by Renee, Holly
“You were amazing.” He grinned down at me.
“I fell in the first five seconds.” I could see the boat pulling back around us.
“Yeah, but that’s five seconds longer than most. A lot of people don’t even get up their first time.”
“Oh. I can get it up.” I snorted at my own joke before it was even fully out of my mouth. My words caught him off guard and his bottom lip slipped between his teeth.
“You’re the cutest.”
I groaned and pressed my head back against the water. “That’s what every girl wants to hear after making a joke about getting it up.”
He laughed as his hand snaked around my neck and he pulled me toward him. “What did you want me to say? That I’ve been thinking about ripping that fucking bikini off you since you shimmied out of those shorts?”
I swallowed my nervousness that was crawling its way up my throat. “That would be a good start.” I whispered the words as the boat engine cut off and Luke started reaching over the boat to help me up.
“Dude, your phone’s gone off a few times while you were in the water.”
“One of your lady friends?” I joked with a raised eyebrow as he pushed me toward the ladder.
“No.” Luke chuckled and shook his head. “It said Professor Bryant.”
And just like that, the spark left Easton’s eyes, the playful banter gone, the easy touches disappeared under the water. I reached for Luke’s hand as he helped pull me back into the boat, and I pulled my life jacket off without an ounce of help from Easton.
He could get in trouble for this.
He could get in trouble for me.
I knew that. I knew, but I hadn’t cared.
Neither had he.
But I watched him as he climbed into the boat and dropped his life jacket on the ground. He toweled off his face as he picked up his phone and looked over the screen. He had the phone to his ear within the next second, and I moved away from him, back to my spot at the front of the boat.
“Hey, Professor.”
I tried not to stare at him while he listened to what the professor was saying, but it was impossible. Regardless of the consequences that were staring us in the face, I still wanted him.
“Yeah.” He nodded his head even though the professor couldn’t see him. “That’s incredible. Thank you.”
He laughed at something he said.
“Yeah. I’m actually out wakeboarding with my friends now.” His eyes slid toward me, and I quickly dropped mine and searched my bag for my own phone.
I had two messages, both sent over an hour ago.
Dillon: Where are you?
Theo: Want to hang today?
I quickly replied to Dillon and let her know I would be home in a bit as I listened to and made no sense of Easton’s conversation. I clicked on Theo’s message.
“No. I’m not slacking on our group project.” My eyes jerked back to Easton who was watching me intently. “We actually worked on it yesterday.”
I didn’t know what the professor had to say about that, but I tried not to think about it. I just typed my reply to Theo letting him know that we could rain check tomorrow. I felt guilty as I typed out the lie that I had a lot of schoolwork, but he would never understand this. He wouldn’t accept it.
Whatever the hell this was.
“Alright.” Easton ran his fingers through his hair roughly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He dropped the phone from his ear, and I quickly turned back to mine as a new message from Theo popped up.
Theo: Okay, babe.
It was simple. It was Theo, and it made my stomach turn sour with guilt.
“What’d he want?” Ben asked Easton as he pulled a bottled water out of the small cooler.
“He sent my thesis to a few of his colleagues. He said that a few are interested in meeting with me.”
I had never seen Easton seem so unsure of himself, so modest.
“That’s awesome.” Luke pulled Easton into him and clapped him on the back in a way that only men do. “You should be stoked.”
“I am.” Easton nodded as if he needed to remind himself.
“What group project is he talking about? You get stuck helping some students?” Oliver laughed, but I didn’t.
Did they not know that I was Easton’s group project? Did they not know that he was my TA?
Easton’s eyes met mine, and I expected him to lie. But his eyes only narrowed slightly before he pointed in my direction. “Maddison is my group project partner.”
“Fuck.” I heard the word whispered, but I wasn’t sure who said it.
“We’re discussing The Awakening.” His eyes were still on me, and I didn’t dare look away from him.
“Are you fucking stupid?”
He finally looked over to his brother, and I pulled my towel around me. I felt so exposed, so on display. Easton and I had been walking a fine line, but we hadn’t done anything wrong. We had barely even touched.
“We haven’t done anything.” He echoed my thoughts.
“Except eye fuck the hell out of each other all day.”
I winced at Luke’s words and looked out toward the water.
Easton said something back, but I didn’t know what it was. His voice was hushed and angry, and I tried to drown them out. I didn’t want to hear all their reasons Easton and I didn’t work. I already knew them. I was sure that he did too.
I didn’t know how long I sat there staring at the still water while they argued in hushed voices, but I was startled when the boat engine started and Easton took the seat directly across from me. His legs were so long that they crowded mine, and when I glanced over at him, I hated the frustrated look on his face.
I watched his profile, the trees in the background nothing but a blur as we passed them. He was beautiful, especially as the sun began to drop and spill a blanket of orange across the sky.
