‘Are you drinking your coffee now?’
‘Yep. Mmm.’
‘I’m drinking mine too.’
‘Wow. Synchronicity.’
‘Yeah, mine’s not as good as yours though.’
‘No, yours is foul. What’ll I wear tonight then?’
‘Whatever you want. It’s just casual. No big deal.’
‘Should I bring some food?’
‘We’ll stop off somewhere on the way, stock up then. It’ll be vegetarian, by the way, so there’ll be none of your murdered animals.’
‘Okay. That’s fine.’
‘I’ll pick you up about six?’
‘Okay, see you later.’
*
The party is in a secluded cove, in a popular surfing spot. All the families, surfers and sun-worshipers have gone home for the day, so there’s just Aiden’s friends on the beach, setting up the barbeque. There’s a good quota of men with long hair and beards, and the girls all have long wind-swept hair and denim shorts. I feel a little out of place in the long floaty skirt and crocheted top I’ve put on, but everyone seems friendly when Aiden introduces me. I sit on a log, next to a campfire which isn’t really needed considering the sun’s still up, but it adds to the romance of it all. A girl with long red hair, called Reanna, comes to sit next to me and tells me there’s been a pod of dolphins sighted in the bay today.
‘It’s so cool you’re here with Aiden,’ she says after she’s finished telling me about the dolphins. ‘Has he mentioned his ex-girlfriend?’
‘Oh, er, a couple of times, maybe?’
‘Really. What’s he said about her?’
‘Not much. Just that she wasn’t happy when he had to go away.’
‘Ha! Understatement of the year. He broke her heart, is what he did. I expect he told you that to prepare you for when he ditches you.’
I shrug. ‘He’s a wildlife photographer. He has to travel.’
Reanna snorts. ‘That’s what he’d have you believe. He doesn’t have to travel the sodding world for months at a time to do it. He could specialise in UK wildlife if he wanted to.’
‘Well, I expect he doesn’t want to.’ I look at her, taking in the long red hair and freckles. There’s a bitterness in her tone that makes me wonder if she’s actually the ex-girlfriend she’s talking about. I watch her watching Aiden through narrowed green eyes, her long silky hair blowing around her face.
‘Wow! He’s got you well trained, hasn’t he?’
I open my mouth to tell her Aiden and I are just friends, but then shut it again. It’s none of her business what we are.
‘Anyway,’ she says, finally dragging her eyes away from Aiden, ‘you have my sympathy for being with him. I mean, he’s funny and sweet when he remembers you’re there, but let’s face it, he’s crap in bed. And then he’ll leave and expect you to understand that’s his job and there’s no other alternative in the universe.’
‘If you thought he was crap in bed, why did you care when he left?’ I say, unable to keep the irritation from my voice. ‘And also, hasn’t it been like two years since you split up? Maybe you need to let this go now.’
She looks at me sharply and for a second I think she’s going to go mad, but then she just laughs. ‘Let’s just see how you feel when he leaves you,’ she says. ‘And for the record, I’m not pining for him anymore. I’m with Luke now.’ She nods towards the barbeque where a thick-set guy with a black beard is drinking beer with the rest of the guys that Aiden’s talking to. ‘He’s lovely.’
‘Good.’
‘So, you needn’t worry. I’m not competition. I’m not about to try and take Aiden back.’
I swallow, my throat tight from an unexpected surge of jealousy. ‘Glad to hear it.’
‘I’m just warning you, that’s all. He’s not like other men. He’s like a cloud or something. He just drifts about, not really caring about anything other than the planet and his camera.’
I want to point out that the planet is a fairly big thing to care about but the bitterness seems to be leaving her, and it would be counterintuitive to upset her further.
‘Hmm, well from what I’ve seen, he barely knows what day it is,’ I say.
‘Yep. That’s Aiden. Although, don’t be fooled. He’ll know exactly what day and time his plane leaves to wherever he’s going next.’
I shrug. ‘That’s who he is, I guess. I suppose we just have to enjoy him while we’ve got him.’ Just saying it brings a lump to my throat, and I take a swig from my bottle of beer and look away towards the sea. When I turn back to her, she’s watching me, smiling.
