by Aidy Award
Were we friends?
We had been. Even if he had been keeping romantic feelings from me.
What did I do? Run away from him when he was telling me how he felt. Some friend I was.
I wriggled trying to get more comfortable. I’d like to blame the hollow feeling in my gut on my precarious situation, but the rain had stopped and the ground hadn’t moved since I landed on this ledge.
The strap of the camera bag was digging into my flesh. I readjusted so it crossed more of my shoulder and less of my boob. The camera itself was at my hip and the hard plastic pushed against me there too.
I grabbed the camera out relieving a tiny bit of the pressure. Grant was probably freaking out I had his baby. Might as well delete as many incriminating pictures now as I sat here waiting for rescue.
The screen showed me the last picture taken. It was me, wet from the rain, the glow of the lantern behind my head, and something written across my face that can’t be faked. I’d tried.
I wasn’t ready to see that mirror and clicked to the next photo. More of the same.
The light haloed around my hair and face, and the colors in my eyes and face popped against the muted colors of the treehouse. It wasn’t me that made them so good. Grant’s talent poured off the page. Even the pictures from the beach a few days ago didn’t compare to what I was seeing now. That saying about letting the camera make love to you was like a filter on every photo.
I flipped through ten more, but the next wasn’t the same dark and sensuous photos. This one was bright with the blue of the waterfall, the greens and reds of the trees and flowers. At the center, were Grant and I, faces pressed together, smiling goofy selfie style.
We were a postcard for an island honeymoon.
The next picture was the same set up, but in this one, I made the funny face and Grant’s eyes were pointed at me. The look on his face was serious, filled with desire, but more than that. Love.
How could I have never seen it?
Because I chose not to.
Now I knew, and what had I done about it? Stupid.
What could I do about it now? Anything I wanted.
I made the decision and even though I wasn’t sure how much I could actually handle of a relationship with one of my best friends, I wasn’t sure. But, I wasn’t going to run away from it anymore.
I sucked in a giant breath and yelled as loud as I could. “Grant.”
My voice cracked, but I wasn’t stopping now. “Grant, Grant. Can you hear me? Grant.”
How long had it been since I ran down the hill and fell? It couldn’t be more than twenty minutes, maybe a half an hour. That had to be enough time for Grant to make his way down the trail even if I did steal his shoes. If he was even chasing after me.
God, I’d fucked this whole situation up. Now, I was the only one who could get myself out of it. Well, not off the side of the cliff, but off of the cliffhanger I’d just put my relationship with Grant on.
I turned, gripping the roots and scooting the strap up high enough that I could squat without falling. I wrapped one arm through the tree roots and quickly unclipped the camera bag and stood.
Chunks of dirt came loose from above my head and fell on and around me. I didn’t know how deep the tree roots I’d attached myself to were buried. The tree itself could fall like the last one, but this time I would definitely go down with it.
I should have just sat here and waited for the National Guard. But, I didn’t want them, I wanted Grant. I didn’t know if I could do a regular romantic relationship and I didn’t know what the future would hold for us. But, I damn sure didn’t want to die now before I found out the answer to either of those questions.
If I kept moving and making noise, I might bring the whole mountain down. If I didn’t the whole mountain might come down anyway.
“Danica? Where are you?”
He’d come for me. “Grant. I’m down here. Help me.”
Another mass of dirt and rocks tumbled down and I had to cover my head with my free arm.
If I died now, I was going to kill someone.
Take My Hand
“Dani? Danica.” There was more than fear in Grant’s voice.
“Here. I’m over here.” I inched my way back to standing and looked up waiting, waiting to see Grant’s face pop over the side of the ledge.
“Holy shit. Are you okay? I thought you were dead.” Relief still spiked with fear poured out of his expression.
I was so glad to see him I could have peed my pants right then and there. Not that you would have noticed with all the mud covering me. “I’m fine, except for being stuck on the side of a cliff. Your camera saved me.”
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You stole my damn shoes so it took me a lot longer than I wanted to come after you.”
But he had come after me. Now if only I could get to him and hold him tight. “Do you have a rope or something so I can climb off this ledge?”
Instead of a rope I got Grant’s hand within touching distance. “Grab my hand. I’ll haul you up.”
I saw myself grabbing his hand only to be too heavy and falling into the pit of despair. “No way. We’ll both end up down here or worse, down there.”
He stretched his hand out to me again. “I’ve got my feet secured in some tree roots. We’ll be fine.”
I stared at his hand. Take it, take it, take it. For the first time in a long time I was not happy about my weight. No way Grant could support me. “I’m too big, I’ll fall.”
“Dammit, Dani. Trust me for just a fucking minute.” He shook his hand reaching inches closer to me.
My own insecurities had reached their boiling point and spilling over to Grant. Cripes.
I stood there frozen in indecision. Trust him or die. “I can’t.”
“Can’t grab my hand or can’t trust me?”
