‘Maybe so.’ I look up and smile at him before turning to pour the eggs into the sizzling pan. I tuck my hair behind my ear and for one fleeting moment, I feel as pretty and as feminine as if I’m standing barefoot in a summer dress, wearing make-up with my hair pinned up. I give myself a mental shake, wondering how that’s possible when I’m wearing Aiden’s clothes and my hair is a matted mess. I’m having a very strange morning. Perhaps I need more sleep.
We eat in relative silence, but it’s a comfortable silence. Aiden has two cups of coffee then gets to his feet to go. My heart drops like a stone.
‘You sure you don’t want to shower here?’ Suppressing a strong urge to wrap my arms around his legs to prevent him from leaving, I stand up with him, sucking ketchup from my finger, and following him to the door.
He hesitates then shakes his head. ‘No, all my stuff’s at the farm.’
‘Okay. Well, I’ll wash your clothes and bring them back in the week.’
He nods then bends to hug me. It’s a long, proper hug that fills me with warmth and happiness. I wrap my arms around him, my face against his chest, and I don’t want to let go. It feels like a long time since I’ve been hugged so well.
‘I’ll see you soon,’ I say, as he lets me go.
‘Sooner,’ he says, catching my hand and squeezing it.
‘Let me know if the otters come back.’
‘Will do. Enjoy your shower.’
‘I intend to.’
He opens the door, then turns and smiles as he lets go of my hand, my fingertips catching on his before our hands part and fall, and then he’s walking away from me, down the path towards his truck. I don’t want him to go, but I don’t understand why. I close the door softly behind him and lean back against it.
Chapter 12
It’s great to be back driving again and not have to rely on taxis to and from work. I’ve been able to resume my morning visits to the coffee shop to get my tall skinny latte with a side of sexy man, and I’ve been able to visit Aiden and walk down the hill to his camp without his help.
I’ve been visiting him to watch the otters most evenings this week, and it’s lovely to see them playing together on the bank. I’m surprised by how bold they are. We keep our distance, obviously, watching them through Aiden’s camera lens in the infrared lights when darkness falls.
I was worried that Aiden wouldn’t want me to come down anymore once the otters appeared, in case I disturbed them, but he’s been actively encouraging me to come and see them, even phoning me at work to check I’m coming. Phil overheard one conversation and jumped to the conclusion that something was going on between us. I laughed at him before assuring him that Aiden and I were just friends. Phil gave me a cynical look and said even if I felt like that, he bet Aiden didn’t, which annoyed me because Aiden’s made it clear that he’s not looking for a relationship with anyone, and especially not with me, the girl who puked on his boots! He knows I’m a walking disaster area. There’s no way he fancies me, and I don’t fancy him either.
And yet, there are times when I think that I might fancy him a little bit. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just confusing friendship with something more. I hope so. Aiden’s friendship means a lot to me, and I don’t want to jeopardise that by developing feelings for him. I’m enjoying just being with him and spending time watching the wildlife by the river. It’s so calming to just sit and watch and take notice of everything that’s going on around me.
Like now, for instance. I’m lying on my back on the grass outside Aiden’s tent, staring up at the blue sky through the tree-top canopy of green leaves. The evening sun lends a golden tinge to the light, and the burbling river and the sweet rising notes of a blackbird are the only sounds. Aiden’s inside the tent, examining footage from one of his trail cams. He’s been inside for about half an hour already, completely absorbed in his work. Ordinarily I might be bored, but right now I’m feeling dreamy and relaxed. I’ve got one hand on my stomach and the other drawing lazy circles in my hair. My eyelids are growing heavier and heavier …
‘Hey …’ I feel a soft hand stroking back my hair from my forehead and as my eyes flutter open, I see the light’s beginning to fade.
‘Did I fall asleep?’
‘Yeah, sorry, I shouldn’t have left you for so long.’
‘No, it’s fine.’ I sit up with a yawn. ‘I didn’t realise I was so tired.’
‘Maybe I’m just boring.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ I wipe my face with my forearm, hoping I haven’t been snoring or dribbling. ‘Have the otters come out yet?’
‘I don’t think so, but I’m going down to my hide so I’ll be ready for them when they do.’
