Over the last few days, Ryan had experimented with not wearing a sticker over where he’d told people his soulmark was.
No one had really noticed. It was winter, so it wasn’t exactly like Ryan’s arms were out much. The Howlers were the only people who could notice. They’d been too preoccupied telling Ryan what an idiot he was for letting Naomi go. They didn’t understand.
That was why they’d practically forced him to be at the charity dinner.
A quick appearance was all that Ryan had promised. He’d dress up, he’d have dinner, and then he’d leave before the drinks and dancing and the silent auction. It would be enough that the press would report him being there. Hopefully without also reporting that he’d left early.
And Ryan wouldn’t have to see Naomi. At least, not up close. He had no doubt he’d see her. She was probably giving a toast or something. It was her foundation.
Ryan had almost, almost, made it through the evening. As predicted, Naomi had made a speech thanking everyone for their support. Ryan had been sure to look anywhere but at Naomi in her beautiful evening dress.
She was stunning. It was almost enough to make Ryan run over there and beg her to forget everything that had happened these last few weeks.
There was a break between the main course and dessert. On James’ advice, Ryan took the opportunity to head to the bar. The wine was nice and all. He wanted something stronger to see him through another course.
Ryan hadn’t even made his order when suddenly Naomi was there. Right beside him. Ryan’s stomach sank. There was still a chance. Maybe she didn’t know who she was standing next to. She couldn’t exactly see him.
“Your teammates told me they’re planning to lock us in a room together to get you to talk to me,” she said, dissolving all of Ryan’s hopes that she wouldn’t know he was there. “So I think the choice is yours. Either you talk to me willingly or your teammates manhandle both of us.”
Ryan groaned. “So that’s why Connor’s looked so guilty all night,” he muttered. It explained a lot. Connor was notoriously bad at keeping secrets, even when he thought he was doing well. Perhaps especially then.
He had to turn his attention to Naomi, wishing he had that drink he’d come over for. She looked even better up close. The delicate earrings that glittered through her hair just reminded Ryan of all the times he’d nibbled on them, all the sweet nothings he’d whispered to her.
He didn’t have anything new to say. “Do you even want to talk to me?” Ryan asked. He knew he’d been behaving like a dick. Naomi should have thought she was well rid of him.
“Yes,” she answered with no hesitation. It made Ryan instantly feel guilty. He had avoided so many opportunities for her to talk to him. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me,” she added. “But I would really appreciate it if you did?” Her voice was soft and much kinder than Ryan felt he deserved. It brought back memories of all the times she had been so nice to him, supportive and sweet.
When he didn’t say anything immediately, Naomi sighed. “Can we go talk somewhere? Privately? I made James promise not to lock us in anywhere, so you can always leave.”
Ryan frowned. He couldn’t imagine when Naomi and James would even have met. It hardly felt like the most important thing to focus on. Instead, Ryan ran his palms over his designer suit pants.
If Naomi really wanted to talk, she probably deserved to hear whatever he might have to say. Ryan wasn’t sure it would be worth listening to, but if it would help her to move on…
His heart ached all over again at the thought. “We can talk,” he agreed. “There’s conference rooms towards the back.”
Almost automatically, Ryan went to offer Naomi his arm. The familiarity of the gesture made his throat ache. “Do you need help?” he asked, his voice sounding far gruffer than he’d meant to.
“I don’t need help,” Naomi answered. “But I’d appreciate it,” she added more softly. Ryan had to look away. He reached out to link his arm with Naomi’s, just the way he’d done it many times before. It was difficult not to love how she leaned into him, how warm her body felt against his.
Despite it not having been that long since they’d done this, Ryan had forgotten how good it felt to have Naomi trust him. She let him lead them to one of the rooms at the back, the noises of the event muting as they got further away from it.
There were so many things Ryan wanted to say. He wanted to tell Naomi how much he’d missed her, that he’d kept the things he bought for Dougie in a closet, just in case, that she hadn’t done anything wrong.
None of those things would make the situation any easier for either of them. As he closed the door behind them, Ryan’s mind emptied of anything actually useful he could offer Naomi.
