His words knocked the wind out of her. She gasped for air unable to breathe. She’d been through hell before she came here, but the idea of losing Chase made all of that seem like pointless nonsense. She couldn’t lose him.
She glanced up, looking deep into his eyes. “You just told me I was worth it, remember?”
“I remember. I’m just not so sure anymore.” His words were like a knife to the heart, making it impossible for her to manage another word. She stared at him, mouth ajar, tears filling her eyes. She needed to say something to fix this. According to her publicist, everything was fixable if she put the right spin on it.
But Chase wasn’t a tabloid story. He was a man with real feelings who just had his entire world flipped on its axis. She couldn’t fix this because she couldn’t change the truth. This was worse than his dad exploiting him for a payday.
His entire life he believed his mom died instantly the night she had that horrible accident, and now he knew that wasn’t true. Not only was it not true, every person he trusted had lied to him, letting him believe the lie.
Chase’s mother hadn’t died instantly. She’d suffered. The whole town had to know and they kept it from Chase. He was to young to know the difference and he took their word for it never searching for his own answers.
And now he knew, and it was all Bex’s fault. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do to make this better so she just stood there, hoping he would let her comfort him. She would hold him forever if he needed her to.
He moved forward, arm up, lips parted but then he snapped his mouth shut and spun away. He got in his truck and slammed the door. She met his eyes through the windshield, but the love she always felt when he looked at her was gone.
“You promised,” she said but it was too late. He took off, leaving her in his flannel shirt, a cloud of dust, and a broken heart.
Chapter 21
There were so many emotions running through Chase he didn’t know how to handle them. He wanted to punch his steering wheel, scream to the heavens, curse the very ground he walked on, but he also wanted to cry for the pain his mother had endured.
For the past ten years he believed she went peacefully that she died immediately and never had a chance to feel any pain. Lies. It was all lies. He saw the police report, the Red Maple Fall Police department insignia in the corner and the signature at the bottom of the old police chief. There was no fabricating that.
He had been too young to read the papers, and he could see why Layla lied. She had been through enough; she didn’t need to see the pain she felt in the eyes of her baby brother. But not Sam. He didn’t have a good enough excuse.
Chase cut the wheel and headed to the station. Ten minutes later he pulled into the parking lot and slammed his truck into park. He got out of the truck and went straight inside, passing Miguel and going right to Sam’s office.
Before he got there, he came face to face with Sam on the other side of the truck. Sam froze, looking at him with sympathy. He didn’t want his damn sympathy. He wanted the damn truth.
“You saw the article,” Sam said, concern etching the corner of his eyes.
Words fought their way up his throat, but with too many things he wanted to say, nothing came out but an angry grunt.
His hands shook with rage, desperate to punch something. To feel pain and try to understand what his mom felt. But a fist to the wall was nothing compared to what she must have endured. The thought made him angrier. He fought for control, so he could get answers.
He took a deep breath and met Sam’s gaze. “You were there that night? When my mom…” It was right there in the police report. This whole time, answers were there but Chase didn’t know there were any questions. He believed what his family and friends had told him and Brooke.
Brooke.
He closed his eyes thinking of his poor baby sister. The rage he felt was unexplainable and to think she was going through exactly what he was tore his heart to shreds. He needed to see her. Make sure she was okay but right now he needed more answers.
“You were there,” Chase said again, opening his eyes.
Sam’s eyes never left his. “Yeah. I was.”
“And you never thought to mention it. Not even once?” Chase tried to control the rising tone of his voice, the unexplained rage racing through his body like an out of control brush fire.
Sam let out a breath, running a hand through his hair before meeting his gaze again. “I knew it was something you didn’t want to talk about.”
Just because Chase didn’t want to talk about it didn’t mean he didn’t want to know. Sam was the last person to see his mom alive—the last person she ever saw before she left this world, and he never cared to tell him. Chase had so many questions.
“Was she alive when you got there?” Chase asked.
Sam shook his head, dropping his steady gaze and stepping back. “Why does it matter?”
“Was she alive, Sam?” Chase didn’t even recognize his own voice.
Sam went stiff, his shoulders squaring. “Yes.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice fading into a whisper.
“Did she say anything?”
Sam stood there, tension evident in the way he raked his hand through his hair.
“Did she?” Chase pleaded.
Sam looked up catching his gaze. A thick cloud of silence hung between them like an invisible barrier. Chase wanted to obliterate it, push past the bullshit and get the truth.
“What did she say, Sam?”
“Sam ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. “That she needed to get home to her kids.”
“Damn it!” Chase yelled, slamming his hand against the wall. Scorching hot tears pressed against his lids as pain reverberated up his arm.
His mother was lying in a street, bleeding internally, and all she cared about was her children. Hearing it should have made him happy, but it only tore the hole in his heart even bigger. She died never getting to see her children grow up and become their own people. See the values that she instilled in them from birth be put to good use. She dedicated her life to them and she never even got to see it through. What a waste. What an absolute fucking waste.