‘Okay.’ I get to my feet, brushing bits of leaf and stick and dust from my trousers. ‘I’ll get going then.’
‘You don’t have to go,’ he says, catching my wrist in his big hand. I look up at him in surprise, caught up in his green eyes. He looks uncertain for a moment, his eyes flicking between mine, and then he smiles. ‘Stay a while. I feel like I’ve hardly seen you tonight.’
‘Are you sure I won’t disturb the otters when I leave?’
‘No, you’ll be fine.’
‘Okay then,’ I say, keeping my voice light even though my heart has started to beat harder and my wrist is tingling from his touch. ‘I can stay for an hour or so.’
He nods and lets go of my wrist. ‘I’ll get you a blanket. The temperature drops pretty fast when the sun goes down.’
Ducking back into his tent, he grabs a brown fleecy blanket and we walk through the trees towards the hide. The smell of the fresh river water mingles with the woody evening scents of the trees and surrounding fauna. Crawling into the hide, I lie on my front and cover my legs with the blanket, making myself comfortable while Aiden fiddles about repositioning his tripod and adjusting his camera lens before settling down next to me. His arm presses against mine, and I can smell the dusty scent of his jacket and the apple shampoo he’s used on his hair. This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this hide since Saturday night, but for some reason it feels more intimate than the other times I’ve been here. Maybe it’s because I’m tired, or because he woke me by stroking my hair, or the fact it was written so plain on his face that he wanted me to stay, but I’m acutely aware of the warmth of his body next to mine.
It’s almost too intense. My heart takes up a slow deliberate thump.
Is it just me feeling like this, or does Aiden feel it too? I look at him from the corner of my eye, but he gives no sign he’s feeling anything at all. He’s just looking through his view finder and adjusting the focus. Maybe if I move my arm away from him slightly and put some space between us, it will make things easier …
I move my arm, but within moments Aiden moves his too and we’re right back where we started. Well, I suppose if he’s not bothered …
Lowering my chin onto my forearms, I look through the grass towards the river and glimpse the black shape of an otter slipping silently into the rippling water. My head jerks upwards to alert Aiden, but I see immediately that he’s already spotted it as he’s aiming his camera that way. There’s another plop as a cub enters the water.
‘You’re definitely my good luck charm,’ Aiden murmurs. ‘They always seem to come out much earlier when you’re here.’
‘Must be my perfume,’ I say drily.
‘Must be,’ Aiden chuckles, before removing his eye from the lens and briefly burying his face in my neck. ‘You always smell nice.’
I freeze, heat flooding my body as my heart pounds, but if Aiden notices my strange reaction he doesn’t let on. He’s already got his eye back to the lens, watching the otters, while I’m struggling to control my breathing. Christ, what’s wrong with me? It’s only Aiden. Maybe I should go home now. It might be the safest option.
But the truth is, I don’t want to go home yet. The otters are out, and I’m enjoying being so close to Aiden. I just need to get a grip of my hormones and keep my head together. I m
ean, it’s not that I really fancy Aiden. It’s just been a long time since I was in such close proximity to a man. It’s only natural my body should react like this when it’s been so long since my last boyfriend.
Not that I miss having a boyfriend, of course. It was just hassle and the one I had was pretty useless as boyfriends go. But I do still like boys. I’m a woman, and I have needs just like anyone else does. Just look at how I’ve been eyeing up Fabio in the coffee shop for months. These feelings aren’t specific to Aiden at all.
Maybe I should arrange a night out with Katie, see if I can meet someone for an uncomplicated hook-up that wouldn’t jeopardise my new friendship.
Still, the thought doesn’t fill me with any great joy. I’m not great at tolerating idiots, and most of the men I meet on nights out tend to be idiots.
Without thinking, I let out a sigh and Aiden turns his head to look at me. ‘Are you alright?’
‘Yes. Fine.’
‘Are you bored?’
‘Not at all, I was just thinking about something at work, that’s all.’
‘Hey! You come down here to forget about work.’ Aiden turns the camera towards me, nudging me with his shoulder. ‘Have a look through here, that will cheer you up.’
