by Kathy Lyons
Everyone but Josh echoed “Amen,” including Nero. He could get behind the words, if not Mrs. Collier’s meaning. He did want Josh to find his path with clarity and joy. He just hoped it was with Wulf, Inc. and not in this homophobic pocket of America.
Everyone unlinked their hands, and Bruce held up his, shaking it out as he tried to get blood flow back into his fingers. “Damn, little brother, you’ve gotten strong.”
Josh jolted. “What?”
Ivy snorted as she explained things to Nero. “My brothers had this childish game of seeing who could crush the other’s hand during prayer. Everyone’s going, ‘Thank you, Lord,’ and they’re sweating and grunting like they’re at a WWE match.”
“He held his own all through high school, but this time I thought he’d break my fingers,” Bruce said as he looked at Josh. Then, when Josh continued to gape at him, Bruce’s expression tightened. “Did you think I wouldn’t admit it?” There was a long pause as Josh clearly debated how to answer. Fortunately Bruce saved him the trouble. “It’s been a long time since I’ve needed to prove my manhood against my baby brother.”
It was a friendly overture, and everyone waited to see how Josh would react. And though it took a moment, Josh finally nodded. “I… uh… yeah. I’ve gotten stronger.”
“Back in that place you can’t talk about? Doing things—”
“I can’t talk about. Yes.” His gaze went to his father. “Designing something that needs that Volcax. Please.”
Mr. Collier grunted as he scooped up mashed potatoes before passing the bowl to his wife. Ivy was tucking into her beef like a werewolf—or someone who’d been eating Army food for way too long—but she managed to smile around her fork. “Do we call you Dr. Collier now? Did you get hooded and everything?”
“Um….” Josh grabbed the potatoes and started plopping them on his plate. “Not exactly,” he mumbled. “Not yet.”
There was nothing wrong with Mr. Collier’s hearing as he scooped up his own mouthful of beef. “Seven years and no degree? What the hell have you been doing?”
Nero smiled. “He’s been working for me.”
“Really? And how much does working for you pay? How soon is he going to repay me for all that tuition money?”
Josh glared at the table. “I have to repay my student loans first, but then you’ll get your money.” He shot a resentful look at his brother. “Have you repaid him all the money he put out for your fire training?”
“Most.” Then Bruce shrugged. “Well, some.”
“Well,” Ivy quipped, “thanks to the military, I’m free and clear of debt. I just don’t have anything to show for it. Except this snazzy haircut.” She pointed to her utilitarian short bob.
Mrs. Collier smiled at her daughter. “You’ve got experience and training. And being free of debt is impressive, especially for a girl your age.”
Ivy smiled. “Thanks, Mom.” Which would have been a lovely exchange if Mr. Collier hadn’t spent the whole time staring at Josh. But when he spoke, his words were aimed at Nero.
“And who do you work for? What do you do?”
“I train people like Josh.”
“Do-nothing students who never amount to jack?”
“Henry!” Mrs. Collier huffed. “If you treat him like that, is it any wonder he ended up in a hospital?”
Josh ground his teeth. Nero could hear it loud and clear. “I didn’t go to a hospital. I—”
“Yeah,” Nero interrupted, “you did. Just not for very long.”
“That wasn’t a hospital.”
“It wasn’t not a hospital. And don’t be so narrow-minded. It’s good and healthy to ask for help when you need it.”
Josh narrowed his eyes, which was bad enough, but the expression of hurt lurking beneath the angry expression did him in. “Why are you being such a dick?”
“Joshua Collier!” his mother cried. “We do not speak like that to our guests.”
Josh whipped back to his mother. “He’s not a guest. He’s my jailor.”
“So now we have it!” Mr. Collier’s meaty fist landed on the table hard enough to rattle the dishes and silence everyone. “You got in trouble, didn’t you? Something happened at that dress-up party that you went to. The one where Savannah said you disappeared. You did something stupid like you always do, only this time, you got caught and were put in jail. You didn’t call us because maybe you couldn’t. And in jail, something happened to you. And now you’re here, asking me for some Volcax, which you know I can’t get you. I’m not doing anything illegal. Not for you, boy.” His glare landed hard on Nero. “Or you, whoever the hell you are.”
Wow. Never had anyone gotten things so right and so very wrong at the same time. Everyone at the table was stunned into silence. Even Nero didn’t have the capacity to form words. But Josh had enough built-up fury to shove himself upright so hard, his chair toppled behind him. He planted his fists on the table and glared at his father.
“I’m not—” He cut off his words, his face turning nearly purple. And then he lifted his chin. “Yeah, Dad. I’ve been in jail, and they turned me into something horrible. And this guy here, he’s the prime asshole. Big ol’ wolf of a dick. And the only way I get out of jail is if you give me some stupid fabric to save this asshole’s life. I need it cut and stitched into something insane because I’ve gone off my rocker. Because I got turned gay in jail.”
“Joshua, please,” his mother begged, the words filled with pain.
