by Ashlee Price
"So? Being divorced doesn't mean you don't care anymore or that you're no longer a parent. It just means you're trying to make things right because things are wrong the way they are, or you're just trying to find your own happiness..."
"Okay, okay." Kelly puts up her hands. "You don't have to defend him so... fiercely."
I was defending him? I was defending me!
"I guess that means you really are family," Kelly tells me. "And that must mean a lot to you because you don't have one, right?"
I narrow my eyes at her. "So, you believe me?"
"Of course I believe you." She smiles. "You're my best friend."
And immediately, I feel guilty.
"And I'm glad you told me. I know you don't really like talking about... stuff."
"Well, you are my best friend," I tell her in a halfhearted effort to lighten my conscience.
"And don't worry, I won't tell anyone." She zips her lips. "Let them gossip and have their dirty, evil thoughts. It will corrupt them, not you. And it's none of their business anyway."
"Yeah."
"But you have to promise me three things." She holds up two fingers.
"What?" I ask her.
"One, you'll treat me to free lunch at the cafeteria."
I chuckle. "Done."
"Two, you'll let me scrub in on Dr. Patterson's surgeries, and three, you'll get me an extra day off when I need it."
"Okay."
"And I might need it soon." She grins. "Because believe it or not, I'm going out with someone."
My jaw drops. "No way!"
She just gives a wider grin.
I get off my chair and stand in front of her. "Who is it?"
Kelly purses her lips.
"Kel?"
"Fine, I'll tell you." She draws a deep breath and then leans forward to whisper in my ear. "Ned."
My heart sinks. Really? Of all the men in this hospital, she's going out with the one I caught Dr. Hansen kissing?
"I thought he was engaged."
"He was," Kelly admits. "But they broke it off like months ago. She wasn't ready to marry a doctor."
"I see." I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "And he said he's not seeing anyone right now?"
"No."
Of course he said that.
And Kelly believes him. Look at her. She's glowing. Her eyes are sparkling. She's happy.
How can I squeeze that joy out of her? What kind of a best friend would I be?
"Marian, is something wrong?" Kelly asks.
"No," I answer quickly.
Just then, the alarm on my phone beeps.
I turn it off. "I have to get ready for a surgery."
"The one with Dr. Hansen, right? I think Ned's scrubbing in, too."
I throw her a puzzled look as I put on my white blazer. "He is?"
"Yeah. He has a real interest in obstetrics, and Dr. Hansen seems to be willing to teach him."
I bet. Shit.
"Hey. Will you tell him I said hi?"
I force my frown upside down. "Yeah, sure."
"See you at lunch?"
I nod before leaving the lounge. As I walk to the OR, the wheels in my head start turning.
I have to think of a way to help Kelly before she gets hurt. She doesn't deserve to get hurt. She's a great person. And she's always been there for me.
I pause to tap my fingers on my hip as I rattle my brain, but Dr. Fuller's voice breaks into my thoughts.
"Hey." He smiles at me.
"Dr. Fuller," I greet him. "You seem to be in a good mood."
"Well, I just handed the Director my proposals for the new surgical wing and my new office," he says.
Oh.
He pats my shoulder. "What about you? You seem to be in the dumps. Anything I can do to cheer you up?"
Suddenly, a light bulb turns on inside my head.
I touch my chin. "Actually, there is something."
~
As I sit at my usual table in the cafeteria anxiously waiting for Kelly to show up, I can feel all the other eyes staring in my direction. It's as if all of them know my lunch is free, as if all of them think I'm sleeping with the Director, or maybe the Chief according to some of the whispers.
I roll my eyes. Many times here at the hospital, I've seen proof of how good and strong people can be, but I guess this is one of those times when I get to see how nasty and mean people can be. If only human beings could resist that initial urge to look for the bad in someone or think the worst of him or her, the world would be a much better place.
Kelly finally arrives and I can tell immediately that she's pissed.