He helped her to a chair, settling next to her with a sigh. “I don’t know what James and Connor think is going to come of this,” he grumbled.
In all honesty, Ryan was a little surprised that they’d talked to Naomi about it. He wasn’t sure what that would’ve been about or why. Naomi seemed to sense what he was thinking. That, too, made Ryan’s heart ache with longing. She’d always been so good at understanding him, at getting what he thought.
“James said you’ve been unhappy. And that the team’s noticed it,” Naomi said. Ryan’s eyes widened. Of course, he’d know the team had noticed it. He just hadn’t expected them to do something about it. “They care,” Naomi added. “James asked me to give you a chance.”
Before Ryan had any real chance to even comprehend that, Naomi carried on. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you.” Which of course Ryan knew. He already felt guilty about all the messages he’d ignored. “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
“It’s not because I didn’t want to,” Ryan answered immediately. As much as he’d missed Naomi’s physical presence in his life, Ryan had found himself missing her conversation even more. Any time something interesting happened, she’d been the person he wanted to tell.
Looking at Naomi now, Ryan couldn’t refuse to talk to her. He’d missed her so much it was like a physical ache. Like an injury that threw off his game and made him skate differently until it was fully healed.
“It would be too hard, talking to you,” he said. “I didn’t want to risk giving in.”
There was a long pause. Ryan wondered if he was meant to say something more. Or if what he said somehow wasn’t the right thing to say. But he wasn’t sure what else to say. So Ryan just let Naomi take her time.
“Would that be so bad?” she finally asked. Before he even had the time to think about what he could say to that, Naomi shook her head. “Sorry, that’s not fair. I... I miss you. I still don’t really know what went wrong and -” She gave a soft sigh. “I’d like to fix it. Or try to fix it, at least. I really thought we did fit.”
Ryan hated the thought of Naomi missing him. He’d done this so that she would be happy, so that she’d meet someone she could really fall in love with. He knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight, that she’d be sad for a while first. He hadn’t really let himself feel that side of it. It didn’t do any good.
“We can’t fix it,” he insisted. “We’re just… not meant to be.” He rubbed a hand over his arm, where he used to wear the sticker that helped him pretend not to be one of the unmarked.
He didn’t want to tell Naomi the truth - but maybe it would help her to move on. “You’re not my soulmate,” he said. “Which means that someone else must be the right person for you.”
“Oh,” Naomi said. Ryan’s stomach flipped.
Despite the fact that he knew it was true, just seeing that expression on her face felt awful. Soulmates mattered. And yeah, reading other people’s accounts on the internet - people like Ryan, people with so soulmark - had made him feel more like he belonged. But it didn’t make the society at large think of soulmates any differently.
Like the majority of women - like the majority of people - Naomi wanted to meet her soulmate. Everyone wanted that, right? So
now that she knew that Ryan wasn’t it, she could move on and...
“I don’t care,” Naomi told Ryan. It stopped his thoughts so suddenly that he almost felt like he might get whiplash.
He must have managed a ‘what?’ because Naomi carried on.
“I can’t see my soulmark. I can’t see anyone else’s soulmark. It’s just... a legend. I don’t care about meeting my word match. I want to meet my love match. And... I think you’re my love match, Ryan.”
“But -” Ryan sputtered, trying to put the cascade of feelings into words. He’d heard of people who didn’t care about soulmarks, of course. He’d even met one or two. Plenty of women Ryan had slept with had told him that they didn’t care if he wasn’t their soulmate.
But none of those women had really known him. Naomi did. The thought that she might even love him made a ball of hope shine bright in the darkest spaces of Ryan’s heart. If they could love each other, maybe soulmarks really didn’t matter.
“It wouldn’t be fair to you,” Ryan argued. Wasn’t that why Ryan had broken things off in the first place? Because Naomi deserved better? “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t meet someone who could make you really happy.” Knowing he wasn’t anyone’s soulmark, Ryan had never really believed that he could make someone happy. Not in the long term.