He didn’t look at me as Ben pulled the boat back up to the dock or as I gathered my stuff in my bags and said a quick goodbye to all the guys. It felt weird. To have such a great day ruined by such a small moment. Ruined by an idiotic rule.
Easton climbed out of the boat and reached his hand out to me as his eyes finally met mine. I took his hand without an ounce of hesitation and let him pull me up the dock with him. He didn’t even acknowledge his friends as he began walking me to my car, and it was the most silent we had been around each other since we had met.
I pressed the unlock button on my keys and turned to him. “I think I have everything we need for the project. I’ll type it up and email it over to you to see what you think.”
“Maddison.” My name left his mouth like a plea.
“It’s fine, Easton.” I shook my head and forced a smile on my face. “They’re right.”
“I need you to understand.” He took a small step toward me, and I held my breath.
“I get it.” I laughed.
“No.” He shook his head. “If I lose my TA position, I lose my scholarship. I could lose any potential scholarships for grad school. Any potential connections that Professor Bryant has.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but he kept going.
“If he found out about you, I would lose it. I could lose all of it.”
“We haven’t done anything wrong.” I knew that it was a weak argument as soon as it left my lips.
“I know.” He nodded and his fingers brushed over mine. “But I want to.”
I didn’t know what to say because I did too. Even now, even with him telling me that this couldn’t happen, I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like for him to kiss me.
But I wouldn’t do that to him.
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” I opened my car door and put space between us.
He ran his hand through his hair, and I knew he was trying to figure out what to say to me. How to somehow make this better.
But I didn’t give him a chance. I climbed into my car an
d smiled at him before I closed the door. “Goodbye, Easton.”
Nine
I followed Dillon as we squeezed through the student section. There was a red and black game today, but by the look of the crowd, you would think we were playing some huge rival instead of our own team.
Football wasn’t something I was normally into, but Theo was starting this year. I didn’t miss a single one of his games in high school, and I wasn’t planning on starting now.
Because football was everything to him.
I straightened my number seven jersey that matched his and took a seat next to Dillon as we waited for the game to start.
“This is so exciting.” Dillon looked around at the sea of students who were all dressed in red and black. I noticed several of them from Theo’s fraternity, some even waving at me as we saw each other. “Have you ever been to a college game before?”
“Yeah.” I pointed to the right toward the fifty-yard line. “My parents have season tickets right over there.”
“They big fans?”
I laughed. “That’s an understatement. My dad played when he went to college here, and I think he thinks they’ll lose if he doesn’t come to every single game.”
She laughed as if I was laughing, but I wasn’t. “What about your mom?”
“She’s a fan too.” My mother was always a fan of anything my father liked.
“That’s so cool. My parents are more into games like Monopoly.” She chuckled like she was embarrassed.
“That sounds amazing, actually. I’d much rather play a good board game.”
She looked over at me with a smile. “You look like the board game type.”
I reached my hand into her popcorn and popped some in my mouth. “I will take that as a compliment.”
“You should.”
Everyone around us started to cheer as the team ran onto the field. Dillon and I joined them on our feet, and it took me a few minutes to spot the number seven plastered across Theo’s chest.
He took the field in a black jersey, and I waved at him as if he could somehow spot me within all the other students.
I knew that he was anxious to prove himself today. But he didn’t need to worry. The very first play, the ball was thrown to Theo, and he caught the ball with ease and took off down the field before being tackled. Twenty yards. It wasn’t a bad start.
“Go, Theo!” I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled, even though I knew he couldn’t hear me.
“What’s the deal with you two anyway?” Dillon asked as she watched me.
“What deal?” I knew exactly what she was asking, but I didn’t want to answer her. I didn’t know how to answer her.
“You and Theo. Are you two fucking or something?”
I shoved her shoulder, and she grinned.
“No. We’re not fucking. We’re friends.”
“But you want to fuck him.” She said the words like she was so sure.
“Is that a question?”
“I don’t know. Is it?”
I rolled my eyes at her and turned back to the game. Theo had the football again, but I missed half the play due to Dillon.
“He’s been my best friend for years.” I looked over at her then back at the game.
“As you’ve said.” She nodded her head. “What I’m asking is do you want to fuck your best friend?”
I tightened my ponytail on top of my head. “You’re nosey. Has anyone ever told you that?” If she had asked me the question a couple weeks ago, it would have been a clear-cut answer. Yes. Yes, I wanted to fuck him. Yes, I wanted more from him. Yes to everything, but now I wasn’t so sure.
“All the time.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “But I’m going to help you get from the friend zone to the end zone.”
I couldn’t help it. Laughter bubbled out of me at her lame joke.
“Get it? It’s a football reference.”
“I got it.” I shoved my elbow into her side. “But this is not some get Maddison laid mission. Theo means more to me than that.”
“I know he does.” She leaned her head against mine. “I just wanted to hear you admit that you wanted him out loud.”