Uh-oh. Did a patient die? Or has she heard that I asked the Chief to assign Ned to a different resident and she doesn't like it?
At any rate, I put on a smile and lift the plate of pasta on the table.
"Free lunch?" I offer as she approaches.
She responds by slamming her hands on the table.
Okay. I put the plate down.
"Not hungry?"
"How could you, Marian?" Her voice trembles with anger. "How could you use your connection to ruin my life?"
A hush falls over the cafeteria and I look around to find everyone watching. I touch Kelly's arm as I send her a pleading glance to not make a scene.
"Kelly..."
She pulls her arm away and shakes her head. "I trusted you, Marian. I thought you were my best friend. I've always been there for you. But what did you do? I told you about the guy I liked and you took him away from me."
"Kelly, I didn't - "
"Oh, right. You didn't do it. You just pulled some ropes and someone up there did it for you."
"I didn't do it for me," I tell her as I stand up. "I did it for you."
Kelly snorts in disbelief. "Really? Because you didn't want me to be happy?"
"Kel..."
"Don't 'Kel' me." She puts up her hands. "Clearly, you think you're the only one who deserves to find love and be happy around here."
I say nothing. No matter what I say now, it won't matter. She won't hear it, because right now, she's upset and she's hurting.
She looks down at the plates on the table. "You can eat your free lunch by yourself. In fact, you can do everything by yourself, because no one here..." she glances around the cafeteria, "wants to be friends with the Director's whore."
With that, she marches off.
I stand there with my mouth gaping, too shocked to react.
Kelly Burbank, my best friend and the sweetest person I know, just called me a whore, cast me aside and fed me to the wolves.
And now I don't know how I'm going to survive in this hospital.
~
By the end of my shift, I feel like dying. Ever since that scene Kelly made at the cafeteria, people at the hospital - nurses, doctors, technicians and even the orderlies - have been staying out of my way like I have some contagious, fatal disease. And those are the good ones. The mean ones? They come up to me when I'm in the restroom or in the supply closet and tell me straight to my face how much they hate me, how disgusting they find me, how they think I have no shame. If I had any, I would leave.
Dr. Hansen keeps smirking in my direction. Dr. Patterson looks like he's sorry for me. One patient asked me if it was true that I was the Director's whore?
What's next? Cake on my face? Coffee on my scrubs? A bag of stool or a severed penis in my locker?
I'm on the verge of tears as I walk hastily across the lobby towards the hospital entrance, which is why I don't see Hal until I've bumped into him.
"Hal?"
"Marian?" He puts his hands on my shoulders as his eyebrows furrow. "What's wrong?"
I try to answer, but my lips quiver and the next thing I know, I'm sobbing. He pulls my head against his chest and I let my tears seep into his shirt. His hand strokes my hair, the other on my trembling back.
In the distance, I hear whispers.
"Is that Dr. Stevens?"
"Oh my God. I've read his b
ook."
"Do you think he's moving here? I'd love to see him work."
"Wait. Isn't that Dr. Carver with him? Fuck. Is she sleeping with him, too?"
That last comment gets a reaction from Hal.
"What was that?"
I look at him and shake my head. "Hal, you don't..."
"What did you just say?"
The nurse doesn't answer.
Hal lets me go and walks over to the nurse. "Did you just say Dr. Carver is sleeping with me?"
The nurse steps back.
"And what do you mean 'too', huh?" he asks her before addressing everyone in the lobby. "Is everyone here spreading rumors about Dr. Carver sleeping with every doctor in this hospital?"
No one makes a sound. No one dares. As for me, I've lost all my strength. I can't seem to say a word.
"What? Is this a hospital or a high school?" Hal asks them. "Are you medical professionals? Because I'm telling you, what you're doing is not at all what medical professionals have been trained to do. Shame on you."
I gape at his words. I've never seen him lose his temper before.
Silence falls on the lobby as heads bow down. It's only Dr. Patterson who breaks it as he approaches Hal.