“I told her that her kids would be just fine,” Sam said, his voice too soft. “And she had nothing to worry about.”
She did, though. She knew they didn’t have any other family. That it was just them and without her they would be utterly alone in the world. She knew she had no money in the bank and her life insurance policy would barely cover the funeral costs. She died knowing that her kids needed her, and there was nothing she could do about it.
“What else?” Chase asked.
“There is nothing else.”
“You’re lying. I’ve known you for over a decade, and I know when you’re lying, so out with it already. What aren’t you telling me?”
Tension grew in the lines around Sam’s eyes. The hard set of his jaw and his shoulders. There was more to the damn story and he wasn’t telling him.
“I’m not a child. I don’t need you to protect me. Just tell me already.”
“I told her to tell me about her kids,” Sam said. “I wanted to keep her talking, divert her attention from the pain until the EMT’s showed up.”
Chase swallowed down the rising lump in his throat. “What did she say?”
“She was in pain, a lot of pain, but her eyes still lit up when I asked. She told me that Jax was still trying to find himself, but she knew he would. She never had to worry about him. That Layla was beautiful and smart. She called her little mama. She said Brooke was a handful, sassy and too smart for her own good, but she would change the world one day, that she was sure of.”
“And what about me? What did she say about me?”
Sam closed his eyes, his chest rising and falling with a deep inhale. “She worried about you most. You were a good kid but sensitive. If something happened to her she didn’t know how you would
handle it. She told me…” Sam’s eyes glossed over and his mouth froze.
“She told you what?”
Sam’s hands clenched at his sides, and he looked up at the ceiling as if asking for strength to continue. “She told me that if she didn’t make it I had to promise her I would make sure you would be okay.”
Tears filled Chase’s eyes, and no matter how hard he fought them back they pushed forward until they spilled down his cheeks. His mom was dying and her biggest concern was him. It was almost too much to take.
He closed his eyes, and all the pieces of his life since his mom died started to fall into place one by one until the picture became clear.
The months after his mom died, he fell into a downward spiral, cutting class and getting into trouble, refusing to listen to Layla and copping an attitude for no reason. And when Jax left it got worse until Sam showed up. Sam brought him into the firehouse, the brotherhood, giving him purpose in life and a reason to stay in line.
“I’m a man of my word,” Sam said.
Chase never questioned why Sam cared. Never thought that there was a reason beyond what he had told him. He didn’t think it went any deeper.
“You told me you saw yourself in me that’s why you helped me. So you lied to me?”
“Not at all. I did see myself in you. More than you could ever know, which is what made my promise to your mother even easier to keep.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
“Because I didn’t see what difference it would’ve made. I was there, Chase. First on the scene and younger than you are now. It’s not something I can forget. You were going through enough. Layla and Jax agreed that you didn’t need to know…”
“That my mother suffered before she died.” The truth was supposed to set a person free, but he was trapped in the misery, unable to break through the darkness. He could barely breathe, his lungs fighting for air. Was this how his mother had felt?
“No,” Sam said, moving toward him, but Chase stepped back. Sam’s hand fell to his side, and he tapped his fingers against his leg before looking at him again. “Your mother got to remember how much she loved you, Layla, Brooke, and Jax before she died.”
It should’ve brought him some sort of relief, but it didn’t.
“What were her last words?” The desire to know was so strong he couldn’t let it go. He needed to know but Sam wasn’t answering him. “She died in your arms, right? What was the last thing she said? Tell me!”
“Let them know I love them, and they’ll be okay.”
More tears poured down Chase’s face. Emotion that he’d shoved to the far depths of his mind for years spilled forward, and he was powerless against it. His knees became weak, his body too heavy to hold. It was as if he was fourteen again, finding out about his mother for the first time. His heart ripped open, the pain raw and fierce, swallowing him whole.
He fell against the wall and just when he thought he was about to fall to the floor, a pair of strong arms that had been holding him up for over a decade, grabbed hold of him once more and held him tight.
Sam squeezed him, providing him comfort in a way that no one else could have in that moment.
Chase had no idea how long they stood there, but Sam didn’t budge until the sobs that had wracked Chase’s body useless subsided and he pulled back.
Sam patted his back. “You okay?”
He had lost his mom and nothing would ever fill that void, but Sam helped make that void smaller. He might’ve withheld the truth, but Chase trusted he did it because he cared. Chase had a lot of people who cared about him and because of that he knew no matter what, he’d get through anything.
Chase took a deep breath, letting a new calm flow through him.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
Or at least he would be.
Chapter 22
There wasn’t enough chocolate in the world to make Bex feel better. She knew her life was complicated, and instead of protecting Chase from it she selfishly pulled him into the web, exposing his family secrets to the world—secrets he himself didn’t even know.