Accepting, I look through the lens and see the dark shape of one of the otter cubs appear on our side of the bank. It’s quite a surprise to see it, seeing as they tend to stay over the other side of the river, where the undergrowth is tangled and wild. I indicate to Aiden, who takes back the camera. I can still see the otter in the fading evening light, and it takes my breath away to see its sinewy body this close. The mother whistles, but the youngster ignores her and continues scurrying around on the grassy bank. Aiden and I stay as silent and as still as possible in the hide. I haven’t moved too far away from Aiden’s shoulder, and my cheek brushes against the coarse material of his jacket. It occurs to me, even while absorbed by the otter, that I could turn my head and press my lips to his arm. It’s a strange invasive thought that fills me with wonder at myself. Why would I think that?
But still, I don’t withdraw. I don’t kiss him either though. I stay where I am, not moving away, not moving closer, just savouring the thought that I could kiss him if I wanted to. If I wanted to destroy our friendship, that is.
How did this happen? How did I get here without realising?
The otter pup plops back into the water and Aiden exhales in a sigh.
‘Did you get some good shots?’ I murmur.
‘Yeah, I think so.’ His voice is barely a whisper as puts his eye back to the lens. I withdraw slightly, putting some space between us. I can’t see or hear the otters anymore and I suspect they must have moved downstream to continue their hunting in deeper water.
Aiden obviously thinks so too, because he takes his eye away from the lens and turns to look at me. His face is very close as his eyes settle on mine. ‘Okay?’
‘Yeah. I was thinking I should probably get going actually.’
‘Really? That’s a shame. It’s still quite early.’
‘It’s gone ten, and I’m tired,’ I say, starting to crawl out of the hide. Standing up, I look round at the surrounding trees, their trunks bathed in red light from the infrared. I feel bad about leaving. Not least because I don’t want to leave, but also because I know I’m disturbing his work. But I need to put some distance between us. I can’t be thinking about Aiden like this.
But even when I get home, I can’t stop thinking about him. I can still smell him on my skin and my hair, which is unhelpful, so I shower and change into my pyjamas, then watch TV hoping that will help drive him from my mind. But it’s no use, he stays in my head. I think about the way his mouth stretches into that slow, easy smile and think about his bright green eyes with gold flecks.
It’s when I find myself seeking out someone Irish on TV just to hear their accent that I think I really need to go to bed. Maybe I should keep my distance over the next few days. Spend time with some other friends and see if I can get him out of my head. I need to nip it in the bud before it turns into a full-blown crush.
But there’s already a text from him the following morning when I wake up. It just an update about the otters and what a crap night’s sleep he’s had, but it makes me smile before I remember I’m meant to be keeping my distance. So I don’t reply and go and shower instead. By lunchtime, I’m itching to reply, but I don’t, leaving it until it’s time to go home before I allow myself to look at his message again.
Jesus, why am I looking at it again? I’ll just text him, and tell him I’m visiting my mum tonight, which is Friday. Then I can arrange to go out with Katie on Saturday night, say I’m too tired on Sunday, which takes us back to Monday again when I can say I’m tired from work. Perfect.
But as soon as I send the text, my phone rings in my hand and Aiden’s number flashes up on my screen.
‘You’re not coming down tonight?’
‘No, sorry, I’m going to visit my mum.’ I make my voice sound casual, even though my throat is tight. Grey clouds are gathering in the sky and a chilly breeze sends a crisp packet rustling along the pavement.
‘Shame, I had some great footage of the otters to show you. They came back later, and one of the cubs came right up to the hide.’
‘Really?’ I smile as I head round the back of the building towards the car park. ‘What did you do?’
‘I stayed as still as possible so as not to frighten it. It came right up to the camera lens. You can see droplets of water on its fur and whiskers. I couldn’t believe my luck. I can’t wait to show you the picture. Are you sure you can’t pop in on your way home?’
‘Oh … err well …’ I feel my resolve weakening. I haven’t actually told my mum I’m coming yet, so I suppose I could go and see Aiden quickly then pay Mum a quick visit a little later on. It’s not what I was intending to do, and I know it will possibly feed my new-found attraction to Aiden, but … ‘Okay then,’ I say quickly. ‘I’ll come now if that’s okay?’