‘You know what, I like you, Orla.’ She points her bottle at me. ‘That’s a lovely way to look at it. I wish I’d been able to see things like that.’
We clink bottles in a show of solidarity, and I ask her how she got together with Luke.
‘He’s one of Aiden’s friends and he looked after me when Aiden left.’ She smiles sadly and takes another sip of her beer. ‘I was in a bit of a state for a while. He’s put up with a lot, bless him, but he’s really kind and sweet and patient. We didn’t get properly together until about six months ago, but he’s always been there for me.’
Another group of people arrive carrying more beer and a guitar. There’s lots of cheering and laughter and more introductions to people I like immediately but whose names I forget. Reanna gets up and goes to slide her arms around Luke’s waist while I make polite conversation with a few of the guys that have just arrived.
‘Hey, are you alright?’ Aiden squats behind me, a knee on either side of my waist, and puts a hand on my shoulder. My heart speeds up and I feel a hot flush of pleasure that he’s so close.
‘Yeah, fine,’ I turn my head and find his face surprisingly close. ‘Are you?’
‘Yeah.’ He leans over to shake hands with the guys next to me, and there’s a fair bit of back slapping before he turns back to me. ‘Did I see you talking to Reanna before? Was she okay?’
‘She was fine.’
‘I didn’t realise she was going to be here.’
I smile and shrug. ‘She was nice. She was telling me about Luke.’
‘Good. Did you say we were … you know, together or anything?’
I shake my head. ‘No, but she assumed we were and I didn’t correct her. I didn’t know what to say really.’
‘Oh okay, that’s fine.’
‘You sure? I can enlighten her if you want?’
‘No need.’ Sliding his arm around my chest, he pulls me back against him and kisses my temple. ‘Keep that going. That works for me.’
My stomach flips and I draw in a deep, shaking breath as heat floods my entire body. I feel slightly breathless as I sit in the cage of his embrace, his voice rumbling through me as he chats to the guys next to us.
The food is ready so we line up to eat. I collect my paper plate and wait for my veggie burger while Aiden stands behind me, chatting away to his friends. Occasionally, he places a hand on my shoulder, or my arm, or my waist as though checking I’m still there. Being touchy-feely is nothing new for us, but this feels different. It’s not being crammed into a tiny hide together, snuggled up for warmth. It’s not leaning up against him when I’m bored or sleepy. It’s not our matey hugs or playful shoves. This is more than that. It feels like something might happen between us and it’s sending my blood pressure sky high.
But I’ve misread his signals before. I’d hate to do that again. I know he said he doesn’t find me unattractive, but I still don’t want to make things weird between us.
I need some space to gather my thoughts. I gaze longingly towards the sea where the sun is dipping towards the horizon, and once I’ve collected a plate of food, I leave Aiden talking and slip away towards the shoreline, where the cold waves lap at my toes and the sea breeze blows my hair back from my face. I feel calmer here, away from the sound of voices and the smell of the smoke. Away from Aiden. I eat and feel better, the food soaking up some of the alcohol. I’ve never b
een a big drinker, though feeling drunk after just one bottle of beer is lame even for me.
The sun drops lower, its bottom just touching the top of the horizon. The sea shimmers red and gold beneath it, reflecting the fiery sky. I stand entranced, watching the colours change as the sun slides lower and the sky darkens.
‘Hey.’
Aiden’s voice makes me jump and I turn to see him standing a few feet behind me. He’s watching me warily.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Me? Yeah. I’m just watching the sunset.’
He nods and steps a little closer, his arms behind his back. ‘Everyone thinks I’ve upset you.’
‘Oh? Sorry!’ I laugh. ‘No, I just wanted to be by the sea.’
‘You fancy a swim?’
I shake my head. ‘No swimming costume.’
His eyes gleam as he raises his eyebrows suggestively.
‘No!’ I say, before he can say the words skinny-dipping and he laughs, turning half away from me as he throws his head back.
‘Are you going to come back and sit with everyone? Before Reanna accuses me of treating you badly. Again.’
‘Again?’
‘Yeah, she’s had a couple of digs already. Says I’ve brainwashed you. What the hell did you talk about?’
