by Brenda Novak
Hope’s hand shook as she dialed the number. She wanted to learn something about Autumn….
The phone rang several times. Finally an answering machine picked up. “Hello, this is the Barlow residence. We’re away from the phone right now, so please leave your name and number and we’ll call you back as soon as possible,” a woman’s voice said.
Hope caught her breath, debated leaving a message, then lost her courage and hung up. It would be better to state her name and her purpose when she could speak to a real person, right?
Barlow. She wrote the name next to the number on the piece of file folder and made little doodles around it as she contemplated this tiny bit of new information. She didn’t recognize the name—except for Congressman Barlow—but at least now she could check the records at The Birth Place to see if any Barlows had ever delivered a baby there. If this number belonged to the congressman or one of the center’s mothers, it probably wasn’t connected to Autumn.
The shower went off and Hope grabbed her purse. She was about to put the number away, but a vision of Faith holding her baby gave her the motivation to dial one more time. She would leave a message, she decided. If no one returned her call, she’d try again later.
The answering machine picked up and, gathering her nerve, Hope waited for the beep. “Hello, my name is Hope Tanner,” she said when it began to record. “I—I’m not sure I’m calling the right house, but if you have any information regarding a baby girl who was adopted in August of 1993 from The Birth Place in Enchantment, New Mexico, could you please give me a call? Please? I’d really appreciate it.”
She left her number in Enchantment and was just hanging up when the bathroom door opened. A wave of steam rolled out, carrying the scent of soap and shampoo. Parker emerged a few seconds later, his hair wet and dripping onto his bare shoulders and chest, a towel wrapped around his lean hips.
“That felt great,” he said, pausing at the sink to brush his teeth and comb his hair.
Hope shoved the number back into her purse. “I think I’m ready for a shower, too.”
“I thought you were going to take a nap first.”
“I’ve changed my mind.” She hurried into the bathroom and closed the door, hoping Parker would be asleep when she got out. Bonner’s words went through her mind whenever she looked at him now—Are you sure he’s just a friend? She was pretty certain the answer to that question was no. She felt an admiration and appreciation for him she’d never felt for anyone else. And she yearned to touch him, to feel his hands on her. Certainly, after years of feeling nothing, that served as some indication.
But every time things started drifting that way, he pulled back. She wasn’t about to set herself up for more rejection. Faith and the baby were safe and happy.
She couldn’t ask the world for anything more.
* * *
HOPE TOOK a long shower to give Parker plenty of time to fall asleep, but when she’d finished, she found him sitting on the edge of the bed watching television. And he was still wearing only a towel.
His eyes turned to her the second she opened the door, and she saw that he looked troubled. “What is it?” she asked.
“I should get a separate room,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t sleep when you’re so damn close and completely naked.”
She blinked in surprise. “I’m wearing a towel!”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I thought you had no interest in me.”
“I’ve never said that,” he responded.
“Then what?”
“Nothing.”
She stepped between his knees and put her arms around his neck. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
He closed his eyes. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“There’s nothing wrong.”
She didn’t believe him, but it was difficult to concentrate because he was starting to tug on her towel. She could feel it loosen and begin to fall away.
“Parker,” she said, catching it just in time.
His eyes met hers, then slowly lowered to what he’d almost revealed. “I want you. I want you so badly I can’t stop myself, no matter how hard I try.”
“What’s wrong with that?” she whispered.
“A lot,” he said, but he tugged a little harder on her towel, and in the next instant, Hope let it fall away.
He stared at her, then raised a finger to circle the nipple of one breast.
Hope’s stomach leaped at the sensation. This was desire, she realized. This was feeling. She’d definitely come out of hibernation.
Clenching her hands in his hair, she tilted his face up to receive her kiss. “I want you, too,” she said, and touched her lips to his.
He moaned low in his throat as she began to explore his mouth. She’d never been so bold with a man before. But after ten years of being unable to muster much of a response—to anyone—she was drowning in desire. She wanted to make love to Parker Reynolds, here and now, in a glorious celebration of the good things in life. She knew those things existed. She believed in them again.
He pulled her down onto the bed. He still had the towel wrapped around his waist, but he slipped his hands beneath her and rocked her hips so that the pressure of his arousal hit her where she wanted him most.
“You smell so good,” he muttered as he kissed her mouth, her neck, her ear.
Hope knew they should probably talk about whatever it was that had been bothering him. But she didn’t want to talk. The warmth and wetness of his tongue moving over her nipple was sending euphoria humming through her like a drug, exciting her and relaxing her at the same time.
“Take off the towel,” she said.
He leaned up on one elbow and gazed down at her, and that troubled look entered his eyes again. “Hope—”
“Don’t tell me,” she said. “You don’t have any birth control.”
“I have birth control.”
“Then what?”
He hesitated, as though groping for the right words.
“Parker?” she prompted.