Once again, Naomi was quiet. Ryan had to shift. All the silences were starting to put him on edge. Especially since he obviously didn’t know what Naomi was going to say next. He hadn’t anticipated this. When he’d broken up with her, Ryan assumed it’d be the last of that. And yet, here they were.
“But you’re okay with being the reason someone I am happy with no longer wants to see me?” she asked. “Is this really about me? Or is it about you?” Ryan frowned at that. He’d broken up with Naomi for her. So she could be happy because he... “You promised not to make decisions for me.”
Ryan stilled. He had promised that. He’d made such great efforts to always ask what Naomi wanted, rather than assuming. And then out of nowhere, he’d decided that he knew what was best for her.
“I did,” Ryan agreed. His mind whirred. He hadn’t let Naomi make her own decision, because Naomi didn’t know everything about him. She didn’t know that Ryan was no one’s soulmate, that he wasn’t good enough to deserve that in his life.
He didn’t want to tell her. So maybe this was about him. He hadn’t wanted to watch Naomi fall in love with someone else. He hadn’t ever wanted to go through what his dad had gone through, loving someone who turned out to be right for another man.
“What if you meet him one day?” Ryan asked. “Whoever your real him is. What if -” His voice cracked a little. What if Naomi left him?
He looked down, not wanting to see Naomi’s expression. But then, he felt her hand against his, startling him as his gaze moved to it. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and then smiled. “I don’t know how I would meet anyone more ‘real him’ than you,” she told Ryan gently.
Shifting her chair closer, Naomi bumped her knee against Ryan’s. “I’m not interested in finding a match to a mark I can’t see. I want to be with you. And if you don’t want that because... we don’t fit, then okay. But don’t make this about me when I have had no choice in this.” Her voice was soft, even if her words weren’t.
Ryan did want to be with Naomi. He was a better person when he was with her, he had no doubt. She made him better, made him think more about things, made him care about things other than himself and hockey.
He turned his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “You deserve better than me,” he said, feeling like he had to make one last attempt to make Naomi understand.
“Then be better,” Naomi told him like that was the most obvious thing in the world. “I want you, Ryan. And I think you want me, too.” He really did. The more this conversation went on, the less Ryan thought he could deny that. “So if the problem is that you think I deserve better, then just be whatever it is you think I deserve.”
Ryan didn’t think it was that easy. Sure, there were movies about the unmarked who would suddenly develop a soulmark when they’d proved themselves worthy of it. Everyone knew that those were just stories. It didn’t really happen. Ryan wasn’t going to earn the right to be Naomi’s soulmate.
Maybe that didn’t matter. If she really wanted him, maybe Ryan could be better enough. Not to be her soulmate, but at least to make her happy. He wanted to make Naomi happy, more than anything.
He reached out, his fingers brushing against her ear as he cradled Naomi’s cheek. “I do want you,” he confirmed, his voice barely above a whisper.
He’d been miserable without Naomi. He more than wanted her.
“I’ll do my best,” he promised. If it wasn’t enough, well, then at least Ryan would have tried.
The smile that blossomed across Naomi’s face made Ryan feel amazing. Like ice was melting around them. It was all he could do not to lean in and kiss her. Except there was no reason for him not to kiss her. So Ryan leaned forward, catching Naomi’s lips with his.
She responded immediately, her lips parting to let his tongue inside, meeting it eagerly. Before Ryan knew it, his hands were against Naomi’s side as she moved from her own chair into his lap. What started as a soft kiss quickly became more and more passionate as Ryan drew her in closer against him.
He slid his hands to her hips, his rough fingers snagging against the smooth material of her dress. Ryan pulled back, but only far enough that he could catch Naomi’s earlobe between his teeth. The noise she made as he tugged against it filled Ryan’s whole body with fire.
He arched up under her, wanting to feel as much of her body against his as possible. One hand moved to her back, skating across the zipper. He bit down lightly on Naomi’s earlobe, making her body squirm against his. “Fuck,” Ryan groaned. He wanted her so badly, had missed her so badly. “I don’t know if I can wait to get you home,” he whispered.