“Please what, Mom?” he pressed. “Please don’t be gay? Well, I am. And I’m a whole lot worse than that. So how about I make you all a deal? You get Dad to save this ass—jerk’s life, and I’ll get the hell out of your life. It’ll be like you never had a gay son and I never had homophobic parents. But don’t you worry, Dad. How about you tack on a nice big profit to whatever you’re going to charge and consider it repayment of my tuition? All those wasted years in school, and all I have to show for it is an ABD, which will only get me a job that pays one hundred thousand dollars a year.”
No one at the table seemed to know what an ABD was, and a few seconds of confused stares had Josh throwing up his hands.
“It means all but dissertation!” And then he stomped out of the house.
Chapter 23
JOSH MADE it outside, but then he didn’t have a single place he could go. Nero had the keys to the car, so that was out. He could walk somewhere. Hell, he could go wolf and roar through the streets of suburban Indianapolis, but that probably wasn’t the smartest idea either. So he stood outside, breathed the crisp winter air, and tried to just exist without exploding.
It didn’t work. Because a few minutes after his screaming exit, Nero wandered outside to stand next to him. And when Josh didn’t say anything, Nero eventually spoke, his voice low and soothing.
“I know that sucked,” he said. “But now you’ve broken from your family. Now you can go on with your wolf life however you want without your past interfering.”
It took a moment for the words to slip past his fury and coalesce into meaning. But once it got in, it was like setting a match to dynamite. He rounded on his former friend and let fly with every filthy curse word that flowed from the cesspool of his thoughts. And when those slowed down, he found his real words. And those he spoke with precision.
“Don’t you dare pretend that this was for my own good. You think I don’t know what’s going on? I get the same goddamned alerts on my computer that you do. I know that Wisconsin is dying inch by inch, foot by foot, more each day. I know you want to kill that fucker more than you want to breathe—”
“Yes, the demon is back and eating—”
“How many times did you try to break up with me last night? This morning? You don’t think I heard the long pauses and the heavy sighs? You’ve been getting that hangdog look ever since the first possum drank some lake water and died. And now we have a growing dead zone with no answer.”
“I need to kill it—”
“And for some t
wisted reason, you think that means we’ve got to split, you and me.”
“We do have to—”
“But you don’t talk to me about it. You stare at me while I sleep and then kiss me like it’s never going to happen again.”
“Josh—”
“And then you do that.” He pointed at his family. “You poke and you push until I fucking explode all over my family, so I will hate you.” This time he stabbed him in the chest. “Congratulations! I do! I despise you because you didn’t have the balls to talk to me straight out.”
He watched Nero’s jaw work and his shoulders hunch. His brow narrowed in anger, but he held it back. And when he spoke, Nero invested it with that goddamned alpha power he had. Good thing Josh was too pissed off for it to work on him.
“Wolf protocol encourages a complete break with the past, and that’s never pretty—”
“I don’t care! You wanted to do this. Protocol or not, you wanted to be the asshole so that I would break up with you.”
He held Nero’s glare, matching it with enough hatred to make sure his point stuck. Apparently it did, because Nero’s eyes dropped first. He looked down at a crack in the driveway and slowly nodded.
“Maybe I did. And maybe that was cowardly of me.”
“You think?”
“And maybe I don’t know how to feel about a lover who is a trainee with a genius-sized brain.” He lifted his head. “You’re going to move up fast in the company. All the higher-ups are already clamoring for your time and are willing to pay you well for that. Me? I’m a grunt who is waiting for my next assignment on the front lines. There was never any future for us. Never. And I….” He looked away.
“And you love me, dickwad.”
Nero’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Holy fuck, you think I didn’t know? You think I’d let anybody do with me what we’ve done? It’s not just the sex. There’s nothing you don’t know about me. You’re the first person I turn to in the morning and the last one I kiss at night.”
Nero was shaking his head hard. “That’s not l—” He swallowed. “That’s pack. That’s how we feel in a pack.”
“And that’s love. You love your pack.”
“Yes.” The word cracked as it came out.
“And it sucks when that pack is torn apart, however it happens.” Josh looked past Nero’s shoulder to the house behind him. “But you didn’t have to do this. You didn’t have to do it this way.” And with that, he turned away. He still had nowhere to go, but he was done talking. He needed some time alone—time to hate, to rage, to grieve in peace.
So he turned his back on Nero and walked to the rear bumper of the car. And when Nero didn’t move, Josh spoke over his shoulder. “The specs are in your phone. Get my dad to start making the thing so we can get the hell out of here.”
He waited another few moments, his shoulders tight and his breath all but sawing out of his chest. There were tears on his cheeks, but he didn’t want to give himself away by wiping them off. Nero saw everything, and that was a detail he wouldn’t miss.
So he leaned back against the bumper of Nero’s car and let the tears burn cold on his cheeks. In time, Nero sighed and went back into the house. That should have been great. It really should have, except that once his vision cleared, Josh saw a car whipping down the street. A canary yellow Mustang with a dented bumper and a cute brunette gripping the steering wheel as she careened into a parking space.
Savannah.
She slammed to a stop outside his parents’ place, then burst out of the car and ran straight at him. He tensed, and thank God for his werewolf strength, because she was not a small woman as she leaped into his arms. And then she held him, squeezing him tight enough to make his eyes tear up again. It wasn’t pain but gratitude. Someone loved him enough to hug him as if her life had ended without him.