I almost told her then that it wasn’t Theo I couldn’t get out of my head, but I couldn’t say those words out loud. If I did, then it would somehow make it more real. I hadn’t even seen Easton since my class on Monday. A class where he managed to not look at me for the entirety of the lecture.
I shouldn’t have let it bother me, but it did. It pissed me off.
What pissed me off more was that I couldn’t stop looking at him.
“Excuse me.” A girl was trying to get past us, and I turned to the side to let her through.
And I saw him.
Easton was sitting two rows behind us with Ben and Oliver, and I watched him laugh with his friends before I jerked my attention back forward and tried to calm my racing heart.
“You okay?” Dillon looked over at me like I was crazy.
“Yeah. I’m good.” I pulled on the frayed edge of my shorts. “Perfect actually.”
She narrowed her eyes at me before she turned her head to search the crowd. I snatched her hand in mine, and she turned her direction back to me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just give me a second, and I’ll tell you.” I stared toward the game, but I wasn’t seeing any of it.
“You know my group project partner?” I was whispering the words to her like he could somehow overhear me from two rows back.
“The older TA?” She wagged her eyebrows. “Yeah. What about him?”
“He’s here.”
She started to turn again, but I squeezed her hand in mine. “Okay. So, why are you acting weird?”
What was I supposed to tell her? That I was insanely attracted to him, but now he was avoiding me like I was a stage-five clinger?
“Oh my God.” She inhaled loudly. “Did you sleep with him?”
“No.” I shook my head and peeked behind me. I turned back around quickly and cursed under my breath. He was staring directly at me.
“Which one is he?”
I knew if I didn’t tell her she was going to embarrass the hell out of me.
“He’s two rows behind us. Dark brown hair. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.”
She glanced over her shoulder inconspicuously, but her jaw was practically on the ground when she turned back toward me.
“The one staring at you?” she whisper-yelled at me.
I glanced back in his direction and our gazes finally met, and I felt like everything else around us was just static. Because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t look away.
The crowd around us erupted in cheers, and Oliver smacked Easton’s shoulder in excitement. His eyes glanced in his direction, and I quickly turned back around while I had the chance.
“Holy shit.” Dillon fanned herself. “Are you about to spontaneously combust?”
I rolled my eyes at her and tried to remember why I was there. I searched the field for Theo.
“I’m serious. He was just looking at you like he wants to eat you alive. Like he would do it right here with everyone watching.”
I finally found number seven, and I watched him as he lined up in formation. “Let me assure you, that is not the case.”
“What is the case then?” She angled her head to look at me.
“He’s my TA.” I tried to say the words with a sense of finality so maybe I would start to believe them too.
“Okay?” She let the word drag across her lips.
“And he can get in trouble.”
“Not that much trouble. I heard TAs barely make any money anyway.” She glanced back again before looking at me. “Plus, he doesn’t look like he got the memo.”
“He’s the one who gave it to me.”
“Oh.” She winced like she could physically feel the sting of my rejection.
“He could lose his scholarship if he loses his TA position.” I needed to
repeat that statement over and over again in my head.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.” I nodded in agreement. “So, I just have to keep my distance from him.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “That’s your grand plan. Avoid him and then rub one out to his gorgeous face?”
I smacked her arm and she laughed. “What? That’s what I’d be doing if I were you. Just put a sock on the door so I know.”
“You are ridiculous.” I stole another handful of her popcorn and shoved it in my mouth.
“And you’re insane if you think you’re going to be able to ignore all that.” She peeked over her shoulder again. “Especially with the way he’s looking at you. I would be up there dry humping him right now if I was you.”
The crowd cheered again, and this time, I watched as Theo caught the ball and ran a few feet for a touchdown.
“Wooo,” I yelled and clapped my hands and tried not to think about what Easton was doing behind me.
Theo’s “team” was up by fourteen points, and I couldn’t stop smiling as he and one of his teammates bumped chests in celebration.
“Which one do you want more?” Dillon asked as she watched me.
“What?” I was still clapping with everyone else as I looked over at her.
“Which one do you want to dick you down more? Theo or Easton?”
“Did you really just say dick you down?”
“I did.” She nodded, clearly proud of herself.
“Have I told you that you are batshit crazy today?”
“You have.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But you still didn’t answer my question.”
I looked back out toward the game. “Because I’m not going to.”
“Interesting.” She tapped her chin dramatically. “I wonder if it’s because you don’t want to answer or if it’s because you don’t know the answer yourself.”
I rolled my eyes and ignored her. Partly because she was getting on my nerves and partly because she was right. Not the part about being dicked down, but the part where I had no clue what I wanted.
I managed to only look back toward Easton three more times during the game, and only one of those times, he was looking back at me. I tried not to do it at all, but there was a feeling in my tummy, a deep tingle in my spine, knowing that he was behind me. No matter how much I told myself that I didn’t care, I couldn’t stop.