"Hal," he greets him.
Of course they know each other, being fellow cardiothoracic surgeons and all.
"What brings you here?" Dr. Patterson asks.
"I came to see my stepdaughter," Hal says.
I hear some gasps from the crowd.
"And what do I hear? Foul mouths that can't keep shut."
Dr. Patterson's eyebrows arch. "Dr. Carver is... your stepdaughter?"
"Yes, but she's like a real daughter to me," Hal says loudly enough for everyone to hear as he looks at me.
I look at my feet and try not to blush.
"Go on," Hal continues. "Try to bully her some more. Act like jerks, like selfish brats. And I'll have you kicked out of this hospital and rejected at every other hospital in this country."
One by one, they leave with heads bowed down and apologetic murmurs. Some even glance at me, trying to say they're sorry. I look away.
"On behalf of the Director, I apologize," Dr. Patterson tells Hal. Then he turns to me. "I apologize to you as well, Dr. Carver. It's all just been a misunderstanding."
I say nothing.
"More than an apology is required here, Dr. Patterson," Hal answers. "Your medical professionals have to learn to be professional. And to behave!"
With that, he ushers me out of the hospital and leads me to the park across the street. We find an empty bench and sit down. His arm goes around me.
"Marian..."
"Thank you, Hal." I grab a tissue from my purse and blow my nose. "But I'll be fine now."
He frowns. "And what if I hadn't come, hmm?"
I shrug. "It would have passed eventually."
Hal sighs. "Marian, I wish you wouldn't be so stubborn. Why don't you just come and work - "
"I'll be fine, Hal," I repeat. "I'm not going to let anyone crush me."
He falls silent, then nods slowly. "Okay."
I blow my nose again.
"You're just like your mother, after all," Hal adds. "A fighter and a survivor."
He pats my shoulder.
"So, you sure you're going to be alright?"
I nod.
"Anything else I need to know?"
I pause for just a moment before shaking my head. With all the madness that went on today, I nearly forgot about Dustin.
Right. I'm still married to a man I barely know who doesn't love me. But Hal doesn't have to know that. It's my battle to fight. It's my problem to deal with.
And I'm going to deal with it.
I've learned something today - there are too many people wanting to mess up the world, too much hate and negativity and blame and too few chances to let others do good, be good.
Maybe I should give Dustin a chance. Maybe instead of blaming each other and hating each other, we can talk calmly, come to some sort of compromise and make something good out of this mistake.
I draw a deep breath. "I'm okay, Hal."
I just have to have another talk with my... husband. Like it or not, that's what he is.
Now if only I knew where he is.
Chapter Twelve
Dustin
"Gin and tonic," I bark at the young bartender over my shoulder. "And make it the good kind."
I hand him a bill from my wallet.
"Right away, sir," he answers.
After just a few moments, I see him put a cork coaster on the wooden counter from the corner of my eye. On top of it, he puts my tall glass of gin and tonic water with a slice of lime.
I give him a nod before taking it in my hand and bringing it to my lips. The cold, bitter liquid gushes down my throat.
Bitter, but not too bitter. And I can already feel the kick.
I turn my head to catch the bartender's gaze and send him a grin of approval. He responds with a slight bow.
I sip my drink as I let my gaze wander over the floor of the casino, at least, what I can see of it. It's always the same - the groups of women and the old couples at the slot machines with their mimosas or their beer and their buckets of change; the more sophisticated women who came with their husbands standing around the roulette wheel or rolling the dice at the craps table; the men playing poker or baccarat, playing like their lives - or more accurately, their mortgages - depend on it.
I don't gamble. It doesn't give me any thrill. So here I am sitting at the bar and watching the crowd like I used to.
Yup. Back to my old habits. Not that I didn't try to turn over a new leaf, try to do something responsible for the first time in my life. But what does Marian do? She disapproves and throws my efforts down the drain. I even donated to her hospital, but does she thank me? No. It's not good enough for her. I'm not good enough of her.