I laugh. ‘Oh, she was saying you would just up and leave one day, and I said it was who you were and that we should just try appreciate the time we had with you.’
‘Oh.’ He grimaces slightly and looks out across the sea. ‘That does sound a bit like I’ve brainwashed you.’
‘Yeah, I suppose. It helps that I’m not actually your girlfriend.’ I turn to face him, my arms crossed over my body. ‘Or in love with you,’ I add, then wish I hadn’t when his eyes flick to mine, sharp and calculating instead of his usual warm humour. What does that mean? My stomach tightens and I drop my head and step backwards, turning back towards the sea. There are probably fewer dangerous currents beneath the waves than between Aiden and I right now.
‘Neither was Reanna. Not really,’ he says, after a moment’s pause. He’s still facing me. Watching me. I keep my eyes on the sunset so I don’t have to look at him. I’m afraid of what I’ll see in his eyes. Does he want me or does he just want to be friends? I want more, but I’m afraid things will change and I’ll lose his friendship altogether. I don’t want that. I don’t want to end up like Reanna.
‘She seems to think she was.’
He wrinkles his nose, shakes his head. ‘She was just miffed I left when she said I couldn’t. She thought she owned me. We couldn’t agree on anything. We were always arguing.’ He steps closer and turns to watch the sea. ‘Anyway, I think we’re being watched, so I need us to look like we’re not fighting, otherwise she’ll have a field day slagging me off to anyone that will listen.’
‘She didn’t seem that bad really. Though she did say one thing.’
‘What?’
‘She said you were crap in bed.’
He looks shocked for a moment, but then laughs good-naturedly and shrugs. ‘See, she makes stuff up. That’s just what she’s like. Anyway, if she really thought that she should have been glad to see the back of me, shouldn’t she?’ The wind lifts his hair and blows it across his face.
‘I suppose. Though maybe she thought you’d improve with time.’
‘Hey! Whose side are you on? Never mind laughing!’ He nudges me with his shoulder, making me step to the side. ‘Honey, any time you want to find out what I’m like in bed, just say the word.’
‘Aiden!’ I laugh in surprise. ‘We’re friends.’
‘So? Why can’t we be friends that have sex?’
I laugh for a little while longer, then stop when I realise he’s not joking. ‘Because I don’t want to lose you as a friend.’
‘Why would you lose me as a friend? And besides, that’s not saying you don’t want to have sex with me, is it, Orla?’
‘No, I suppose it isn’t.’ I look down on my bare feet, sinking into the wet sand. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the turn this conversation has taken. I’ve just wandered out of safe, familiar territory into uncharted water, and it’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure.
‘Why are you looking like that for?’ he asks gently.
‘Like what?’
‘Terrified.’
I glance up and find him watching me with an amused glint in his eyes. ‘Aren’t you?’
‘What, terrified? No! Why would I be? Why would you be, for that matter?’
‘Because this changes everything.’
‘No, it doesn’t. Don’t take things so seriously! It’s not a big deal. It’s just sex, Orla. It’s meant to be fun.’
‘It is?’ I give him a sceptical look. None of the fumbling encounters I’ve had so far have been much fun, that’s for sure.
‘Of course!’ Laughing, he drapes an arm around my shoulders. ‘Why does it have to be complicated? Why can’t we just have some fun together? After all, neither of us wants a relationship. I’ll be moving on in a few weeks’ time, and you have your five-year plan. I don’t see what the problem is so long as we both know what we’re getting into. We’d still be mates, wouldn’t we?’ He takes a swig from his bottle of beer and stares off out to sea. ‘And anyway, this is just a conversation we’re having here. It’s not like we’re signing a pact or anything. If you don’t want to do anything, we won’t do anything. It’s as simple as that. No pressure, okay?’
‘Okay.’ I feel a bit disorientated. It’s weird to be standing here discussing it so dispassionately, but I suppose if Aiden can be casual about it, then so can I. And he’s certainly casual. He’s already turning to look back towards his friends, as though this conversation is over.
‘Anyway, come back to the fire,’ he says, taking my hand and threading his fingers through mine. ‘There’s music and dancing to be had. And more beer. Come on, let’s go and party!’