Naomi’s breath caught at that. Then she brought her lips against his again, giving Ryan’s lower lip a small bite. “Then don’t,” she told him. “I want...” Her breath caught again. Ryan was pretty sure he knew what Naomi wanted, because he wanted it too.
“Come on, just, fuck,” the words didn’t make a great deal of sense, but Naomi’s fingers were between them, skillfully undoing the fastenings on Ryan’s pants. “I’ve missed you,” Naomi breathed. “And I’ve missed you,” she told him with a grin.
Naomi’s hand slid under the material, fingers wrapping around Ryan’s rapidly hardening cock.
He groaned against her shoulder. His own hand moved lower, cupping Naomi’s ass through the fabric of her dress and pulling her against him. He pushed his hips up, grinding into her hand, crying out as she tightened her fingers.
There was way too much of Naomi’s dress between them. Ryan fumbled with her skirts, trying to gather them all out of the way. He heard the moan she gave as his fingers finally brushed along her bare thigh.
He wasted no time, tugging Naomi’s panties out of the way so he could press a finger into her inviting heat. He watched her expression shift, her mouth falling open. Ryan leaned in, capturing the noise she made against his lips.
The chair creaked under them as Naomi rocked into Ryan’s touch. Her mouth sought out his again, tongue licking its way inside. When Ryan moved his fingers, Naomi moaned against his mouth. Her fingers stroked over him, making Ryan groan in response.
When she pulled back from the kiss, Naomi’s lips were red. The sight made Ryan’s breath catch in his throat. He’d missed this, missed seeing her like this. It made him want to kiss her even more.
Naomi’s free hand slid down Ryan’s arm and to the table next to them. “The table,” she said. “Put me on the table.”
He did, turning in the chair so he could lift Naomi onto the table. With his hands still under her skirts, he stood up, lifting them with him until they were caught around Naomi’s waist. One of her legs hitched over his hip, pulling him close. Ryan groane
d as his cock pressed against her center.
He shifted out of the way, just enough to drag Naomi’s panties off. He let them fall to the floor, his hand sliding its way up Naomi’s bare thigh. He moaned as he felt how hot she was, how ready for him.
Leaning in, Ryan kissed her hard. Her breasts pressed up against him through the material of her dress, and Ryan lifted her skirts even higher. He guided himself between her legs, pushing his hips forward with a low groan.
In response, Naomi gave a soft moan that steadily became louder. She rocked harder against Ryan’s body, her leg pulling him in tightly. With Ryan’s hands against Naomi’s ass, he gripped hard before beginning to move into her. Her hands pushed off the jacket Ryan was wearing. He could feel her nails through the material of his shirt.
“Fuck,” Naomi breathed harshly. That only encouraged Ryan to buck his hips harder. Naomi’s back arched as she leaned against the table. “Come on, harder,” she encouraged. Ryan didn’t hesitate to follow that suggestion, making the table under them shake as he slammed into her.
Ryan pulled Naomi closer, dragging her to the very edge of the table. She wrapped both legs around him, letting him thrust even harder and deeper while she hung on. Ryan’s hands moved from her ass, sliding over the material of her dress. He wanted her so badly, needed to feel her skin against his.
He kissed across her shoulder, grazing his teeth against her neck in a bite that made Naomi’s breath come out as a gasp. Ryan’s hands slid under her skirt, nails raking along the sensitive skin of her thighs.
He reached between her legs, moaning as his fingers brushed the place where their bodies joined and then moved higher. He wanted to make Naomi feel good, wanted to hear her completely lose control for him.
The sounds she gave in response were absolutely worth it. Ryan’s fingers slid against Naomi, making sure he brought her closer and closer to an orgasm. All the while, he kept pushing forward. She met his every move, before tilting her head back so he could kiss her again.
Ryan’s mouth came down against Naomi’s, the kiss heated as he kept moving inside her. When Naomi pulled back it was only to cry his name loudly. He felt the way her muscles tightened, as did her fingers against his shoulder.
Empty Net (Madison Howlers Book 3) Page 14