‘Perfect. See you soon.’
‘Bye.’
Aiden’s waiting at the top of the path when I arrive. He’s grinning from ear to ear, looking like an excited kid on Christmas Eve. His joy is infectious, and despite the gathering clouds and the fine rain that’s misting in the air, I can’t help smiling as I climb out my car.
‘What are you doing up here?’ I call as I lock up my car.
‘Waiting for you, of course! What took you so long?’
‘What are you talking about?’ I laugh. ‘I came straight here!’
‘You seemed to take ages!’ He nudges me playfully as we turn to go down the path together. ‘I’ve been waiting to show you my photo all day.’
‘Aw sorry, but I couldn’t get here any faster than I did. I came straight from work. Look, I’m still in my work clothes.’ I indicate the white linen trousers I’m wearing, which are wholly inappropriate for visiting Aiden at his camp.
‘I know. I’m just an impatient sod, that’s all. But I know you’ll want to see this. You’re going to be so impressed.’
‘I’m sure I will.’
We go inside Aiden’s tent. I sit on his camp bed and Aiden switches on a lamp, though it does little to dispel the gloom. Wind rustles the trees and flaps the canvas, and there’s a splatter of rain as it drips from the leaves above.
‘I think there’s going to be a storm tonight,’ Aiden says as he opens up his laptop and presses a few buttons. The screen bursts into light to display the most adorable close-up photo of the otter pup’s face.
‘That’s amazing! I can’t believe how close he came!’
‘I know. He’s so bold. Or she, I don’t know if it’s male or female.’
I sit and stare at the otter’s face, each individual whisker glistening in stark relief against its dark fur. Its huge chocolate brown eyes stare down the camera lens as though it’s taking a selfie. It’s absolutely adorable.
‘Did you get any others?’
‘Y
es, but I think that one’s the best. Here, let’s see …’ The camp bed protests as he sits down next to me and brings up another image. ‘This one’s cute too. And this one. He only came over for about thirty seconds and then he was off. It’s a miracle I managed to capture what I did.’
‘That’s amazing. Well done you.’
‘Well, that’s why I sit up all night, waiting. Imagine if I’d fallen asleep and missed it.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t. Are you sitting up again tonight?’
‘Yeah, I think so.’
‘Well, good luck.’ I get to my feet, feeling awkward about leaving so soon after getting there. ‘I guess I should be going then. Thanks for letting me see the photos.’
‘Ah, you don’t have to go yet, do you?’ He looks crestfallen, the corners of his mouth drooping as he gazes up at me with big sad eyes. ‘Come on, I’ve been on my own all day.’
‘You like being alone.’ There’s a long spiralling piece of hair sticking up on his head, and I have to fight the urge not to stroke it down.
‘I like being with you more.’
‘Really?’ I’m surprised. He likes his own company. Loves it, even. Why does he like being with someone he’s only known a few weeks?
‘Of course! You’re really easy company and you make me laugh.’ He smiles up at me. ‘Go on, stay for a bit longer.’
‘Well, alright then.’ I sit back down on the camp bed. ‘I will need to go soon though.’
‘What time did you tell your mum you’d be round?’
‘I didn’t say a time,’ I say, trying to avoid admitting I haven’t told her I’m coming tonight. ‘I’ll just text her before I leave.’
‘Okay. How was work today?’
‘You don’t want to hear about that.’
‘Yes I do. I bang on about my work all the time, it’s only fair I listen to you too.’
So I tell him about my day. It’s nice to talk to someone that really listens. Katie’s great and she listens to a point, but she’s easily distracted and doesn’t really want to know about work stuff unless it’s some kind of juicy gossip. Aiden listens to me talk, asks me questions and suggests things that might help. For instance, today, Martin the photographer refused to come on a job with me because he considered it a waste of his time, so he went on another job with a more senior reporter. I understand that I’m just the trainee, but it still hurts not to be taken seriously. Though I doubt Aiden’s suggestion of kneeing him in the balls would go down too well.
The Five-Year Plan: The utterly heart-warming and feel good rom com of 2020 Page 15