I almost laugh. The one woman I marry and choose to stick with and she wants to run away from me. Someone up there must have it in for me.
"Care to let me in on the joke?" a woman asks as she sits down beside me.
Dark hair. Yellow halter top. Denim Capri pants. Tattoo on her ankle.
Hot. In the past, I would have cared to let her in on so much more. Now, I find myself uninterested.
"It's nothing," I tell her as I turn back to my drink.
She moves closer to me, so close I can feel her nipples against my arm. I guess she's not wearing a bra. She flips her hair and then twirls some strands around her fingers.
"Well, care to buy me a drink instead?" she purrs.
I look at her. At her face, not the cleavage she's trying to draw my gaze to.
Have the woman I've been with always been like this?
I shake my head. "No."
She pouts and grabs my arm, which she traps between her breasts. "Oh, come on. You're not waiting for anybody, are you?"
I don't answer.
"This is a casino. Why not take a chance on me, huh? Please? Pretty please?"
Now she's begging. Is she really that desperate? Has she no dignity?
Strange. That never really bothered me before. Now it does, more than I can take.
I finish the rest of my drink in one gulp and wrench myself free of her.
"Sorry," I tell her. "But I don't make losing bets."
She pouts as she crosses her arms over her chest. I don't care. I walk away from the bar and across the casino floor. My shoes make no sound on the gold and burgundy carpet.
As I walk, some of the women's heads turn. Some lean over to their friends and start to whisper and giggle. One woman quickly turns away after our eyes meet. Her cheeks turn all red. Another holds my gaze as she bites the wedge of lime on her margarita.
Not one of them interests me. Not one of them holds a candle to Marian.
So why am I expecting her to be one of them? Why am I asking her to simply amuse me in bed? Why was money all I offered her?
I let out a deep breath.
Maybe I did this all wrong. No wonder I came off as a jerk even though I was trying to be responsible. It's not what I was trying to do. It's how I was doing it.
But hey, I've never done this before. So I guess I'll just have to try it again.
When I reach the lobby, I proceed straight to reception to let the staff know I'm checking out early. I'm on my way back to my room when I hear a familiar voice call my name.
"Dustin? Dustin Montgomery?"
I stop and turn my head. My eyes grow wide. "Adam?"
"It is you." He walks towards me and extends his arm.
"Yup." I shake his hand and smile. "How have you been?"
"Good, good. I'm working with a company that's trying to create robots to help the environment, or what's left of it."
I nod. "Sounds great."
"Yeah, it's fun. What about you? Are you working on anything? I never did hear from you again. Or of you."
"Yeah." I shrug. "I'm still stumped."
"Oh."
I can see the disappointment written on his face, and it wounds me more than I can tell.
My former assistant is trying to do great things in robotics and here I am, still doing nothing.
"You know, you can come work with us," Adam offers. "We could use your ideas. Actually, my colleagues are here. We're all going to a seminar. You should come and meet them and - "
"I'm sorry, Adam." I shake my head.
I know he's trying to help me here, but that's the thing. He shouldn't be helping me. I shouldn't need his help.
Wow. I really have been wasting my life, haven't I?
"Okay." Adam nods. "You must be busy. Hey, you have a family now? A wife? I got married, you know."
My eyebrows arch. "You did?"
Wow. He even beat me in that department.
"Yeah." He glances over his shoulder, where a man in a green shirt and khakis lifts his hand and waves. "Toby and I have been married for three years now. We got married right here in Vegas, in fact."
I nod. "Good for you."
I always had a feeling he was gay. And to think I was trapped in a lab with him for so many months!
"We're planning to adopt soon," Adam adds excitedly. "What about you? Do you have a wife? Husband?"
Husband? No way!
"Wife," I answer. "She's a doctor."
"Oh. Congratulations." He shakes my hand again. Then he frowns. "Where's your ring?"