The thought made her stomach twist in ungodly knots, making her want to vomit. Willy nudged her hand and curled up on her lap. Bex ran a hand over his soft head. “I messed up, Willy and the worst part is I don’t think I can fix it.”
Her phone had been going nonstop with notifications so when it rang she thought about ignoring it but decided to see who it was first.
Calla Lily’s name flashed on the screen. Bex made a lot of assumptions about her friend, but she had no idea if any of them were true and right now she really needed a friend. She answered.
“Finally! I’ve been trying to get in touch with you forever.”
“If you haven’t noticed my life is a bit of a disaster.”
“Which is exactly why I’ve come to help you get through this.”
Bex stood up and looked out the window, but everything was exactly how it had been. “What do you mean?”
“I’m in town. Well, a town over at the resort. I love you, but I wasn’t staying at some Bed and Breakfast that has furniture that is older than my grandparents. Not to mention no Wi-Fi.”
“God forbid,” Bex said with a laugh though it lacked any real emotion.
“Get your cute little butt over here. We can have lunch at the restaurant. It’s no Soho House, but it’ll do.”
Bex weighed her options. She could stay holed up in the tiny house alone, or she could swipe some lip gloss on, get some food in her system and stop avoiding the inevitable conversation they needed to have. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”
She hung up the phone, grabbed her keys and headed out, not even bothering to look in a mirror. That’s what sunglasses were for. She slid them into place as she got into the car and drove to the next town.
The drive took thirty minutes and she’d thought putting the top down, letting the wind blow her hair would make her feel better. It didn’t. She still could only think about Chase, Brooke and Layla. About all the problems she brought into their life just simply by being seen with her.
She got to the resort and parked the car, heading for the entrance as she sent Calla Lily a text letting her know she was there. Calla Lily texted her back telling her she was already in the restaurant.
Bex found the restaurant easily and walked in scanning the tables for Calla Lily’s red hair.
“Over here!” she heard and saw a Calla Lily waving from the far corner. Her red hair was set in perfect curls, her makeup flawless and her bright yellow, figure hugging dress was very pretty but a little much for a midday lunch at any restaurant. But that was Calla Lily always overdressed.
Bex looked down at her jean shorts, a chocolate stain smack in the middle, and the blue and white flannel of Chase’s she borrowed, pulled over a white tank top and hanging down to the back of her knees. At least she threw on a pair of heels, though she was sure she looked ridiculous. Quite frankly, she didn’t care.
“Oh my god. It’s worse than I thought,” Calla Lily said as Bex approached the table and gave her two air kisses on each cheek. “You look like you just walked off the set of a slasher movie.”
“I feel like I did,” she said, taking a seat.
Calla Lily reached across the table, resting her hand on hers. “I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me.”
Bex raised an eyebrow in her direction. Calla Lily never cared about hurting anyone’s feelings. “Okay, who are you, and what did you do with my friend?”
“It’s disgusting, isn’t it?” she said. “But my therapist thinks it’s a good idea that I try to be more aware of other people’s feelings.”
Calla Lily had started seeing a therapist after it became tabloid news that an A-list celebrity was. While most people who saw a therapist did so out of necessity, Calla Lily just wanted to pretend it was the next fad. Plus, it was another way for her to get her name mentioned in the tabloids. She loved speculation more than she loved the clothes in her closet.
Bex didn’t say anything when she had told her, simply because she hoped Calla Lily might actually take something from her sessions and maybe she actually had.
“Tell me about the sexy fireman who is gracing all the major publications these days.”
“His name is Chase.”
She tapped a perfectly manicured finger against her chin as she rested her elbow on the table. “When do I get to meet him?”
“We’re not exactly talking at the moment, and I’m not sure we ever will again.”
“Couldn’t handle the press, huh?”
Bex shook her head and looked down at the menu in front of her, wishing a server would come take their order already.
“I’m sorry,” Calla Lily said.
Skeptical, Bex met her eyes but there was nothing but sympathy there.
“Honest,” she said. “I hate to see you hurting like this.”
“Me too.”
“Why don’t you tell me everything over some mimosas?”
“I like the way you think,” Bex said. “But we also have to talk about what happened before I left.”
“What about it?”
“How did drugs get in my car? You were the only one who had access to it other than me.”
Calla Lily slammed her hand against her chest. “You don’t think I would have put them there, do you? Bex, sweetie, I would never do that to you.”
“Then who did?”
“For all we know it could have been the valet, his eyes were pretty glossy.”
Bex thought back to that night and Calla Lily was right they had even made a comment about it when they were walking into the restaurant. “What about the accident. You grabbed my shoulder and made me look away from the street.”
“There was a paparazzi in your blind spot, I didn’t want you to hit him. Could you have imagined that media circus? It would have been a total nightmare.”
Charmed by Chase Page 16