We turn back towards his friends. The light’s faded so much that fire flickers brightly in the dusky pink light. Everyone’s still sitting around in a circle, talking or listening to the guy playing his guitar, so I don’t know why Aiden was going on about dancing. As soon as we get near, Reanna calls me over. Aiden glances at me, but releases my hands so I go and sit with her on the log with a few other girls.
‘Are you okay?’ she asks with a fierce look in Aiden’s direction. ‘What’s he done now?’
‘Oh nothing. It’s fine.’ I smile reassuringly but they’re all still staring at me, wanting to know what’s gone on. ‘Everything’s fine, honestly. I just went to watch the sunset. It’s so beautiful out here.’
The girls look disappointed I’m not going to divulge any gossip, but they grudgingly agree. Aiden’s my friend. I don’t want to talk about him with these strangers. Luckily, one of the girls starts talking about her boyfriend, taking the attention away from me.
I look through the flames of the fire to where Aiden is sitting, laughing at something one of his friend’s has said. His eyes shine in the glow of the fire, and shadows flicker across his face. I want to be sitting next to him. I want to be laughing with him. I want … him.
The guy with the guitar starts to strum and sing, and people join in. I stretch out my feet, digging my toes into the sand, feeling the warmth of the crackling fire on my legs. Reanna drapes an arm around my shoulders as she sings, using her beer bottle as a microphone and making me laugh. I feel Aiden’s eyes on me, and looking up, I meet his gaze head on. He smiles, and heat that has nothing to do with the fire courses through my veins.
Someone passes me another bottle of beer and soon I’m singing along with the songs and feeling much happier and relaxed. I keep looking at Aiden, and every time I do, I find him looking back.
I get up and go to him. He’s sitting on the sand, his back against the log as though he’s slid off and can’t be bothered to get up. I wonder how drunk he is, but his eyes are intense and focused as he watches my approach. I sit cross-legged on the sand next to him,
my arm pressed up against his.
Someone says, ‘Are you two going to kiss and make up now?’ and Aiden laughs and shrugs then drapes a lazy arm around my shoulders.
‘We’re fine,’ he says. ‘Aren’t we, Orla?’
‘Or course we are.’ I smile as I lay my head on his shoulder.
‘Come on, this is meant to be a party,’ the guy with the guitar says suddenly. ‘Get up and dance, will you!’
There’s a lot of groaning from around the circle and some of the girls announce they’re going to the toilet over the road. Regretfully, I realise I need to join them and get to my feet to find the sandals I kicked off earlier. It takes me a while to locate them, and by the time I’m ready, the girls have already gone. I see them queuing by the little wooden hut and arrive in time to hear the tail end of a whispered conversation.
‘He’s obviously not that into her. I haven’t even seen him kiss her.’
‘Are you kidding, have you seen the way he looks at her?’
‘No way. He’ll be gone again within the month.’
There’s a bit of nudging and a hush as they realise I’m behind them, but I pretend not to have heard, and stare up at the night sky instead. I’m amazed by how bright the stars are out here. Someone comes out of the loo and Reanna goes in and the girl in front of me turns and whispers, ‘I think you and Aiden make a lovely couple. Don’t let Reanna poison you against him. Aiden’s lovely.’
I smile gratefully at her. ‘Thank you.’
It’s a relief when everyone’s gone and I’m left on my own to use the loo. I didn’t realise how much I needed a wee until I sit down. Bizarrely, I feel quite upset by hearing Reanna say Aiden’s not that into me. I put my hot flushed face in my hands and close my eyes for a moment. All I see is Aiden and his dark-lashed green eyes looking back at me. I’m drunk. So drunk.
I splash water on my face, then realise there’s no towel to dry myself, so I take my cardigan off and use that instead. My make-up’s disappeared over the course of the night, so I look about 12 again. I shake out my hair with a sigh, wishing once more that I’d never had it cut and slap my cheeks a little to try to sober myself up. Maybe I should just go to bed. It’s probably the most sensible option.
The Five-Year Plan: The utterly heart-warming and feel good rom com of 2020 Page 17