He’d called it. Trust and me, not so much friends. But, this was Grant, a man I had let go of my control with. If I could get off this damn cliff, I could stand on my own two feet and tell him…
What? That I loved him. That wasn’t entirely true. I didn’t know what my feelings really were. But, I did need him to know how important he was to me, that I wasn’t willing to let our friendship go, despite evidence to the contrary.
“Danica Chambers. I am not walking away from you while you’re on the side of a cliff. You may have walked away from me and whatever we might have had together, but I’m not leaving you here. Take my damn hand.”
“I’m scared.” Of a whole lot more than taking his hand.
He stared down at me. Fear and lust, frustration and love, all ended on a deep understanding of who I was. The world narrowed again to only us. His words came firm, but soft. “I know. Let me help you.”
No, he didn’t know me. I’d hidden the real me from him for almost our entire relationship. “You don’t understand.”
That did it. He snapped. I thought for a minute he was going to crawl down the side of the cliff to read me the riot act.
“Really? Because I’m pretty sure you’re on the side of a cliff, inches from dying and you’re so damn scared of being in a relationship that you’re prepared to die to prove you don’t need anyone in your whole god damn life that you can connect with on a level deeper than Dominant and submissive.”
Okay, he had me there. Wait, how did he know about the Dom sub thing? Maybe that wasn’t the important thing right now.
“You don’t have to be my girlfriend or make a life-long commitment to take my hand.” He extended it again, reaching for me even when I wasn’t reaching back.
I pushed up onto my tiptoes and slapped my palm against his, gripping his hand with all my might. He held fast, hauling me halfway there in one shoulder-popping yank. I scrambled up using any available foothold and finger hold to pull myself up.
The wet clay and dirt beneath my feet fell away, the ledge crumbling beneath me. There was nothing to support me and I slipped, sure I was about to die.
“I g
ot you.” Grant’s other hand clasped around my arm holding me tight in his grip.
Together we got me up and over the ledge and onto solid ground again. We both laid there for a minute breathing hard.
“You could have said you didn’t want to be with me. I’m a big boy, I can handle some rejection. You didn’t have to fall down the side of a mountain to get away from me.”
“I’m sorry.” The simple words didn’t do justice to what was in my heart. Eventually I’d think of something more to say. I’d show him how grateful I was not only that he came after me, saved me, but that he’d been in my life all along.
“You should be. We both nearly died.” There was quite a bit more anger than worry in his voice.
I deserved that. I had acted ridiculously. But it just went to prove how important he was to me. I couldn’t imagine life without him. No matter what things would change now. Only some of that was up to me, and that was hard to take.
I wanted to control the situation, tell him things could go back to normal and that we should just forget this whole thing had happened. Yeah. Maybe in my next life.
Maybe, just maybe if I let go of some of that and let him see the vulnerable side of me that was so afraid to fuck things up, he would understand.
“You really took me by surprise, you know.” I sat up and scooted farther from the edge.
Grant did the same. “Come on, Dani. We’ve known each other for a long time. You know me. You can’t tell me you didn’t have a clue, at all.”
I swear I didn’t. Or, I didn’t want to and ignored the signs. “I’m still not a hundred percent convinced I’m even your type.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand. I needed him to know that while I didn’t know what the hell I felt, or what he felt, or how in the world a relationship between us would ever possibly work, that he was important to me and that I didn’t want to give up or run away from that again.
“Jesus, look at your hands. They’re cut all to shreds, love.” He took one of my hands in his and gently brushed away the dirt.
“Good thing I’m not a hand model.” I was avoiding pushing through the tough part of this conversation. I wanted to stay in this small moment, where he cared about me and I let him.
“I think I idealized this whole weekend. I thought we’d come out to the island, shoot some great pictures that would help me launch a new era for Granted Media, we’d have some fun screwing around, and you’d come back on my arm and in my bed. But, through all of that I never considered for a minute what you wanted.” He didn’t look up from working on my hand. “So, what do you want?”
“I’m not sure.” I wasn’t. I knew I needed him in my life and I wanted to try.
He stayed silent, whether to let me organize my thoughts or because he didn’t have a response to me, I didn’t know. After a moment I pressed on. “You’re really important to me, you always have been and I want you to continue to be.”
He nodded, still focused on my hand. “Okay, but how?”
“I haven’t been in a real relationship in a long.” If ever. “I don’t even know if I can do that, or if I want to, or if it’s the right thing for me.”
I saw the flicker of disappointment in his eyes, but it was followed by determination.
“Don’t cop out on me here. You have boyfriends. We’ve talked about lovers before.”
Oh, god. This was it. This was the moment of truth. “I have subs.”
I wanted him to pretend not to understand, so I could explain, but he knew what I was talking about. Somehow, without me telling him, he’d found out about my lifestyle.
“Why?” It was an honest and sincere question.
To which, I didn’t have a good answer. I had the stories I told myself, but maybe not the truth, so I stalled. “Why what? Why do I have subs?”
“Yeah. I mean, I can be kinky. Sure, I’d like to do all kinds of dirty things with you, and I could handle a fantasy where you tie me to the bed and have your way with me, but, I don’t get why you don’t have boyfriends like that, but you do those things with submissives.”
