by Marie Hall
Io pushed herself against the headboard, pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She turned her face away and her cheek rested on top of her knees. She was physically withdrawn from him and he regretted the need to move. Crossing the room, he took the chair from the corner and carried it back. If she needed space he'd give a little. But not so much she was able to disappear for days on end. He took a seat. Needing something to do, he bent and unlaced his boots. He pulled them off, setting them aside. He sat back and undid the buckle sliding the belt from around his waist. He glanced up then and saw Io turn her head, perhaps in response to the raspy whisper of the thick leather. He couldn't think back to the last time he strapped her. Io likely remembered. He folded the belt letting it dangle from his hand. He caught and held her gaze before tossing the belt aside.
"I do not want to deal with this matter that way." It was a huge concession for him to give but he was more desperate than he knew.
She turned her face away and sighed, "I will leave."
Xavier paused in the process of pulling off his tunic. "What?"
"I will leave. Now. I will not stay here any longer."
He'd heard her right. He finished pulling the tunic over his head, tossing it to the end of the bed before he answered. "Io, once we speak you can go back to what you were doing."
"I have nothing to say. I will leave. I care not to be in your house any longer."
Xavier reached out and set his hand on her arm until she again turned and looked and him. "You clearly have much to say, Io, and I am going to listen. We are going to resolve this. You have no reason to want to leave. What has happened has a solution, but we must speak. This is your home; you are not leaving."
"There is no such thing."
"Io," he hadn't heard her say that since the day he informed her she'd be his wife. He remembered that exchange clearly. One of the few which stayed in his mind because of how much she believed it and how hard he worked to prove different. He thought he saw her shake her head in the negative but then she turned away from him, this time leaning so his hand slipped from her arm. Xavier sat back. She said the same thing before she fainted hadn't she. What else had she said? That he set something in motion? That he lied to her? What else? He thought hard. He could swear she said he was ashamed of her that he suffered because she was his wife. He wasn't and he didn't and she knew both because he told her all the time. When did she start believing otherwise? Could it be what caused her upset the last time she left the village? Someone perhaps spoke against him. Only Io wasn't given to listening to gossip. She knew he detested it and if someone spoke, saying something she questioned, she came to him to discuss it. It was the rarest thing though because Io wasn't stupid. She wasn't easily taken in. She'd a skeptical nature.
"Io, what happened in the village?" She was quick to shrug her shoulders. He swallowed the oath he nearly muttered. He hated when she shrugged at him. Well she didn't want to say what happened in the village they could come back to it. "Io, you said I lied to you. What did I lie about?" Perhaps unraveling that part would fix this. He certainly hadn't lied to her, but if there was a misunderstanding, he'd take pains to correct it. Not even a shrug this time. "Io, speak with me. I cannot do anything if you do not at least open your mouth." He knew his tone was growing harsh, but her sustained silence was driving him mad. Stilling nothing. "Io. Damn it." He surged to his feet. Grabbing her, he pushed her down on the bed. She tried to twist away but the covers hampered her. She gave up the struggle almost instantly. "Speak, Io."
"Why, what could it change? Why bother now when you forbid me to do so when it mattered. It matters not at all now. I know the truth. I do not care to speak to you now or ever again."
"Io, I have never disallowed you your say. Never. If you did not speak when it mattered that was not my doing."
"More lies and how bold they are now." She tried to get free and again gave up the attempt as soon as it started.
"I am not lying, Io—" He continued to hold her down as he sat on the bed.
"You are, you did and I hate you," her voice cracked.
"Tell me when, Io. Tell me specifically when I lied. When I ever failed to allow you to speak," he nearly growled the words but the accusation was damning. He leaned in close and through gritted teeth repeated the command. "Tell me, Io, or I swear…" If she refused, he'd be made a liar because he'd pick up his belt and take it to her.
"You said I could have what I want. Then when I wanted something you denied me. I dared to want and you deny me."
"What did I deny you?" He couldn't recall her asking him for anything. She didn't ask for anything ever. If she did, he'd have given it to her just because she never gave him the chance. When he focused on her expression he understood. "Io, that was of your making. You did not get to go to the festival because of what you did. You did not go to lessons so—"
"You did not let me. You forbid my attending them," she screamed in his face. "And what pleasure you must have taken knowing you could then leave me behind and be with her."
"I did not forbid—" How did she come to that conclusion? Was she desperate to deny her responsibility? Would she believe he forbid her to attend lessons?
"You did." She was adamant on the matter.
"When, Io, how?" She looked at him like she expected him to be fully aware of the situation. Like it was something he not only said but decreed in writing. Io wasn't allowed to attend her lessons before the festival. "Io, I have no knowledge of what you speak. You better make yourself understood."
"How was I to attend lesson when you demanded that I sit with you and them that night?" She gave a short bitter laugh. "And did you enjoy that as well? Making me sit there and feel ignorant… Double your joy for not only did I not get a lesson I might understand, but you pointed out my stupidity in front of everyone."
