is, if I didn’t end up getting murdered by Timothy Dawes.
“I love it,” I said, examining the top knot updo from the sleek bun on top of my head to the braided twist that led up to the bun. “And it does make me look older, thanks.”
“No prob, girl,” Kimberly said, grinning at me in the mirror. She looked at Jonathan and said, “Hey Jonathan, are we good to go on audio and visuals?”
“Yep, everything’s set up,” he said, turning to us. “We just need to get the camera on Libby.”
I briefly wondered how weird it must have felt for him to use my fake name, now that he knew my real one.
“Okay,” Kimberly said. “You do that. Hey, Jen and Lindsey? Will y’all help me get all this make-up and hair stuff out of here and back into my car? If J’s dad decides to drop in for a break or whatever, we don’t want him to see all this and wonder what’s been going on.”
While the three girls hauled our supplies back to Kimberly’s car, Jonathan sat in the chair Lindsey had left vacant and set three items on the break room table beside us; a small jewel pin, a thick pen, and a camera that was the size of a small stud earring.
“How are you holding up?” he asked.
“I’m okay,” I said. And then admitted, “A little out of my mind with nerves. But, okay.”
He looked at me searchingly. The way no one else in the world ever had. It was a “Jonathan” look I’d seen many times. He wouldn’t say anything for a long time, he’d just stare into my eyes like he was reading my mind and then, after a moment he’d say something logical in a quiet voice.
As if on cue, he said, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I want to.”
“Amanda,” he said, still holding my gaze. “Those things I said yesterday, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said
, my voice coming out a squeak.
“No,” he shook his head. “It isn’t okay. I was mean because I was hurt. But you were right. Your life is your business, not mine. And I don’t know your story. But I do know you’re a good person.”
I looked down at my hands, my heart pounding and my thoughts swirling.
Was I a good person?
“And you don’t have to prove you are by doing this,” Jonathan continued. “I’ve seen the way you are with people, how much you care about them. You have a good heart.”
I shook my head as tears formed in my eyes.
He had no idea…
“You do,” he touched my hand. “You’re… great, and I care about you.”
I looked up at Jonathan, he was still watching me closely as he said, “And if you want, I’ll do this undercover thing. I’ll go in Timothy Dawes’ house. Just tell Kimberly you had second thoughts and I’ll do it.”
I smiled, touched that he would offer to do that. Especially considering how anxious this entire case made him.
“Thank you. But no,” I shook my head. “This is something I’ve got to do.”
“Please let me,” Jonathan wrapped his hand around mine. I watched him in surprise. His eyes were so imploring they made my heart ache. He tightened his grip on my hand. “Please, Amanda. If anything happened to you… “
His voice trailed off as Kimberly, Jen and Lindsey’s voices sounded in the hallway.
He removed his hand from mine and sat up straight in his chair. “Are we going to tell them I’ll do it?” he asked.
I shook my head, resolute.
His face red, Jonathan looked away and sighed.
Kimberly, Jen and Lindsey waltzed into the room.
“Is she all ready to go?” Kimberly asked.
“Not quite,” Jonathan said, clearing his throat.
I felt… numb. I could barely feel my legs. All I felt was my heart thumping in my chest. I closed my eyes and told myself to get a grip.