I pulled my hand away from his ministrations. “It’s a control thing.”
Grant blew out a long breath. “So where does that leave us? Because I want to be with you, but I’m not sure you want me, and you said yourself I’m dominant.”
“I almost died today and I swore to myself that while I was dangling from the side of that cliff that I would give us a try and see if there was something there that we could make work.” The truth fell out. Without the façade I’d always put between us it was easy.
“While I’d love to help you prove you’re alive in the time-honored way, I don’t want to be a promise you made to the universe.”
Give the truth, get the truth, whether it hurts or not.
“No, that’s not it. I think I would have come to the same realization while we were here in Costa Rica even if Hurricane Cameron hadn’t interfered. The bastard.”
Because I did know. I think I always had. But it was too good to be true.
“I have nothing but nice things to say about Cameron. He gave me good quality alone time with you.” He bumped my shoulder with his and took my hand back, holding it to his chest.
Yeah, but if we hadn’t had to live through Cameron, we would never have had this uncomfortable change in our relationship. I could have happily lived oblivious. Maybe not to the fullest, but ignorance is bliss.
“I don’t know if I can do a vanilla relationship. It’s not something I’ve thought about, but I can’t deny I have feelings for you.” I wouldn’t be so damn scared if I didn’t feel something for him. We’d get to skip the awkward first date. I already knew what he liked to do and what he liked to eat and drink. We already knew the sex was beyond fucking amazing. “How do you feel about starting off as friends with benefits?”
Yes, that was the perfect arrangement.
Grant shook his head then kissed my hand. “We can be friends. We can be friends with benefits. But, I’m not giving up. I want a whole lot more than friendship from you, with you.”
“What if we try and I figure out I don’t want that?” In for a penny in for a quarter-pounder with cheese.
“If that’s really true, I’ll accept it. But, you haven’t given the idea a chance. Until I think you have I’m going to chase you.” He smiled with a glint in his eye I recognized from years of hearing of his conquests, in and out of the bedroom.
I rolled my eyes at him, and said, only partly joking, “I wish you wouldn’t.”
“Expect it. When we’re back in the real world, all bets are off. I will be pursuing you.” He grabbed my head and pulled me in for a kiss.
It wasn’t searing, it wasn’t hot and panty-melting. It was the kind of kiss that went straight to your soul and you remembered it for the rest of your life.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I whispered.
He kissed me again, swirling all the emotions around in and around us. “You know why.”
“To torture me?” I pressed my forehead to his, escaping his sweet punishment, but staying connected.
“Maybe so you can torture me, love.”
I leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me. I was lost, not in control, but neither was he. Maybe we could find our way together. “Where do we go from here?”
His arms tightened around me. “If we do this, we do this. In real life, we go on dates, in public, where there are other people around. We test it out with the stress of life and work around us. We talk about our fears, what makes us vulnerable. We don’t have secrets.”
I had secrets from my secrets. I kept Grant a secret from Nessie, I kept the BDSM lifestyle secret from Grant. I kept my real weight a secret from the world, especially the DMV.
Could I voice it, should I ask? I had to. “What happens if it doesn’t work?”
“We’re already great together in so many ways. Why wouldn’t it?” He meant it too.
Because I didn�
�t do relationships. I couldn’t even keep a sub happy for more than a month these days. How was I going to keep Grant interested for any longer? I wouldn’t even be able to use my Dom bag of tricks and toys. Well, maybe some of the toys.
Fuck. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe we’d be amazing together and our relationship would be great. Probably we would crash and burn the world down.
Isn’t it time to let somebody in? “Okay. I’m in. Let’s do this.”
He rolled me over putting himself between me and the world. “You’re sure?”
I nodded probably getting more mud and leaves, and probably some dead bugs in my hair. But I didn’t care. A rush of light cool happiness filtered through my whole body. It felt freeing. “We have to take it real slow, and you’re going to have to forgive me when I fuck it up. A lot. But, let’s do it.”
Let’s fall in love. There was no vacation from that kind of relationship.
Grant looked at me, his gaze going back and forth between my eyes like he was waiting for the punchline. Joke was on me.
He raised my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. “I can do slow. Real slow.”
His grip on my hands guided my arms up over my head, making me vulnerable to his every move. I’d have to be sure to show him some of my own moves to reciprocate. Later. His lips brushed across mine, sliding across one way and then back again teasing me. “You wanted slow.”
“Maybe not that slow.”
He smiled against my lips and then he kissed me. An all-consuming kiss, there was only him and me and the intention of making love.
“Ahem.” Someone cleared their throat and coughed somewhere in a galaxy far far away.
They could go fuck themselves as far as I was concerned, we were busy.
“Ahhh-hem.” The voice disturbed again.
We broke apart and looked up at the intruder dressed in army green with several more military style compatriots behind him.
“Are you Danica Chamonix?”
“Yes?”
“I’m Captain LeCalecon, I’m here to rescue you.” He glanced back and forth from my face to Grant’s and back to me again. “Looks like I’m a little late.”