"Io," Xavier struggled now to piece together what she said. "Io, I asked you to sit with us—"
"You demanded," she shouted and then brought her hand up to cover her mouth so he might not hear the sob.
"Fine, so I did. I demanded you sit with us. That is a duty of the lady of the house. But that was well on after the last meal, near to dark, long after lessons. Was it not?" Her response was a violent shaking of her head. "So what now you take lessons at nights?" She didn't; he knew that. She sometimes studied but there were no lessons.
"That is when one might observe stars correct?" She sounded broken. Sounded like something she might have taken joy from was now gone from her.
"The stars?" He couldn't recall but he might guess if he checked his ledgers he'd find Io was set to learn some astrology. If those were the lessons, then it was possible she'd be required to attend some lessons later in the evening. He let go of her and scrubbed his hands over his face. If this was the case, he'd very seriously wronged her. "You did not say anything."
"I tried. I tried and you said if I spoke again you would punish me."
Damn, yes he had. It appeared she was making excuses and his mother was loud in her disapproval. When she accused Io of being prideful and wanting to take the crown, Xavier almost choked on the implication. His mother didn't have a clue. Hell no one but his five most trusted men even knew Io was a royal bastard. It was his first priority. He'd never risk either of them being accused of betraying the crown. He reacted to keep that from happening and he gave nothing else any thought.
Xavier stood and paced away rubbing at his temples as his head pounded painfully. He made her hold her tongue when it was important. He didn't need her to point it out he did it again the next day when she tried to tell him he kept her from the lesson and therefore had no right to demand she not attend the festival. The one thing she said she wanted. And she tried desperately to speak that morning as well and again he silenced her. That time with a thrashing, something else she'd not deserved. He took a deep breath, releasing it very slow. Never once in the many times he punished his wife had she not completely deserved it. Never once had the er
ror not been hers. This time the fault was completely his. And it'd been no small error on his part.
"I will leave," she said quietly from the bed.
He could understand her desire to be gone. Right now Xavier wanted to leave. He didn't care to face what he'd done. He couldn't even tell himself the intentions behind his actions were good. He wanted to prove his mother wrong about Io being haughty. He could've verbalized that to her and demand she not be so critical of his wife. He could've given Io the chance to explain why she didn't want to sit with them. Although he could now believe she'd more than one reason. She was ignored and might have felt foolish for having no way to join the conversation.
Another deep breath and he walked back to the bed and took a seat. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his pant legs trying to collect both his thoughts and his courage. "Io, I am most sorry." He turned and faced her only to find she looked away. "I am at fault here and I… I do not even know how to express to you how I regret this. I did most harshly punish you when you did not deserve to be. I did so by denying you something you not only wanted but deserved to have, to experience."
He saw her pull her bottom lip between her teeth then and a tear slip down her cheek. "I am sorry, Io, please allow me to try and make right this wrong I have inflicted on you."
"You cannot. I do not want you to try. I will leave here. Then everything will be as it should."
"Io, you will not afford me the same courtesies I give you?"
"To what end? The same I think," she sniffed.
What ends did she speak of? Did she mean she still missed the festival? That was true but she should be willing to make amends. Io was forgiving, never held a grudge. Maybe this wasn't the whole of it. Maybe she felt slighted by some other action he'd taken, or failed to take. She mentioned being made to feel a fool, to feel excluded when he forced her into his company. He could correct that. What else had she said? He searched his mind but couldn't recall. But he didn't have to.
"Io, you will listen to me now and you will do as I say." He made sure he used his most commanding voice. "Repeat to me what you said in the garden. All of it, Io, just as you said it."
"Why?" She tensed.
"Because you are my wife and I have commanded you." Whatever she learned in the last year, he knew for certain she learned his command had to be obeyed. It was his first lesson and it was repeated a few times with the same unpleasant results. He watched her take a deep breath. She looked to be thinking about what she'd say. He was about to warn her not to lie when she spoke.
"You set this all in motion. You have done nothing but lie to me from the very moment we met, I hate you," she whispered the first line. He already knew she meant he set in motion the events that led up to this by refusing to let her speak. That the lie was not giving her what she wanted. Her hate he deserved even if it still hurt to hear her actually say it. "I told you." She hesitated then went on. "You would find the one you wanted and need to be rid of me. All you had to do was tell me I shamed you so that you could not bear to be seen with me in public. I told you it would come to this. You did not have to be so cruel in your actions that everyone would know how you suffer with me for a wife."
Find the one he wanted? And again with her thinking he was shamed by her. "I do not suffer because you are my wife." He latched onto the last, not sure of the rest. He tried to smile. "I suffer now, but it is deserved. I wronged you so completely. It is not because you are my wife. I could not be happier, more grateful that you are my wife. I know I have told you this. I know I have made that as plain as I can."
She turned to face him. Her eyes spoke volumes. Someone told her different. His mother. He knew instantly his mother somehow managed to make a bad situation worse. She must have spoken to Io and because Io avoided him, he couldn't rebut the words.
"Io." He set his hand against her cheek and felt the first bit of hope when she pressed in. "I am not ashamed of you. Even when you are at your very worse you are still my pride, still my joy. That will never change."
Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears. "I do not know what to do with this?"
"Io." He lifted his hand from her cheek and brushed at the tangled strands of hair. She was a complete mess and still the most beautiful woman he knew. "You do not need to do anything. I did this. I will undo it. Give me the chance?" She'd forgive him this trespass. He knew she would. He'd do everything he could to earn her forgiveness. She deserved that from him. Her hands came up and covered her mouth but her body jerked with the sob.
"Io." Xavier took the chance and gathered her close. She didn't resist as he pushed her head against his chest and tightened his hold. "I am sorry; this will not happen again." He wasn't sure if he said that for her benefit or for his, but her arms wrapped around his back and she nodded.
They settled in for the night. Something still lingered between them, Xavier felt it. Io's sleep was restless and he woke several times to her quiet crying. He needed to discover the cause. But the priority was getting back Io's trust. She needed to know he acted only in her best interest to keep her safe and happy. He couldn't do anything if Io didn't have faith in his love for her.
Chapter Eleven
Io dripped wax over the edge of the parchment and pressed the seal down. She gave it a moment to dry then stacked the last letter with the other four. She took time to carefully store her writing supplies. They were expensive and a gift from Ian, one of the men to whom she wrote today. The set was a prized possession. With a sigh she stood. She hadn't written in several weeks and although she'd much to report to the four men who held her husband's other estates, she didn't mention the strife of the last few months.
She could write to Gerald, Ian, Mark and Jon about the troubles. But she made the choice to allow Xavier to try and correct the problems. He was doing his best. Io, too, was doing hers. Trying to grow the hope that what she was told in the village was false and kill the fear it was not.
She went into the village to speak with the reeve and the gild alderman on simple matters. They and the several others were raving about the Lady Sabrina. Io smiled and nodded. There was no benefit in saying anything. But when the reeve stated he was sure after watching Xavier and the lady, he laid a bet with the fishmonger. Io asked what he was sure of.
"She will be our new Lady of course," the man told her like she should know. Before Io could speak and claim that status as hers the man went on to say, "Lady Charlotte assured all of us Lord Brice will have a good wife and an heir to follow. And with how smitten our lord is with that fine lady I can well believe it will happen."
Io had no idea how she managed to stay standing. Certainly she noticed Lady Charlotte putting her husband together with Lady Sabrina. She was rather blatant about it. But Io gave it no thought because Xavier didn't seem to be a doing anything to encourage it. After hearing that, she wondered if what happened to keep her from the festival was a plot and Xavier a willing player. The last confrontation with Charlotte the woman said she'd help Xavier remembered how a real lady behaved. How a real lady didn't shame and embarrass her husband and given the way the woman held his ear, Io could believe Xavier would rid the house of her. All Io was good for were the vile things she allowed in the bed chamber.
Io hadn't made it back to the house before she succumbed to the doubts, fears and rage welling inside. All the predictions she made about being turned out or killed. She held herself together only barely the days following. And then she heard similar things from others in a different village. When Xavier confronted her, and she looked at what she thought she'd lose, she could no longer deny the pain of it.
Io shook her head; picking up her letters she headed out. She shouldn't be concerned; the reeve was mistaken. Xavier claimed it was a mistake on his part. The blame was his. He said they'd attend the festival in the winter come heaven or hell. Warning with a smile, they'd attend even if it meant she couldn't sit a horse getting there. And he said they'd attend, in even better fashion, next spring.
If Xavier was making plans, he couldn't be thinking of taking Sabrina as his wife. Still, Io would be more at ease if Lady Brice and her entourage packed up and left. She stepped into the sunlight and let the warmth wash over her. Taking a deep breath of the crisp air, she let worry fall away. Xavier would keep her. They'd settle this together and if she needed, she could write and ask the men for advice.
"My lady." The messenger approached and held out his hand.
"You will be off soon?" Io handed over her letters.
"I will, I know they look forward to your letters," the man laughed. "Your words they demand. That their liege lord also writes is at best second in their mind."
Io thought the man teased, but it was kind for him to say. "You will be safe?"
He smiled broadly at her. "Always, my lady. The weather will be good so I might be quick."
"Ah or not, as you might stop to see that fine little maid who lives in Lourdinshire." Io laughed out loud when the man's face went red. Sometimes it wasn't at all useful to have a good memory. But times like these made her thankful she did. The messenger fussed about fixing his clothes until the color receded but when he looked at Io and she winked he went red again. "You have a safe and enjoyable trip, sir," Io said then turned and bumped into Lady Brice. The lightness vanished.
"What are you about? Delaying my son's man?" she sneered.
"He has my letters and will be gone now, Madame," Io said as she stepped to the side and moved passed her waving to the man over her shoulder as she went back inside.
Not for three days did Io think of the brief encounter. Then she was called into Xavier's cabinet. Io walked in unsuspecting and it took her a moment to become aware of the mood in the room. She wouldn't call Xavier angry but there was more than annoyance in his expression. His mother stood behind him at the large desk. Her expression was the same disdainful one Io always received.