“Nothing.” Closing his eyes, he swore under his breath. Then he got up to get his wallet and pulled the towel away. And when he took her in his arms again, it felt as if every star Hope had ever wished on suddenly came rushing toward her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
PARKER DIDN’T WANT to get out of bed. But somebody had to answer the phone. The incessant ringing had to be stopped.
“That might be Faith. You’d better get it,” he mumbled to Hope.
Hope buried her head under one of their pillows. “No, I think it’s Dalton. You wouldn’t want to miss his call.”
Parker chuckled at how easily she’d sidestepped him and rolled over, running a hand down her bare back. Whoever it was could wait, he thought at first, kissing her shoulder. But then he considered the fact that his son might be missing him or might need him for something, and shoved himself out of bed.
Scratching his chest as he stumbled across the room to reach his cell phone, he squinted against the bright sunlight stabbing through a crack in the draperies. According to the clock, it was ten twenty. They’d slept for nearly fifteen hours.
“Hello?” he said, still reluctant to come to full awareness.
“Parker?” It was Amanda.
“Is Dalton okay?” he asked, growing more alert.
“He’s fine. He’s in school, where he’s supposed to be. But I’m afraid we have a problem. A serious problem.”
Parker sat on the foot of the bed across from where Hope was sleeping.
“What kind of problem.”
“I just called home to pick up my messages. Some woman, Hope Something-or-other, left a message asking me to call her if I have any information about a baby girl adopted from The Birth Place in Enchantment ten years ago.”
Now Parker was completely lucid and his heart was hammering in his chest. “Say that again?”
“You heard me. Someone ca
lled the house, fishing for information about Dalton’s adoption. I think it was about his adoption, anyway. The woman mentioned a baby girl, but she had the date and place of Dalton’s birth.”
“Oh, God.” Parker leaned his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. He’d known he’d have to pay the piper for last night. But he hadn’t expected the piper to come collecting quite so soon. He didn’t even get to wake up with Hope….
“Parker?” Amanda said.
“What?”
“What should we do?”
That was the million-dollar question. He’d fallen in love with Hope, but that didn’t make telling her any safer. It gave him that much more to lose. She was going to hate him when she learned what he’d done. And if she hated him and took her son…
How the hell had she tracked down his in-laws?
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“What do you mean, you don’t know? We need to talk about this and make some careful decisions. If this is Dalton’s birth mother nosing around, we have to get rid of her right away. I won’t have her coming in at this late date and ruining his life.”
Parker glanced at Hope, remembering the way it had felt to make love to her, wanting to make love to her again…and again…“Don’t talk about her that way,” he said.
“What way?” Amanda asked.
“In that tone of voice.”
“Are you experimenting with drugs?”
“Of course not.”
“Then what’s wrong with you? I tell you Dalton’s birth mother might be back, and you tell me to watch my tone of voice when I talk about her? What I want to know is how she got our phone number.”
“That’s what I want to know, too,” he said on a sigh.
“She’s obviously after her baby. And I can promise you this—if you let her get anywhere close, you’ll be sorry. You have to protect your interests, Parker, or you’ll lose Dalton.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. What about Hope’s interests? He didn’t want to lose Dalton. Dalton meant everything to him. But Hope was quickly coming to mean as much.
“I’ll phone you back,” he said.
“Parker—”
“I said I’d phone you back, Amanda,” he told her, and ended the call.
* * *
WHILE HOPE CONTINUED to sleep, Parker stood at the window in nothing but a pair of jeans. He stared through the crack in the draperies at the mostly empty parking lot, going over his conversation with his mother-in-law.
I can promise you this—if you let her get anywhere close, you’ll be sorry….
What should he do? Last night, somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d decided to let things develop with Hope and see where they went before he told her anything about Dalton. That plan wasn’t quite honest or fair, but it allowed him to pursue his feelings for Hope while keeping Dalton safe.
Now he knew she was tracking down her lost baby and had actually found the right door—which left him with only two choices. He could unite with John and Amanda and continue to lie. If the truth was ever publicized, it would blemish, if not ruin, his father-in-law’s career, and John was a powerful, determined man who would stop at almost nothing to preserve his reputation. Parker knew they could safeguard their secret. He saw Hope every day—hell, he was sleeping with her. He could easily manipulate the situation to his advantage, keep her guessing, monitor her discoveries, even plant false information to throw her completely off the track.
But did he really want to do that to her when he could give her the one thing she wanted more than anything else? How could he be so callous and selfish?
He folded his arms and leaned against the wall as a man brought a baby in a carrier out of another motel room. The man’s wife called to him, and he waited for her. Then they walked to the car together and kissed after tucking their baby inside.
It was a common-enough scene, but it made Parker realize that he wanted to have that same kind of togetherness and trust with Hope. And he wasn’t going to achieve that by lying to her. They’d both given their hearts when they’d made love last night. There’d been nothing mechanical about what they’d shared. He couldn’t betray something that special, or her, and still respect himself. Not even for Dalton.
