by Rachel Vail
“Ouch!” Milo yelled.
“Everybody stay still!” Mom yelled. Lightning lit the room, and thunder boomed right after.
“Don’t worry!” Danny yelled. “I got all the candles and the flashlights! They’re in this bag!”
“Hooray for Danny!” Beth yelled.
Danny flicked on a flashlight and shined it in my eyes.
“Danny,” I said. “You’re the MVP of the day.”
“Your favorite person other than me said to gather flashlights and candles,” Danny said.
“Your favorite?” Milo asked.
“Breezy Khan,” Danny said.
“I love her!” Milo yelled.
Robby flicked on the flashlight Danny handed to him. “He does,” Robby said. “Milo is in love with Breezy Khan.”
Milo blushed.
“Who isn’t?” Nadine said. “You need calm winds to brew a hurricane.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Severe clear.”
“See?” Milo said, knocking his brother over. “Everybody thinks she’s awesome.”
“You’re all freaks,” Robby said.
“True that,” Nadine agreed.
Robby threw a couch pillow at her, which she caught and threw back.
I glanced at Mom, who was in the doorway. She shrugged. “It is a throw pillow,” she said.
“The molten cakes are extra, well, molty!” Holly yelled from the kitchen. “But come try them!”
On my way, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Ava.
“Be right there,” I told everyone. I grabbed a lit candle and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
Ava: Niki you have to come over
me: Why?
Ava: My mom will come get you
Come
I need you
me: What’s going on?
Ava: Okay if I tell her to come get you?
me: Ava what’s going on?
Ava: Did you lose power?
me: Yeah
Ava: Us too—but we have a generator. So you should fully come
me: You know I have people here
Ava: Fine fine bring Holly if you want but honestly, Nadine and Beth? Dude.
me: Is something wrong?
I looked at myself in the mirror while I waited for her response. My hair was huge, the way Ava says is a scary mess. I decided to try to see myself gently instead. I tried. Deep breath. Maybe it looks like a lion’s mane.
Maybe it was the soft candlelight. But I didn’t look like a disaster to myself.
My face is liked. Milo likes it. Maybe I could find a way to see even myself gently? I’m a lion, I whispered to myself. Not an abandoned elephant.
Independent. And surrounded by friends.
A big chunk of text came through from Ava:
Okay, here’s the thing and I did not want to tell you this because whatever you might think, I really am your best friend. I would never want you to be hurt. Okay: I was just at Isabel’s with the Squad and all the boys are there, you know, for hurricane party . . .
Wait, I texted. You were at Isabel’s? JUST NOW?
Ava: YES, KEEP UP. We were having a party at Isabel’s (don’t be mad you weren’t invited/I didn’t want to say anything at school in front of Holly—you know I love you but tbf you left the last one in a rude hurry, right? Even though now I understand why and you were right. I convinced everybody you weren’t being a drama queen and we’re all fully on your side. But it’s not like they’d want Holly there, no offense). Anyway Chase was saying all kinds of nasty crap about you and turning everybody against you including Milo who
MILO? I texted.
Ava: I know you like him, Niki. You told me Saturday, remember? I was trying to speak up for you to him but
me: He’s at Isabel’s? Now? Are you there?
Ava: No, I told you, I left. I’m home. I know we’re taking a break but the truth is I miss you and I can say things to you, brutal truths bc we’re best friends forever. But other people talking about you behind your back? No.
Milo is here, I texted her.
No response.
I opened the door and went down the steps, my belly in a knot. Everybody was in the kitchen, eating molten chocolate cake by candlelight. “You okay?” Mom asked me.
“I—Milo?”
He looked up at me and smiled a little. His cut across his eyebrow looked so cute, my knees went way more molten than what he had in his spoon.
“Were you at Isabel’s?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Oh.” I checked my phone. Still nothing back from Ava.
“Remember?” he asked. “We talked about soda making our eyes cry?”
“Today, I mean,” I said.
“Oh. Nope,” he answered. “School, ditch, home, here. Kind of a full day, honestly.” He blushed a little, which made me blush too.
I looked at Robby.
“Same,” he said. “Except the ditch, because I actually know how to ride a bike.”
Milo shoved Robby.
* * *
• • •
I took a picture of my friends at my kitchen table, with the dark storm raging outside the kitchen window. I sent it to Ava without any words.
I watch the three dots flicker, disappear, flicker again, disappear again.
Can I call you? Ava finally texted. I texted her a thumbs-up.