“Josh.” She spoke his name as if it were a prayer. Eventually she took a deep breath and slid out of his arms. Then she slugged him hard on the shoulder.
“Ow!” Now even his best friend was hitting him? What the hell?
“Don’t ‘ow’ me! Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick. Your parents didn’t know anything, you missed Ivy’s party, and no one at your lab has heard from you. What have you been doing? And why does it seem like you’ve been working out?” She squeezed his arm. “You haven’t been this built since… ever.” Then she peered hard at his face. “And why does it look like you’ve been crying?”
“That’s a lot of questions,” he murmured as he dug a palm into his eyes.
“Start with the most immediate. Why are you crying?”
He thought about lying, but she was his best friend since high school. If anyone could give him perspective, it would be her. “My boyfriend just broke up with me.” He tensed, waiting for the “you’re gay?” confusion. Instead, she glanced over his shoulder at the house.
“At your parents’ house? That’s lame.”
“Yeah,” he said with a weak chuckle. “It was bad enough that he dragged me here, but then he pulled this douche move.” He shook his head, not wanting to go into details.
“Well, he is a guy, and they’re all morons.” Then she leaned back against the car.
“I am a guy too, you know.”
“And you disappeared on me for six weeks, had a gay relationship, and just ended it. I’d say that’s moronic. Not the relationship bit. We all screw those up. I mean the disappearing bit. So what happened? Where were you?”
He turned to study her face. “What do you remember from MoreCon?”
“I—” She grimaced. “It’s weird. I remember getting there and meeting you in the café, but then it gets all hazy. Were we supposed to meet after the opening event? I think I got sick or something, because I remember waking up in my room the next morning and you were gone. As in not in the hotel, your car gone from the lot, just gone. And nobody knew anything until Bruce texted me that you were here.”
He nodded, having expected something like that. “You can take your pick of answers. I had a meltdown because I’m gay and was hospitalized. I did something shady at the event, was arrested, and became gay in jail. I was abducted by a covert organization and turned gay.”
“Don’t you think covert organizations have something better to do than mess with your sex life?”
He chuckled. “Trust me, they have a lot weirder things to mess with.”
She was silent for a long moment. She studied him head to toe; then she squeezed his arm as she dropped her head on his shoulder. “So covert organization, huh? How much can you tell me?”
He jolted. “You believe me?”
“You’ve bulked out. That wouldn’t happen in a hospital or jail.”
“I could have gotten buff in jail.”
“Not likely. So that leaves covert military something or other, and they probably forced you to do calisthenics. And boy, do I wish I could have seen that.”
He snorted. “I think I would have preferred to die.”
“Ah, so I’m right.”
“Yeah, you are. But that’s about all I can tell you.”
A breeze cut down the street, and she huddled deeper into her coat. “Why aren’t you cold? You don’t even have a coat on.”
Werewolf metabolism? He wasn’t sure, but he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “We can go inside,” he offered, though that was the last thing he wanted.
“Not until you tell me why you’re here.”
“We need Volcax. Nero insisted we find a way to get it now. There’s a time problem he’s not telling me about. But it has to be now.”
“Nero the asshole?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yeah.”
“Enough to fight for him?”
He paused to think about it. There were so many factors to consider. He’d just become a werewolf and was still figuring out what that meant. He might continue at Wulf, Inc. He might go back and finish his PhD. Hi
s future was in flux, and Nero’s was no different. The big ass would probably join a new combat pack and go anywhere in the world, fighting who knew what.
All those thoughts ran through his head, and Savannah, being Savannah, let him mull them over, though she was shivering by the time he finally spoke.
“Not right now,” he finally admitted. “If everything was normal….” He almost snorted that word. Werewolves were not normal. “I wouldn’t let him end things like this. But he’s going somewhere. I might be going somewhere.”
She straightened. “Where are you going?”
He was about to say he didn’t know, but he made up his mind right then and there to share the important stuff. Details didn’t matter. This did. “I really like the work I’m doing,” he said, feeling his way through his decision. “I love it. It’s exciting and different.” Understatement of the year. “And they seem like they really need me.”
“You’re staying in covert land.” A statement, not a question.
“Yeah.” Then he shook his head. “But as soon as I can, I’m writing my dissertation and graduating.”
“What?”
He turned her so they were looking eye to eye. “You may not remember it, but you harassed me at MoreCon for not getting on with my life.”
“That’s no surprise. I do that every time I see you.”
True enough. “That’s because you’re right. I wasn’t graduating because I didn’t know what I wanted to do afterwards. Nothing interested me.”
“And now you’ve found it?”
He thought about the pages and pages of case files he’d been reading through. Demons with plasma fire were just the tip of the iceberg. Vampires and shifters were only a fraction of the world out there. And when the fairies got involved, everything went whacko.
“I love it,” he said.
“But you’re leaving it?”
“Temporarily. I’m going to finish the PhD so the bastards pay me what I’m worth.”
She grinned. “That’s the spirit.”
Then he glanced back at the house. “Nero was a jerk today, but he was right about one thing.”