He closed his eyes and bumped his head softly against the wall. He had to tell her the truth.
* * *
HOPE AWOKE to find Parker standing near the door, looking out the window. When she stirred, he glanced over, but he didn’t come back to bed like she wanted him to.
“Hi,” she said, feeling a little shy and embarrassed now that she was facing him in the middle of the day. She’d never experienced a night like the one they’d just shared, even with Bonner, and had never felt more fulfilled or complete.
“Hi,” he said. “You sleep well?”
She nodded, wondering about his mood. Did he regret what had happened?
Hope drew the blankets up to cover herself and hugged her knees to her chest, anxiety sweeping through her as she waited to see what he’d say next.
He crossed the room and sat on the bed, loosely clasping his hands between his knees. “You got a call this morning,” he announced.
“I did? From Faith?”
“No, from Amanda Barlow.”
“Barlow.” She felt a rush of excitement. “She called me back?”
He nodded.
“What did she say?” Hope curled her fingernails into her palms and said a silent prayer that he wouldn’t tell her she’d bothered some poor woman who’d happened to have a baby at the center at the same time she did. “Does she know anything about my baby?”
He didn’t answer right away.
“Parker?”
“She does,” he admitted at last, his gaze watchful.
Hope felt her pulse kick up. “And? What does she know? Did she say?”
He cleared his throat. “Well, for starters, she knows the ultrasound technician made a mistake when you were pregnant. Your baby was never a girl.”
Hope sucked in her breath and held it as she stared at him. Her baby wasn’t a girl? There was no Autumn, no long-lost daughter like the one she’d been dreaming about? “But…that can’t be true.”
“It’s true.”
She blinked several times. “You mean I had a son?”
He nodded, and Hope began to suspect there was more going on here than a simple call from the Barlows. She remembered Lydia saying, He did go to a good home. I told you that…. She remembered reading about things that had never occurred but were recorded in her file, and Devon, acting so strange when Hope told her about the nightmares, asking if she’d ever mentioned them to her grandmother.
I just think she should know what you’re going through….
What had Lydia done?
Whatever it was, Hope had the sudden suspicion that Parker had been in on it. But she didn’t want to believe that. She was falling in love with Parker. Lydia and Parker were about the only two people she’d ever trusted.
“Tell me,” she said. “Tell me everything.”
He raked his fingers through his hair, looking miserable, but Hope couldn’t care less about his misery. She was too shocked and confused herself.
“Your son didn’t go through the normal adoption channels, Hope,” he said.
“He didn’t?” Nausea threatened, but Hope fought it back. She had to face this. She had to know. “Where did he go?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“To my house,” he said.
* * *
“MRS. BARLOW is your mother-in-law?” Hope said, the color draining from her face. “And Dalton’s my son?”
Parker nodded, so terrified he could scarcely breathe. What would she say next? Would she tell him never to touch her again? To expect a court battle for custody of Dalton?
“You wanted my baby?”
Parker tried to explain about Vanessa, but everything he said sounded like such a weak excuse for what he’d done. He’d basically gu
aranteed that Dalton would grow up without a mother. He could see that now. But at the time, he’d truly believed Vanessa might make it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you probably can’t forgive me. But I’ve done my best to take care of him, Hope. I’ve loved him as my own son, as much as I’m capable of loving another human being. And he’s such a good boy.” He paused, trying to gain control of his emotions. “I think you’d be proud of him.”
She sat staring blankly for several seconds and didn’t respond.
“After last night, I know you probably won’t want to see me again,” he continued. “But I—” he took a bolstering breath and fought to keep his voice steady “—but I’d really like to go on seeing you if you can ever forgive me.”
She blinked and focused on him. “And Dalton?”
“I’d like us both to be part of his life. I know he’d love you. It would be good for him to have a mother—his mother.”
Parker was sure he could hear his own heartbeat in the silence that followed.
“Why did you finally tell me?” Hope asked.
He thought about how much he’d agonized over the decision and realized there was only one answer. “Because I love you.”
Her eyes widened and she pressed a hand to her chest as though she was having difficulty breathing. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what to think.”
Parker could imagine a few things he’d like her to say. “I forgive you…I love you…I can’t wait to be part of Dalton’s life.” Anything along those lines would be nice, but he knew it was too much to hope for.
“Hope—” He intended to tell her it might take time to sort out her feelings, that he was sure they could work through this, that he’d prove himself to her eventually. But she cut him off as though she’d already heard more than enough.
“I mean, I can’t even imagine that Dalton is…” Her words faltered, but she tried again. “I can’t believe there’s no Autumn.” She shook her head helplessly. “And you…you knew all along and you didn’t tell me.”
“I couldn’t risk Dalton, Hope. I know that sounds lame, but…” It did sound lame, so lame he couldn’t continue. How could a man justify what he’d done? He couldn’t. “I’m sorry,” he muttered again.