“Be right back,” I said out loud.
Milo glanced up from his ramekin. He looked even more concerned than usual. Maybe it was because of that eyebrow. I smiled at him without even meaning to. It felt like when you tip your face up to the sky on the first sunny day of spring. He smiled back just the same way.
“You okay?” Mom asked as I dashed up the steps, heart pounding but in a good way.
“I am,” I answered.
44
I ANSWERED ON the first ring, despite my plan to wait for the second.
“Niki?” Her voice was shaky.
“Yeah.”
“I’m the worst. I know I am. You don’t have to say it; I know you know.”
“Ava.”
“I’m a terrible best friend. I know. You’re the only person who sticks with me, who doesn’t give up on me, and I know I don’t deserve you. I get that.”
“Why did you lie to me?” I asked. “Why did you tell me Milo was at a party with you, when—”
“Because I’m here alone, Niki! Even my mom’s not talking to me, because apparently your mom turned her against me, told her I’ve been horrible to you or some crap like that. And you turned my friends against me. I’m not mad. You had every right to. And I get it, about Chase. Okay? What you were pissed at him about but also how I, whatever, fell short. Was a bad friend to you. I was jealous. That’s the truth, the simple truth. You know I get jealous—but, Niki, admit it: you kissed the boy I liked. Whether you wanted to or not, he kissed you. Of course I was jealous. But I’m the worst, fine.”
“You sure think about yourself a lot,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“You were in the middle of apologizing, or were you?”
“Niki, I just said I was sorry, like, a hundred times.”
“I’m not sure you said it even once, actually,” I said. “You should have, because you actually have been pretty terrible to me lately. But then you got distracted by yourself and suddenly you’re the worst, which, obviously you’re not the worst, so it turns into me having to tell you you’re fine, we’re fine, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, you know I love you. Why do you do that?”
“You’re making me feel terrible, Niki.”
“No, I’m not,” I told her. “Maybe you’re just feeling terrible, and it’s not my fault, Ava.”
I heard her crying on the other end. Almost everything in my brain was yelling at me to comfort her, say never mind, tell her everything’s fine and she should come over or I’d come there and we’re good.
Only one tiny instinct in me disagreed, quietly insistent, and it sounded like:
I DON’T WANT YOU.
I didn’t have to yell it to know it. No eraser could delete the truth of it.
I don’t want you. It felt like a calm wind in my stormy soul. I didn’t want to be friends with Ava.
I was thinking about Danny’s silver balloons. How you have to stick a knife into them, eventually, when they deflate so much they’re just sad, hovering inches above the floor. It’s time for them to go. They don’t pop. They just sigh like whatever when you eventually stab them to death.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” Ava was whispering. “I’ll do whatever you want, okay? Just tell me; don’t just sit there all stony silent. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry? I said it. I’m sorry! You want me to say it a thousand times? Sorry sorry sorry sorry—”
“Stop.”
“Fine, then. What do you want me to do, be more like Holly, nod at everything anyone says? Fine. I’ll change. Okay?”
“You can’t change who you are,” I said. “I would never ask you to do that. Only a bad friend would ask that. Why do you always try to make me feel bad, Ava?”
“I don’t!”
I heard a burst of laughter, from downstairs. Danny’s high cackle harmonized right into the sound.
“I gotta go,” I said to Ava.
“Oh, Niki,” Ava said. “Don’t be like that.”
“Me?” I asked. “I’m the finest kind.”
I hung up the phone and tossed it onto my bed. Fumble wagged his tail like yes yes yes and followed me down to be with my friends.
RACHEL VAIL is the award-winning author of more than forty books for young people. Her most recent novels are Well, That Was Awkward and Unfriended for young teens, and the Justin Case trilogy for kids. She has a new chapter-book series just coming out, starring Justin’s feisty little sister: A Is for Elizabeth. Her picture books include Piggy Bunny and Sometimes I’m Bombaloo. Rachel lives in New York City with her husband, their two sons, and a tortoise named Lightning. She grew up in New Rochelle, New York, with her parents and her younger brother, Jon. Among other awesome qualities, Jon is on the autism spectrum, and was Rachel’s first reader, audience, and booster. He taught her to tell stories by listening so intently to them, and also that each person has a unique perspective and way of navigating the world. Rachel would probably never have been a writer without Jon. She continues to learn from him, to root for him, and to be proud of him.
You can visit Rachel online at RachelVail.com.
What’s next on
your reading list?
Discover your next
great read!
Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author.
Sign up now.
